Hello!
Grayson Towler wrote:
Ranma swallowed. She could hear the clack of her high heels echo
through the room with every step. "Akane... I just want to help Ucchan
out. I owe her this. Pop should be the one helping out, but try
dragging his sorry butt down here to help." She closed her eyes.
"Akane, I... I'm sorry if what I did hurt you. I'll try not to be
so... shameless?"
"Yeah, that's a good word for it," Akane conceded. Ranma could hear
the chuckle in her voice. "'Slutty' comes closer, though. I mean,
have you looked at how high-cut that dress is?"
This part I like. It shows that Ranma is still struggling to adjust,
and probably will be for many years to come. This isn't the sort
of story that should be wrapped up in too neat a package... which
is a problem I have later, actually.
Okay.
He put his fingers up into a 'V' formation. "Ukyou, there are two
things I never joke about. One is money, and the other is love. I
Er... this is Nabiki, right? She does joke about love, and rather
cruelly, during the series. Like when she was pretending to be
Ranma's fiancee.
This is also a different Nabiki. People grow up; Nabiki just did a
pretty good amount of growing up in China, not to mention her handling
of Ranma and Akane before leaving.
As an aside, I'll take this moment to answer your questions about Nabiki
accepting the curse.
1. Nabiki's had a couple of weeks to get used to it.
2. (and this is the big one) To borrow a title from a friend of mine,
Nabiki craves 'Power'. Men have a different sort of power than women do
within this society (as demonstrated by her 'glass ceiling' comment in
the opening). To her, the ability to become a man is a wellspring of
power inaccessible to her before now. In other words, by becoming
Jusenkyo-cursed, she's gained access to a sort of masculine power, while
still having her feminine power a hot shower away. Now, she may decide
one day that she doesn't like it, and gets the cure. But she'd be a
fool not to try this out. And, while you may call Nabiki Tendo many
things, a fool wouldn't be one of them. As for her having trouble
accepting becoming a guy, the previous chapters, notably 9 and 10, show
that Nabiki has done some soul-searching of her own in the past. It
would not be anywhere near as traumatic for her as it would be for, say,
Soun.
Akane nodded slowly, for the first time understanding what she was
seeing: scars - fresh scars - cut deep in Nabiki's mirror-brown eyes.
"What was it like there?"
Just a minor quibble, but if they're fresh, they'd probably be wounds,
not scars. Scars are things which have healed over already.
Hmmm... perhaps.
So... for the moment, she called this room home. She could hide here
for a few hours, wait for Mr. Tendo to grow tired, then... then grab
Akane and go. At least, that sounded about right. The Tendo place was
persona no grata for her - at least, until she was sure Mr. Tendo
didn't have any Jusenkyo water.
I do like the irony of this - with Ranma running around and trying
to escape from the cure she's been so desperately seeking the
entire series. You might even play this up a little more.
Well, this was planned for awhile.
He shrugged uncertainly. "A man, I guess; I certainly don't feel very
feminine right now."
"Really?" Ranma arched an eyebrow. "Well, at the moment, I happen to
feel *very* feminine. Maybe it's just me being in the presence of such
a hunky guy..." She reached up, and kissed him playfully on the cheek.
"Shall we see what this combination brings?"
I know you're going for the feel that love isn't governed by what's
outside but by what's inside (different from your "Iris" approach),
but I still wasn't convinced by the way Ranma approached this.
Even as far as she's gone through this story, for Ranma to say
she's turned on by a "hunky guy" doesn't work for me. I'm more
partial to the "it's still Akane on the inside" approach. After all,
you've made it clear that Ranma isn't attracted to men in spite
of the change. The jump is too sudden for me.
Um... you did read the preceding scene, right?
The reason why Ranma ends up in this situation is because, all of a
sudden, Akane is cursed. Ranma's been there. She knows that she needs
to act IMMEDIATELY, before Akane does herself some serious psychological
damage. Ranma has to make it so that Akane has a chance to look at her
male form objectively, without the biases of seventeen years of life as
a woman. The only way for her to do that is to show that she accepts
Akane as a man WITHOUT RESERVATION. Even then, she takes some time to
question, as much as she dares, before showing her acceptance with a
kiss, at which point she does give the 'it's Akane on the inside'
conclusion. Urgency is the feel of most of that scene, as Ranma fires
orders at Ukyou, then at Akane, in an effort to save Akane from a lot of
hurt.
This scene, with its 'hunky guy' statement, is several hours after -
three, to be precise. They're together. The situation has relaxed;
Akane, with some help from Ranma, has gotten accustomed to being a man.
The operative word, given above, is 'playfully'. Couples play together;
they toss little words and sweet nothings and private jokes at each
other, and occasionally play roles they normally wouldn't. Just because
Ranma calls Akane a 'hunky guy' does not mean that Ranma's going to go
chasing after Kunou or Ryouga. It's 'play'; I even go so far as to
describe Ranma's actions as such. The scene shouldn't be treated like
angst central.
"Um... guys? Are you about done in there?" Ukyou's voice echoed from
behind the door. "I mean, it's been three hours!"
"Aargh!" screamed Ukyou. "If only I'd known that Ranma was more
attracted to boys, I could have settled this fiancee question a long
time ago! Damn it all!"
Nabiki gave Akane a dead stare. "Akane, I'm cursed. Moreover, I plan
to keep my curse. Trust me, I won't call you a pervert."
Akane licked her lips nervously. "Well... okay." She crossed her
arms over her chest, trying to shield herself as much as she could.
--
The fidgeting stopped. "It was a rush! I mean, I'm pretty strong
when I'm myself, but when I changed... I was a monster! Part of me
wanted to go rush off and fight Ryouga, just to see how strong I was."
She shook her head; her eyes glittered with amazement. "I... it was
like a part of me that had been held back was let free. I didn't have
to be demure, I didn't have to be polite... I could be me - the real
me." She looked down. "And... I want to be free again like that -
whenever I want to be."
I've enjoyed this series up to this point - it started out very fresh
and interesting, and along the way had more hits than misses
overall (within the context of Leifker-style writing, where certain
allowances must be made), but I am sorry to say that this part
didn't work for me at all.
It's too easy for Akane. Ranma has been struggling through all
manner of torture, not only for the length of this tale but (according
to the premise of "Clothes") the entire original series. You've done
a fine job of putting Ranma through the psychological wringer and
illustrating the path by which he became, inside as well as out,
more of a she.
And now here comes Akane, and in the course of one evening
she breezes through the same kind of metamorphosis. Nabiki,
for that matter, has adjusted rather quickly as well.
One might interpret this as being profoundly sexist, though I
doubt you meant it that way. Nonetheless, it would not be hard
to read this as follows: for a man to want to be a woman is a
big challenge, but it's much easier for a woman to want to be
a man. Even if you don't intend to give such a message, the
way you have written this ending suggests it very strongly. Look
at her reasoning here - "I'm bigger and stronger! It feels better!"
She and Nabiki both are gassed on the idea of more freedom.
The message? "It sucks to be a woman, being a man is so
much better." Do you see what I'm trying to point out here?
I know perfectly well that it's not what you're trying to say. But
think about it.
You're assuming that one argument totally refutes the other - a hasty
conclusion at best. Moreover, the conclusion does a remarkable job of
ignoring everything Akane's been through in the previous eleven
chapters.
A synthesis: Gender is a limiting factor. It forces behavioral
strictures on us, causing us to limit the way we express ourselves. By
breaking beyond gender, a person discovers a greater degree of freedom -
and, ultimately, a greater amount of happiness.
I assure you, I've thought about it. I've considered just about every
bit in here several times over - with the possible exception of Nabiki
asking Ukyou out (the last addition to this work). ^_^
As for Akane getting off easily, see below.
And frankly, even setting that aside, it just seems cheap. Why
does Akane get off so easily? How can we jump so quickly into
a happily-ever-after? It diminishes the struggle that Ranma
endured by having Akane come through it all so easily, so
quickly. I really think it undermines everything you were trying
to achieve with the rest of this story.
Akane doesn't get off easy. She possibly gets off easier than Ranma,
largely because of Ranma's influence; however, she doesn't get off easy
- nowhere near.
How often did she question becoming a lesbian in the earlier chapters?
Akane gets off easier in terms of changing into a man for one simple
reason: She took a similar course in angsting. While Ranma explored
gender directly, Akane was taking a similar course - sexuality. She
questioned who she was at a profoundly deep level - and found the
answers she was looking for by accepting that she could love a woman.
In other words, she went beyond the rules that she felt society had
imposed on her, and broke those barriers that kept her mentally from
accepting that she could love a woman. Ranma's actions in Ukyou's room
distracted her (well, him at that moment) from being overwhelmed by
similar barriers, allowing him to view more objectively what changes had
occurred to him.
Going on, she still has some doubts. In the last scene before the
epilogue (in other words, once she's had time to view all the events
objectively), she voices a few of them to Kasumi and Soun. But, at the
same time, she also has come to the conclusion that, in order for her to
be a more complete person, she needs to explore this side of herself
released when she becomes a man.
I'm sorry. That's very harsh. But this is not the sort of ending
I would have liked to see for what is otherwise a very good story.
Quite all right. I do hope you don't mind if my responses are equally
harsh?
Soun continued, unheeding. "Nabiki, we needed Ranma back, as he was,
without these beliefs that he was a girl. The more time he and Akane
spent in a... in a relationship like that -"
"A lesbian relationship, Daddy." Nabiki spoke evenly. "Call it what
it is."
"- the worse off they would be." Father took a sip of his tea.
"Besides, Ranma - the old Ranma - would have wanted it that way."
I can live with this interpretation of Soun, though I don't necessarily
like it. Homophobia pulls weird strings in people, I'll grant you that
without reservation. But this IS the same man who was willing to
hold a marraige ceremony between Ranma and a duck. He seems
rather flexible in that way.
But that was still a male Ranma. A guy who could carry on the school
was still part of the package deal.
Also, I would suggest playing up his guilt. After all, Soun goes to
pieces if someone else hurts one of his daughters. If he was the
one who actually caused the harm... he'd probably flip.
- - - -
Well, I thank you for the ride up to this stage, though I guess it's
clear I don't like the ending very much. Nonetheless, I look forward
to reading your next project, whatever that may be.
Grayson Towler
http://www.rigroup.com/~grayson/relentless
Well.
Like I said, I had doubts about this last chapter. The reason why was
because the *feel* of it was different, overall. We actually tried to
inject some humor into this - not a comic amount, like "Girl Days", but
just a few typical humorous comments like you'd find in day-to-day
life. The Ranma cast develop a bit of a sense of humor in this one. A
lot of people loved it; a few, though, were thrown off-guard, resulting
in misunderstandings (such as the 'hunky guy' bit, above).
Fact is, we wanted an ending that people could smile at. If we had the
cast in full-angst mode for the end like we did in a couple of chapters
here, it wouldn't have been as effective. While life is about difficult
happenings (and we give some of that struggle here), it is also about
love and laughter and happiness. In other words, we tried to balance
the scales a little. For most people, that worked; for a few, it
didn't.
Anyway, thanks for your comments. Nothing quite like a bit of
controversy to spice up a Monday evening...
-- Nick