Mate one word for you. hilarious. Well parts one and two also, but I
especially loved this one.
----- Original Message -----
From: DB Sommer <sommer@3rdm.net>
To: <ffml@fanfic.com>
Sent: Saturday, April 29, 2000 11:45 PM
Subject: [FFML] [fanfic][R1/2] Those Who Hunt Ninjas part 3
Ranma ran into the room first, being chased by Ryouga who was accusing him
of being the only one around that could qualify as a "bimbo secretary."
Akane was next, quickly followed on her heels by a two-handed magic sword
wielding kunoichi.
I was imagining a screaming Akane following by a kunoichi laughing manically
weilding a two-handed magic sword.
Akane: AAAAA!!!
Crazyninjagirlischasingmetryingtokillmewithbigtwohandedmagicsword!!!
BJ: BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Come back here so I can give you a haircut...from
the shoulders up...
Tai bounced into the room, constantly looking over her shoulder for any
sign of pursuit.
By your description of Tai, I'm sure "other" things were bouncing as well.
Shampoo was somewhere else in the building, cursing her lack of wind. It
really was her own fault. Lately, she had been taking it easy and eating
way too many Twinkies. Her pack a day cigarette habit hadn't helped
things,
either.
Mmm... twinkies... You know. Japan needs twinkies. I miss them so.
Mochi and An just aren't the same... *sigh*
"Yeah. He's got that bishonen look down better than Ukyou," Akane agreed.
"I am not a guy!" Mai protested.
Ukyou poked Mai in the chest. "But your chest is even flatter than
Konatsu's, and he's really a guy."
Konatsu moved forward and joined in the poking. "Say, I think you're
right.
Isn't it possible you might have been raised by women and only taught to
think and act like a girl and you're really a guy?"
Hmm. Maybe a Ranma-like "Um, would you mind not doing that..." or so from
Mai would work here...
As B.J. finished regaling the others with her tale, Shampoo at last burst
into the room, huffing and wheezing. After taking a moment to catch her
breath, and swearing to cut back to half a pack a day, she leveled her
bonbori at Tai. "There you are, Stupid Ninja Girl! Now Shampoo give you
Kiss of-"
This works for the scene obviously, BUT... i thought that Shampoo would have
come out with a "Stupid Ninja Girl, Shampoo kill!"
A flick of Tai's wrist and a chain appeared in her hand. She swung it
around once, then hurled it around Akane. One quick tug later, Akane found
herself hurled across the room and in front of Tai. "Here," Tai said as
she
thrust Akane before her. "Take this raging bull dyke instead. She'll make
you almost as happy as I could, if I was a lesbian."
I dunno about this setup to bring Akane into the lesbian scene. It doesn't
have the lead in like Shampoo did. Makes it seem a bit contrived.
AND.. besides... Tai just said that Akane is almost as good a choice as her.
Tai is supposed to be ultra-sexy... and Ranma replies...
"That's right," Ranma said as he made his way to stand next to his
fiancee.
"Akane might be uncute, unfeminine, and built like a brick, but she is
definitely heterosexual."
I don't think we'd say Tai is built like a brick and unfeminine. Just ask
Ryouga after he gets a peek.
"AH HA!" Tai pointed her finger right at Akane. "That proves it. You
couldn't be more of a lesbian than if you joined the LPGA Golf Tour."
Ouch!
Kunou was at Akane's side in an instant. He fell to one knee and grasped
her hand. "Oh, Akane. Now I understand your resistance to my advances.
Allow me to turn you aside from this deviant lifestyle. Please, marry me."
Got caughton this one, eh? Kuno couldn't go for the spring, because of him
not recognizing Ranma's curse...
Mousse, though unable to see anything, was calmer than the others. "The
joke's on you, ninjettes. I'm used to not being able to see clearly. Now
prepare to pay for your foolish attack!" A throwing club was brought out
from the folds of his robes. He drew back, blindly smacking Ranma in the
head with it, before releasing the club in the direction of where he
thought his opponents should be.
Hmm.
Shampoo: But stupid Mousse always think plant is Shampoo.
Ranma: (some smart-ass comment from Ranma that I coudln't think of)
Tai's shoulders slumped in defeat. "I see. Then that leaves me with only
one choice. Sexy Ninja Girl Final Attack: Nutcracker Suite!"
Konatsu gave her a curious look. "What sort of attack is thACK?!" The rest
ended in a howl of pain as Tai kicked Konatsu right in the balls.
Konatsu went down to his knees, his eyes tearing in pain. Tai smiled
evilly
and leaned in close, whispering into her opponent's ear, "Time to get in
touch with your masculine side now."
"Thanks," Konatsu said through gritted teeth. "Allow me to return the
favor. Konatsu's Super Secret Sneaky Ninja Attack: The Titty Twist!"
Nice...
"Oh, sorry. Shampoo not realize where her hand resting. Akane feeling
pretty perky today though, yes?"
"Don't remind me. Let me try to move around here." Akane shifted slightly.
"Yuck. This webbing is pretty tight and really moist."
"*Gasp* Akane, that not *Gasp* webbing you fingers *Gasp* in right now."
"It's not? Then what is... AHHHH!"
O K. Amusing, yet...dirty? Moving on....
It was time for The Fierce Crouching Tiger Attack.
Ranma leaped to Takayami's feet bowed before him, pleading in a fashion
that would have put even his father to shame. "I'm sorry. I never should
have done that to you. I don't know what I was thinking in trying to fight
you. Please, oh please, don't kill me."
bitchin'...I liked you bringing the almighty Saotome secret techniques... I
was thinking that he'd have used the Ultimate Technique though... run away
and hide until you can think of something.
I enjoyed this one a lot. I am wondering where you're going to take this
from here... with the "Three sexy ninja girls" and Ranma and Co. How is
Ranma and Co. going to get drawn into going to the Musk fortress??? Can't
wait to find out.
J