On Thu, 27 Apr 2000, Greg Housley wrote:
Okay heres the situation... I found this beginning to a fic on my
portable computers hard drive. I haven't done a damn thing to it, I'm simply
posting it. Yes it ends rather abruptly, and yes it's short. After finding
it I remembered what it was I was going to do with it. It may seem like a
bummer fic from what I have written here but I was merely setting the stage
for something that was just the opposite! What I'm really asking is does
anybody give a rats ass? Actually I just want to know does it sound
interesting AT ALL, and would anybody care to see it continued...
There does seem to be a beginning of a story here, IMHO. Or possibly the
beginning of several stories. It'll be interesting to see which one you
finally tell. :)
We do get a very different Ranma from the one normally presented in your
average 'fic... one that I, for one, wouldn't normally expect to find
anywhere. The self-reliant, never-say-die, "confident to beyond the point
of arrogance" martial artist we all know and love(?) becoming a reclusive
ghost at the death of *Akane*? Of all people? Even when Saffron did his
worst, Ranma was more inclined to suicide through sheer aggression than
through despondency. That last does seem more like Ryoga's kick. :)
Which isn't a bad thing, of course. All you have to do, to make *me*
happy, is to explain just *what* happened, and when, to shrivel Ranma's
soul to the extent you've displayed. Should be fun. :)
And just a few other random thoughts...
Have you considered making the 'fic first-person, from Ranma's POV? In
this sort of character-driven, character-twisting fic, there's probably no
better way to shock us into an awareness of just how much Ranma's changed,
then to have *Ranma* tell us, in his new voice, with his new take on
matters. You seem like you have a good idea of how this old Ranma's
thoughts and actions rebound off each other... getting inside his head
isn't that much more of a step.
As for setting the scene - could Ranma possibly be talking to someone
else? Akane, perhaps? Himself? Or, crazily enough, breaking the fourth
wall? (I know, it's normally not done... but if the right phrasing is
chosen, it's a real *gem* of a way to convince a reader that the character
under discussion isn't Quite All There, Upstairs.)
The fic does seem short, probably because a lot of extraneous details are
being crammed into a single piece of exposition. IMHO, I'd break the
material presented here into several smaller chunks (how and why, depends
on the final thrust you decide to take with the finished fic) and expand
each in its own setting, allowing the ideas to grow and rebound upon each
other without being forced. Allow a piece of backstory to be presented in
its own good time, when present events require its knowledge... and if a
certain bit of backstory is never needed, let it lie. It's a far more
subtle and natural method of storytelling than simply dropping all your
history in a heap, and expecting the reader to sort it out.
If you do decide to keep everything you've written here in a single
chapter, you might want to try reorganizing it a bit - backstory
retrospective first, present-time confrontation later. It seems that
you're trying for drama and tragedy here... in which case, timing-wise,
the tragedy should hit us *last*, so that we climax on Ranma's pain and
anguish. If we hit the tragic 'climax' early, and then spend another 10K
reading backstory, we have time to come down... but if you wait until the
end, *then* hit us with the hammer blow - well, we're still reeling well
into the Author's Notes. Simple trick, but it works.
Hope I've given you some thoughts for where to take this. Nice start, and
good luck!
Okay, was that painful enough? Anyway, ANY sort of comment from 'gosh
you suck' to 'man thats great' would be appreciated though the former would
crush my tender heart. yeah right....
For anybody who remembers the treasure hunter series that made it's two
chapter debut in january, you may be pleased to know I have just begun
working on chapter three... Cross your fingers...
-Greg
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