<Ok...this is like what I've discussed before in the "differences" section. Briefer. You explored areas of the fic not explored before...instead of a simple rewrite that a.) explores nothing new b.) longer than something brief, which felt like an "overstatement." Does this revised reprise do anything about it? Yup! Instead of the tired old stammering, reluctant male in front of a woman in undies, let's have the clueless girl instead. Background Asuka is best...I mean, she's not the one "merging" with Shinji, right? The "cheap literary device" of counter-bass, counter-melody, bass, melody works well with that profound pseudo-"stream of consciousness" thing happening between Shinji and Rei. Anyways, it's a better reprise, for sure.>
<snip>
The world will always try to define us against each other. That's
what the world does. Sooner or later we'll be of two minds again, because
the world is not prepared to deal with the way we are now. I won't let it
do that to us without a fight. I've seen the world through your eyes and I
can no longer remember what it was like before I could.
I feel you smile and I know that I'm smiling, too.
I've seen the world through your eyes, and I can no longer imagine
not being two hearts of one mind.
<And a different ending. At least no gluing of anyboy's door. ^^ It's a rework, alright...but, one question...is it a better ending? Going for the psychological haikus and a more profound thing? Well, I for one love it. ^^ This rendition reminds me more of Ghost in the Shell than the original did (spoiler alert in following paragraph to anyone who cares...).
(begin spoiler) I really liked the ending for GitS. The cybernetic cop babe Major Motoko Kusanagi (having a clone of herself in the "Amerimanga" comic, Darkminds) is an officer of who wants to find her humanity amidst all her robotic shell (Hence "Ghost in the Shell"). And she finds it in the strangest place...an artificial life form calling himself the puppet master who, from being just an instrument of the police, becomes a whole new life form altogether. That's the gist of it all. In the near end of the movie, Kusanagi and the puppet master practically merge into each other (like...oh, I dunno, Rei and Shinji?)...thus, Kusanagi becomes just more than a shell of her former self (end of spoiler).
That is why I find the movie so much like this fic in general. Scriviner wrote a fic that has already the makings of a Eva-deep psychology lesson. From what I saw in the reprise, Scriviner downplayed the psychological deepness part of the plot, which did serve well to make a quite nice fic in that POV. At first, you made a fic which is a mere rewrite of Scriviner's...ignoring this angle of the story. Yup, a cop-out, as you say. But change that and we have a far deeper, different, but all the more better reprise. All the profound messages given in Ghost in the Shell...the true meaning of life, the true meaning of humanity, all the psycohological messages given...I can all see in this reprise. It's amazing. Quite deep and profound...so that's why I like a lot. I like deep and profound, but not necessarily complicated and confusing. I like a fic with many levels. Do I like this fic better than the original? Weeeell...no comparison, really. Only thing comes to mind is that one fic is light and the other deep...different leagues. If anything, it's safe to say that this is a better reprise. Aw, heck...I like this better coz I'm into these deeper feeling and subconscious kind of things!
Good work!>
TimeRunner
3 May 2000
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w.o.m
TimeRunner's Web Page:
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/7482.
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"George used to say, 'You can have more than one emotion at the same time.
The one makes the other more acute, and then it cures it."
- Alex, Aspects of Love
<Ja!
C. Casta�eda>