Vincent Seifert wrote:
Vincent Seifert has kindly provided webspace for most of my
fanfics and links to the rest at the following address:
http://www.csus.edu/indiv/s/seifertv/kagami/
Freshly updated-- getcher Kagami fics heah! :)
Thanks!
Ukyo: Say, Vince, can I hire you to hawk my new yattai?
You can contact me at: kagami@jeack.com.au
they reached the relative safety of the island. The others -
Ryoga, Ukyo, Kodachi, and Shampoo - were already on their
feet, their recent poker game forgotten, and the cards
discarded to flutter away in the whipping wind.
{"Bah, Shampoo only have pair anyway." :) }
Ryoga: Wahahaha! I didn't have anything at all.
Shampoo: That make you loser.
"Ranma, we'll have to swim for it, won't we?" Akane asked
with grim determination. She continued with upbeat
confidence, "Don't worry about me, Ranma. I can make it!
The ocean's a lot more buoyant than a swimming pool!"
{ Oh, dear. :) }
Nothing like an overconfident Akane to prompt Ranma to do things he'd never
contemplate normally. :)
"There is another way," Ranma offered tentatively.
{ Stuck between a rock and a wet place... :) }
Yup.
An Awakening of Demons
A Ranma 1/2 Fanfic
By Kagami
Chapter 10: Sleeping Dragons
---
refute Ucchan's words. "No, it's our only chance. Look,
it's simple: Umibouzu spits Ryoga and me over ta the island
and we catch you guys when he sends ya along. Otherwise
we'll all be in the water as soon as that thing catches up
to us." He pointed towards the surging form of the Ayakashi.
{Hey, that actually makes sense-- in the Ranmaverse.}
Yeah, I think I was watching too many cartoons when I came up with this one.
:)
"I understand completely, Ranma-sama," Kodachi said
reassuringly.
"You do?" Ranma asked eagerly. "I mean, of course, ya do.
It's a reasonable plan, after all--"
"You've merely taken a momentary leave of your senses,
Ranma-sama. It's quite understandable, what with the truth
of your half-demon heritage, the kidnapping of your mother
by your psychotic half-sister, and your adopted father
ending up in hospital. Why, I believe that I shall be the
winner of Nabiki Tendo's betting pool on this matt--"
{heheh!}
Nabiki: 10 to 1 this is all just a dream, like the third season of Dallas.
:)
Ranma: No way! I don't have stupid dreams like this!
Ryoga: Bah! Of course it's Ranma's dream. Otherwise, I'd be the hero!
"No, dammit! It's perfectly safe-- Hey! What's this about
a 'betting pool'?!"
Shampoo looked crestfallen. "Aiyah! If only Ranma have
stronger mind to match body; Shampoo bet you stay sane for
{suggest} body!
{As it is, I thought on first reading that Shampoo meant "bet" in a
figurative sense, not that she was involved in the pool. :) }
Okay. Will change.
two week more."
The stench within the craw of the Great Devourer was even
{"craw" is a crop or stomach; I think you mean "maw" or some other
synonym for inside of mouth.}
Hehe. I mistook craw for something else (as well as forgetting craws/crops
only exist in birds), but it sounded so cool. :)
Will fix.
worse: a putrescent malodor of rotting fish and flesh.
"Sorry, Shampoo. It was Ryoga's turn." Ranma shrugged,
then leaped to catch a descending Akane. She thudded into
his arms solidly. "Oof! Say, Akane, have you put on some
weight?"
{hehe!}
Nothing like Ranma's foot-in-the-mouth disease. :)
"Idiot!" Akane whacked him on the head and jumped off.
"Hurry up and catch Ukyo instead of insulting me!"
"Right, right," Ranma grumbled as he proceeded to do just
{suggest} he prepared to do
Okay. It does mesh better with the following sentence.
that. Ukyo fell into his arms just as nicely as Akane, and
he quickly set her down. "Yo, Ucchan. Nice trip?"
"Don't call me that, Ranma!" Ryoga jumped upright, hurling
a deadly glare at Ranma.
It was cut short as Kodachi landed on his head with both
feet, driving him into the water again. Kodachi gracefully
somersaulted off him and made a pinpoint landing onto the
beach. "Oh dear, Ryoga-sama, are you hurt?" she asked,
spying him floating facedown.
{Good thing the waterproof soap didn't wear off...}
Hehe.
Akane [puzzled]: But what's P-chan doing on this island?
Everyone else facefaults.
"Get out of the way!" Ryoga yelled as he unslung and
slammed his heavy umbrella directly into the head of one of
the blobs. It sank deep, but failed to apparently harm the
but apparently failed to harm { split infinitive! :) }
Ack! I see the mistake, but sadly I've no idea what split infinitive means.
:)
gel-like being, which reformed its crushed head around the
{suggest} gelatinous being,
Much better. Thanks.
umbrella tip. Ryoga attempted to pull his metal-shod rain-
shield free, only to discover it was held with an iron
grip.
{"an iron grip" and "jelly" don't really go together well... how about
"a tenacious suction"?}
Much better.
Saikin: Slurp! Slurp!
Akane [flattening it with one blow]: Yaaah! Another pervert monster!
"Great, that means we're out of here!" Ranma grabbed
Akane, ignoring her startled yelp and lofted her into the
yelp, and
Ooops. My bad.
air. He did the same to Ukyo, then launched himself from
the closing circle of white shapes. Ryoga, Shampoo, and
Kodachi followed, bounding hastily after him.
The gardeners maintained the carefully and exquisitely
{suggest cutting "carefully and"}
Nods. Redundant.
landscaped area well: the garden pool sat placid and clear,
a separate hot spring bubbled merrily, rows of hedges lay
neatly trimmed, and a host of small trees cast elegant
shadows over their surroundings.
{What about the haunted cherry tree? :) }
Phil [showing abysmal ignorance]: Is there one?
He stood poised in the traditional kendo stance. The tip
of the bokken was held level with his head, while his hands
gripped the hilt low.
{There are several "traditional kendo stances"; you're describing the
one called "chudan-no-kamae" or middle guard.}
Nods. Despite a number of recent fics pointing this out, I forgot to come
back and rewrite it.
His feet were edged apart, one in
front of the other, and his breathing was evenly regulated
as he held the pose.
"Hyaaaa!" Kuno expelled his breath in an explosive burst
of air, and struck like lightning.
An innocent watermelon fell to the ground in sixteen neat
slices.
Cologne applauded the display of skill. One should always
appreciate such a high level of technique... even if it
could only be applied to watermelons.
"Happi-- Happosai taught you that one, did he not?"
{? Isn't this the technique that Tatewaki learned on Watermelon Island
in v19? If so, I don't think Happousai was involved...}
Whups! How embarrassing! As I mentioned in other replies, I read this
somewhere, didn't recheck it, and made a false assumption. Must read Vol.19
from Ranmascan and fix this bit up.
Kuno turned and lowered his wooden practice sword. He
bowed in greeting. "Indeed, Elder." Tatewaki Kuno was not
inclined to engage in pointless courtesy, except with those
he favoured, but it paid well to be cautious around the
ancient and powerful. Happosai had taught him that as well.
{OK, now I'm really confused, because I don't think Happosai and
Tatewaki interacted all that much; their paths have crossed, usually
because of Ranma, but hardly more than that.}
Progressive derivation from a bad assumption. :)
Will fix, as well.
"Very well, but it's funny you should call Ranma a
demon...." Cologne chuckled wryly.
{"Ha! I was right all along! Those foolish churls dared scoff at my
intuition, but I was right! Hahaha!" :) }
Kuno: I knew it! Saotome really is a foul demonic sorcerer keeping my two
lovelies in thrall! Come to me, Akane Tendo and the Pig-Tailed Girl; I shall
free you from his dark embrace!
---
Being chased by an immortal horde of humanoid intestinal
worms through the tree-covered hills of the small island
was not Ranma Saotome's idea of fun.
{Could be worse; Genma could have engaged him to them... :) }
Ranma [takes a paper from one of the Saikin]: What's this? [Reads sheet] 'I
hereby agree to marry my boy, Ranma Saotome, to Fluffy Saikin, in return for
the secrets of immortality'?! [Veins pop out of his forehead and he cracks
his knuckles ominously] Pops, we're gonna have words about this!
"Ohohohohoho! 'Tis easy enough to see through your
insidious plan, you peasant Chinese girl! Kodachi Kuno will
never be deceived by such pathetic attempts to divide her
from one destiny has declared hers." She sneered with
obvious contempt.
{"Not to mention the OTHER one." :) }
Kodachi: And you, too, Ryoga-sama. I hope you didn't feel left out,
cootchie-coo.
Ranma shivered, feeling suddenly cold.
"Bah! Is no plan, only question. Shampoo know Devil Hunter
must try kill demon sooner or later. So, Shampoo save Ranma
from Crazy Rose Girl," the Chinese Amazon fingered her
bonbori and sword meaningfully, "then we go and make good
nookie. Is good idea, yes, Ranma?"
{ nod nod :)}
Ranma [nod nod]: ....
"Well--" For a brief moment he felt warmer.
Snick.
"N-No way! Absolutely not!" Ranma declared manfully as his
internal body temperature suddenly dropped again. He edged
the sharp katana blade away from his throat. "Geez, Akane,
do ya have to?"
{"Ah, Akane, already continuing the proud tradition of wives of Saotome
men," Nodoka sighed proudly. :) }
Akane [nods firmly]: Just like you showed me, Saotome-okaasan.
"Hmph." Akane casually lopped off a few heads of
vegetation, then returned the katana to scabbard and
stalked
{Oh, very droll. Doug will get you for that pun. :) }
Hehe. It sends shivers down Ranma's spine. :)
ahead. "Play with the others if you want, but we've
still got those things after us, Ranma!" she called back,
disappearing into the undergrowth.
"My, my, Ranma-sama. I hardly see why you allow Akane
Tendo to treat you in such fashion." Kodachi lidded her
eyes and smirked. "You should teach her the proper role for
one of her station."
"Don't talk about Akane-san that way!" Ryoga snapped,
fists clenched and eyes blazing.
"Ohohohoho! But Ryoga-sama, I would permit you to teach me
my proper role...." Kodachi chuckled wickedly as Ryoga
snapped a hand to his nose and stumbled back, suddenly pale-
faced as blood rushed elsewhere in his body. "Really, do
none of you see the wonderful dichotomy in a relationship
between Devil Hunter and demon? Such a forbidden romance!
{You tell 'em, Ko-chan! :) }
Kodachi [looking poignantly out to sea]: Oh, such an uphill battle... but I
shall never give up, Ranma-sama.
Ranma: Yeesh! Give it up already!
Such wicked excitement! Such sweet--"
"--nauseating tripe! Grow up, Kodachi! Can't you see
Ranchan doesn't want any part of you?" Ukyo put in, casting
metaphorical spatulas with an irritated look.
{yeah, "looking spatulas" doesn't have the same ring to it as "looking
daggers", but it's an irresistible metaphor.}
Yup. :)
"You may help me in my research, if you wish, Tendo-san."
research if
Right.
Nabiki yelped as she spun around, heart in her mouth. It
was merely Cologne.
{"merely"? Cologne's a lot of things, but "mere" isn't one of them.
She'll regret thinking that, I'll warrant. :) }
She was probably expecting a nasty tentacled demon. :)
"Well, yes." Nabiki let the matter drop, seeing Cologne
had seen through her gambit. Not that she had seriously
meant it, of course. The ploy was a little too obvious
after all. She considered a more serious question. "Why
obvious, after all.
Ack!
does Ranma appear completely human, Cologne-san?"
"Now that is a good question." Cologne nodded in approval.
"I don't know for sure, Tendo-san. I speculate that Ranma's
demon father, Yami-no-Tsume, bequeathed him his human form
when impregnating Saotome-san. But that is mere speculation."
Nabiki felt slightly ill at the thought of real-life
demonic impregnation. Hastily she reassured herself that it
was probably nothing like her small collection of videos.
{smirk}
A small reference to Chapter 2. :)
After all, Auntie Nodoka was still alive....
{And smiling. Hmm. I wonder if that's the source of Nodoka's, um, ideas
about manliness... inhuman expectations? :) }
Nodoka: Oh yes! Keep it up, Maki-chan!
Ansou: But, No-chan, we've been at it for more than a day! Even a demon has
to rest, you know!
"I see." And she did see. Like Cologne, Nabiki regarded
the unknown circumstances of nearly twenty years ago with a
fair amount of misgiving.
It seemed the past only brought with it trouble.
{Pessimist.}
But it's sooo true in Ranma 1/2 and Inu-Yasha... and this story. :)
---
The trees opened up suddenly into a large clearing before
the mountainside, a steep rocky face that extended into the
air towards a distant craterous peak. Ranma did not bother
looking, all his senses were focused on the figure seated
{suggest} looking; all
Right.
on a small outcropping of stone.
Ranma's senses screamed out that this was the source of
the energy he had felt earlier. Akane touched his arm, and
he acknowledged her unspoken query with a nod. It seemed an
obvious trap; only a complete fool would--
{Cue complete fool!}
But of course. :)
"Hello!" Ryoga called out. "Are you lost?"
{ :) }
The girl raised her head, seemingly surprised. Cerulean
eyes that matched the colour of her kimono blinked
uncertainly. "Oh hello." She stood up and carefully laid
"Oh, hello."
Wak! Bad comma!
Ranma smirked. "Since you're really a dragon in disguise,
I don't hafta go easy on ya!" He suddenly leapt forward,
fist cocked and every sense alert for the change that would
surely happen. The Blue Dragon was certain to attempt a
quick strike when it reverted back to natural form, and he
was determined not to be caught off-guard.
"YEEEK!" The girl cried out, ducking her head in obvious
terror and throwing up a thin arm in a futile attempt at
defence. Ranma's fist stopped inches from her horrified
face, and she burst into tears. Loud sobs wracked her frail
form as she stood there, trembling.
"Erk! No, wait! Don't cry! I didn't--" Ranma danced around
her, bouncing with sudden contrition and remorse, puppy-
eyes begging for forgiveness. His fists were held over his
mouth and clenched tight. He came to a halt in front of her
and waved a hand in earnest entreaty. "Please stop?"
{hehehe! Oh, now that's clever. :) }
Thanks. I enjoyed writing that scene.
"--but I hadda give ya the chance." Ranma brought his
fists up in a defensive stance. "Come on then!"
on, then!"
Sigh. Must work on commas....
"No, Akane, look at the aura!" Ukyo hissed, laying a
restraining arm on her shoulder. "It's swirling!"
"What?!" Akane stared in sudden comprehension. She dove
for cover. Shampoo and Ukyo did likewise, and Ryoga tugged
down Kodachi. "Get down! He's going to use it! The--"
At the center of the spiralling aura, Ranma felt the chill
of the Soul of Ice enter his bones. A final blow arced in,
and deep down, in the midst of his own preparations, he
knew he would never be able to stop it. The near-certainty
of death lanced into his heart. He really did hate to hit
girls, he mused absently. This way he wouldn't have to....
Ranma punched straight up into the air.
"HIRYU SHOTEN HA!"
{Yeah, I saw that coming, too. Good.}
All that heat makes it perfect. :)
The girl frowned. "I am... and I am not. When Seiryu is
awake, I am a part of her mind. When she is asleep, the
dissociation is greater. I still draw upon her power, but I
think and reason for myself. If need be, you may address me
as Moeru. Come, Seiryu will explain herself."
{Nice. I like to think of dragons as more than animal and different from
human, and this is good.}
Definitely so. Seiryu isn't something to casually bring into conflict.
"Well, Ukyo-sama has trained me in mastering the art of
okonomiyaki cooking.
{er... I would say "trained me in the art of okonomiyaki cooking"; last
we saw, Konatsu definitely hadn't "mastered" it, and he might not claim
to have mastered it even if he had. :) }
Right. I fully agree with that.
Konatsu bowed in appreciation of watching a master at
work, for Kasumi was undoubtedly a true mistress of her
art. A small flip tested the balance of the knife, and the
kunoichi soon settled into a steady rhythm of halving and
slicing onions. Eventually, he gave voice to his concern.
{Hope they're not Bayankala onions... :) }
Hehe. I remember that fic. "Onion Tears" by Ukyo-sama.
"I wonder how Ukyo-sama and the others are doing?"
Kasumi paled and hurried over to the smoking wall oven.
She donned a pair of mitts, opened the door, and hastily
rescued a tray of blackened cookies.
"Oh dear, I was sure I set the timer properly."
{Bad omen! The guys on the island are gonna be overdone! :) }
Yup, major bad mojo for Kasumi to burn anything, even in a new and
unfamiliar kitchen.
"Well, this is all clearly Ryoga's fault--"
"My fault?!" Ryoga objected.
"--'cause you forgot your pack and stuff," needled Ranma.
{heh, nice reversal of the usual complaint. :) }
Ranma: Ryoga's fun to tease; I should do it more often.
Phil: But that'd just encourage all the yaoi writers.
Ranma: Let me reconsider.
"How was I supposed to know we'd be stumbling around in
the dark, huh?" Ryoga fired back. "This is all your fault
for not telling us in the first place, Ranma!"
{well, it was nice while it lasted... :) }
Ranma: I can't win.
"Oh yeah? I--"
His ready retort, and Akane's usual "Stop picking on Ryo--
" were abruptly cut off by Moeru's sharp glare from up front.
{Formatting glitch: the " belongs on the previous line}
Nods.
"Hush! You come into the presence of the Blue Dragon!" she
hissed harshly.
The downward- sloping tunnel levelled out and opened up
{extra space ^ }
Heh. From my corrections.
5) On why Seiryu is female here and the long delay in
finishing Chapter 10: I did have Chapter 10 nearly ready
several weeks ago, then Hearts of Ice Part 24 came out.
After thinking "Oh, wow!", I went "Ack! Rats!" - Krista had
preempted me with the old man/dragon shtick, and moreover,
had done it so brilliantly I had no chance of equalling
it. Oh well. ^_^ So I decided to scrub the latter half of
this chapter and rewrite it. Unfortunately, it proved more
difficult than I expected, but this is the final result of
some weeks worth of revision. Tell me what you think, and
oh, a little omake for the ending.
Worked for me...
Good. :)
Thanks for writing and sharing!
Thanks for commenting, Vince!
Phil.
Vince Seifert Fanfic Analyst FFIRC Frog
Prime: seifertv@csus.edu
Backup: seifertv@myrealbox.com
Techie: http://webpages.csus.edu/~seifertv/
Fanfic: http://www.csus.edu/indiv/s/seifertv/toth/
Ideas are worth their weight in gold.
--
.---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List---.
| Administrators - ffml-admins@fanfic.com |
| Unsubscribing - ffml-request@fanfic.com |
| Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject |
`---http://www.fanfic.com/FFML-FAQ.txt ---'