Damn good story going on here! the dialoug heavily reminds me of those guys
in Film Noir films (if that makes any sense?). Anyway, I love this and hope
to see more of it!
----- Original Message -----
From: Krista Perry <kperry@aros.net>
To: <ffml@fanfic.com>
Sent: Monday, April 24, 2000 9:34 PM
Subject: [FFML] [ff][R1/2] Dead Butch, Part 1
:
: Hi all,
:
: I'm posting this for my friend, Michelle Thatcher, who is currently having
some problems posting to the list. C&C can be posted either to the list,
or to her personally at misha@cybergal.com .
:
: I've already given Michelle some C&C on this, but I'd just like to
publicly say that I really like this, and think it's definately worth a
read-through. Enjoy! ^_^
:
: ######################
:
: Here's a new story. I wrote it in a notebook. I hope you like it.
:
: Many thanks to the people who said it was good and I should post it. Also
: really really lots of thanks to Krista for liking it so much and for
: offering to post it for me since my posts haven't been making it to the
list
: lately.
:
: I don't own any of these characters or anything else of value. This is an
: alternate universe where lots of things are different and some things are
: the same. This story will eventually be posted on my webpage with the
: others I've written. It's at www.akane.org/michelle
:
: I think that's it.
:
: ***
:
: Dead Butch part 1
: A Ranma 1/2 fic by Michelle Thatcher
:
: ***
:
: I know I wouldn't be the first to comment on it, but life
: can be a real bitch sometimes.
:
: Okay, not everyone has discovered this fact for themselves
: yet. There are still some starry eyed sixteen-year olds out
: there who believe their lives'll turn out exactly the way they
: plan them. They'll meet a nice girl, they'll fight with her for
: a while, they'll have some other friends to fight with too for a
: couple more years, but eventually they'll marry the girl and
: maybe not fight as much and be happy and definitely *not* get
: themselves or their friends stuck as a girl or a duck or, god
: forbid, a pig for the rest of their lives. They'll have a damn
: house and some damn kids and a damn fairy tale life with their
: family and their friends ... and the girl ... most definitely the
: girl ... 'cause it's only fair, right? It's only fair after
: everything they've done for her.
:
: Of *course* there are stupid kids who still believe stuff
: like that. 'Cause they don't know better, right? They don't
: know that fair is the last thing life owes them. They don't know
: that life *isn't* like a game or a song or a god damn fairy tale.
: Life's still playing with them. It's still stringing them along.
:
: Why?
:
: I dunno. Some sick cosmic joke, maybe? Some philosophical
: childhood? Maybe life knows that if they're happy for a while
: they'll be more miserable later when they lose the fight and lose
: the cure and lose their family and finally ... lose the girl.
:
: Life probably really gets off on pulling that one. It's the
: ultimate bait and switch.
:
: Life is, without a doubt, a grade A bitch.
:
: Now this ain't to say that a guy should just give up.
: Should roll over and die just 'cause life don't turn out the way
: he wants it to. It don't mean you put your tail between your
: legs and limp off to the corner to sulk.
:
: At least not forever.
:
: I mean, why let the bitch win? Why let her defeat you
: completely? That one or the other one. You never let anyone
: else do it, right?
:
: I mean, so what. You're a girl now and you haven't even
: *seen* your mother in eight years, except for that one time on
: that Tokyo street when you just had to know if she was ... and
: you *accidentally* let her see you for a moment, but she couldn't
: remember. She looked at you like maybe she should know who you
: were, but it'd been so long and ...
:
: And you said goodbye to your father six years ago, 'cause
: you just knew you'd have cracked his stupid bald skull wide open
: if you had to see that disgusting defeated look in his eyes
: another minute.
:
: And the last time you saw A- -
:
: - the last time you saw -
:
: ...
:
: Okay, so some things are easier to shrug off than others.
: That's not the point. The point is that you get over it.
: However you can. You change your surroundings and you change
: your hairstyle and maybe your name and you find a place to stay
: and a job where you can make decent money and they don't tell you
: to smile more often and they understand if you sometimes can't
: take it any more and have to disappear into the woods for a
: couple days or weeks or months and you *just* get *on* with your
: *life*.
:
: So there you are. Getting on with your life. And that's
: what you do. All day, every day.
:
: Now I ain't saying it's easy. You make rules for yourself.
: You tell yourself it's gonna get better. You don't let yourself
: think about ... the things that it's too hard to think about. It
: ain't easy. It's *life*
:
: So one day I was on a training trip. There's still nothing
: like a little open space and the art to give a guy some peace of
: mind. I mean, at the risk of sounding like some dumb greeting
: card, even when you *are* all alone in the world and have someone
: else's girl-type body and no hope of ever finding anything like
: true love or even someone who'll *believe* you when you tell them
: why you don't like guys *or* girls, there *are* still things in
: the world that are good, or worth doing, or worth seeing, or
: worth protecting.
:
: So once in a while I go for a little walk. A few days on
: the road to remind myself *why* I still haven't just given up and
: cashed in my chips. A few weeks to maybe find something that
: needs doing. Something to make me feel useful again.
:
: So anyway, one day there I was in the mountains and I just
: found this mostly clean lake and decided to maybe spend a couple
: days here and then outta nowhere, there's Ryouga.
:
: I see Ryouga now and again, usually on the road. So, I go
: over and pick the little porker up by the bandana. "Hey,
: Ryouga," I say "You want some curry?"
:
: These days he's usually happy to see me. I don't know why.
: I mean, it'd seem like he'd blame me for what happened to us, but
: he doesn't. At least, not anymore.
:
: Then again, it's not like either one of us have friends
: enough to throw away. Once childhood ends, especially so
: abruptly, I guess you learn to hold on to whatever friends you
: can find. And then there's the part about learning to let go of
: little hurts and grudges when you learn what real hurt is.
:
: I mean, after all, the pig and I had a lot in common. We'd
: known many of the same people, fought many of the same enemies
: for many of the same causes, and even loved the same girl. And
: it had been the same stupid accident that had taken her away from
: both of us forever. So now, I guess I look out for him whenever
: I can, and worry about him when I know he's out there somewhere,
: walking the earth, maybe in trouble. It's hard to admit it, but
: I'm always pretty relieved to see him; to know he hasn't been
: hurt or eaten or anything. So sometimes we share a pot of rice
: or a cup of tea or something, and sometimes we share a bedroll
: for a couple nights, but eventually I wake up or turn around and
: he's gone.
:
: So now, here we are, just talking (or rather, I'm talking
: and he's making the occasional sickeningly kawaii squeaking
: noise) and sharing a plate of whatever I still got on me to throw
: in the pot and all of a sudden I get the feeling like I'm being
: watched.
:
: I mean, when your life's like mine, you just get that
: feeling sometimes. It's usually right too, so I look around, but
: I can't see anything but trees and rocks and stuff. Not exactly
: comforting, but there's not a whole lot I can do about it. So P-
: chan and I finish eating and I ask him if he wants to join me for
: a swim.
:
: Now, I know what you're thinking. Somebody watching, so
: what does the stupid chick do? She takes her clothes off. Well,
: whatever. Even after all this time I still don't really care who
: sees 'em. I mean, I don't really even think of 'em as real. But
: if I flash 'em around a little, maybe whoever's out there'll get
: brave or distracted or stupid. If he ain't interested in that
: sorta thing, maybe he'll get bored and go away. At least this
: way, though, I'll be getting something useful done instead of
: just sitting by my cook fire and getting smellier. I leave the
: food where it is, pick up my companion, and wade off into the
: lake.
:
: The feeling's gone by the time we get back. So's what's
: left of the food. But the really weird thing is that now all my
: dishes and the pans I carry with me have been washed and dried
: and stacked neatly. Mystery solved, then. Just some poor honest
: shy martial artist type who didn't know what else to do about
: getting a meal for the night. I don't begrudge the poor slob his
: dinner. I mean, I been in that position before myself. Without
: thinking any more about it, I put out my bed roll, make room for
: the pig, and turn in.
:
: ***
:
: Now, I know that sleep is important for relaxing the body
: and resting the spirit and yada yada yada. I got the concept.
: I've never really been very big on sleep, though. Once upon a
: time that was because there was always something important to be
: doing. There was training or fighting or food. You know. Back
: when life was like a martial arts flick, not some damn movie of
: the week.
:
: These days, though, there are other reasons.
:
: I remember what dreams are supposed to be like. I remember
: what they were like when the things at the surface of my
: sub-conscious were friendlier. These days I'm more reluctant
: than ever to lay down for a night's sleep. Most of the time I
: don't even remember my dreams, but I know I have them. Don't
: take a rocket scientist. There's the dreams where you jump
: upright at 2:00 am with sweaty palms and rapid heartbeat.
: There's the dreams that just make you bone weary from scalp to
: toenail. There's the dreams that you know were happy dreams,
: because it's a genuine shock to wake up and get depressed all
: over again when you remember where you are and what's happened to
: you. There's the ones where you wake up and your mouth tastes
: like blood and your throat is so raw that you're surprised the
: neighbors haven't complained. And, my personal favorite, the
: ones you think you almost remember for about five seconds after
: you wake up but even after every image has disappeared from your
: groggy waking mind, you're somehow still afraid you're going to
: spend the rest of the morning bawling like a baby.
:
: This particular morning, it was just a rather dull depressed
: confusion. It took me a moment to figure out where I was. Rock
: in the small of my back, check. Wind on my face, check.
: Commence opening of eyes. Weird pink light in that suspiciously
: east-like direction, check. Something warm under left arm.
: Initiate visual confirmation procedure. Seems to be a small
: black pig, sir. Ryouga. Check.
:
: Right. The training trip, the lake, the mysterious hungry
: person.
:
: And yes, I was still female. The day was 60% shot already.
:
: So there I was with the prospect of another 24 hours of
: living to do.
:
: Goody.
:
: I sit up, rub my eyes, and look around. It was really a
: pretty nice morning. Clear and cool. Nice breeze. Breakfast
: swimming around in that lake somewhere. I talk myself into
: getting up. Piggy's still sleeping, so I leave the bed roll
: where it is, strip, and wander out into the water.
:
: I try to keep my eyes open enough to notice if Ryouga woke
: up, but when I come back to start a fire for all these obliging
: fish, he's gone. Truth to tell, that depresses me a little more.
: Not much I can do about it now, though. If I thought it'd help
: I'd go look for him, but from past experience, there's really no
: point. Dammit.
:
: So I eat breakfast and work out some frustrations and then
: do some meditation for a few hours until I'm hungry again but
: definitely *not* in the mood for more fish.... I pack up my
: stuff and decide to take a walk. Maybe I'll come back tonight
: and maybe I won't.
:
: Around the lake and over a rise and down a canyon I find
: what looks like it might be a small restaurant. Weird place for
: one, but I ain't complaining. The thing about places like this
: is that if they're as isolated as this one there's usually a
: reason and it's usually not 'cause the real estate's cheap if you
: know what I mean. That might be a problem considerin'...
:
: Well, let me put it this way. If I'm lucky, they won't mind
: someone wandering by *just* for lunch. And if I'm even *more*
: lucky, they'll be the kind of establishment that's used to
: catering to a more ... diverse clientele. And then there's the
: other problem. Assuming that legally I have any identity at all,
: which is actually pretty doubtful, until I figure out how to get
: some kind of convincing picture id, it's gonna be pretty tough to
: convince *anybody* that I really am over twenty-one. I mean, I
: ain't exactly a debutante, but even after all this time, I don't
: look a day over fifteen and three quarters. Damn spring. Not
: bad enough I get an involuntary sex change barely outta the
: puberty gate, I also apparently get to look like I belong in the
: cast of Sailor Moon for the rest of my life. Ain't that swell?
:
: Sure I know it'd sound pretty good to some people, but it
: means that for me, getting respected as an adult is sometimes ...
: a contact sport. And then there's the obvious question about
: whether or not this means I could live forever.
:
: God, I hope not!
:
: I mean, I ain't suicidal or nothin', but the thought of
: another 50 years as the pig-tailed girl is bad enough without
: having to spend *eternity* like this. I mean, I know that, say,
: Ryouga's got it worse than me, but still...
:
: Anyway, my suspicions are more or less confirmed when I get
: close enough to see the sign above the entrance. 'Sexy Kunoichi
: Tea Shop' in cheesy neon. Still... I mean, putting aside the
: whole 'I'm really tired of foraging and want a meal' thing, the
: real honest truth is that the thought of getting a look at some
: nice kunoichi ... staff is not entirely without appeal. I mean,
: I'm not secure enough in my bloody sexuality or whatever you want
: to call it to go searching for a girlfriend or anything, but
: frankly, I get something out of just looking sometimes if ya
: really wanna know.
:
: Well, it's worth a shot, right? If it don't work out, I can
: always point myself towards town for a few supplies instead. I
: square my shoulders and head towards the entrance.
:
: ****************************
:
: Any comments and questions are really really welcome. This is very
: different from any story I've written in the past so I'm very interested
in
: finding out what people think. :)
:
: Thanks for reading!
:
:
:
:
:
: Michelle Thatcher misha@cybergal.com
: ------------------------------------------------------------------
:
: Reality-ometer: [\........] Hmmph! Thought so...
:
: ------------------------------------------------------------------
: http://www.akane.org/michelle
:
:
:
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