HARD TO SAY GOODBYE
~By Kayu-chan~
k-chan@rocketmail.com
http://www.yasha.fsnet.co.uk/hard.html
*Ranma 1/2 belongs to the ingenious of Rumiko Takahashi and
company. I own nothing on these characters or their unusual
situations. Ranma 1/2 characters used without permission or profit.*
~Be warned, this will be a sorrowful fic but as for a bitter end?
You'll just have to wait to find out... ^_~
~I strongly recommend reading the previous chapters. It will be
pretty confusing otherwise. Check it out on my website or e-mail me
for details.~
~I really, really, really don't mind comments and/or criticisms both
public and private, short and long. If I did, I'd not only be
ungrateful but I wouldn't post to the FFML, either. What's the point
if you don't want honest replies? So, c'mon... anything! I ain't too
proud to beg for it! I'm desperate, I really am, and would really
_love_ any feedback! ~^o^~
Chapter 17: Wrong, Try Again
Summer sun filtered through the curtains and warmed the room.
A little girl sat at the table, scribbling in a notebook, her dark
locks falling around her. Across the table,a young woman was sewing
a button onto a skirt, occasionally casting glances at the girl. The
girl watched the woman back and noticed that her skin seemed pale
against her bright red dress.
"Mommy?" the girl asked, scribbling, yet staring at the woman.
"Yes, dear?" the woman answered, her eyes half-lidded and
weary as she inserted more thread through the needle.
"Are you okay?" The girl stopped drawing, studying her mother
further. "You don't look good."
The woman's hand jerked and she winced as the needle pricked
her skin. She looked back at her daughter, whose intense, dark eyes
had always been unnerving.
"Of course." The mother reached into a nearby box and pulled
out a small plaster, her hands shaking slightly. "What a silly
question to ask."
"Good." The girl grinned, and continued to draw. She finished
her picture and held it up for her mother to see. "'Cause, see
this... that's me an' you playing in the park, like we did on
Saturday."
The mother took the picture and smiled. "It's beautiful. My
little girl's really talented."
"I don't want you to go far away like my friend's mom did,
otherwise we can't play no more." The girl's smile faded away when
she saw her mother's expression change. "Mommy, why are you
crying?"
"I just have something in my eye, that's all." The mother's
voice trembled and she grasped at the picture, nearly tearing it.
After a moment of silence, she put the picture down and grasped her
daughter's hands. "How about we go to the park more often?"
"Are you sure you're okay, Mommy?"
"Yes, dear, yes, I'm fine."
* * * *
Akane sighed as she took a bite of her roll, enjoying the heat
of the bread in the frigid air of the school grounds. She looked at
her friends beside her, who were all happily tucking into their
lunches as well. Only thing was, she wasn't as happy as them.
A breeze stirred through the grounds, and shivers crawled up
her skin. The breeze was silent, with all the chattering of the
various students gathered on the grassy hill overpowering it. For
some reason, a few of the students had decided to sit outside in
the cold. Maybe there was going to be a match she hadn't heard
about.
She took a glance over at Ranma and his group of friends,
recalling how only a day before, things had been more relaxed
between him and her. She missed that. For some reason, the tension
between them had increased again. Maybe it was the way he had looked
at her just before Nabiki had interrupted. His eyes had seemed to be
so focused on her, so intense that, even now, she just couldn't
forget about it.
As Ranma's gaze turned her way, she flicked her eyes over to a
random area of Furinkan and studied it intently. After all, if he
saw her looking at him, then who knows what he'd think.
"Hey, Akane," Yuka's voice interrupted her thoughts, and she
flicked her gaze back to her friends. Why were they grinning like
that, as if there was some inside joke she didn't get?
"Mmm, yeah?"
"If you're not too busy pretending not to look at Ranma,"
Sayuri said, smirking, "could you answer a question for us?"
Akane tried to suppress a blush, but failed miserably. "I was
not looking at that jerk!"
Sayuri ignored Akane's protest and asked, "We were just
wondering, is Nabiki okay?"
"Huh? What do you mean?" Akane was bemused. Her sister went
back to school yesterday. If they were curious, why didn't they just
ask Nabiki?
"Apparently she was acting weird yesterday and walked out in
the middle of class." Sayuri stopped talking and took another bite
of a pie, letting out a pleasurable sigh. "Plus, she turned down
money."
"Walked out of class?" Akane repeated, surprised and confused.
"She did? Why?"
Yuka's grey eyes widened. "Umm, we thought you'd know.... You
don't know?" Akane shook her head. "Oh. Anyway, what do you two
think about that new girl in our class?"
"Yeah, Rin, isn't it?" Sayuri said. "I hear she likes...."
Akane's attention drifted away from the conversation as she spotted
a familiar girl wandering aimlessly around the school grounds, as
though she was perpetually lost. Oh, Umi.
Umi was the girl she walked with to the hospital to see, oh
gods, Kuno, how could she forget? Even though he wasn't exactly one
of her favourite people, she still had known him for a long time.
And here she'd just been thinking about her petty problems.
"Hey, Sayuri, Yuka, I have to go speak to someone." Akane
stood up, bento in hand, her eyes on Umi. "See you in class."
"Yeah, sure, Akane. See ya!"
"Bye! So, Sayuri, what about...."
Akane walked over to the shy girl, whose slumped demeanour
cried out loneliness. A sharp breeze flew in Akane's face and she
shivered, regretting not having a scarf.
"Hi, Umi," she said, coming close to the other girl. She tried
on her best smile, despite the fear of what might have happened in
the hospital. Akane didn't know what had, as she'd just walked Umi
to the hospital door and left. "How are you?"
The girl looked up at her and Akane studied her features for
signs of sadness. Luckily, Umi was smiling.
"I'm great," Umi said, looking like she meant it, and the fear
faded from Akane's heart. "Thank you."
"That's good to hear." Akane smiled widely. She decided to
stay there till the end of lunchtime and keep Umi company. The girl
didn't seem to have any friends to talk with.
After a few minutes of awkward silence, Umi piped up, "I saw
Nabiki at the hospital."
"Really?" Akane asked. What was going on with her sister these
days? "Why was she there?"
"Why?" Umi's face paled and her brow knotted with worry. "I,
uh, I don't know. Just bumped into her when I was there. Just, just,
I... chatted with her. Yes! About nothing, we talked about nothing
and then I left the hospital and that's all that happened."
"Okay," Akane replied after a little while, realising that
that had been Umi's attempt at a lie. She frowned as she thought
more about Nabiki's strange behaviour recently, and Kasumi's
secrecy... what was she hiding?
* * * *
The delicious aroma of the sizzling fish did little to soothe
Akane's nerves as she entered the kitchen. She saw Kasumi chopping
up vegetables as steam floated around the room. It had been a long
afternoon at school, thinking about Nabiki, thinking about what
could be wrong with her, and coming up with some disturbing
conclusions. Now, she had to confront her sisters.
"Hello, Kasumi,"she murmured, barely able to work up the
enthusiasm for anything more.
Kasumi turned to greet her with a smile. "Hello, Akane. How
was school?"
"It-it was fine." Akane clutched her satchel so tightly that
her knuckles were going white, and her body locked up with tension.
"Sister?" Kasumi stared at her, obviously noticing that
something was wrong.
"Say, Sis," Akane said, pausing for a choked breath, "how's
Nabiki after her night out at-"
"Oh, she-"
"-the hospital," Akane finished.
Kasumi gaped at her, at first shocked, and then Akane could've
sworn that she looked relieved for a moment, but only a moment. "How
did you know?"
"Umi, the girl from this morning, told me." Akane tried to
hold onto a relatively calm demeanour, the disturbing conclusions
she'd made still weighed heavy in her mind. Kasumi's reaction only
made the conclusions seem more likely. "So, where's Nabiki?"
"Upstairs, but she's-"
"No more excuses," Akane said, trying to act strong despite
the desperate emotions that screamed at her to ask Kasumi what the
truth was, no matter the consequences. "This is something I have to
hear from Nabiki." She marched out of the kitchen, leaving Kasumi
with burning fish.
* * * *
Akane knocked on Nabiki's bedroom door, only to receive a
mumbling in reply. Taking that as an invitation, she opened the
door, letting it swing back. The click as it hit the latch reminded
her that she couldn't go back. Akane saw Nabiki lying in bed and her
heart sunk further. She tried to not to notice how tired and weary
her sister looked as she sat up in bed. With messy hair, shadows
under her eyes, and a body that looked as if it could barely hold an
upright position... oh no, it looked like Akane's
fears were being confirmed more every second.
"Yeah, 'kane?" Nabiki asked, her eyes half-lidded. "Whassup?"
"I have to ask you something." Akane's voice was low and
steady. She couldn't believe how calm she sounded.
"Couldn't it...." Nabiki stopped talking to yawn. "Couldn't it
wait 'nother hour or two? I need summore sleep."
"I know you do," Akane said after a moment of hesitation,
gulping in trepidation. "I know why, as well."
Nabiki's bleary eyes jerked away and her body stiffened.
"What?"
Akane grimaced, moaning inwardly as certain fears came ever
closer to being true. Why was Nabiki doing this to her? Didn't she
see that Akane needed to be told that there was nothing wrong, she
was just being silly? Why couldn't Nabiki see that she needed that?
"Hey, Akane, speak. What is it you know?"
The trepidation in Nabiki's eyes as she finally looked at
Akane, again, made Akane glad that she wasn't standing close to her.
If she was, Akane could probably see her own anxiety reflected in
her older sister's eyes. Oh, gods, she just couldn't stop thinking
about how Nabiki looked when she first stepped in here. That picture
had brought back to Akane a long-suppressed flash of an older
woman, a familiar one, lying in a bed, looking all too pale and not
moving when she called her, when Dad and everyone else called her.
She was just so thankful that, today, Nabiki had moved when she
entered.
"Oh, dear sister?" Impatience seized Nabiki's voice and
expression. "If you're gonna hang around, would you take my desk
chair and just sit? You look so fragile, I could breathe on you and
you'd fall over."
Blushing, Akane took the advice and sat down, crossing her
arms over. Her hand skimmed along a bare arm, the fingertips
brushing over the fine hair prickling with nervousness. Her heart
felt so heavy in her chest, it hurt. No, she didn't want to ask
this, but she did.
"I've figured it out, Sis," Akane started, trying to keep her
voice from breaking. "Why you are acting all strange, why Kasumi
won't talk about that time you came home early from the hospital and
didn't speak to anyone, why you looked so sad at school... I...."
Her breath hitched. This time, she was the one who looked away,
wanting to avoid a curious gaze. "In a strange way, I can even
understand now why you seem to hate Mom for what she did, for her
betrayal."
"Oh. Really."
Even though Akane wasn't looking at her sister's face, she
could tell through Nabiki's voice what she thought of Akane's last
comment. The tone of voice seemed so smoky: dark, vague, with a
seeping bitterness that was painful to listen to. Akane bit
down her sour reply to Nabiki's anger over Mom. 'Yeah, Nabiki, like
you can really talk!'
No, Akane thought, this isn't the time to lose my temper, it
will only make things worse. For once, seeing someone normally so
unflappable being so terrible at hiding their anger, made her
realise how ugly it was. A bad temper didn't suit her older sister,
and she didn't want it to suit her anymore, not after what she saw
what hers did to Kasumi. This time, she needed to stay cool. This
time, she had to try to achieve something practically impossible...
otherwise she'd go insane with not knowing.
"Why didn't you just tell me?" Akane said, her hoarse throat
lodged with bitter shards. "Why did you and Kasumi keep this secret
from me? I was gonna find out sooner or later, anyway."
"You were?"
Akane stared in wonder, the stupid question gnawing at her
sanity, biting and burning her heart. How could she not know? Was
Nabiki gonna end up like Mom, hiding it, and one day soon just not
be... just....
"Of course I'd know!" Akane lost her temper with those
thoughtless words of her sister's, with her own stinging thoughts,
and threw it across the room with a shriek. Standing up straight,
she shouted, "What do you take me for? Some sort of blind idiot?!
I'm only one year younger than you, so don't treat me like it's more
than that!"
"Whoa, Akane, slow down here." Nabiki's voice was too quiet
against the turmoil raging in Akane for her to pay much attention to
it. Did Nabiki think she could calm her down, reel her in like a
wild horse, and make her stop feeling so damn out of control and-
Akane stopped suddenly. Look at her. Promising to not get
angry, and the next minute flying into a rage... but she just wanted
to shout, or cry, or scream, or do anything else that would prevent
her from dealing with this. No, why should she deal? She'd been
through this, already, lost someone this way, and she didn't see why
it should happen, again! It just wasn't fair!
"As you know, Akane, life is full of unfairness." Akane's
silence seemed to give away her shock as Nabiki continued: "You were
thinking aloud."
"Oh," Akane said, a blush creeping up her cheeks. "Oh." The
anger dropped from her system and her temper scuttled back from
where she'd thrown it.
A chuckle emanated from Nabiki's throat and Akane turned to
look at her again. What the sixteen-year-old saw puzzled her. Akane
realised that her slip-up was funny, but this was still a serious
situation. So, why did Nabiki look so relieved? Ready to burst
into laughter? Had the illness sent her insane?
"I get it now," Nabiki said, her voice uneven with choked back
laughter. "Oh, man, Akane, you poor thing. Oh, man... I should've
seen this coming."
"What? Sorry?" Akane said, totally lost.
"Don't be," Nabiki replied, a grin sparking on her face. "It's
me who should be sorry." She stopped chuckling and a different sort
of smile took over her face, a softer smile, before disappearing.
"Akane. I'm not dying, I swear."
Akane kept her tense stance. She didn't know how to react to
that denial. Relief wanted to flood her body, but she held it back
with doubts over whether her sister's word was trustworthy.
"Sis." Nabiki levelled a serious stare at her. "Y'know, if I
was dying of some horrible disease, I wouldn't nobly brave it out
without telling anyone." Her lips curved into a mischievous grin.
"Too much like hard work."
Well, Akane cocked her head to the side, that was true. When
she really thought about it, Nabiki never did strike her as the type
of person who would suffer illness in silence. She'd make sure
everyone knew and helped her out.... Yeah, that was more like
Nabiki.
Akane was too tired to attempt much of a smile, but tried
anyway. After all, it wasn't every day someone stopped the sky from
crashing down on her.
"If I ever do fall deathly ill, Akane, you'll be the first to
know, I promise."
Akane laughed a little at that comment, laughed a little at
this whole mad situation. "Oh, you're too kind, Sis, really."
"Since I'm such a kind soul, can I get some sleep, now?"
Nabiki kept her tone light, but accented a yawn for dramatic effect.
"I really am tired."
"Yeah, sure." Akane smiled, her eyes still sparkling with
relief. "Thanks for the truth, Nabiki."
* * * *
"And that's all for today, class," the teacher announced just
as the school bell rang.
Nabiki breathed a sigh of relief. School school school.For
her, these past few days had just been full of lessons and homework
and more lessons. Catching up on all the work she'd missed had
turned her life into one long book-reading session. Add to that, she
couldn't stop worrying about how a certain someone was doing, and
had decided to waste much-needed study time to go and check up on
him, tonight.
Oh yeah, life was just one big ball of fun. She shouldn't have
come back to this place, designed merely for inflicting torture and
great suffering on teenagers. That was why she had to make the day
interesting. And fast.
The breezed chilled her skin, and she blinked away the dust in
her eyes, wondering how she'd managed to get from the class to the
exit without realising. Eyeing her surroundings, she looked for
anything that might be suitable for interference. Crowds of kids
sauntered down the unmarked path to the gate and a few stragglers
diverged from the stream for one reason for another. One of them, a
girl shuffling her feet and walking in an almost zig-zag line,
caught Nabiki's eye.
Aha, Umi. Yeah, there was something very particular Nabiki had
wanted to ask her. Smiling slightly, she strode over to the shy
girl.
"Hello, Umi," she said. "Can I ask you something?"
The girl stopped and jerked around, pale-faced, to look up at
Nabiki. Umi held schoolbooks close to her chest, as though she were
afraid of someone stealing them.
"Uh, hi, Nabiki, sorry, I have to go." Umi ducked her head
away, and dived into the throng of students.
Nabiki decided not to follow her and just stood still for a
moment, surprised. Soon after, a sly smile slipped onto her lips.
Whatever it was a squeaky-clean girl like Umi was hiding, she was
going to find out, and have fun in doing so.
* * * *
Everyday, he detested hospitals more and more. Yet, here he
was, trapped in such a place.
Lying weak in bed, drugs fed to his veins, pain had tied
itself irrevocably to his body. Needles jab his skin and medical
tests let doctors think they can help him. That was what made up his
days and nights, that was what always would, he felt. He was meant
to die in battle, or of old age. Not like this, but what other
choice is there? He could pretend this to be a means of gaining much
needed honour back, but that would be only a lie.
No mirror was needed to show him his wasted body, he was aware
of it every second of consciousness. The muscles ached against his
bone, fingers of agony clutched his brain as his stomach churned,
pain lashed out in time with the ragged rise and fall of his chest.
Once, he could swing around a piece of wood and slice through a
brick wall. Now, he couldn't even reach a hand to touch the metal
rail at the bed's edge.
His life, what was left of it, was composed of bones and skin
and pain and not much more. He wished she was here, but glad that
she wasn't. This life of his was not for her to see nor to share.
He faintly recalled those tears of hers, the look of shock and
betrayal on her face, the knowledge that she might just care what
happened to him, the knowledge that she might not. Oh, it was a
faint recollection, but would always be remembered. Whatever reasons
she may have had to visit last time were not worth the risk of
sharing a torment that would never stop haunting him. If he could
keep her away, perhaps he could save her or perhaps it was too late
for that.
No, the only person for whom it was too late was his own self.
It was too late for him the day he was born. The doctors were going
to send in someone to convince him life was worth living when he was
well enough to talk back and take part in serious conversation. That
plan of theirs will not prosper. When he did gain full control of
his limbs, when the eyes that don't trust him to even breathe
finally look away, that was when he would try again to end this. And
this time, he would make sure to succeed.
"Mr. Kuno," a voice interrupted his thoughts softly, and he
recognised who it was - Nurse Kamishiro. She had a voice as soft as
the erfume she always wore, a strong but smooth fragrance of flowers
and fresh air. The perfume took away the dry aroma of the hospital;
she was one of the few blessings of this dull, clinical place.
"There's a visitor for you.... It's her."
He nodded in affirmation, a slight wave of nausea overcoming
him. Would it always be this way? Forever fragile and ineffectual?
Nabiki was once unwell and pale. She recovered, but, then again, she
had and still has more strength.
"Do you want to see her?"
He shifted his gaze towards the nurse's voice, wondering if
she could see the conflict in his face. Her stark blue eyes seemed
troubled, too, but then she might always appear troubled working in
a place such as this.
Nabiki's eyes were dark, but in a more literal sense. Would it
really be that terrible to see her for a few minutes, for the last
time? Just to convince her to stay away, to make sure she never
would shed tears over him, again, if she really ever did?
"Yes," he replied, a throat dry with neglect. "Yes." As the
nurse walked away, his heart seemed to jump with anticipation. For a
change, his mind was heady and light because of something other than
drugs and sickness. It had been too long since he last saw her, two
nights and three days too long.... No, this anticipation would not
do. This was not something to be joyous for.
Measured footsteps signal her entrance and he turned to see
her, ready to say why she should leave. Catching sight of her, the
words died in his throat. He so wished to say those words he'd been
practising silently all day, but something stopped him. Nothing had
changed about her, but he uttered no words all the same, watching as
she walked over to the shuttered window and opened the blinds. He
studied her reflection in the glass as she gazed at the darkness
outside with distant eyes and a thin smile. Pressing a hand against
the window, she stared out to the rain-smudged view of the world
beyond.
In the relative silence, only the hush of the rain penetrated
the sound of his heart's endless beating. What was it she
contemplated? Why would she not look upon him?
Suddenly, she circled around and strode towards the end of the
bed, still wearing the same expression. Gripping the rail, nails
tapping against the metal, she fixed a harder stare at him.
"So, why?" she said in a low voice.
"Why what?"
"Oh, please." Her voice remained low and even, eyes darkening.
Hands unclasping from the rail, she drew closer and closer to him.
His heartbeat quickened. "You'd obviously been planning it a long
time.... What made you snap?"
Gasping sharply, he averted his gaze, desperately trying to
think of a way to divert this line of questioning. No, this was not
the way it was supposed to happen! He didn't want to converse about
anything in his past, he just wanted her to stay-no, leave! Leave!
She didn't belong here, so why was she trying to find out more? Why
was she doing this?
"You can look away, but I'll still be here." Her voice
reverberated around the room.
Summoning up courage he did not know existed, he faced her and
tried to match the intensity of her stare. She didn't flinch, didn't
seem surprised, as he asked, "Why?"
She started to speak again but he interrupted, somehow having
found the will to say what needed to be said. "Whatever your reasons
may be, I have no desire to know what they are." This time, she
flinched; this time, she seemed surprised. "I do not care for your
company anymore. If you would please leave...."
An unreadable expression sparked on her face and a tight
smile formed. "Fine." Without another word, she left.
Doubts crept into his psyche. Was it right to say those words
to her? He had no desire to see her feelings hurt. The reason for
those lies was to save her from untoward suffering. Yet, had he? Her
exit seemed strange, tense, not at all what had been expected. Had
he missed something? She couldn't possibly care, could she?
A female nurse entered the room, but he closed his eyes,
trying to stave off disturbing images. Visions came forth of Nabiki
walking away from the hospital, the wind whipping strands of hair in
her face and the cold chilling her fingers... and perhaps even
crying because of him, because he claimed to not to care for her.
Why should she care? Why would she be crying? No, no, those
images did not portray reality, they only existed in an over-active
imagination. She wouldn't cry; he was one with tearful eyes,
wondering how he managed to say those words. She was too kind to
leave of her own free will, but he had inflicted too much distress
already upon those who deserved better and-
Gods, he missed her already.
"Is something the matter?" the nurse asked, interrupting an
intense study of all the machines around him. For a few seconds,
those contraptions beeped, hissed and hummed so much more loudly
than normal, trying to fill the quiet.
"Nothing of importance," he finally answered, blinking away
any stray tears. Some silence followed, as the nurse continued
examining the dreaded machines keeping him alive. She glanced back
at him one more time before leaving.
His eyes travel to the window, to the hazy view of the lights
outside. Some lights neon, some yellow, some barely there, the
softened picture of the city had a beauty it lacked in the daytime.
If he tried hard enough, he would be able to hear the hush and buzz
of the city at night. At that moment in time, people were laughing
and screaming, crying and smiling, experiencing the wide range of
emotions and experiences that composed life. The city carried on
without him, and would continue to no matter whether he lived or
died.
Thoughts flickered on the notion of throwing away this
emotional baggage of his to join in the buzz of day and night-life.
He wanted to forget his past and identity, and to become like one of
those people out there whose world had not collapsed.
Suddenly, he imagined his sister enjoying that desired life,
in her own half-insane way. Suddenly, that chance at a better life
was again out of reach.
"If only," he sighed, not wishing to verbalise what he knew
ended that sentence.
"If only what?"
Huh? Who would that be? His head jerked in shock as the
voice's identity crashed into his mind. His eyes confirmed what his
ears had refused to believe.
She sat nearby, sipping from a white cup, the strong smell of
caffeine wafting over the room. Her face showed no sign of tears,
sadness, nor anger. "Oh, sorry I was gone so long. That stupid
coffee machine outside was acting up."
"Nabiki...? What... what are-" He could barely manage a reply
to this strange twist.
She mouthed an 'oh' as comprehension of his confusion sparkled
in her eyes. "No, I just left for a drink. I've had a long day...."
Closing her eyes for a moment, she took a long sip of coffee. Her
eyes opened, a little more alert than before, and threw a pointed
stare in his direction. "It's a pity not all problems can be solved
with a few coins in a machine. It's also a pity you thought I'd fall
for that stunt. Sure, it was noble and all, like last time, trying
to keep everyone at a distance." Forming a smile wrenched from a
distant recollection of happiness, bitterness crept into her voice
as she finished speaking,
He recognised the mangled smile, the sudden anger in her eyes,
having seen such an expression in a mirror. Both eyes and lips
trying to conceal the truth, and coming off the worse for it.
Perhaps he should stop trying to hide behind a mask and lies. Would
that make her see that she shouldn't be here?
"For once, you are wrong." The words slipped easily from his
mouth, and he could almost taste the refreshing tone of honesty.
"That last time, I cared nothing for keeping everyone at a
distance."
"Oh?" The contorted smile still hadn't faded entirely from her
face. Did she know that her emotions lay so bare?
"Just you," he said.
The words hung in the air, and so did her lack of reaction.
She said nothing, and did nothing except continue to watch him.
"All I could think of was to distance you, to hope you didn't
already care and would never grow to feel that way. I didn't want to
take the small chance that you might." The truth felt so freeing,
that even though he knew it couldn't really be happening, his
breathing grew less ragged and his throat, less constricted. He had
to go on, to ensure the point was made absolutely clear. "Every time
I saw you, the temptation to tell you the truth grew stronger."
Her smile twitched and her face fell back into a neutral
expression. "I'll make sure to try harder this time."
"I never wanted to see you hurt."
She stood up and placed a hand on the edge of the bed,
leaning forward toward him. "I know what you're up to, so don't go
thinking you'll get away with it." Her intense eyes were on his, but
he looked away, concentrating on how her hair seemed longer than
before, with a softer, wilder edge to it. Concentrating deeply,
letting the silence hush the tension, he locked eyes with her. What
he saw brought realisation of just how little attention he'd really
been paying. Her stare held no anger, just a determination to make
sure her point had gotten across.
"I still wish you no harm, Nabiki," he said in a fierce
whisper.
She started to say something, but instead drew away, arms
folded, refusing to make any eye contact. Her eyes travelled to the
silent clock on the wall, a bland mixture of black and white. "Yeah,
it's time to go." Forever passed by but she did not move, staring
up at that clock.
"Is there something that bothers you?" he asked, his whispers
skimming across the white walls.
"Heh." She smirked to herself, leaving him even more confused.
The smirk soon faded, to be replaced by a thoughtful, sober stare
directed at him. "I've gotta go now, but...." She moved away,
widening the distance between them. Turning towards the door, she
flashed a smile and said, "Take care, will ya?"
Somehow, the day passed a little faster for him after that.
* * * *
Yesterday's conversation with Kuno had left Nabiki with too
many uneasy thoughts, all conflicting, all annoying. This was the
one good thing about school, she mused, it let you escape those
thoughts and think about something else, even if it were only a few
dull equations. After the revelation from yesterday, she needed
something to do....
The school bell shrieked through the classroom, and she
slapped her books shut. For once, she wished that school could go on
for longer. Now, she had to walk home alone, and there was nothing
to occupy her thoughts but him. No teacher droning on about the
economic stability of some industrial country, no book to stare at
till her eyes hurt, no-one to....
Oh, yeah. Nabiki grinned. She did have something to do.
"Umi?"
The girl ignored the call and shoved books into her bag, not
bothering to close it as she ran out of the classroom. The bag
flapped as she walked, making it easy for Nabiki to spot her among
the crowd. Gathering her books in one hand, Nabiki followed Umi out
of the school building. She fell into step with Umi, and ignored the
cold air on her skin.
"You can't keep running," Nabiki whispered. She eyed the
crowds as they began to disperse outside the school gates. Umi also
seemed to be watching the other school pupils, staring at them as if
she were losing her only protection. Protection against what? "I
have no clue why you're avoiding me, but you can't do it forever."
Umi suddenly stopped walking. For a moment, her eyes closed.
When they opened, Nabiki found herself the target of a piercing
stare. She blinked, but the stare was still there.
"Just leave me alone." A breeze whipped strands of hair in her
face, but Umi seemed to ignore them, her cheeks flushing. Chattering
teeth, though, ruined the fiery effect of her words and expression.
"Why?" Nabiki said, with an eyebrow raised in bemusement.
"Because.... don't you know? Because...." Taking in a deep
breath, Umi folded her arms and shivered. She opened her mouth again
to speak, her lips moved but nothing came out. She kept closing her
mouth and shaking her head, every time appearing to start to speak
again, only to cut herself off.
Nabiki continued to watch Umi search for whatever words she
couldn't find. Locks of her hair also started to fly in Nabiki's
face, but she just tucked them behind her ear. How long was she
going to let this ridiculous situation continue? Would Umi go on
like that forever?
"Hey. Umi." Nabiki stared straight at the girl. "Just tell me
why you asked me that strange question a few days, the one about
love or something."
"I pick the 'or something'." Umi's bitterness dragged her
voice over uneven ground. Her eyes looked down at the ground. "Oh
yeah, no love here, never a chance, and I finally realised it."
"What, that Kuno wasn't madly in love with you?" Nabiki
grinned in amusement, with a smile tilting to one side. "But you
knew that. Knew about the 'pig-tailed girl' and Akane. Geez, you've
known that for how long and you're only now getting upset over it?"
"It's not about them. They were only stupid crushes...."
Umi's gaze shot back to Nabiki, her eyes pleading for her classmate
to figure out what she was talking about. Realisation suddenly
overtook the anger on Umi's face and her eyes widened. "You really
don't understand!"
"Obviously." Nabiki's eyes narrowed to slits, looking ready to
cut down anyone who suggested she was slow for not having a clue
about this. "Why don't you just tell me and cut out the babbling
part?"
"When I went to visit Kuno in hospital, when it looked
like...." Umi winced, her face scrunched up. She continued to speak
in a quieter voice that was almost lost on the wind, "I really
thought it was the end. It took me a few minutes just to work up the
courage to go in and see him. When I did.... I almost didn't
recognise him. He was so pale and thin! I.... I.... went up to him
and didn't know what to say. I felt ridiculous, because all that
came out was 'hello'. Then, then, I started babbling, I don't know
what... and I nearly didn't see as his eyelids started to flicker
and open very slowly. God, I felt so hopeful at that moment, so
happy. Maybe he wasn't going to die, maybe I'd saved him and he'd
be so grateful. After all, who else did he really have?"
"No-one," Nabiki said, under her breath.
"No-one. Right." Umi's voice cracked, splinters scattering
across the zephyr. "But he didn't think the same way."
"What?" Nabiki threw a questioning glance over to her. "Please
don't tell me he was saying someone's name in his sleep? Like in
those corny soaps I wish Akane didn't watch all the time?"
"Yeah, he was." The pitch of her voice jerked around, always
ending on a high note. "It wasn't mine, of course. I.... could've
coped with him saying one of _their_ names. I always manage to
convince myself that he doesn't really care about them, he's just
obsessed. It was a joke, everyone used to laugh at the spectacle he
made."
"And?"
"This joke wasn't funny."
"Why not?" Tension gripped Nabiki's chest, strangling her
windpipe till it hurt to breathe. What was going on? Why was she
nervous over a silly little thing like this?
"Guess what the punchline was." As tears formed in her eyes,
Umi pointed a shaky finger at Nabiki. "Go on, guess."
Fini
* * * *
I thought this would actually be out weeks ago (already delayed by a
month or two thanks to exams and essays), but the penultimate scene
ended up being heavily revised. Anyhow, thanks for reading. C&C is
very, very, very much appreciated on any aspect. ^_^_^
~Kayu-chan