Ranma 1/2 is owned by Rumiko Takahashi. Animaniacs is owned by Warner Bros.
The Ranma 1/2 Show
The First Episode
Here Comes The Warners!
[It's raining in Nerima. Out in the middle of it walks a tall, lanky man in
a soaked, white, baggy martial arts gi and matching bandana with the Warner
Brothers (and the Warner Sister) following behind him. The man is carrying
an umbrella, obviously mangled by a really strong gust of wind. He does not
look very happy at all.]
Warners: Are we there yet, Doctor Scratchnsniff?
Scratchnsniff: No. And don't call me that!
Warners: Okay! Are we there yet, Mr. Mad Scientist?
Scratchnsniff: I'm not a mad scientist!
Warners: [shrug] All right. [pause] Surely, are we there yet?
Scratchnsniff: [whirls on the Warners, looking angry] I'm not this Dr.
Scratchnsniff, I'm not a mad scientist, and I'm not Shirley! My name is
Genma! Saotome Genma! Get it?!
Yakko: Well, not really. Saotome Genma doesn't sound as cool as [changes
into a black tuxedo, and speaking with a British accent] Bond, James Bond.
Dot: And you're no Sean Connery.
Scratchnsniff: [grabs his head and starts making pulling motions] You crazy
kids--!!
Wakko: Careful, you'll go bald doing that.
Scratchnsniff: I'm already bald!
Wakko: Oh, too late, then.
Scratchnsniff: [banging his against a telephone pole] Why me?
Dot: Because baldness is in your genes?
Yakko: Nah, that can't be right, sis.
Dot: Why not?
Yakko: Because he doesn't wear jeans.
Dot: Oh. I knew that.
Scratchnsniff: [whimpering] Someone help me...
* * * * *
[The doorbell rings at the Tendo house. Nabiki gets up to answer it, with
Soun not far behind her. As soon as she opened the door, Yakko and Wakko
leap up into her arms. Nabiki blinks.]
Yakko and Wakko: Helloooooooo, nurse! [plants two big kisses upon her]
Nabiki: [goes into shock, then tries composing herself, failing miserably;
uses her only other option]
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Nabiki drops Yakko and Wakko and runs back into the safety of her room at
nearly the speed of sound, kimono be damned. Kasumi and Akane blink as she
zips by, a streak of fire following after her a moment later. Soun's hair
whitens and stands out on its ends, his eyes bugging out of his head.]
Dot: Careful. Your face can get stuck like that.
Soun: [trying to recover] Who...no, _what_ are you, some kind of demons?!
[Wakko brings out a giant gong. Yakko bashes it with a mallet, and the Tendo
home shakes from the sound waves. Soun's head is still shaking, so he grabs
it to keep it still. He sees the Warners dressed up fully in traditional
formal Japanese attire. They all bow, then Yakko steps up with his face
stern and scrunched up. Exaggerated sound effects follow with every action.]
Yakko: [speaks, though his word don't quite match up with his lips] Good
evening, Tendo-san, I presume. We are the Warners. I'm Warner Yakko. [steps
back to be replaced by Wakko with the same face]
Wakko: I'm Warner Wakko. [steps back to be replaced by Dot in a kimono,
holding a large folding fan]
Dot: And I'm the Warner sister, Warner Dot. [giggles girlishly and snaps open
her fan, which hits Soun in the head, being a very large fan]
Soun: [rubs his head, looking bewildered by the Warners] Why aren't your
words matching your lips?
Yakko: [mouth moves for several seconds with no sound, then closes mouth] Bad
dubbing.
Soun: [facepalms] I think I need a good, stiff drink.
[Wakko pulls out a glass with a tree sapling growing in it.]
Wakko: Pine water?
Soun: [groans] That's not what I had in mind...
* * * * *
[After Genma appears, restored to his normal form after a futile search for
rain wear before meeting his old friend, and after coaxing Nabiki out of her
room, the Tendos meet with the Saotomes (all restored to their natural forms)
in the tea room. Genma goes over the terrible trials of Jusenkyou, pausing
long enough during certain parts of the story to get beaten up by either or
all of the Saotome siblings.]
Genma: [straightening his gi] ...and that is what happened to us.
Kasumi: [to Genma] Oh, my. So you fell into the Spring of Drowned
Psychiatrist, while your children fell into the Spring of Drowned Warner
Siblings.
Genma: [nods] Yes, that is correct.
Ranma: [kicks Genma in the head] No thanks to you, Pops!
Tenma: [pushes glasses up the bridge of his nose] I must agree with my
brother. [combs his hand through his short reddish hair] It was rather
idiotic of you to take us to China when you have a limited knowledge of basic
Chinese words.
Genma: [moans] Oh, what cruel injustice the heaven have in giving me such
ungrateful children!
Ranko: [slugs Genma in the gut, doubling him over] Shut up, Dad! This mess
is all your fault! [tosses her red ponytail back over her shoulder]
Ranma: [standing up] Yeah, pops!
[Tension begins to boil in the air as Ranma and Ranko glare death upon the
Saotome patriarch. Tenma has a fast grip on Genma's gi, ready to keep him in
place while his sibling prepare to deal out some punishment.]
Soun: [standing up and slapping Ranma on the back, startling him] Well, it
seems your problem isn't so bad after all!
All others, save Genma: Huh?! [Tenma lets go of Genma in shock, and he
scampers out of the room.]
Soun: [pulling up Tenma to stand with Ranma] Ranma, Tenma, meet my daughters.
Kasumi, age 19; Nabiki, age 17; and Akane, age 16. Pick any one, and she
will become your new fiancee.
Ranma and Tenma: What?!
Nabiki: Oh, they both want Akane!
Akane: [shocked] Are you kidding?! I hate boys!
Nabiki: Well, there's always Ranko.
Ranko: [squeaks] Don't drag me into the middle of this! I don't swing that
way!
Akane: [scandalized] Are you out of your mind?! Especially when they both
want Kasumi!
Kasumi: [blinks] Oh, my, that wouldn't be proper since they are both
attracted to Nabiki.
Nabiki: [wide-eyed] Are you crazy?!
Ranma: Hey! We ain't gettin' married to nobody!
Tenma: Quite. We are going back to China and get cured of these damnable
curses immediately.
[Suddenly, the two boys are splashed from behind, shrinking them down into
the Warner Brothers. Ranko, having been standing too close to Tenma, gets
splashed as well.]
Genma: [holding an empty bucket] I'm sorry, Tendo. Ask them again.
[The Warners look up at Soun.]
Yakko: Ask us what?
[Soun gives Genma a questioning look.]
Genma: Separate minds. While they are active, my children are "asleep," and
vice versa.
Soun: Oh... [turns to the Warners nervously] Well...
er...Yak...ko...Wak...ko...ch-choose a fiancee. Kasumi, 19; Nabiki, 17;
Akane, 16.
[Kasumi looks uneasy. Nabiki is desperately praying not to be chosen. Akane
has both of her fingers crossed, whispering "not me."]
Yakko and Wakko: Hmm.... [They ponder for a moment. Then Yakko pulls out a
script.]
Yakko: Well, according to the script, we should be kicking and screaming
about getting married and at such an early age, too.
Dot: [reading over Yakko's shoulder] And there's also suppose to be a 16 year
old boy named Kaneda I wind up getting engaged to. [Looks around] I don't
see anyone that looks like Jet Li...
Soun: Er....
Dot: [looking at Akane] Well, she could, but [whines] she's a girl!
Akane: [taken aback] Huh? What's wrong with being a girl?!
Dot: You're suppose to be a boy!
Akane: [blinks, then gets angry] Why you--! At least, I don't change into a
freak like you three!
Dot: [blinks, then triumphantly smacks a fist into her palm] That's it!
[Turns to Wakko] Still have the Guide's little present for you?
Wakko: Ah... [pulls out a barrel from nowhere] Here it is.
Dot: [dressed in heavy raingear] Thanks! [Takes the barrel and slams it on
Akane's head. Water gushes out everywhere. Yakko and Wakko, both wearing
slickers and galoshes, attire Nabiki and Kasumi quickly in the same as well,
while Genma yanks Soun outside.]
Soun: Saotome! What's the--
Genma: I tell you, those Warners are a little...unstable.
Soun: [looking incredulously at Genma] A _little_?!
Genma: [holds up a hand] However, by using this method, we are sure to join
our schools.
Soun: [ponders a moment] Well...perhaps you have a--
[A loud scream shatters all unspoken thoughts, compelling Soun and Genma both
to look up. Out of the house comes Akane and Dot running out of the house.
Dot is affectionately hugging Akane, while she is scared out of her wits.]
Akane: Dad!! Look what this crazy freak done to me!!
Soun: Akane, wha-- [The words die in his mouth as he notices that her gi was
a bit smaller on her than normal. Then his brain begins warning him of other
things, namely the fact that she now had an Adam's apple.] Oh, my baby's been
turned into a man--!! [begins to bawl out his eyes]
Genma: [whispers] This could work out in our favor, Tendo.
Soun: [goes Demonhead on Genma] How dare you say such a thing, Saotome!!
[Genma cowers in fear while Dot examines Soun's form.]
Dot: Neat. Want to see my pet's?
Soun: [falls out of Demonhead mode] Wha...?
[Dot pulls out a little box and pops open the lid. A huge, grotesque monster
pops out, putting Soun's Demonhead form to shame, and frightens him into a
stony state. Dot draws back in her "pet" and turns to Akane.]
Dot: You know, if you cut your hair really short, you would look just like...
[dreamy voice] Jet Li.... [sighs happily]
[Akane starts in horror, then screams at the top of his lungs. Yakko and
Wakko walks out on the lawn.]
Yakko: Oh, Mr. Tennnnndoooo!
Soun: [blearily sits up] Oh, I had a terrible dream.... [catches a glimpse of
Yakko, and recoils in horror] It wasn't a dream?!
Yakko: Not at all, Father-in-Law!
Soun: [flabbergasted] Fu-fu-fu-f-f-f-father-in-Law?!
Yakko: [elbows Soun in the side, then points down into a booklet, whispering]
You're suppose to say, "Oh, happy day! Our families are are going to be
joined at last!" and whooping it up.
[Soun reads on, and his hair stands on end, eyes bulging out of his skull.
Unable to take anymore, he passes out.]
Yakko: [looks out at the audience] I think he approves! [sniffs a little] So
overcome with joy....
Wakko: I got the one that cooks!
Nabiki: [grins at her older sister, who has a look of concern on her face]
Well, looks like that's you, Kasumi. [starts to slink off]
Yakko: And I got the smart, financially secure girl!
Kasumi: [grabs the collar of Nabiki's raincoat, preventing her from getting
very far] What a cute couple you two would make!
Nabiki: [under her breath] Traitor.
Kasumi: If I must go through with this, so shall you. [smiles] Come on; we
need to get the house cleaned up again for our guests. Akane, can you Father
inside?
Dot: Oh, Jet Li... [snuggles tighter with Akane-Male]
Akane-Male: [shivers violently] I am _not_ Jet Li! We're not even of the
same nationality!
Dot: Okay...Kaneda... [snuggles even more tightly]
[Dot ignores Akane-Male's cries. Yakko and Wakko bounce into the arms of
their newly chosen fiancees. Kasumi smiles, as always before the last hour.
Nabiki shudders as she gets the "nurse" greeting from Yakko. Soun is still
unconscious. Genma laughs.]
Genma: Our families will be joined soon, Tendo! Let's celebrate! [gets an
answer in the form of a moan]
Soun: [sitting up] Oh, what a nightmare I just had...weird kids running
around loose in the house, Akane turning into a guy...
Akane-Male: [off camera] I am _not_ Kaneda! My name is Akane, you twisted
freak!
Dot: [off camera] Akane is a girl's name. You are definitely a boy.
Akane-Male: [off camera] AAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!
[Soun whips his head in the direction of the voices. His eyes lay upon his
youngest daughter-turned-son struggling to extricate Dot from around his
neck. He blinks.]
Soun: [not looking back] Saotome, I could really go for a hard drink right
now.
[Wakko appears out of nowhere with a glass of water and a bag of quick-drying
cement. He pours some of the powder into the glass, stirring it with a
straw, then hands it to Soun. The mixture quickly hardens, and the glass
cracks a little.]
Wakko: Hard enough?
[Genma and Soun both facefault.]
End...
* * * * *
Next: Scenes from The Ranma 1/2 Show
* * * * *
Yes, Scenes from The Ranma 1/2 Show will be the last I write of this.
No, there will be no Chicken Boo.
Yes, a Winnie the Pooh character will appear in the clips.
No, this is not going to be a series or anything.
Yes, this is very confusing.
No, I am not in control of my actions concerning this.
Yes, the muse is both evil and horrifyingly confusing at times.
No, don't leave me like this.
Yes, send C+C, money (to bail me out of Dorothy Dix), and questions (so long
as they aren't too complicated, like 2+2=?) to raemowse@aol.com.
No, do not send flames to raemowse@aol.com.
Yes, send flames to smores@campfires.site.
No, I'm the one getting the headache from all this.....