-- Attached file included as plaintext by Listar --
-- File: owd13.txt
DISCLAIMER: Wonder what Ranma would do when he finds out his
show is owned by a KITTY?
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Ranma 1/2: "Our Wedding Day" pt. 13
by Lady Tesser and Jack Staik
--------------------
The Estrogen Brigade (the ladies hated that nickname, but it
seemed almost permanent) were beginning to sew up the second
wedding gown - slowed down by the occasional argument by
Shampoo that kevlar or chain mail should be added.
The assorted males (Ranma, Ryoga, Jiro, and Sayuri's new
boyfriend Hiroshi) were exiled from the den while the women
worked, which suited them fine. Hiroshi complained about the
lack of beer (which was due to the three martial artists),
but otherwise seemed in fine spirits.
The four men were engaged in that old pastime of men in
relationships - complaining about women.
"Sayuri doesn't seem to be satisfied with anything I do,"
Hiroshi was grousing. "'Don't be such a slob'; 'Can't we go
out to a nice restaurant once in a while'; 'Other girls get
roses' - Blah!" He gestured at Ranma. "You're lucky - you're
married and don't have to go through dating anymore."
"Yeah, but I get nagged, too," Ranma countered. "Either it's
because I'm sloppy, or I said something stupid, or I forgot
some trivial thing, or I finished first."
"Oh gods," Jiro said, rolling his eyes to heaven. "Don't get
me started about that. They get us excited, and wonder why
we finish first?"
"Yeah!" Ranma agreed. "Can't they realize we're *trying* to
control it?"
Hiroshi and Ryoga were blushing brightly enough to read by.
Jiro chuckled. "Heh heh. Not much luck with the ladies, eh,
boys?"
"I - I asked Shampoo to wait until our wedding night," Ryoga
stammered defensively. "I want my first time to be - special."
Jiro belly-laughed. "The first time's *always* special,
brother-mine."
"HEY!" Ranma said. "*I* waited until my wedding night!
There's nothing wrong with it!"
Hiroshi looked amazed. "C'Mon! All those girls throwing
themselves at you, and you didn't even *try*??"
"Hell no! Too scared." Ranma smirked. "You and Sayuri having
problems?"
"No!" Hiroshi said defensively. "To her, I'm a love god!"
"Don't worry about it," Jiro said. "To tell you the truth, I
haven't gotten past a brief kiss with Kasumi yet."
"Yeah, I wondered about that," Ranma said. "To hear Nabiki
and Shampoo and Rose Petal tell it, you'd have tried
something a long time before now."
Jiro looked down at the floor - the mention of his half-
sister still brought out feelings he wasn't ready to deal
with - and might never be able to.
"Well, Kasumi's ... different," he answered. "A lot
different. She's nothing like the other girls I've ever been
with. Hell, she even treated me nice when I had my old
name."
"We weren't nasty to you because of your name," Ranma
clarified. "It was because you were a butthead."
Ryoga nodded. "True. Prime ass," he said, his face
completely serious.
Hiroshi squirted soda pop out of his nose, unable to hold in
his laughter.
Jiro ignored him. "Well - Kasumi *means* something to me.
She's no quick lay."
"No," Ranma agreed. "She's special." He grinned. "She's
really wild about you, y'know."
Jiro's eyes lit up. "Really?"
Ranma nodded.
"I'm kinda curious about something," Hiroshi said. "You guys
are all brothers, but didn't know it until recently. How'd
you all first meet?"
"Ryoga and I met as kids," Ranma explained. "And Jiro here -
he had another name then - was hunting Happosai on a quest
to get his name changed."
"How'd that go?"
Eventually, the entire story of Pantyhose Taro's first
arrival in Nerima (including the fights and kidnapping) was
told.
"Wow," Hiroshi said. "Makes me glad I never took up martial
arts."
All three seemed surprised by that. Martial arts are in the
very blood of the Hibiki-Spawn; to not practice some aspect
of martial art or incorporate martial art into their lives
was as alien as breathing methane.
"None?" Ryoga said, wonderingly.
"Nope," Hiroshi confirmed. "I couldn't throw a ki-blast to
save my life."
Jiro snorted. "An over-rated trick."
"Not really," Ranma said. "it can be a useful thing to do."
"Oh yeah," Ryoga said. "I've been meaning to talk to you
about that, Ranma."
"About ki-blasts?" Ranma asked.
Ryoga nodded. "Now that I'm on my medication, my emotions
aren't extreme enough to allow me to throw a ki-blast any
more."
Jiro interrupted. "So you want Ranma to help you develop a
replacement? Why bother? Can't you hide behind your girl
when a fight gets nasty?"
Ryoga's umbrella crashed down on Jiro's head, smashing him
through the floor.
"That hurt, y'know," he said from the hole.
"Sure I'll help," Ranma answered, completely ignoring Jiro's
being in a hole, and Hiroshi's bug-eyed stare at said hole.
"Got any ideas?"
* * * * * * * * * *
Daisuke, plastered out of his skull, decided to pay a visit
to his good friend Ranma.
He and the other guys broke into his father's sake stash
earlier that afternoon and played the Alphabet Game
involving various girls' names from school.
His turn, at number eighteen at the third round and bombed,
caused him to pause too long and he took a swig from the
bottle.
"Ya know shumthin'," a classmate slurred. "I'd had shed
Ranko Shaotomb - Shaotomo - Shaotimi - "
"Shaotome," another guy offered, a pillow over his face.
"Yeah, her. One hot lookin' babe."
"I know," Daisuke agreed. "'Member when Ranma tried ta' keep
her shecret?"
"Yeah! Then curshin' himshelf, makin' ush think he wash
her."
Pillow Face giggled at their speech. Then a snore issued
from under the pillow.
"The gig ish up!" Daisuke stated, as he uneasily stood on
his wobbly legs. "He got Akane, now give ush the redhead!"
"Yeah!" the rest called.
"You get her and bring 'er back here!"
Daisuke picked up an umbrella from the stand and whipped it
open.
"What'sh dat fer?" one of the more sober ones asked.
"In cashe she pullsh dat Hero - Hiro - Hiryu - da whirlywind
thingie. Play like the Losht Boy and fly it out!"
A chorus of drunken laughter met his proposal, and several
minutes later, Daisuke stood outside of the Saotome Training
Hall.
Daisuke knocked, and was surprised to see a young woman
answer the door immediately.
"Hey, Mish - I mean - Miss Tendo. Is Ranma around?"
Kasumi wrinkled her nose in disgust and replied properly.
"He is out in the dojo with his brothers."
"Thanksh - I mean - thanks."
He rounded the back and located the dojo by running face-
first into it.
"Daisuke?"
He turned and called out, "Hey, Hiroshi! Brought some good
sake to toast Ranma's - Oh, hey, Ranma, ol' buddy."
Ranma and Ryoga both stood in the doorway of the dojo,
looking down at the drunk teenager.
"Why are you here - and why are you pasted?" Ranma asked.
Daisuke grinned idiotically and held up the umbrella. "I
have come to claim the fair Ranko Shaotome for my own!"
Jiro broke down in laughter, hitting the floor in hysterical
guffaws. "So damn pathetic, I'm gonna pee my pants laughing
at him!"
"Clean up after you're done," Ranma told him. "Why did you
decide this, Daisuke?"
"Becauzhe - I mean - because you got Akane! You don't need
to hog all the pretty girls to yourself!"
"Baka," Ranma sighed. "Ryoga? Want a practice dummy for your
new attack?"
"Why not let Ko-chan have him?" the Lost Boy asked.
"Yeah!" Daisuke blurted. "Her too!"
"Because she'll kill him and Kasumi just waxed the floors.
Kasumi doesn't like gore after she cleans the house."
"Good point," Ryoga turned back to the drunk. "Hey,
butthead, for insulting my sister, I'm going to try my new
attack on you!"
"Daisuke, you're a complete moron. Nice knowin' ya." Hiroshi
ducked into the dojo and covered his head.
* * * * * * * * * *
An explosion sounded from the dojo, making several ladies
look up in alarm.
"What was that??"
Kasumi smiled enigmatically and replied, "Nothing. Ranma's
teaching Ryoga a new technique." <Thank goodness they kept
it outside and left my floors clean.>
The rest shrugged and went back to work, their silence
punctuated by the whirring of the sewing machine and the
snipping of fabric.
"Shampoo think maybe steel shoulders."
"Her shoulders are already big enough," Ranko said,
giggling. "Right, otemba-chan?"
"Damn, you still sound too much like Ranma," Nabiki
chuckled.
Akane stuck her tongue out at her sister-in-law. "I have a
strong body; that's what Ranma said."
Nodoka smiled gently. "You are going to make a lovely bride,
Akane-chan, no matter what the uncouth think."
"By the way, Auntie Nodoka," Nabiki mused. "Did you tell
good old Ichiro about having a steam bun in the oven?"
"Biki!" Ranko scolded her.
Nodoka blushed and giggled. "Not yet. I'll tell him tonight.
I'm actually feeling well enough to go back home."
Yuka, Suyuri, Shampoo, Kikuko, and Akane stopped briefly at
this news - first to make sure it was *good* news (or at
least not horrid news), and next to congratulate the
expectant mother.
"Yay, more babies!" Shampoo cheered.
"You need to move closer to us, Auntie," Kasumi said.
"Especially since you now have your family again."
"I was meaning to ask ... " Nodoka closed her eyes and took
a deep breath. "Dau - um, Ranko-chan?"
"Yes, Nodoka-kaasan?"
She paused, smiled to herself <She called me 'mother'!>, and
said, "I'm going to need your help, especially so in the
coming months ... We have a lot of ... talking to do ... And
I was hoping you'd stay with me for a little while."
Shampoo, Yuka, and Sayuri abruptly decided to change the
baby together and they fled the room to the bath (Kikuko
being dragged bodily). Kasumi simply kept her mouth shut as
she worked on the fine finishing embordiery, and Akane
stopped sewing to listen.
The ones remaining looked at Nabiki. Nabiki rolled her eyes.
"Since *when* have I ever respected other people's privacy?
Just ignore me."
Ranko continued cutting the panels delicately as she hummed
gently to herself. "Now, kaasan, are you sure you want me
to help you? Perhaps Kasumi would be better suited -"
Nodoka shook her head. "I'm sorry for asking."
Ranko looked up and placed her hand on her mother's own
hands. "I don't know if it would benefit either of us. My
life has been the Tendo home - now my brother's home - for
the past year. Are we ready to stand each other twenty-four
hours a day?"
"I was virtually alone when I carried you and Ranma. I don't
want that with this child. What am I to do?"
"You can move in with us, Auntie Nodoka," Akane offered.
Kasumi discreetly pulled her blouse sleeve up and said, "I
think Auntie Nodoka needs some quiet."
Shampoo and the others appeared in the door.
"It's quiet around here!" Akane replied defensively.
"Like hell," Nabiki remarked. "Bird people and mysterious
spells and monsters. Not to mention you and Ranma going at
it like rabbits morning, noon, and night."
"Oh?" Ranko giggled. "And who had Stick Boy in their bed
last night?"
"Kuno??" Yuka clarified.
"You sleep with Stick Boy???" Shampoo asked in shock. "You
drunk?"
"Blame whoever put that lust spell on us last night," Nabiki
complained. "Doc Tofu found out about it, telling us as he
pranced around naked."
Shampoo paused. <Is that why Doctor Tofu asked me where the
Old Lady was? Oh, Great Mother, what the hell did she do
now?>
"He wasn't 'prancing' - he was striding!" Ranko blushed.
"Anyway, I told the idiot to put on some clothes!"
Shampoo turned to the redhead. "You sleep with Tofu??" <Best
not mention what happened when I was his receptionist,
then.>
"It was a regular love hotel, Shampoo-chan," Nabiki
chuckled. "If I could bottle that spell, I woudn't have to
go exploiting my wealthy relatives."
"Eek!" Kikuko remarked, wishing she had thought of it first.
"Eek!" Yuka added, wishing she never visited.
"Maybe I should start charging you for using my house for
your deviant activities," Akane chortled.
Kasumi blushed deeply. "Please, can we change the subject?"
"Oh, poor Kasumi-chan!" Nabiki murmured. "Has the pain-in-
the-ass boyfriend of yours not tried anything fresh with
you?"
"Oh, my, no!" Kasumi blushed even deeper. "He's more of a
gentleman!"
Shampoo, Ranko, Nabiki, and Akane all coughed into their
hands; even though the general noise resulted in a chorus of
"Bullshit-bullshit-bullshit."
Sayuri, silent through the whole conversation, finally spoke
up in a tiny voice: "The tabloids were *true*??"
"No they were *NOT*!!" Akane snapped. "There was *no* orgy!
There were no handcuffs, no cucumbers, no donkeys, and no
triple-jointed hermaphrodite gymnasts! Got that?!?"
"What about the vats of marijuana-flavored Jello?" Sayuri
asked.
"Pure, unadulterated crap," Nabiki confirmed.
"Except the light fixture bit," Ranko added.
Everyone stared at her.
"Shampoo take notes," the Amazon decided.
Kikuko giggled and rubbed her hands together, cackling, "A
big wad of yen for *this* story! Woo-hoo! 'Nabiki boinks
Kuno!' I'm going to college on this - URK!"
She found a hand around her throat and Nabiki attached to
it. "I got bigger blackmail on you, honey, so keep your foul
mouth shut."
"Like *what*?" Kikuko insisted. "My record is a pure as the
driven snow."
"Driven *in* snow," Akane commented in the background.
"Four words. Last summer. Gendo. Videotape."
"Nabiki-ama!"
Nabiki smiled. "Sweet talker."
Shampoo shook her head. "Back to gown. Wedding in week and
half. Where we put sleeve for concealed dagger?"
* * * * * * * * * *
Ranko escorted Shampoo and Ryoga to the front door as the
other guests had already left.
"Oh, by way!" Shampoo smiled. "We need sitter for baby next
night."
She hugged Ryoga and he added, "We're going out to a movie
and spend some time alone together. I hope you don't mind
... "
"Oh, no problem," Ranko replied, caressing the infant's tiny
hand. "I love looking after him."
"Great!" Shampoo cried. "We drop baby off seven o'clock. You
work for doctor?"
"No. Ono left a message saying he'll be in China for a few
days."
Shampoo nodded and touched her future sister-in-law's cheek.
"He good man, Ko-chan. He love you deeply and will battle
monster for you."
Ranko shrugged. "I hope you're right, Shampoo-chan."
"Shampoo right. Time go home, Airen."
They exchanged good-byes and left. Ranko changed into a gi
and wandered around the house to the dojo, where she found
Ranma doing katas.
"Mind if I join you, niichan?" she asked.
"Not at all," he replied. "Stay in sync with me."
"Like always."
She settled beside him and fell into the movements without
missing a beat. Both flowed through the forms, perfect
duplicates in time and motion.
He suddenly turned to her and sent his fist at her stomach.
She leaned back and responded with a sweep-kick. Ranma lept
over her speeding leg and hurled his fist to her head. Ranko
blocked and dropped to her knees, locking her arms around
his knees to pick him up. He bent over her head and tickled
her ribs.
"Eeyaaaaa!" she cried, more from surprise than ticklishness.
She released him and yelled, "Dirty trick!"
He chuckled. "You're cute when you squeal, imouto-chan."
Ranko plowed her fist into his hip with all her strength.
"Ow," he commented. "Did I say something wrong?"
She stood and started a vicious attack of limbs against him.
"Ono - said - I - was - cute - when - I - squealed!!"
"Hey, hey!" Ranma cried, blocking her blows. "Don't take it
out on me! I'm sorry I said it!"
Her foot contacted with his face and he grabbed her ankle,
sending her sprawling on the floor. She moved to jump back
up, but found he had pinned her down with his own body.
"Now, listen to me, Ko-chan," Ranma stated firmly. "You've
got to stop this crap about the Doc. Either get rid of him
or admit you love him. You're hurting yourself (and me) by
doing this."
Ranko looked up at him, his face filled with concern and
hurt. "I'm - I'm sorry, niichan. I guess this is affecting
me more than I thought."
"Damn right," he agreed. "Can I let you up now?"
"No!" she cried, clutching him tighter. "Please ... just
hold me ... Make the monsters go away, Ranma ... "
Ranma held his sister tightly, trying to squeeze the pain
out of her. He buried his face in her red hair and inhaled
her scent of wiff female.
"My Ko-chan ... so vunerable ... "
She stretched her body under him and found hardness brushing
her thigh. Her eyes widened and she gasped, finding herself
tense at the feeling of his bulge.
Their eyes met in alarm, both seeing the other's reaction.
Feeling his limbs around her, his body pinning hers, Ranko
involuntarily moaned. She moved without thought, her eyes
slit as her arms rounded his back.
Ranma inhaled sharply and pressed his pelvis down into hers,
feeling it was so right. He felt her inner thighs against
his hips, her breasts against his chest. Their bodies moved
against the other's, rubbing and caressing through clothing.
He recalled the mirror copy, when she didn't change when he
went into the tub and changed back to his male form. She
stayed the same, and he was able to look at his female half
in the flesh for the first time. It felt odd; perhaps
knowing that it wasn't Ko-chan made him feel uncomfortable.
This, he felt comfortable with. Feeling her writhing,
bucking her sweet body under his as he manipulated against
her. Ranko raised her legs along his sides and wrapped them
around his waist, pulling him closer to her.
"Oh, Gods, yes!" Ranma whispered, kissing her face.
"Oh, Ranma-sama ... ichunnohito ... " she breathed, kissing
his face in response.
Silence ensued, as it was only broken by faint moans and
their heavy breathing.
"Take me, niichan," she murmured against his lips. "I love
you so much."
His hand caressed down her breast and stomach, snaking down to her womanhood ...
"Damn," he muttered, pulling his hand back.
"Oh, kuso!" she moaned, remembering that, due to the action
of the moon, she was currently closed to the public.
Realization hit them and they sat up, dashing out of the
dojo in different directions.
What they didn't know was that Akane had been watching Ranma
from the den window long before Ranko showed up. She
witnessed what occurred to her husband and sister-in-law,
watching without a sound.
She replayed it over and over, analyzing it from all
directions, and checked her breasts to make sure.
Yep. She was aroused by what just happened.
<Well, think about it,> her own voice of logic stated.
<Seeing your husband being enjoyed by another woman turns
you on fierce, doesn't it?>
<I'm not a voyuer.>
<That's why you asked Ranma for a threesome sometime, hm?>
<Wait! So what about it? Why her? They were - are - in
love.>
<He married you, not her. Besides, you enjoyed it, he
enjoyed it, and she enjoyed it.>
<Well, yeah ... >
<And you have to admit that when she burst in on you two,
you were excited even then. Someone watching you enjoy the
man you love.>
<All right, YES! Yes! I admit it! I *like* being watched!>
Akane spun around and headed toward the bathroom. She
knocked once and entered, stripping off and jumping her
husband while he was still in his female form, both falling
into the warm furo.
* * * * * * * * * *
Downstairs, Nabiki prepared a large glass of water, giggling
to herself.
Ranko had come in from the dojo looking rather down. In
fact, Nabiki noticed that she'd been gloomy since the Doc
left.
So she decided that she was going to cheer Ranko up by a
base and low-brow practical joke.
She made a stop in her room to change into a little nightie
- a sheer lavender confection that left little to the
imagination (kept for those rare special occasions). Then
she entered the dark hall and felt for the doorknob on her
right.
She could see it all now ...
[NABIKI swings the door open and flings a glass of water in,
leaping after it and into the bed, changing RANKO to her
male form.]
[NABIKI: Come on, Ko-Chan, let's have some fun!]
[RANKO, now male, hair standing on end: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!]
[NABIKI: Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!]
Nabiki swung the door open and flung the glass of water in,
leaping after it and into the bed.
"Come on, Ko-chan, let's have some fun!"
A light was flicked on and Nabiki found herself staring face
to face with a rather damp Kasumi.
"Oh, crap," Nabiki remarked. "This isn't what it looks
like."
Kasumi continued to stare.
"It was just a joke - you know, cheer her up - NOT LIKE
THAT! - I mean, I wasn't going to ... "
Kasumi shook her head. "Good night, imouto-chan."
"Um, night." Nabiki leaned over and made motions of
committing seppuku as she bowed her way out of her sister's
room.
She closed the door and looked around the hall. She realized
that Ranko had moved into Akane's old room and Kasumi was in
Ranma and Genma's old room (because she wanted the extra
space). Playing musical rooms was not good.
Nabiki sighed. "I need to calm down. Perhaps a hot bath ..."
She went into the bathroom, humiliated, and took off the
naughty nightie. She picked up a wash cloth and opened the
door to the bath.
Akane and Ranma were in the furo, laughing and spanking each
other ...
Nabiki closed the door and dressed again, throwing on a robe
over the nightie.
She continued out to the hall and made her way to the
kitchen. The only thing she could think of was that maybe
someone had cast another spell on the house. An 'Embarrass
the Hell Out of Nabiki' spell.
"Hey, Biki," Ranko called from the dining room. "What's with
you?"
Nabiki sighed as she went to the dining room with a cup of
tea and a bowl of rocky-road. "Remember back when everything
made sense?"
Ranko looked puzzled. "I don't think even Cologne's *that*
old."
"When I knew what was going on," Nabiki clarified. "When
only Ranma got in embarassing sexually-provocative
situations. When he and Akane weren't spanking each other in
the furo."
Ranko raised an eyebrow. "You walked in on that, too, eh?
Who'da thunk Akane liked that sort of thing, anyway?"
"You mean Ranma was into *that*??"
"Eventually. But it was Akane's idea in the first place."
Nabiki shook her head. "What ever happened to little Akane
'Death-To-All-Perverts' Tendo?"
Ranko chuckled. "She's been replaced by Akane 'Let's-Try-
*This*-With-Chocolate-Sauce' Saotome."
Nabiki banged her head into the table. "Contrary to popular
belief, there are some things I do *not* want to know about.
This is among them."
Ranko got an evil leer on her face. "So I shouldn't tell you
about the Wet Celery and Leather Flying Helmet Incident ?"
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Nabiki cried, running from the room
with her fingers in her ears.
Ranko stirred her tea, humming a cheerful tune. "Heck, no
wonder Biki kept yanking Ranma's chain like that all of the
time. That was fun."
* * * * * * * * * *
Sasuke brushed off his hands and stood back to admire his
handiwork.
Two would-be 'reporters' were hanging upside-down from the
roof of the dojo by a thin rope. They were wrapped up in
duct-tape cocoons and had placards reading 'Stupid Clumsy
Peeping-Toms' attached.
"Comfortable, gentlemen?" he asked.
"C-c-c-c-c-cold," one of them stammered.
"You are? Good." He turned and went in. "Good night."
"I can't feel my torso!"
"Gee," quoth Sasuke, "It's a pity I don't have my hearing
aid."