Grayson Towler wrote:
<Indeed not.> The Great Devourer's voice was steady and
contemplative. <Still, there may be a means around the
problem. Are you able to fly?>
"Sure! Hey, Akane, you uncute tomboy! Is that your face
or did a gorilla puke on your head?"
"RANMA YOU JERK!" >WHAM!<
"See? I'm flyin'! I'm flyin'!"
Hehe. But I see a slight problem...
"Hey! You're not supposed to send me towards the Ayakashi, you uncute tomboy!"
"Deal with it, Ranma!"
"Ranma, we'll have to swim for it, won't we?" Akane asked
with grim determination. She continued with upbeat
confidence, "Don't worry about me, Ranma. I can make it!
The ocean's a lot more buoyant than a swimming pool!"
Vintage Akane. I love it.
Yup. Totally overconfident about her abilities despite all results to the
contrary. :)
"You've merely taken a momentary leave of your senses,
Ranma-sama. It's quite understandable, what with the truth
of your half-demon heritage, the kidnapping of your mother
by your psychotic half-sister, and your adopted father
ending up in hospital.
Not to mention the constant bickering of several insane
fiancees in his vicinity.
Oh, yes, but Kodachi wouldn't even think of that.
"No, dammit! It's perfectly safe-- Hey! What's this about
a 'betting pool'?!"
Shampoo looked crestfallen. "Aiyah! If only Ranma have
stronger mind to match body; Shampoo bet you stay sane for
two week more."
snort!< I'm glad I don't work in an office anymore. I would have
gotten some strange looks when I read this.
I'm happy it made you laugh. This is one of the more comedic chapters, so I
tried to put as much into it as possible without making it an outright comedy.
Didn't Umibouzu ever brush his teeth?
With what? The Chrysler building? Well, he could at least
floss with an anchor chain now and then.
Announcer: This week Kawasaki Industries is pleased to present the motorised
Kh-117 mega-sized toothbrush for all those giant monsters out there keen to
upkeep their dental hygiene. That's right! This is the same model used by
Godzilla!
Reporter: But how will you make a profit from such an item?
Announcer: Hehe. All they have to do is not step on, char, freeze, or in any
other way destroy any of Kawasaki's buildings.
Ryoga staggered upright, spitting water, only to be
flattened by a landing Shampoo. She bounced off him and
touched down on the shore with feline elegance. Turning,
she looked at Ryoga's fallen form with his arms akimbo and
legs splayed. "Aiyah, is Pig-Boy. Ranma, you no catch!"
You manage something with this story that I almost NEVER
see, even in the best of fanfiction. Sometimes when I'm reading
along, I can visualize perfectly the way Takahashi-san would
have rendered these panels in a manga version of the story.
This isn't always possible, of course - long passages of
description and backstory lend themselves better to prose
than to sequential art - but during your action sequences (and
especially the humor sequences), I find this is often the case.
An excellent job.
Wow! This is kind praise indeed. Thank you.
I do tend to visualize a scene fairly thoroughly before setting fingers to
keyboard. Often this happens when I have nothing better to do, like when I'm
stuck on public transport. Once I have the scene in decent clarity, I start
writing. I find this works out best, and I don't often have to rewrite a scene -
revise, yes, rewrite, no.
After enough practice, it becomes easy to quickly set up a mental picture and go
straight into writing. Sometimes, it's only a matter of "Oh, yes, that's how I
see it.", though it can lead to more mistakes or changes in the story when
actually writing. The best thing about the method is being able to go back and
add stuff as the visualization process is rarely complete.
I rarely write to a outright plan. Normally, it's a matter of "Okay, this is how
I'd like the chapter/story to go," and "These are the elements I'd like to have
in it."
So there you have it - story-writing a la Phil. Messy, yes, and it needs a
strong visualization process, but it works. :)
For a moment, the tableau held still as the white humanoid
shape sluggishly devoured the metal umbrella.
Aaah! Not another one! Poor Ryouga.
Hibiki-otousan [on phone]: 100,000 yen (about 1000 US Dollars) for umbrellas?
Son, what do you do with them?
"Their greatest weakness is their slow speed," Kodachi
said, calling forth her Soul-Whip from her Devil Hunter
brooch. The glimmering weapon dangled from her gripping
fist, tip trailing in the water. "Also they are said to be
highly vulnerable to flame."
Vulnerable to Devil-Hunter weapons, though?
Maybe. :)
These guys sort of disappear later in the chapter... I'm
assuming they'll be back next time, probably while Ranma
is occupied with the Seiryu avatar.
Oh definitely. Otherwise, we'd just get the Nerima gang standing around and
making comments on Ranma and Moeru's fighting styles a la Kenshin. :)
"What?! Why, certainly!" He drew himself up haughtily.
"Teach the great Tatewaki Kuno your wisdom, Elder, that he
might smite the demon Saotome for the grievous wrongs he
has perpetuated on my dear sister!"
Now that's a little strange. I never got the impression that
Kunou was too interested in protecting the virtue of his sister.
In fact, he always seemed more than happy to pair Ranma
and Kodachi up (and wish them a life of abject poverty and
misery, as I recall).
Good point. I'd forgotten this. I'll revise this part. Thanks.
"Very well, but it's funny you should call Ranma a
demon...." Cologne chuckled wryly.
Hard to picture anything good coming of THIS. But
Cologne always has her reasons...
Cologne: Of course, and it's also a lot of fun....
>from Crazy Rose Girl," the Chinese Amazon fingered her
bonbori and sword meaningfully, "then we go and make good
nookie. Is good idea, yes, Ranma?"
choke! splutter!<
Wasn't there some pretense in place about Shampoo having
given up on Ranma? Nobody was buying it, of course, but
she's sort of undermining her act here.
That was the dissolution of the Amazon marriage laws concerning Ranma. Shampoo
can still attempt to win Ranma normally (heh!), and that's what she's doing,
being the competitive sort who still believes Ranma must like a cute,
purple-haired Chinese Amazon who's strong and can cook. :)
"N-No way! Absolutely not!" Ranma declared manfully as his
internal body temperature suddenly dropped again. He edged
the sharp katana blade away from his throat. "Geez, Akane,
do ya have to?"
"Watch out, Ranma, or I'll have to get 'Bitter End' on you
here."
Ukyou screamed in terror.
Hehe. Well, Akane does have a katana now....
Akane, Ukyo, Shampoo, Kodachi [waving their weapons about menacingly]: Let us
satisfy your innermost desires, Ranma!
Ranma: H-Hey! I ain't a closet masochist!
"My, my, Ranma-sama. I hardly see why you allow Akane
Tendo to treat you in such fashion." Kodachi lidded her
eyes and smirked. "You should teach her the proper role for
one of her station."
I really love your Kodachi dialogue. She's not the most-used
character in the Ranma cast by any stretch, and I'm often
disappointed by her appearances, but this Devil-Hunter Kodachi
is pure fun.
Thanks. I like Kodachi, and I guess that shows up in my writing. She gets some
of the snappiest dialogue because often I just can't think of anyone else in the
group saying it properly.
"--nauseating tripe! Grow up, Kodachi! Can't you see
Ranchan doesn't want any part of you?" Ukyo put in, casting
metaphorical spatulas with an irritated look.
"Ohohohoho! There are some parts my Ranma-sama most
definitely wants!"
Shampoo: Hmph! Shampoo have those parts, too.
"Shampoo no feel anything." The Chinese Amazon looked
annoyed. "Why Pervert Girl can?"
Residual change made by the poison?
Residual change made by the demon blood cure. :)
"You may help me in my research, if you wish, Tendo-san."
Nabiki yelped as she spun around, heart in her mouth. It
was merely Cologne. She let out a short gasp of relief.
"Dammit, don't do that!"
So few people seem to remember that Cologne has a fine
sense of humor. She does enjoy sneaking up on people
and startling the daylights out of them.
Very true. Cologne gets some of the best play in the manga, but this rarely
translates into fanfiction.
study. "Cologne-san, why don't we get some professional
researchers in from a school or university to help us out?"
she asked in her most wheedling tone.
Cologne looked up and sighed. "Is money all you really
care about, Tendo-san?"
"Well, yes." Nabiki let the matter drop, seeing Cologne
Very cool.
Thanks. :)
Though I was wondering - it isn't clear from the Viz translations
by any stretch, but would Cologne be addressing Nabiki so
formally, or does she refer to everyone younger than her in a
less respectful way? Just curious.
I'm not really certain myself. I don't think Cologne actually addresses any of
the others by name, only Shampoo, Ranma, and Happosai. Even in the Breaking
Point Technique, she never calls Akane by name. I've decided to make her a
little formal, but that's just me.
think and reason for myself. If need be, you may address me
as Moeru. Come, Seiryu will explain herself."
Not Yui? Oh, never mind.
Moeru: But I'm not really a miko. Besides, if I ever get my hands on Nakago,
he's toast!
"Of course, Kasumi-sa-- er, Kasumi," Konatsu corrected
himself. "Please call me Konatsu."
"I was already calling you Konatsu."
"Oh. Er... well, keep up the good work, then."
Heh. Have they actually met in the manga? I haven't read too many of Konatsu's
stories, but I need to make him/her more impractical. :)
Konatsu bowed again. "Thank you for your kind reassurance,
Kasu-- er, is that smoke coming from the oven?"
Kasumi paled and hurried over to the smoking wall oven.
She donned a pair of mitts, opened the door, and hastily
rescued a tray of blackened cookies.
"Oh dear, I was sure I set the timer properly."
Mm. Bad omen.
Yup.
Glimmering azure scales, each equal to Ryoga's lost
umbrella, covered Seiryu's features, growing to twice or
three times those dimensions at the neck ridge. The rest of
the Blue Dragon's body stretched out behind the massive
head and disappeared into the darkness. Ranma found himself
unable to gain a true impression of the ancient beast and
he wondered whether to be glad or not.
The critters just keep getting bigger and bigger in this story.
Makes you wonder of the Midgard Serpent is going to show
up eventually.
Hehe. True, but Seiryu is the largest that will appear. Fortunately, the Midgard
Serpent will not make an appearance.
"Wrong mythology," Ranma grunted irritably.
"Ranma-sama, do you know the old gaijin saying about
letting sleeping dragons lie, lest they awaken?" Kodachi
whispered softly.
"Isn't that sleeping dogs?" wondered Akane aloud.
A key saying to remember at this time also might be Bilbo
Baggins': "Never laugh at live dragons." Though that seems
fairly self-evident right now.
Heh. Must pull out my 'The Hobbit' for a reread.
and Seiryu rendered his decision. <Show yourself worthy of
my aid, Ranma Saotome. Truly defeat my avatar in this
instance, and I shall grant you power in equal proportion!>
"Why does it always come down to a fight?" Ranma whispered.
"Because if it came down to a contest of solving quadratic
equations, you'd never have gotten this far," Akane observed.
"Good point."
Heh, so true. In Ranma and Inu-Yasha, everything seems to come down to a fight.
:)
---
I don't always have time to comment - partially because I have so little
to add now that you've got this story really rolling. But I am enjoying
this fic immensely, and I always look forward to more. I congratulate
you most sincerely on crafting a story which really captures the drama
and fun of Takahashi-san's writing (not quite as much like the Ranma series,
but definitely in keeping with Inu-Yasha, which I consider to be her
better work anyway), while still managing to feel original and fresh.
Thank you very much. I'm terribly fond of IY and it comes through in my work.
Kagome has to be the cutest girl Takahashi-sama has ever drawn >_<, and her
relationship with Inu-Yasha is, well, only something Takahashi-sama could ever
pull off.
Thank you for reading and for your kind comments. I'm delighted to have written
something which people can enjoy. :)
Phil.
Best regards,
Grayson Towler
http://www.rigroup.com/~grayson/relentless
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