Konichiwa,
It's perfect. Don't change a thing. Your writing ability is only
surpassed by your intelligence and savoirfaire.
Wow! Haven't recevied commentary that extensive in quite a while. ^_^
Well, you were nice enough to go over my paper... I thought you
deserved the best I could give.
*heh*
Or if you'd like a real review... scroll down a wee bit.
Oh and there's more too.
We can't be the only ones going for misdirection...
Good man, unless I was being too obvious and they weren't there, but then I
might let people down by misleading them like that. Ohh, a paradox. ^_^
Shouldn't that be two sentences?
I think you might be right.
And my work here is done.
Eek. Pidgin English. hm.
"You trick Shampoo so she no can win Ranma's heart."
Still sounds a bit off to me. I'll try and find a happy middle ground
between what's there and this.
Too confuzlepated or too toned down. *shrug*
Akane's internal monologue riffing the Amazon?
It's not like Shampoo doesn't give her a hard time a lot more often.
Just clarifying for myself <and the audience> that it wasn't the author.
The POV seemed to switch there.
accompany the beauteous Akane
Hmm. Think I should add that on? Wasn't sure if it would be too flowery
there or not.
And just who do you think we are talking about here. . . ; )
It's one of my favorites, expect when it involves my life.
Point. It can still be fun though, just have to shift the focus away from
your person.
Well, I don't think Konatsu was every depicted quite as deluded as those
two. He's fairly stable... for an R 1/2 character I mean.
I havn't read/watched any R1/2 manga or anime in the last ... erm...
since June last year. I'm way behind. Needless to say, my only knowledge
of Konatsu comes from fanfiction.
Actually, I havn't really seen or read any manga/anime since then. Okay,
I watched Perfect Blue, a couple episodes of Lum for the first time and I
bought the first Lain DVD yesterday which I still havn't watched. Problems
that arise from A> being broke B> going to school in another country for
a semester and C> coming back to another heavy load which I'm still trying
to get caught up with...
And, uhm, yeah, that had nothing to do with anything except the sad state
of my life, anime-wise.
And will we be able to tell any difference?
By the glowing gold aura, of course. ^_^
Of course.
Heh. Kintaro was very short and light, which is why he needed magic armor
to compensate for his defescencies.
Is Kintaro from Kenshin? I've never seen any of that anime/manga either.
Could you please stop that?
Pretty much.
Was going for a first episode Ranma parallel if it wasn't overly obvious. ;>
Pinky-itis.
Already commented on this on other C+C. I'm surprised it never occurred to
me.
You're too close to the source?
I just wanted to give some time to an underutilized grade-B horror movie.
^_^
Wot next? Garbage Pail Kids, Return of the Living Dead 3 <the uncut version>
Vampirella or Care Bears II. It's the Care bear Stare!
Changing the D. to singular, so the rest of the references will match up.
Coo-el.
Pretty much.
Course, I like that statement you mentioned to Kichigai.
"we didn't even have those fancy albino ..."
That could <and can> work if you wanted to run with it.
No. Mai's the 'bright' one.
Who looks nothing like a boy. . . promise.
"Well, the disguise was perfect. I even clubbed several baby harp seals
and carried their pelts with me to add authenticity."
LOL
It was a good disguise, really.
It's a great line. Harnum's wearing off on you.
hmm. bubble wrap?
Name tag.
For some reason I was thinking that she was gonna go in as a display.
Or a package holding a display.
Yeah, Museums and Universities! Evil institutions, the both of them!
I avoid both like the plague.
Wish I had the option.
Is everyone going to meet up with some magical display?
No. Just establishing a pattern.
of everybody meeting up with a magical display? ;>
That was the intent. Which was why Ryouga smacked him too. It won't be long
before the joke becomes dated, but I thought it appropriate.
It works.
Giving an, "Ack!" Ryouga quickly zipped up.
"AAARRRGGGHHH!"
And every male reading this winces in pain.
Yep. Hurt to write it to. At least there weren't any 'Something About Mary'
cracks.
Thought about it. Didn't. "Why do birds suddenly appear? Everytime.
You are near."
Kasumigoth! Ia! Ia!
Heh. I like that one.
If you can work it in somewhere, go for it.
Seems to be the reaction to that line too.
Well, come on now. How many references are there to people who go,
'Curses' just after being found out? Nevermind old swash-buckling
movies. You could have used Zounds! too, but that doesn't quite work.
superior weaponry. ?
Nah. She just has one superior weapon.
so... "superior weapon."
'Pigsticker II.'
YES!
You guessed it too?
Not the name, per say. I just liked it.
Well, there was that time that Ranma and I...
heh. Cute.
You earlier established that Ranma <and now Ryoga as well> was quite
well endowed. Thought: Will this change be noticable on P-Chan and
will Akane notice? Might be a funny followup after the story ends.
"Two weeks later: P-Chan! When did you get so... big? You were
always kind of small before. Just like Ryoga." which is a horrible
thing to say and I'm ashamed I even thought of it. *snort*
Mousse shrugged. "Looks like a curator to me too. See if she has a name
tag. That's the only way to be sure."
*chuckle*
Good. I thought that one might have been too subtle.
Nah. Give us some credit. :>
Something not quite as evil as that.
The evil CaoPatty.
No? One has infiltrated the group and is getting a tour from them. One got
and continues to be bashed unconscious whenever she tries an attack.
Ranma and Ryouga to fight one another. Akane is being chased by one.
True. and true, though she had the upper-hand initially. just didn't
capitalize
on it like a serious martial artist would have. <G>
Shampoo was bludgeoned by one, and Kunou and Mousse are double teaming
Konatsu. I'd say they've done pretty good for themselves thus far.
Shampoo suffered the same fate as any other anime male whose intentions
are misunderstood by the female.
But that would be so...cliche. ^_^
Riiiight. I forgot that this fic hasn't been relying on cliche's and old gags.
<G>
I thought Ryoga's wish was supposed to be misleading at first but it
was hilarious all the same. : )
Nah. Got to throw a normal pitch every once in a while.
Keeps us on our toes.
Will try my best. Thanks a lot for the extensive comments.
Occasionally, I try. ;> Looking forward to pae three.
Warr
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My webpage, front page updated 1/7/99:
http://welcome.to/nifflheim or
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As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my
inner sociopath.