****************************************
platypus3333
platypus3333@yahoo.com
Send me more C&C.
Some stuff changed since the first draft: more paragraphs added, some continuity fixed. actually, most of it fixed, some stuff explained.
Thank you to the one guy who has sent me C&C on this so far, Ravenm. You're the man! (Generally speaking.)
My under-updated web site can be found at http://members.tripod.com/Platypus3333. Take the time to sign the guestbook, please. please. and spread it around. I haven't been getting too many hits lately due to my erratic updates, but. well.
In this, I bend continuity slightly, if not just glue in my own pieces. This is the second draft. I would like comments and criticism, please. That stuff is always good. This is the third in a series, I think. assuming I haven't posted my Shinji fic. The other two deal with Rei and Asuka (the former being a poem, the latter written in this same style.) You could probably find them somewhere.
The main part of continuity that I've pasted in is this: I've written in a little part about all the Children together at one point in their childhood, perhaps for a study or something like that, accompanied by Yui.
The "Ethan Frome" and "Mattie Silver" I write about are references to a book by Edith Wharton, Ethan Frome, about a cold, impassionate man married to an evil woman that finds love in a young and beautiful cousin-in-law that warms his spirit. In the end, the two secret lovers screw up an attempt at double suicide, the girl turning into another evil woman that holds him with a chain. Sad guy, and that's the general plot of the book. I frankly don't recommend reading the book, as I was forced to do so in high school (as you might be. or have been). However, since the reference stayed in my head, I felt I should stick it in for the people who know what I'm talking about. Which all of you should by now, having read the above paragraph.
The 17th chromosome mentioned concerning the Children is of no real world significance whatsoever. Lacking experience in the field of genetics, I merely picked a number having to do with Evangelion: there were 17 angels, and since I speculate that the mutations are caused by the angels, 17 seemed appropriate.
****************************************
Kangae: Gendou
or
End of an Era
****************************************
I never thought I would actually see it happening.
I've planned this for a while, you know. A long time, really. To see the 12 strong men, the very souls of nations, so very weak. To see Armageddon finally happening. It's funny, really. Almost hilarious.
That I started this so long ago. That I've striven for this all these years; and now it's finally happening.
That everything would fall into place so readily. I couldn't have imagined it.
Like pieces of a puzzle. Everything is coming together, finally, now. I smile to myself, chuckle even, as I watch the picture being produced.
And as I lie here, staring up at the darkness above, I think of my son. Of Rei, of Kaworu, of all those that have come and died before me.
And then I think of her. her smile, her grace. Everything I've done has been for her, in the end.
Hasn't it?
It's what's kept me going so long, that promise, made on a summer day so long ago.
****************************************
"Now, see? That's a squirrel. See the squirrel?" The woman brushed a few strands of dark brown hair out of her eyes with her left hand while she pointed at the small animal with her right. "Can you say it?"
"Squirl." The little boy squinted, staring intently at the gray little critter. Then his attention span gave way: he began staring intently at the sky instead. He sneezed.
"Aw." Ikari Yui withdrew a tissue from the depths of her purse and wiped the boy's nose. Shinji struggled in vain against the onslaught, but to no end: mother and son grinned at each other, reflecting each other's smile in the late summer sun.
To the side stood a man.
More accurately, Gendou Ikari. He was an average looking man, "scruffy-looking," as his wife put it fondly. But one had to merely look into his eyes. and see an intensity, a focus and intelligence beyond imagining. These eyes were not gateways to the soul but mirrors of the world around him. These eyes observed.
Watching his family silently, he breathed a sigh and leaned against a tree. The aforementioned squirrel took this time to sprint over his foot and escape.
Gendou turned his head to watch it depart into the shadows, taking the time to marvel at the fact that it was even there to do so. Just a year ago, the species was all but extinct, its natural habitats disappeared. But it had come back. what was it that Kozo had said? "The ecosystems of the earth are gradually reasserting themselves," or something to that effect. Environmentally speaking, the Second Impact had had a minimal effect on the planet, Nature already reverting back to the status quo after a mere 6 years. Certainly, new evolutions would develop, as they always did: subspecies would be produced to cope with the severe damage dealt to the planet's electromagnetic field, as well as its atmosphere. But still: minimal effects. Remarkable, really.
And then he turned back to his family, focussing on his son. Mere animals were not the only ones to evolve, of course. In fact, they received among the least benefits. The Second Impact had essentially produced a new sub-species of human, a branch infused with the residual radiation present in the air in the year following the event: the children conceived within that year were special, he knew that for a fact. Leading geneticists (such as his own wife) had discovered a mutation in the 17th chromosome: unofficially dubbed the "Angel's Blessing." No amount of genetic manipulation had thus far been able to duplicate this phenomenon, nor did children conceived after the (roughly) 13 month period possess the "blessing." Gendou had his own guesses why- everyone did- but kept them to himself.
Just like everything else.
He was not a particularly outgoing man- in fact, he was downright depressive and withdrawn; but resolute. In essence the Ethan Frome united with his eternal Mattie Silver, Gendou Ikari was content.
For the moment.
He straightened up as Shinji toddled his way to the tree. No taller than his father's knees, he was a small boy, slender, almost fragile, a porcelain doll given life. Gendou regarded the boy as an alien being, a small creature that had mysteriously appeared in his life that he simply could not begin to comprehend, much less understand. The boy's mannerism, his actions- they fit no logical path his father could devise.
But he, too, was content. Even happy.
The man bent down and looked the boy in the eyes. He never knew what to say to the boy, what to do. The pair were two lost souls together, tied together by a single thread. He would clearly see that link in the boy's eyes. They were Yui's eyes: blue, large, shining eyes. they gave the boy his air of almost feminine delicacy and fragility, an air that Gendou didn't dare disrupt.
They stared at each other. And then Shinji tilted his head toward the sky, squinting as he stared into the clouds. "What's that?"
Gendou, too, looked up. "What's what?"
"Dat." The boy gave no indication as to what "Dat" referred to.
Yui came to her husband's rescue. "That's the sun."
Shinji blinked. "Oh." They always seemed to understand each other like that, in an instant communicating all thoughts and ideas. Gendou believed, firmly, that this was due to some maternal instinct. He made no effort to understand this relationship, as long as he was a part of it. "I wanna go there."
"Go to the sun?"
"Yeah. 'S pretty." He looked questioningly up at his mother. "Can I?"
She laughed, a wonderful chime. "Well. maybe. Someday. Right, Gendou?" She blessed him with a brief glance.
".Right. Someday."
"You'd like that, Shinji? Going up to the stars?"
"Yeah."
Her eyes gleamed thoughtfully. "Someday, Shinji. You'll get to the sun, you'll be like that. Like a hero, a great man, going all sorts of places, doing all sorts of things."
"'K." He thought for a minute. "Promise?"
Again, she giggled a little. "Sure, I promise. Do you promise me?"
"."Sure." The boy nodded sagely. To him, the promise sealed the entire affair, an insurance of sorts in an unstable world. People that broke promises were bad, he knew: terrible, terrible people. And his mother was not a terrible person. Then he pointed at something else. "."
"What? What?" She picked him up and walked toward the object of his interest, leaving a thoughtful young man standing alone next to a tree.
Ikari Gendou's eyes gleamed in the dark shadow cast by the tree. 'He will be a great boy,' the man thought. 'I promise, Yui.'
And then he went to join them.
****************************************
Yui. I loved her more than she ever knew. More than anyone would ever know.
I don't know if I made the promise for Shinji or for her, really. I don't think I ever will. The fatherly part of me believes the former, while my heart screams the latter. It would make her happy to see Shinji succeed, I knew.
And all I ever wanted to do was to keep her happy. Happy forever.
Yui had joined Seele several years before Shinji's birth, quickly followed by myself, meaning to preserve the world and ensure humanity's survival- a noble, if ambitious, goal. A bright, noble goal for bright, noble days. She was always like that, really- an idealist in a world that desperately needed them. She was a person I was not, a person I would never be: a person that refused to believe in evil and hatred, a person that saw the world in a brighter light than the rest of us. Sometimes her enthusiasm was infectious, I must admit: there was something in her happiness, her optimism, that appealed to some side of me, a side of which I saw too little. There were no worries, then- not like now, nothing like the turmoil we would all grow to know. The survivors of the Impact, banded together to persevere and save the planet for the future. who could've guessed that it would come to such an end? I was suspicious, of course. I always was. People don't help each other like that, I knew. People don't want to save the planet, they want to own it. But she was happy, there. She felt she could help, truly make a contribution with her knowledge in genetics and biotechnology.
As for me?
I hid in her shadow, plotting, scheming. planning for the day when the tables would be turned. Such a petty man. I had no idea what life was about, what life really was. It was all a game. or a path, if you will, and to the victor go the spoils. To my eternal shame- I had not dated and married her for who she was, but rather for what life had chosen her to be. She was a connection to Seele, a connection to the mysterious, powerful organization that seemed to have a hand in everything. I had planned to join them, but had found no foothold, no niche to insert myself into in their impenetrable wall of secrecy. I was a nobody, not a scientist, not a politician- I had no power, no fame, nothing with which to use as proof of my competence. I could sense it: to them, I was merely a small, little boy with hopes of power, hopes of joining the grand game of which so many others were a part. Much as I hate myself for it now- I saw her as just another tool, an object to move into place to join this game. I was a fool. I gradually grew to love her, over time- I hadn't seen it at first, of course, blind to all but my own selfish ambition. But over time.
She was a wonderful woman. Bright, full of life. I don't know why I didn't notice sooner. Every time she saw me, she would smile that special smile. No one could resist that smile, it was infectious, contagious. I couldn't ever stop myself from smiling back at her.
And as I lie here, staring up at the darkness above, I think of my son. Of Rei, of Kaworu, of all those that have come and died before me. I think of her. And her smile.
I love that smile. that smile that I see right now. or do I? Do I see that smile?
****************************************
"Today, we're going to play tag. Does anyone know how to play tag?" Ikari Yui kneeled down next to the group of Children. She looked around at the assembled multitude, and smiled warmly. There was her own son, of course- and the other Children. Marduke had been very efficient in tracking down those conceived in that one special year; here, there were children from all over the world. "Well?"
Behind her, her husband stood silently, consulting his clipboard. He ignored the majority of the massive group before him, instead casting brief glances at particulars when he came to their name. He smiled slightly when his wife grinned reassuringly at the crowd.
"I do." Of course, that little red-haired girl always raised her hand. She was a bright girl. exceptionally bright. Marduke had reported her as a child prodigy, and she seemed unnaturally aware of her own status: the casual observer might even note that she knew it for a fact. She was extremely aggressive, perhaps as a result of this self-awareness. Certainly, she believed she was better than some. "Baka Shinji!"
*Whap* Gendou winced slightly as the girl smacked his son upside the head. Yui fervently believed that the girl's constant abuse of her son was due to fondness, being incapable of seeing ill will in anyone. It was this optimism that he lacked, instead clouded over with a strange negativity, a manifestation of Murphy's law. Maybe that was why they were together, he thought to himself. To complete each other.
"Mom!" Clutching his head, Shinji looked pleadingly up at her.
"Now, Asuka, we don't hit people unless there is an extremely, extremely good reason."
"He stuck his tongue out at me!" She pointed at the boy and made puppy eyes.
"I did not!" He stuck out his tongue at her. She took this opportunity to grab it.
"See! See!" She tugged on it.
"Hlah! Muh!" His arms flailed frantically.
Yui assumed a stern look. "Asuka, let go of Shinji's tongue right now."
Reluctantly, she did so. "Aw." She smiled sweetly at the boy as he backed away a little and rubbed his tongue.
"Ow."
His mother quickly regained her composure and started over. "Well, anyway, Asuka, why don't you explain to the others how to play tag?"
"One person is it and everyone else gets chased by the person that's it and whenever a person that's not it gets tagged by a person that's it, the person who was tagged becomes it and the person that was it isn't it anymore and runs away." She smiled proudly.
"Very good, Asuka!" Yui clapped her hands. "Who wants to play tag?"
"Erg." Reluctantly, the Children all raised their hands. The last one, the son of a scientist called Suzahara, started snoring in the background.
"Ok, then." Yui got up slightly and bent over slightly, her hands on her knees. "Well, today we're going to get to use the gym. Is that all right with everyone?"
"Yeah." Asuka, assuming that she was the leader, moved aside to distance herself from a skinny boy with glasses playing with an imaginary gun. "Anyone else gets smacked!"
Inevitably, Yui walked toward the gym, followed by a crowd of small Children. She laughed as she heard Asuka bullying Shinji again, hearing her son's little yells in the background. 'Someday.' She had once confided that she could imagine those two together, sometimes, it just looked so right. Like they were made for each other: Shinji so meek, Asuka so arrogant. He hadn't believed her, but had chosen not to comment. He watched as she smiled her little smile, and started whistling a little tune, as she continued walking, a mother duck with her flock. Her husband nodded to himself, and took the first right, toward the Evangelion Testing Labs.
****************************************
She always was happiest with the Children. often giving them smiles I would rather have her bestow on me. Children, to her, were more than mere little humans, but humanity's future at stake- in more ways than one. No wonder she treasured them so much.
I would like to think that she treasured me, too. In all her smiles, in all her glances, even in her anger- I saw love. Perhaps not for me, or for the Children, but for the world. For life in general. Maybe that's why she wanted to preserve it so much, and had joined the organization. She was an inspiration, really, to everyone around her.
As I said before, her enthusiasm was infectious.
I don't think a single person truly hated her. whether out of jealousy or bitterness, there was no hatred in any hearts for the woman. Quite the opposite, in fact. Certainly, this was true of Kozo, her former teacher and my. eventual confidante. The way he looked at her. that adoration mirrored my own, I could see that the first time I saw him in her company. Maybe his love surpassed even mine. but we would never find that out, would we? It was too late for him. in a moment of confusion he had faltered and I had snatched the prize right out of his hands. a prize that would eventually. perhaps inevitably. capture its captor.
****************************************
"It's a nice day today." It was a small comment, but of course, he did that all the time. His wife smiled that smile, that special smile, that he reveled in. He gave no indication, of course, staring straight ahead at the valley before them as dusk approached.
"Yeah, it is, isn't it?" She was sitting on a small swing hung from a tree, kicking herself into motion slowly. Then she swung her legs in and out rhythmically, the actions pushing her to greater heights.
Gendou tried to ignore the fact that her sundress fluttered up on the downswing. He settled for brief glances. "."
They stayed there together, one standing while the other swung, for what seemed to them to be an impossibly long period of time. There was a silence between the two adults, as if the fact of each other's company was enough for now. And then the woman stopped using her legs, allowing the swing to gradually slow down to a stop. She sat silently, kicking the ground randomly with the toe of her shoe. Then she looked up. "So what happens now?"
"Pardon?"
"What now," she repeated, placing her hands in her lap and staring idly at the ground.
"I don't know." He looked at her, his own hands still clasped behind his back. "What do you want to happen now?"
"I don't know either." She returned his look. "I'm getting bored."
He began to move. "We could get back home."
".And then again, it seems a shame to just leave." She gestured at the setting sun. "Like I said, it's a very nice day."
"Soon to be a very nice night." He sighed, then slowly sat down next to the tree. She joined him.
Leaning against the rough bark of the tree: "Yes, I suppose so."
"."
"Gendou, do you remember."
He glanced at her. "Yes?"
"Do you remember that day, a couple months ago?"
He gave no indication of his remembering. "Day?"
"When we went to the park."
That day. "Yes."
"What did you think?"
"Think of what?"
"Shinji."
Truth to tell, he had no idea what to think of the boy. "He's healthy."
She laughed a little. "Yes, I suppose he is, isn't he? Very healthy."
"Yes."
"But. when he was staring at the sun."
"."
"I couldn't help but wonder about him," Yui said, trying to place her thoughts into words. "He's so hopeful. and yet. our world isn't made for heroes like that."
"What happened to the eternal optimist?"
"SHh." She smacked him playfully on the back of the head. "That's not what I mean."
"Oh."
She stared off into the distance. "He won't get there without help, not in a world like this. It's too insane, unpredictable."
He silently nodded his agreement.
"But I can't help but think. that someday. he really will be a legend, of sorts."
"Someday."
"I don't know. it's just that I won't be around forever, and you. you have to."
He cut her off sternly. "I have to take care of him and guide him, is that it?" He looked at her. "Don't talk like that, Yui. It bothers me. Of course you'll be around forever."
She couldn't help but giggle. "Well. sure. I guess you know what I mean. We'll both be around forever, huh?"
"Yes. Yes, of course we will." Of course we would, he thought to himself. Literally.
"Yeah." She leaned forward and plucked some grass between her thumb and index finger, then sprinkled it into the wind. "No worries, huh?"
"No worries."
They smiled at each other, then she leaned in for a kiss. "Together forever?"
"Forever and a day," he replied.
****************************************
.And then she died. One day, just like that.
I never saw it coming. Neither did Shinji.
I remember those nights, when he wouldn't stop crying, wouldn't stop sobbing into his pillow and wandering around in the darkness, wailing for his mother. who wasn't there. I would listen to him, and begin to get up to get him back to bed. and then I would notice the empty spot next to me in the bed. And then I would cry, just like my son, just sit there on the of my bed, staring into the darkness, tears streaming down my face. I had no idea how much I missed her.
In the public, though, I wore my mask. That mask that so many, I knew, had come to hate. and several had come to love. There would be no emotion, I told myself. Emotion made you weak, vulnerable. It made you powerless, a blubbering moron, ineffectual to act, to fight against the darkness. It made you nothing. And so I remained cold, a wall, a block of ice. Nothing would get in, nothing would get out. They weren't people, they were objects. Like pawns in a chess game. I had lost my queen. there was nothing else to do but preserve my king with the devices that remained.
But then there was Shinji.
Every time I saw that boy, I could feel my wall breaking down, my defenses crumbling. He would look at me with Yui's eyes. those eyes that I missed so much, and I would almost break down and weep right there. Those gleaming, sorrowful eyes. They bothered me so much.
What could I do?
I let him run away. Run away from his problems, run away from me, run away from the world. Maybe in doing so, I, too, was running away from him. not that I would've admitted it to myself.
I still remember that day, when he was standing with an agent in the train station. He was staring off into space, so apathetic, like nothing mattered. Just himself, alone, with everything else just on the other side of the fence. Those beautiful little eyes staring at nothing.
I was tempted to run out right there and bring him, kicking and screaming, back home. But I wasn't weak. I wasn't an emotional fool. I was strong. Even as the train moved away and I watched from my vantage point standing next to a bench, across from the platform, I stood firm. Resolute. Nothing was getting to me yet, I said to myself. And nothing ever would again. Not Rei, not Naoko, not Ritsuko. They were all meaningless pawns, so insignificant in the greater plan, the plan that would make everything make sense.
Still, though, nothing could have prepared me for my son's return to Tokyo-3. I had requested it of him, of course. He was part of the Plan. But no matter how much preparation one undergoes, no matter how much planning is done, it's the experience that matters. I learned this, most of all, that day.
****************************************
Ikari Shinji walked slowly to the center of the metal path. Around him, technicians bustled and yelled as they prepared the Evangelion for action. He stared that dead stare.
Above him, his father returned it. He hadn't seen his son for many years, nor had he wished to. Those piercing, sorrowful eyes, now staring straight up at him. He fought, successfully, the urge to turn away. "Shinji."
"Father." A strange mark of defiance gleamed in his son's eyes. Gendou could see it: the boy was angry at him, angry at the world. Anger hidden well, of course, but regardless. It was here, in the machine next to him, that his mother had been lost. He didn't know it, of course. How could he? He had been so young. But he could sense something was wrong, I could see that, an almost instinctual alarm that pushed him away from the weapon. That, too, was to be expected. The Children, the best ones, were always unnaturally empathetic, emotional. Or at least the. human ones.
Father and son stared at each other for several minutes, while the Major, Katsuragi Misato, stood off to the side, glancing at the two worriedly. She checked her watch. Next to her stood Akagi Ritsuko, checking her clipboard for the Evangelion's readings. She ignored the exchange.
Shinji frowned. "Father, why did you call me?"
"For exactly the reasons that you think."
"Then. you mean I should fight with that thing."
"Correct." He adjusted his glasses, pushing them back onto the bridge of his nose. "I called you because I need you."
"Why me?"
"Because no one else can, now." Neither of them had budged from their spots.
"I." His son looked down at his hands. "I can't do this. I don't know how-"
"Dr. Akagi will brief you on the operations of Eva."
"I can't. It's impossible. Me. against that thing outside?" His son looked back up in anger. "You leave me alone all these years. never even writing. and now you call me back to die?"
"Then leave." Gendou shifted his feet as the base rumbled. The angel was directly above them by now. There wasn't much time left: he would either win or die. There was nothing else.
"What?"
"Leave." He gazed coldly down. "There is no place for weaklings here. or anywhere. If you won't do as I say, then leave. Go back to where you came from."
Misato carefully touched Shinji's shoulder. "Shinji. then why did you come here at all? You knew it couldn't be for anything good, you even told me that. Don't run away now."
"." The boy was silent.
Gendou turned away scornfully. "Leave him, Major. We don't have time to deal with the weak. Sub-commander-" Fuyutsuki Kozo nodded on the screen. "Wake Rei."
"Is she in any condition to fight?"
"She isn't dead."
"Understood." His screen blinked out, only to be immediately replaced with a blue haired girl. A single red eye glanced at him, painfully, the other covered with a soiled bandage. She took a deep breath. In his mind, Gendou applauded the girl. She would not fail him. She would not betray him.
"Rei?"
"Yes."
"The replacement is useless. Again." He watched as understanding flitted across her features. She closed her eyes for a moment.
"Yes."
Down on the catwalk, Ritsuko nodded and turned. "Reconfigure Unit 01's system for the First Children," she ordered. An engineer nodded and began inputting commands into his laptop. She turned a little further and watched as a door smoothly slid open to reveal 4 figures wheeling a 5th in.
Ayanami Rei gasped in pain as the stretcher clumsily hid a wire, causing her to jump. When they arrived, she turned her head to regard the other Children. They stared at each other. Then they looked up as the building shook around them, dislodging pieces of equipment and machinery. Rei yelped in pain as the stretcher overturned, dumping her to the ground. Then Shinji's eyes widened. "Look out!"
Ineffectual against the pillar, he still ran to her and began to pick her up. Gendou frowned. If they both died, they were of no use to him. He began to move, to make a command, to go to action, when something beat him to it. He watched warily as the massive bulk of Evangelion Unit 01 moved its arm to cover the two children, the falling steel girder bouncing harmlessly off the single armored hand. He straightened up again and watched as his son held the injured girl close to him. Then the boy looked up. "I. all I have to do is get into it, right?"
"Yes."
"I." Shinji glanced down at the gasping girl in his arms. "I'll do it." His eyes gleamed once more as he was led away by the scientist. He turned and glanced at his father sadly, then walked into the darkness.
****************************************
Everything went quickly after that, didn't it? All those angels, the return of the Second Child. it was all a blur after that. Shinji ran away. several times, in fact. But he always came back. And whenever he did, I would smile to myself, in the depths of my catacomb of an office. He was progressing nicely. They all were. Rei, Asuka, Shinji. even that boy, Suzahara. they all performed admirably, really.
Suzahara. even now, I regret having used him in such a way. He was a strong boy. suffering all my son had and more. and still he was resolute. In another world, I would've been proud to have my son call him friend. In this one, I merely broke him. Even in the beginning, he was to be a mere vessel, a decoy if you will, to call attention upon himself. It was he who was to be dominated by the angel, he to be possessed and destroyed. My son. Rei. Asuka. their possession would have disrupted everything that was to come. And so I saw him, studied him. and made him an offer he couldn't refuse, at a time he needed it most. His weak spot, his Achilles heel. I noted it immediately. His sister. His daily visits did not go unnoticed, nor his initial aggression toward my son concerning his sibling. And there I struck: what loving brother would pass up the opportunity to give his poor, injured younger sister the greatest medical facilities in the world? Certainly not he. And therein lay his downfall.
Asuka and Rei. so much the opposite sides of the coin, they were. One the fiery, passionate girl, the other cool, distant, untouchable. They were both essential. Rei for her heritage, and Asuka for the effect she would undoubtedly have on my son.
"Become better pilots," indeed. Any idiot can see that putting such a girl with a teenage boy for a prolonged period would lead to more than that. It was so glaringly obvious. He became attached to her almost immediately, for she was everything he was not, everything Rei was not. She filled the void he harbored, and more: she gave him a purpose, a beacon of hope, in his darkest hour. So ironic that at first she despised him. The opposite certainly wasn't true. I even think he loved her; surely, if the boy could ever have come to grips with himself, it would've resulted in something. unexpected, to say the least. Alas, it was not so. In the end, sitting alone and weak and pitiful in his cage, he listened silently to her death screams as she yelled- no, nearly begged- for her shining white knight to come to her rescue. Alas, this, too, was not so, and she died, waiting agonizingly for the boy to come to her, the one time she ever felt she needed him. Perhaps it was the fact that he let her down that enraged the boy, his emotions manifested to such an extent that even the Evangelion moved to aid him. Perhaps it was the fact that he let her down that enraged the boy so, piloting his machine to fight. and inevitably triggering the end of the world as we knew it.
And Rei. Rei was Rei. Ironically, perhaps in the end, she was the most significant player, betraying herself, her forebears, and me for my own son. her soul mate, as it turns out. But that, too, is of little consequence.
I had planned, originally, to implement my plan. But, in the end. it is nothing. Nothing matters anymore, but her. Nothing matters, except that I be with her. To put it lightly, the rest of humanity can go fuck themselves. They're certainly good at it. They can deal with themselves. I have better things to do, now.
Still, though. the Children did well. I can't forget that, their faces when they smiled: they really were just children, and I trampled them in my zealous mission towards a goal I no longer see clearly. But they were strong.
Especially Shinji. my son. I was proud of him, genuinely proud, every time he won, he triumphed. Triumphed over Seele, triumphed over angels. even triumphed over me. He was a man among men, and in the end, it was he and only he that grew to touch the stars. In the end, it was he who won, he who would become a god. Yui would've been so happy. I always wanted to make her happy.
And as I lie here, staring up at the darkness above, I think of my son. Of Rei, of Kaworu, of all those that have come and died before me. I think of her. And her smile. So far gone, now. So far gone. And yet so close. I close my eyes, and I can almost see her looking down at me, hear her call for me to join her. I smile as I raise my injured stub of a hand to the heavens in a salute. And then there is. nothing.