On Thu, 20 Apr 2000, allyn yonge wrote:
1) THANK you, one-and-all for all your
e-mail. I appreciate your taking the time to
write. And it's nice to know that you care
so passionately about Sukeban Senshi.
Thanks for writing it. Remember, I don't think any of us would be so
concerned if we didn't really like the story up to this point -- you've
done some good things.
5)The God-eater actually makes more sense than
any other transformation. All I can say (w/o writing
the entire story here and now) is::
a)Look at Hindu mythology
b)look at Sailor Moon, especially the final season
and also
c) Japanese mythology as regards the
Emperor. (Look especially at their creation myths)
d) think about what I've done with the character,
Soban in particular, in comparison to the original.
Well, it may make sense, but I've just reread the whole god-eater scene,
and I think I've put my finger on what's bugging me about it.
It's not really its level of power, or even the fact that it's not
anything even vaguely resembling a Sailor Senshi. It's not even that it's
going against the Blue Seed villains, who I don't have a feel for and
haven't mentally fit into the story yet.
It's the fact that this is ultimately Soban's story. And the god-eater
isn't Soban, at least not in the ways that count.
You see, I think the strongest thread through this story has been your
wonderful sense of characterization. Soban is probably the best 'new'
character I've seen in Sailor Moon fanfic -- or even fanfic in general --
in quite a while. And the other Senshi, and even the new characters, are
done quite nicely as well. Ultimately, though, the story up to this point
has been a study of Soban, and the way she affects and is affected by the
world. Now, at a critical dramatic juncture, her mind and body are
completely excised from the story (for the time being, at least), and
replaced by a semi-mindless force of nature from the dawn of time who
seems to be coming rather out of left field.
It's not that the god-eater is necessarily a bad plot point -- I think it
might work rather well in the right context. But it's tampering with the
absolute best thing this story has had to date, and I hope you'll forgive
us if we're a little nervous about whether it can improve things or not.
:-) I suppose you should take it as a compliment, really... we're all so
attached to Soban that we don't want to see her changed beyond
recognition.
As conceived, Soban was going to "fight"
with the transformation broach. (I don't do cute)
and end up in what was essentially pre-fall Moon
Kingdom battle armor. Not giant mecha, just
plain, utilitarian armor. Skin tight, full coverage
(so you can't see her face) Her "face" was replaced by
a view of the moon that would go through different
phases (full, half, quarter, dark).
This is definitely more in line with what I'd be expecting... and really,
I'd think it falls in line with the themes of the story to this point and
the general Sailor Moon continuity. (Really, since there wasn't a Sailor
Moon in the Silver Milennium, her outfit could have been just about
anything...)
Soban took the broach, said the trigger phrase . . .
I had NO idea this was going to happen. But, in
retrospect,
it HAD to happen. Once I was finished with this, I
KNEW
what had happened earlier in the chapter. And I
finally understood some things
that are going to happen later on that didn't make
sense before I finished this
chapter..
Well, you're the author. :-) I just hope things make more sense for the
rest of us, soon.
I am NOT just throwing characters in the mix at
random.
While everyone is not going to show up all at once,
they all play a part . . .eventually.
I hope so. Things are getting more than a little messy by now.
Soban is NOT all-powerful now. I have not pulled a
"Deux ex Machina". I didn't like it when the Greeks
did it.
I'M not going to do it. {I didn't do it with Akane
in Furies did I?} I can't say more w/o major spoilers.
I can suggest you re-read the end of chapter 7. I try
to
foreshadow a few things. (I like to foreshadow. ^_^)
Oh, heck, all-powerful's no big deal in the Sailor Moon universe. In the
original series, Usagi had moments when she was essentially omnipotent,
generally towards the end of each series, and nobody really complained.
Soban could be as powerful as necessary, as long as you justify it well,
and I think people would eat it up.
It's funny. I turned Rei into a pony-girl
at a Japanese Gay-leather bar, presided over
by a yakuza affiliated "Usagi" and no one turned
a hair.
{No one said a word about Zoicite singing kareoke
either)
I put in just _one_ trans-universal, time-shifting
god-eating
cat like being and all heck breaks loose.
I think the difference is that the Rei/Soban/Zoicite bits follow obviously
and logically from the characters. We can see the events leading up to
it, and it's almost the only logical way the characters *could* behave in
those situations. Sure, they're not the canon versions, but you can see
the core person remains similar, and they're behaving like... well, like
people.
But the trans-universal, time-shifting god-eating cat like being... well,
for starters, it wasn't foreshadowed anywhere before this point
(obviously, because you only realized it would exist as you were writing
that part). It doesn't have any noticable roots in the original Sailor
Moon canon. It doesn't seem at first blush to have any ties to the
sequence of events that set this alternate universe in motion (barring the
concept that Soban has such a huge 'rip in her soul' that it's resonated
through time -- but I don't see Soban's soul as quite so scarred. She's
still got Usagi's heart underneath it all). It doesn't seem to rise
particularly closely from any of the characterizations. It's just...
*there*, like a two-ton elephant you suddenly find in your living room one
day. Sure, you may eventually be able to explain how it got there... but
that doesn't make finding it any less awkward.
--
Scott Johnson |
zagyg@io.com | This space intentionally left blank.