My apologies for not getting to this one sooner, Mr Sommer.
First, some general comments before I get specific. Ladies and
gentlemen, if you want a good laugh, look no further than this 'fic.
It's also got fan service, mistaken identities, evil godlike suits of
armor, penis jokes, heartfelt moments of introspection, packs of rabid
albino alligators, C.H.U.D.s, and of course, those three lovely
ninjettes; Mai, Tai, and B.J.
DB Sommer wrote:
And here's part 2:
Any and all C+C appreciated. You can contact me at:
sommer@3rdm.net
Standard Disclaimer:
I disclaim I own any of the Ranma Characters.
All of my stuff is now stored at:
http://angcobra.jumpfun.com/dbsommer.html
<snip>
Akane shrugged and went down into the dimly lit sewers. Perhaps it was just
as well. There was a large amount of water running down the middle of the
first tunnel they entered. Given Shampoo's curse, she would have been a cat
within minutes no matter what precautions she would have taken, although
the Amazon was behaving like a total coward. At least now Akane had
something to rub in Shampoo's face the next time she tried pulling her
superiority act on her.
"I do not see why I must travel with the likes of you. Why can I not
accompany Akane Tendou?"
You need more of a break here to illustrate that we have not only
changed point of view, but have gone to an entirely different scene.
<snip>
Kunou left Mousse to laugh maniacally to himself. What a twisted
individual, juxtaposing his own self-deluded relationship with the Amazon
with the loving one Kunou had with Akane. It was obvious to anyone that
Substitute 'he' for 'Kunou,' as he is thinking to himself in this
sentence.
<snip>
Kunou continued staring suspiciously at the armor, then smiled. "Of course
you would. What magic armor could resist a warrior of my wit and charms?
Truly it was destiny for us to meet. Let it be known from this day forward
that The Blue Thunder, Tatewaki Kunou, will never be bested by mortal man
again."
[Sucker.]
"What was that?"
Sounds like the spamfic where Kuno gains possession of Stormbringer.
(Hey, didn't I write that one? ^_^)
[Ah, everyone else is going to suck next to us.]
"That didn't sound like what you said."
[That was what I meant. What did you think I was saying? That you're a
sucker for putting me on so I can possess you and then rule the world
simply using your pathetic butt as a vessel for my evil power? It sounds
like paranoia to me.]
"I guess that does sound silly," Kunou admitted. "Very well. I shall put
you on and together we shall conquer the accursed Saotome and free Akane
Tendou and the pig-tailed girl from his evil clutches."
(after donning the armor) "My hair!" Kuno exclaimed. "It's white! And my
eyes! Zounds! I have become a rabid albino Samurai!"
[Care for a quick jaunt down to the sewers?]
"Oh what the heck."
<snip>
Light reflected off the tunnels as Ukyou held her flashlight before her,
twin beams coming from behind her joining the third as the trio made their
way through the ancient sewer system. It was nice of Kodachi to give her
and Akane two other flashlights, though who knew how the gymnast managed to
somehow keep them in that tight leotard of hers.
Nopenopenope... Not gonna go there...
One wonders when the booby-trapped flashlights will go off...
Akane moved closer to one of the intact crates. There seemed to be some
sort of inscription on the boxes. She avoided the spilled substance and
rubbed off the slime that had accumulated on the surface of the crate,
reading the letters underneath.
"C.H.U.D."
*choke*
Now here's something I just didn't need to visualize... I guess I should
have known better once the girls went into the sewers. Thanks for that
blast from the past, D.B.
"Why aren't we trying to enter this place through the sewers again?" Tai
asked.
Mai sighed. "Let me spell it out for you. C...H...U...D."
Ask for it by name!
Mai and B.J. sighed. Their sister was unquestionably a tramp, and not a
picky one either. Considering how many guys she had dated during nearly
every night of her training, it was a miracle she or any of male ninja
"any of the male"
<snip>
B.J. looked her over. All Tai was wearing was her standard ninja costume
(which meant no mask, since she refused to 'hide her good looks' as she
loved to put it). There was no way she could have had another outfit with
her, not as revealing as the one she had on was. "What is it?"
"the one she had on."
<snip>
Satisfied, all three kunoichi commenced with sneaking (in very ninjalike
ways) into the museum.
"At least things are starting to look up," Ukyou said.
You need another break here to distinguish the change of scene better.
"How can you possibly say that?!" Akane shot back.
"Well, for one thing, we aren't being chased by those C.H.U.D.s anymore,
right?"
"THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE THEY WERE EATEN BY A PACK OF ALBINO ALLIGATORS!!!"
Shampoo: "Now who dummy, stupid spatula girl?"
<snip>
"If we throw them a large piece of meat, say, a cross dressing okonomiyaki
chef, they will be distracted, and it would give us time to escape."
You would think that Kodachi would prefer the gators to eat Akane
Tartare rather than Chipped Ukyou on Toast, seeing as how Akane
represents the strongest competition for Ranma's affection.
<snip>
Akane hoped she made it through the grating first. Then she might be able
to shut it on her companions before they climbed out and then she wouldn't
have to deal with their constant bickering for the rest of the night.
Akane's being awfully bloodthirsty here.
<snip>
Ryouga immediately felt the change in his body. His heart skipped a beat as
he unzipped his pants and pulled it out. It had worked! Turning, he shouted
"Ranma, take a look at this!"
Ranma, who had wondered what was in Ryouga's hands that had held his
interest for so long, had already been walking towards the lost boy and was
no more than four feet away when Ryouga turned towards him. Ranma took one
look at what Ryouga was showing him and his pig-tail shot straight out from
the back of his head. He kicked Ryouga in the gut and followed up by giving
him a solid punch to the jaw, knocking him to the ground. "Just because I
turn into a girl doesn't mean I wanna see that, you sick and disgusting
pervert!"
Ryouga laughed weakly from his sprawled out position on the floor. "I'm
bigger than you now."
<shudder> I just don't see the lost boy wishing for anything other than
a cure, myself.
<snip>
Ranma and Ryouga moved in front of her. Ranma looked at her suspiciously
and said, "Who are you?"
The girl bowed before them. "My name is... why hello there, stretch. Just
hanging around, huh?"
Ryouga suddenly realized the wide smile that nearly split her face into two
was directed towards him. Or more specifically, what was between his legs.
Giving an, "Ack!" Ryouga quickly zipped up.
"AAARRRGGGHHH!"
Ryouga zipped more slowly this time, a full blush covering his pain-filled
face.
Be careful what you wish for...
<snip>
Akane sighed. She did not need to get involved in a brawl between the two.
Shampoo had apparently already wandered off on her own, which meant it
would be all right for Akane to do so as well.
"it would be all right for her to do as well."
<snip>
Akane leaped out of the way of the next sword stroke. "I think I'm going to
run instead." She took off. It was time to find Ranma and get him to help
her. He was good at that sort of thing. She could be taken seriously as a
martial artist next time.
That's the spirit!
<snip>
Like B.J. before her, Tai took off her disguise.
Woo-hoo! *drool*
Yes, she threw the name tag to the ground. Now be quiet.
Awww...
<snip>
Konatsu began to stammer out an explanation. "How could you think I'm
league with them? She just picked me up and threw me at you."
"Save your treacherous words for those less blind. We can see with our own
eyes and hear with out own ears the truth of the matter." Kunou thrust his
bokken in Konatsu's direction.
"...hear with our own ears..."
<snip>
That's all folks.
Jamie
--
"I choose you - PIKASPEW!!!"
Jamie to 2 month old daughter Madeline,
shortly after being spat up upon...
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