In the not too distant future,
Somewhere in time and space,
Four anime boys in their Queen of Hearts,
Are caught in an endless chase.
Nakago and Tomo are aboard a ship,
Piloted by fangirls who made �em sick.
They found a teen that was dumb, they deemed,
So they took him by force to carry out their schemes!
(Rob) GET... ME... DOWN!
(Nakago) We�ll send them crappy lemons, the worst we can find. (Lalala)
(Tomo) The boys will sit and watch them all, and we�ll monitor there
Minds! (Lalala) Now keep in mind that Rob controls, Where the lemons
Begin or end, (lalala)
The guys have got to keep their sanity,
Or they�ll be used on our friends!
[The screen suddenly turns to static, then clear to reveal Rob in the SCR
(Slick Control Room)]
Rob: Hey there, and Welcome to the Slick Control Room, where we are
broadcasting live coverage of a three lemon marathon taken up by Heero,
Yaten and Ranma and Tamahome�s temporary replacements, Crow and Tom. You
see, Nakago wanted to see if the guys could take three lemons viewed one
after another. The first one was already taken care of, but we have two more
to go. And we can go live to the theatre where we can catch up with our four
intrepid heroes.
[Rob presses a button and the screen turns to static again and clears to
show the theatre�]
********************************************************
Crow: So what have you seen since you got stuck?
Heero: Two Sailor Moon lemons, one a crossover and a El-Hazard lemon, a
Gundam Wing lemon and a Ranma lemon.
[NB: Nodoka in Love is back online and coming soon!]
Tom: Sh, the lemon�s starting up�
Reeny's crush for Darien Part 1
Tom: She wants to pulp him and feed him to Chibi Chibi!
Crow [Chibi Chibi]: Chibi! (Mm! Good!)
Yaten: Please be a little less dark, I feel ill already!
Heero: Hn. Le Grande Bouffe, anyone? Or Delicatessen?
Yaten: Urk! [Turns to over and ralphs behind his seat]
Heero: Gomen nasai.
Reeny stared at Darien who was watching TV. The two were sitting in his
apartment. Reeny >held tightly onto a Light pink pen.
Crow: Then the pen snapped, cutting her wrist, and spraying blood all over
the place.
Yaten: What a way to go.
"Darien, I need to use the bathroom, I'll be right back."
Heero: Watch Scream lately, Chibi?
Reeny jumped off the cough
Tom: Coughs, the new comfortable resting chair.
Yaten: -20% more comfortable chair than a the leading brands.
and ran into his bedroom. She shut the door behind her. She had over heard
Serena >moaning in the bathroom, Darien�s' name.
It was appearent what she ws doing. And fantasizing about Darien also!
Reeny lifted the pen into the air. "Sexy Girl Transformation!"
Crow: Wonder Twin Powers Activate!
Tom: Tyrannosaurus!
Yaten: Healer Star Power, Make Up!
Heero: Fanboy Planet Power, Make Up!
[MOO! THWAM!]
Heero: Crushed by a cow� What a way to go�
[Yaten pushes the cow off Heero]
Tom: Guess Chaos hates being spoofed.
she cried. Pink ribbons wrapped around her body. Her hair burst from the
ordango style and >flowed to the ground.
Her apperance had changed into a sexy womans.
Her breasts were round and firm in size, and her crotch was perfectly
shaved.
Crow: Woah.
Heero: Well, there goes the Chibi element.
Yaten: This should be painless now.
<<You really believe that?>>
Heero: What was that?
Tom: [Coughs]I believe that is Interclude..
Reeny stared into the mirror at herself. She giggled. "This is sure to
impress Darien! Soon >what Serena fantasizes about, is going to come true for me!"
She pulled on a see through teddy, and slipped out the door, setting the
pen on the table. >"Oh Darien.." she purred.
Dariens eyes widened. He slowly looked behind him to see a sexy girl standing in his >apartment.
he felt himself stiffen. "R-Reeny!?" he cried.
Yaten: Everyone got Soun Tendo�s Syndrome, I see.
She nodded, and stutted over to the couch. "Oh Darien, I want to make love
to you. I want to >feel your manhood inside me."
Tom: Why not drill it into her? *VRRRRRRTT!*
Yaten: Eeeeww.
<<you know that's not such a bad idea considering we are talking about tha little spore..>>
Darien was to shocked to speak. Reeny straddled his lap and began to rub up
against him. >"Please Darien." she still had the pleading cute look to her.
Darien felt himself get harder.
Tom: The turn to stone shtick. Been in circulation since 1997.
Heero: I would say earlier that that.
The pleasure Reeny caused was already greater than any his own hand could.
He nodded, >moaning as Reeny rubbed him with her hand through his jeans.
Tom: Permission to TOGG, sir!
Crow: Permission granted, private!
All: TOGG!
Reeny smiled. She stood up and pulled him gently into the bedroom. There she pushed him onto the bed.
Darien pushes her of.
"What do you think your doing you hoe!?!" Reeny's eyes >pops out of her skull so she spends sometime looking for >them before she can turn her attention back to her father.
"Uh, having sex? lover?" Darien smirks "being a spoiled >brat more likely" and with that Darien picks her up by >her skirt and tosses her out the window.
Yaten: o_O
Heero: O.O
[The MST Cast seems kinda perplexed]
Tom: Hell don't remember this in the original draft!! I thought this was supposed to be a lemon..
Crow: What are you complaining for the bitch is dead! YAY!
Darien picks out the recently hard mars bar out of his >pocket. "damn I gotta remember not to keep these candy >bars in my pockets" as he bites down hard on his one >purpose for being in this fic a hard thud can be heard >from outside as his daughter connects with the street >outside.
Yaten: So , uh our work is finished here?
<<No far from over HAHAHAHAHA>>
Crow: Crap! the interclude has gained a sense of its self and is now going to launch missiles against Russia!
<<This is not T2 yah moron>>
[A red clad figure emerges out of the shadows, red dildo shaped Bokken in hand]
Tom: The hell?
Red Adder: <<No not exactelly..>>
[Yaten throws up for some unknown reason]
Heero: uh do we know you or something.. and whats with the voice?
[the red clad person twist the head of the Bokken]
Red adder: ��Any better?��
Heero: uh, yeah..
Tom: I don't care who you are this is my little time to get famous and I don't intend to share the glory!
Crow: Yeah, there are already far to many crapy MST'ers out there and we don't need another one!
[The red clad ((man?)) chuckles]
Red Adder: ��Oh, don't worry I'm not an Mst'er I am..��
Yaten: He is a Hentai Pervert!
Red Adder: ��Ah .. I see you are fine as ever Yaten.. mist me?��
Heero: Hentai Pervert.. pervert pervert?
Tom: uh, you know this dude Yaten?
[the pervert makes a gesture]
Crow: that's sick man!
Red Adder: ��Allow me to introduce meself.. I am Red adder One of the sickest ones .. but mortals seem to prefer calling my kind perverts..��
Yaten: KILL HIM! KILL HIM BEFORE ITS TO LATE BEFORE HE STARTS TO PREACH!!
[They all blink and looks at Yaten, then turns back to Red Adder]
Tom: So what bussines do you have here? other than being extremly annoying and making us look bad ?
Heero: maybe he is here to clean the toilette? I here perverts like that kinda stuff..
[adjust the head of the bokken again]
Red Adder: Just watch.. Watch what your horrible MST'ing has done to the poor slob that wrote this Lemon!
[the scene changes and we see a depressed woman sitting and playing with a dildo]
Crow: SWING!!
Tom: EGH! the author was a woman?
Heero: whats wrong with making her depressed I mean she was only a Lemon writer for crying out loud They don't deserve to live!
[The Red Adder barks a laugh again, this seeming to be a natural response from a crazy villain]
Red Adder: No .. not the girl.. the author is that Sextoy.. look what you have reduced him to!
Crow: O_o
Tom: o_O
Heero: O__O
Yaten: ahgh that poor woman! what have we done! having a pervert between her legs !!
[the Scene fades out and we and the world is back to as normal as it was before ((not saying much))]
Red Adder: You see what you have done! What all you Mst'ers are doing? you are not making the Lemons look bad you are giving them attention giving them free advertising!
Tom: And all this time I thought that was Sakuras job..
Yaten: Who?
Tom : Never mind..
Reeny slowly gets up her whole bod aching from the >impact "not Exactly what I had in mind when I hoped I >would get banged ugh.."
out of the woodwork the strange man with to small >sunglasses and flowing silver hair appears.
Crow: woodwork? were I thought you said this was out in the street.. or do you mean woodwork as in Reeny's shrubbery OUCH!!
[the Bokken comes down hard on Crows head]
Red Adder: Silence you insolent fool this is not to be judged this is only an image out of the twist of reality!
"A little spore! I have been searching for you!"
Before Reeny can even react tentacles wraps themselves >around her trapping her arms and legs.
"Wha.. what do you want with me!" is all Reeny can get >out before another tentacle muffles her.
"cant let your tongue run wild now can we.. that voice >of yours is known to kill a man often as not.." Kagato >grins evilly and strokes his evil goatee he apparently >has been growing since he last got killed.
"You must realise I find no pleasure in this.. in fact I >find you a singular disgusting being.. Yet it cannot be >helped. The energy that will be created when you are >raped and reach your climax will be far greater than >Tsunamis .. that power will be mine and everything will >be guided by my forceful hand " As the evil scientist >cackles the tentacles rapes Reeny.. fortunately we >don't have to see that scene.
Tom: what the hell was that?!!
Crow: cool..
Red Adder: That is what happened to the fic when you Mst it..
Tom: say what?
Red Adder: All actions in life has reactions.. this is also the case for fanfics..
Yaten: sure..
Tom: so, uh you are saying that all Lemons we MSt develop into something else??
[The Red Adder taps Tom's head with the disgusting looking bokken]
Red Adder: Ah very bright of you! seems you are not all shits for brains..
Tom: why thank you.. HEY wAIT A MINUTE!
Red Adder: Yes, you see when you are MSt'ing Lemons you are in fact creating new lemons in the process.. you are creating hybrids of the old ones.. hybrids that will get read cause they have a MST tag on it!
Tom: Bite me.
[The sick one grins]
Red Adder: uh no that's what you got Yaten for--
Yaten: EWW!!!!
Red Adder: Why.. I'm off bad bones breaks the easiest..
[Red Adder fades away leaving a residue of smoked shrimp and violated chicken breast]
Heero: someone smell chicken? reminds me of that time we MST'ed that Sasami Lemon ..
Crow: Thanks for that little snippet of info. NOT!
Heero: Let�s go before Nakago sends the other one�
*********************************************************
<Reverse Door Sequnce�>
[On the control bridge of the Queen of Hearts, something looks different.
There is a large box on the table, which Heero is crammed inside, like Joel
was in The Amazing Colossol Man. The inside of the box is also a very
accurate mock-up of the QoH bridge.]
Heero: Yaten� Are you sure this�ll work?
Yaten: Of course. Just follow then lines. Make them think you�re 50ft.
Heero: Right�.
[The red light comes on on the console.]
Tom: Heads up, we�ve got something on the hexfield.
Crow: Bring the camera up here Tom!
Tom: Yes, your Royal pain.
Crow: Hey!
[Tom pushes the button�]
[Slick]
Nakago: Well, how are my little�. Hold on a sec� What happened here?!
[QoH]
Heero [angsty]: What kind of sin could a man commit in a single lifetime to
bring this upon himself? [Hits the floor] Ahh!! No!
Crow: Uh, Heero?
Yaten: Heero?
Crow: Won't you talk to us?
Heero: No! Go away! [Hits the floor] Ahh! I'm huge! Ahh!
Tom: We'd like to ask you a few questions. How do you feel?
Heero: What do you mean how do I feel? I feel huge! [Hits floor] I'm a fifty
foot man! Gahh, ooh, no!!
Crow: Do you think you're having delusions of grandeur?
Yaten: Well, he's a colossal man, of course he's having delusions--oh, ask
him another question!
Crow: Okay, uh, uh, who's your favorite Monkee?
Tom: Oh, here, let me! How many fish can you name?
Crow: Yeah!
Heero: How many fish can I name? What kind of questions are these? I'm a
fifty foot tall man! You don't care about me! Go away! Ooh, no!
Yaten: Oh, that's not true Heero! We're trying to do everything in our power
to help you!
Crow: Yeah...
Tom: Oh, this isn't working. I don't think anything can save him.
Crow: Ah, he's just being difficult 'cause he's a freak!
Heero: No...
Tom: Yeah, let's try plan B! Okay?
Crow: Oh, yeah, plan B!
Yaten: Right. *Ahem* Heero, are you still there?
Heero: Of course I'm still here! I'm immense! I'm huge! [Hits floor] Ahh,
ooh, eee!
Tom: We have some-one here who can help you! [Whispers to Crow and Yaten] Go
ahead!
[The door on the left opens up, and Crow pokes a Yaten doll through it.]
Yaten: Uh, Heero-kun? Um...I'm...I really still love you, and I'm not gonna
leave you in this position...some condition...[There's a knock at the other
door] Oop, someone's at the door!
[The other door opens, and Servo pokes a male doll through it]
Tom: Uh, hello? Uh, hi there honey! How'd you like to go out with a normal
guy tonight? (Tom and Crow laugh.]
Yaten [breaking character]: Alright, come on you, that's it, this is getting
too dumb, you guys, forget it.
Crow: Hey, Servo, how'd you get your arm to work?
[QoH]
Nakago: Oh, that's it, every time I try to talk civilised to you guys a
little, you gotta twist it around and do one of your little jokes. Well,
listen, you guys can just turn around and sashe those little robot metal
butts of yours into the theater where you can learn a real something about
isolation and loneliness! ROB!!! Send them the last LEMON!!!
[QoH]
Crow and Tom: We're sorry...
Tom: Freak! {Movie sign]
Heero: GYAAAAAAAAAHHH, we got LEMON SIIIIGNNN!
[Heero busts out of the cardboard box and runs into the theatre with the
others�]
To Be Continued�.
Cast...
Riffers:
Tom Servo [MST3K] ("And what is a �disclaner� exactly?")
Crow T. Robot [MST3K] ("[Nurse] Time for your Prozac, honey.")
Heero Yuy [Gundam Wing] ("Murderer. Several exclamation marks died for the
orgasm.")
Yaten Kou [Sailormoon SailorStars] (�What, you thought the voice was
natural? I�m really a woman, assuming this form to try and find Princess
Kakyuu.")
Mads:
Nakago [Fushigi Yuugi] ("Don�t you think for a minute you could run away
from me!")
Tomo [Fushigi Yuugi] ("OK, that was a little strange. ")
Mads' Reluctant Assistant:
Rob [IRL] ("[Hick] Well I�ll be!")
Interclude violating all laws of nature when I take a piss Red adder [No I am not going to pay for that][And yes little gurls make the best Pok�mon] [don't you mean Pok�women?] [whatever]
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