Hi,
Sorry this is so late.
I've been a little . . .busy lately. ^_^
my comments@@
From:
"Elsa Bibat" <aerolbj@i-next.net> | Block
address
To:
"The Apprentice" <apprentice@attcanada.net>,
<ffml@fanfic.com>, <ayonge@yahoo.com>
Subject:
Re: [FFML] Re: [fanfic][SM]Sukeban Senshi
Chapter 7 part
3 of 3
Date:
Fri, 21 Apr 2000 01:41:18 +0800
Well, it seems someone's trying to go for the logical
route. And we all know what happens to the logical
people. Look at Socrates. ^_^
@@Hmmm, note to self:: Add hemlock to grocery list.
Anyway, I was reading this and a few comments came
into
my mind...
I'll be the first to admit that Soban's
transformation in Part 3 of
Chapter
7 had me doing a spittake, quickly followed by an
email to Mr. Yonge
for information on what the frag she transformed
into.
But, after recieving his reply, and thinking on the
chapter some more,
I
don't find myself as worried as some others. Or, at
least, as upset
and/or
disapointed.
Hell, I wasn't disappointed. I was more or less
surprised and that
almost destroyed my keyboard since my jury-rigged
orange juice holder was this
close...
I don't think you wanna hear about that. ^_^
@@No, no. These are the sorts of detail I want to
hear.
I can write it into the story.
Anyway, as I said before the "god-eater" concept was
fascinating.
Though it made me worry about the focus of this story
a lot.
@@I'm beginning to believe that. I honestly did NOT
think
anyone cared that much. NOT to say I would write any
differently.
HOWEVER, had I know what I know now I would have
ended the chapter at a _different_ place. I normally
end on a cliff
hanger. However I would have chosen a _different_
cliff. ^_~
As for the transfromation itself...let me just say
that Soban could
have transformed into something from Urotsukidoji for
all I care. It's
Allyn's story. He can do what he likes. I'm only
concerned about the impact
this would have on what has been established as the
story's focus by
the earlier chapters.
@@A problem with being so close to the story. AND
knowing
(more or less. Sometimes rather less) what is supposed
to happen
later on in the story. I did not realize how this
transformation
might be seen by readers.
<SNIP>
for quite a bit of cursing/swearing/fuming/railing at
the Fates and
(non-)fashion consultants that came up with such a
stupid combat
outfit
too.
Something that I was envisioning myself. ^_^
@@That was what _I_ thought was going to happen as
well. I'd even blocked out some later scenes based on
this
premise. Heck, I'd even sketched (badly) the costume.
But this really does make more sense. You should have
a
better feel by the end of chapter 8. (which is in the
works)
However Sukeban is so complicated to write that it
will
be a while. I can't just write chapter 8 in isolation.
I have to
"look ahead" to future chapters to see what effect it
has.
The overall picture never changes, but the _details_
do.
So, while writing chapter 8 I ALSO have to "write"
9,10,11, etc. So the farther along I get the slower I
go.
I have to continuously check what I've already
written, what
I'm writing and what I'm GOING to write.
I promise everyone that I would NOT voluntarily write
the transformation this way. I wrote it this way
(to be more precise it wrote itself) because that's
what
happened. (I can't explain it any better than this)
<snip>
<SNIP>
And, possibly, from her latent memories of the
Sailor
Senshi she had known in her last life, as Princess
Serenity of the
Moon
Kingdom?
>From the way the timeline looks, this timeline was
whacked out way
before Kunzite decided to do the past-present-future
boogie...
Though I have to agree it is fascinating.
@@Thank you. There is going to be more on Kunzite and
his
little "experiment" as the story goes on.
<snip>
<SNIP>
Who knows *what* affect it, and the
various
traumatic events that followed, had on her
subconcious mind - not to
mention
her latent memories of her previous life?
If we work from that assumption we get a Senshi in
black leathers and
a few automatic weapons thrown in. ^_^
@@That's what I thought. I didn't think about the
consequences
of a certain little event in chapter one. (so far only
one person writing
in remembered it. ^_^. If it helps, I LOVE locked room
mysteries. Especially
the ones by John Dickson Carr. They have ALL the clues
to you can solve it
yourself.) I don't have his talent for writing. But I
DO try to play fair with my
readers. I _tried_ to put in all the elements and tie
them together so the reader
can figure out what is going on. Or at least the
general direction of events.
Part of the problem is that it's so long between
chapters readers may have forgotten
this important bit. OR I may not have made things
clear. But a clue is there. And
I've brought it up a couple of more times.
And, perhaps more importantly, Soban has grown up in
a much different
environment than Usagi did; even if you were only to
look at Soban's
life
up
to the time that Usagi would have made her first
transformation into
Sailor
Moon. She doesn't have the "good/evil, black/white,
right/wrong" view
that
Usagi had (or that the other Inner Senshi have, when
Sukeban Senshi
begins). She may not have Usagi's belief in the
innate goodness of
humanity,
and (even if she does) it's probably been strongly
tempered by her own
experiences with prejudice and the uncaring cruelty
she's been shown
as a
"ugly cripple." And I think it's safe to say that
her opinions on
things
like law,
order, and authority.... differ somewhat from
Usagi's.
I agree. But from a Yakuza schoolgirl to God-eating
monster from beyond
space and time? (Hey, that would probably be a Cthulhu
connection. ^_^)
@@Different I admit. OTOH I didn't see it as being any
stranger than
a klutzy, crybaby 14 year old who saves the world from
energy eating
monsters. I really didn't.
And again, I say I don't care what she transforms into
as long as it
doesn't wreck the story.
@@Well, I don't _think_ so. If I understand the
objections of people
writing in they seem to be afraid that I've taken the
easy way out. That
Soban is now a super-powerful god-eater. The fear is
that Soban will
now shout out her transformation phrase, turn into
Sailor God-Eating-Kitty (TM) and whomp up on the bad
guys.
Nope, not going to happen.
This is still Soban's story.
The God-eater is the result or consequence
of much earlier events. It is NOT a solution.
It's actually a complication. Both for me the writer
and Soban the person.
The second issue, the power of her transformed form,
is a somewhat
stickier
issue. But still, IMO, one that can be dealt with.
The core of the
problem
here, I think, is the fact that Sailor Moon is
probably one of (if not
*the*) weakest Sailor Senshi; but, at the same time,
Princess Serenity
is
easily a match for any of the Senshi - Inner or
Outer.
Technically the weakest Senshi is Puu the Plushy Bear
Senshi. ^_^
@@<BG>
I'll see if I can write her in. ^_^
<snip>
<SNIP>
that potential when she was so young, and so utterly
untrained, might
have
seriously affected both her and that potential she
holds within her.
And
that
could have affected the transformation's results
right there.
And again, logically that would have resulted in her
becoming a warped
version of a Senshi (I personally prefer TKWarhammer's
Dark Senshi
from his FTLOR) or a weaker one, not GOD-EATER(TM). (
Sorry about that,
the word kinda rolls off the tongue in a cool way)
@@No problem . I thought the same thing earlier.
As for logic. . .well I could take refuge in van
Vogt's "Null A"
(Non-Aristotelian logic). However there is a certain
logic to
this transformation, which will, I hope, become clear
as early
as chapter 8. I can see now that I should have tried
to work in
a _little_ more exposition on the Silver Millennium
and it's workings.
I think that I can do so in a logical manner in the
next few chapters.
After all the Senshi & the DK both are going to want
answers as well.
The reader, watching over their shoulder, should find
the answers they want
as the senshi and the DK discover things.
As for the "unbalancing" aspect of her
transformation, mr. Yonge has
already
brought up one counter to that arguement: if Soban's
new form is a
god-eater, what is it going to do for food on 20th
century Earth? For
that
matter, I have difficulties seeing the "unbalancing"
aspects of this
transformation;
<SNIP>
You don't call what that thing did unbalancing!?
Even I can't do that! (Like I can do anything remotely
like that ^_^)
Seriously, P. Serenity had a crutch, and couldn't
exactly summon
up the rearrange-the-universe-in-my-image thing
automatically.
God-eater here did a couple of stuff that were quite
incredible, and it
seemed to be used to doing it on a regular basis. And
the Ginzuisho?
I don' need no stiiinkiiing Giiiinzuyshow!
@@Ummm, well it's NOT quite that simple.
A great White Shark is an incredible killing machine,
unless you're in downtown Des Moines.
The German "Tiger" Tanks rolled over the Russian army
. . .
until winter set in and the transmissions froze solid.
The "Ginzuisho" (thanks for spelling it) has it's own
drawbacks.
It seems to kill off it's users quite frequently. (I
wonder why
the Silver Millennium never thought about putting a
safety on the
darn thing)
I know the God-eater seems rather powerful. But then
again, Pluto stops time, Saturn destroys worlds like
some people step on ants, etc. etc.
The God-eater _is_ powerful.
There are a LOT of powerful beings in this
story.
Soban has power of her own for that matter, that
has nothing to do with magical girls.
However Sukeban, as I envision it, has very little to
do
with power. As I see Sailor Moon, the original and my
own contribution, is not about power. It's about
spirit.
Usagi is the heart of the story, just as she is the
heart
of the senshi. Just as the Japanese Emperor is the
spiritual heart of Japan.
The God-eater has shown up for a reason. Without
giving spoilers (or actually finishing the entire
story)
I can only say that a God-eater's lot is not a happy
one.
<SNIP>
A pretty good point.
But I'm guessing the god-eater as a one shot deal as a
trial period
thing.
Another transformation maybe in the offing.
Maybe the next time she can be Guyver. ^_^
@@:(
Cute. But NOT in this story.
The God-eater is the God-eater. She's going to be
around. However only two people (that I can recall)
have
asked a _very_ important question concerning the
god-eater. Since at least one was
a public post I'll not repeat it here. ^)^
Other things DO happen
to Soban. However there are many kinds of
transformation.
For instance, Usagi was transformed into Soban. That
was a much
more significant transformation than Usagi >> SM, or
Soban>> God-eater.
<SNIP>
For that matter, if Soban were too lose her scaring
and whatnot, that
would
also
be more than slightly noticable.
Losing the scarring... hmmm.... tons of cosmetic
makeup could
put that back in! ^_^
Seriously, this is another valid point and well worth
looking into.
@@Good point. I can only say that, while this IS an
interesting point,
it's NOT going to be what you are expecting. (At least
I don't think so.)
BTW, you mentioned the Dynamic Duo...with all of the
enemies
of the SM world converging, it is quite reasonable
that H&M will
show up eventually in a chapter or two.
And in keeping in touch with the Allyn Younge
tradition, 'Ruka will
probably be a wheel-chair bound paraplegic because of
a car
accident. ^_^
@@Would I do that? ^_^
(actually . . .I'm not saying. ^_^) You'll find out in
chapter 8.
At least some things.
<SNIP>
A very valid point. I prefer that Soban be unaware of
the havoc she
creates in GOD-EATER(TM) form.
Another thing to watch for in the next chapter.
@@Nothing up my sleeves. Now watch the mis-direction
while
I pull a rabbit out of my hat.
I don't want to do spoilers. OTOH, it looks like I'll
make you happy on
at least one point.
<SNIP>
I think the unusual diet part is already addressed.
Allyn didn't call the thing "God-eater" for nothing.
<evil smile>
@@Nope. Not for nothing.
<scenes of destruction ensue as gods and goddesses are
gobbled
left and right by our Soban-chan. Belldandy looks real
good with a
side-dish of fried Skuld> <Damn seems another anime is
going to
be thrown in ^_^>
And maybe the "god-eater" thing can be relaxed a
little to include
demons or devils.
@@On a strict diet. doctors orders. Only organically
grown gods,
plenty of heavy water. and watch the plutonium levels.
<SNIP>
As always, the effect on the story is paramount.
Allyn has a chance to pull this off without making
this thing
degenarating into something I wouldn't even
touch...but I've got no idea how...
@@Well, If you DID there wouldn't be much point in
writing it. ^_^
So far things are going the way I expected. In GENERAL
terms.
The details always change. That's one reason each
chapter takes longer and
longer to do. I have to keep past chapters in mind
while writing the
next chapter AND think about the effects on future
chapters. So
chapter 8 is going to take just a _little_ bit of time
to finish.
<SNIP>
My problem with the "allies" is they should have shown
up earlier or
not at all.
With their arrival in a relatively late chapter, they
are a jarring
change to what most readers view as a stable enough
world.
@@Ummm, sorry about that. I really didn't do much with
the DK either.
The first five chapters were introductory. Chapter 6
was the first look
at the DK (Zoicite ^_^) while chapter 7 is the only
real look at the
Senshi actually fighting. Another problem with having
chapters
spread out over so much time. :(
And yes, the sabotaging part is quite logical, but
we're not talking
about
blind idiots here. Beryl and her Generals are evil,
yeah, not stupid.
They're
also most likely quite paranoid. And in my opinion, DK
has the most
manpower of the lot and kick the shit out of most of
the other
factions:
youma from DK and the cardians from Ail and Ann are
stronger than
most of the daimons, lemures and droids I've seen in
action.
@@Paranoia. ^_^ Oh yes. We have paranoia.
I'm going to get into more of THIS shortly.
And as Both Sun Tzu and Clausowitz said, numbers alone
convey no advantage militarily. (Look at Spain vs.
England
or Greek vs. Persian)
And also another issue, the Mistress Nine thing...if I
remember
correctly
Chibi-usa's heart crystal was neccesary to wake her up
from inside
Hotaru-chan's consciousness, also that would mean
major heart-crystal
harvesting, something the Senshi have to notice. Not
to mention the
significant increase in death via cardiac arrest.
@@just wait. You've hit on an important point.
had I realized anyone was paying attention I would
have elaborated.
Now that I know, it looks like Sukeban is going to be
even longer
than I thought.
<SNIP>
Most likely, we get to see a John Woo-like thing
happening in the
Island, though without the guns...
Hey, I know a cool sequence in a Yakuza movie I saw,
where two men,
armed with a katana and metal pipe, massacred an
entire yakuza clan!!! ^_^
Seriously, this will affect the power structure
incredibly.
@@Not incredibly. As for a fight at the Island . . .an
interesting idea.
I'll see what happens.
<SNIP>
And how hard could four cute little girls who
are
just getting their toes wet on the "wild side" be for
a group of
up-and-coming
Yakuza?
The Yakuza are going to experience the joyful
experience of being
flash-fried, electrocuted, frozen and lasered...
And that's after Soban's gotten through with them.
@@Soban? Perish the thought. She has the
heart of a little child.
In a jar. In the fridge.
@@@@@@@@@@@
Besides, the TAC owe Soban a favor.
@@another interesting thought.
I think a storm might be coming in for both the Inner
Senshi and for
Soban in the upcoming chapters....
Yup. And I hope Allyn gets his story under control.
If you need any help Allyn, there's us fans, so just
ask away.
@@You asked for it.
OK, how's this for a deal. All those readers who
expounded in depth . . . Why not pre-read Chapter 8?
If you don't think I can make it work (and show why)
I'll re-write the story. ^_^ I've already had one
volunteer.
I want my readers to be happy. And if you're
really unhappy after chapter 8 then I'm doing
something
wrong. And it's difficult for me to tell, since I'm so
close to the story.
Thanks for taking all the time and trouble to write.
^_^
=====
"When I get a little money, I buy books;
And, if any is left, I buy food and clothes."-Erasmus
"A man is a small thing, and the night is large
and full of wonders." -Lord Dunsany
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