Hi,
My comments##
(I'm not going to do much if
any snipping simply to keep people
from getting lost when reading
my comments on comments about comments. )
From:
"The Apprentice" <apprentice@attcanada.net> |
Block address
To:
<ffml@fanfic.com>, <ayonge@yahoo.com>
Subject:
Re: [FFML] Re: [fanfic][SM]Sukeban Senshi
Chapter 7 part
3 of 3
Date:
Thu, 20 Apr 2000 12:57:30 -0300
Craig wrote (edited)
Same here. And I'm sure a lot of the fans out
there who
are afraid or to lazy to write in probably feel
the same
way.
I'd have wholeheartedly to agree.
As a member of the normally "lazy readers" I have to
agree too. I was
wondering what Sailor Moon would arrive - crippled,
or whole, and what
the consequences of that act would be. The whole
mystical evolution to
the god eater was a huge disappointment.
I'll be the first to admit that Soban's transformation
in Part 3 of
Chapter
7 had me doing a spittake, quickly followed by an
email to Mr. Yonge
for information on what the frag she transformed into.
But, after recieving his reply, and thinking on the
chapter some more,
I don't find myself as worried as some others. Or, at
least, as upset
and/ordisapointed.
Let's get something out right now: I was expected a
"normal" Sailor
Moon transformation too. I was wondering if it was
going to be a crippled
Sailor Moon, or if it was going to be a "whole" Sailor
Moon; yes. And, if the
latter, I *was* wondering if she'd also become "whole"
in her
untransformed state.
I was also expected there to be some modifications to
the Sailor Moon
"uniform" due to Soban (as I recall) having short hair
(so the
hairpiece jewels would have to go), and Soban's
experimentation on whether
"Sailor Space" subspace pockets can hold handguns or
not. And I was *hoping*
for quite a bit of cursing/swearing/fuming/railing at
the Fates and
(non-)fashion consultants that came up with such a
stupid combat outfit
too.
##I'm going to interrupt with a brief exposition.
I originally envisioned a transformation _very_ much
as described above.
In fact Soban was going to "fight" with the
transformation broach and end
up wearing what amounted to a suite of pre-fall Moon
Kingdom battle armor.
There was also going to be a constantly changing moon
scape across the "face"
of the armor. (that is, different phases of the moon,
full, half. quarter, would
be seen.) I also had in mind that Sailor Moon would be
healed of her physical
wounds but revert back to Soban, still crippled.
I spent several months trying to get Chapter 7 written
with no success.
Finally I decided to try and write just the
transformation, hoping this would
help me with the rest of the chapter. I assure
everyone that this particular
transformation was a complete surprise to me. Once
Soban started to transform
and ran into trouble, the rest followed. And once the
transformation was finished
I knew how the rest of the chapter was supposed to go.
##############################
But I'm giving the current transformation the benefit
of the doubt.
And, actually, the more I think about the way Part 3
ended the chapter, the
more I like it.
##Thank you. (VERY MUCH) I was afraid I was going to
have to scrap
chapter 7.
IMO, the problems that others (and myself, originally)
had with Soban's
transformation can be summed up into two points. The
first is that
it's not a Sailor Senshi transformation. The second
is that it seems to be
*extremely* powerful.
The first point is the easiest, again IMO, to deal
with. The first
thing you have to remember is that - as far as I know
- there was no "Sailor
Moon" in the Silver Millenium. The other Senshi
existed back then, but
there was no Sailor Moon - just the royal house of the
Moon Kingdom,
who had possession of the Silver Crystal (I'm not even
going to *try*
spelling it's name - I have *some* idea what my
limitations are :-S).
##I stick with Silver Crystal for the same reason. I
can't pronounce it
easily for one thing. And I'm never sure of the
spelling.
Also, the Silver Crystal hasn't shown up yet. (That's
coming) Right now
we're just dealing with the transformation broach.
BTW, the name I'm using for the transformation broach
is Sanskrit (or the best approximation I can
get with ASCII) In case anyone is interested it means
(roughly)
harmonious balance.
Which brings to mind, why did the transformation pen
that Luna gave
Usagi (in the original timeline) transform her as it
did? Was it some kind
of predesigned "template", or did it draw on the
subconcious of a rather
nice (if vacuum-headed) young girl who watched too
much anime and read too
many silly mangas? And, possibly, from her latent
memories of the
Sailor Senshi she had known in her last life, as
Princess Serenity of the Moon
Kingdom?
##Good idea. The Sailor Moon transformation is
different from the
other senshi's. They have henshin sticks (I use the
term wand in places)
Usagi got a broach. The other senshi have or seem to
have various
inbuilt elemental powers (earth, air, water, fire,
etc) while SM
does not.
<SNIP> funny fruit cake bit.
If the latter possibility is even *partially* correct,
at least in the
reality that Soban lives in, then her *not*
transforming into a Sailor
Moon-ish figure actually makes sense. Earlier on in
Chapter 7, we
discover that Soban has few - if any - conscious
memories of her life before the
accident that killed her parents. Who knows *what*
affect it, and the
various traumatic events that followed, had on her
subconcious mind - not to
mention her latent memories of her previous life?
##This is actually an important plot point later on.
In fact astute readers
may already have an idea of what is up coming.
And, perhaps more importantly, Soban has grown up in a
much different
environment than Usagi did; even if you were only to
look at Soban's
life up to the time that Usagi would have made her
first transformation into
Sailor Moon. She doesn't have the "good/evil,
black/white, right/wrong" view
that Usagi had (or that the other Inner Senshi have,
when Sukeban Senshi
begins). She may not have Usagi's belief in the
innate goodness of
humanity, and (even if she does) it's probably been
strongly tempered by her own
experiences with prejudice and the uncaring cruelty
she's been shown as
a "ugly cripple." And I think it's safe to say that
her opinions on
things like law, order, and authority.... differ
somewhat from Usagi's.
##Just a little bit. ^_*
This is an even more important point later on. Many of
these questions will
be answered in Chapter 8 and possibly 9. It's hard for
me to be more exact
since I have only a _rough_ idea of what is going to
happen next. I'm always
surprised by the details. And I NEVER get the time to
complete a chapter (or chapter
length) right.
################################
<SNIP>
Cutting through all the layers of arguement, the main
question (again,
IMO) is whether or not the Princess' power is due to
the Silver Crystal, or
due to her own potential? Many take the former
viewpoint, using some
"anti-theft" features of the Silver Crystal to explain
why it's used only by the
line of Serenity - or, potentially, by individuals
such as Beryl and/or
Mettallia (who have a great deal of power, mystic
knowledge, and arrogance - thus
explaining just *why* they feel they could use the
Silver Crystal).
However, some authors (like Zaxxon) take the latter
viewpoint in their opinions
and stories. To them, the royal line of the Moon
had/has a great deal of
raw power on it's own. This group tends to portray
the Silver Crystal as
either a focusing agent, or an amplifier (or both).
After all, a large mass of
weapon-grade plutonium won't create a mushroom cloud
unless *something*
is used to begin the necessary reaction.
Although he hasn't clearly stated which of these two
groups he is in,
at least as far as Sukeban Senshi is concerned, I feel
that mr. Yonge is
in the second one. When a young girl manages to heal
her little brother
when he was at death's doorstop, especially when she
herself is so seriously
injured, with no training, preparation, or aides....
That, to my mind,
seems to suggest that Soban has a great deal of
potential. Of course, using so
much of that potential when she was so young, and so
utterly untrained, might
have seriously affected both her and that potential
she holds within her.
And that could have affected the transformation's
results right there.
##You've hit on the heart of the matter right here. I
won't give an
explanation (because any explanation would BE chapter
8, by the time
I finished) I _will_ say "The Apprentice" is obviously
a mind reader. ^)^
This is almost exactly what is going on.
As for the " unbalancing" aspect of her
transformation, mr. Yonge has
already brought up one counter to that arguement: if
Soban's new form is a
god-eater, what is it going to do for food on 20th
century Earth?
##More detail on God Eater dietary requirements in
later chapters.
For
that matter, I have difficulties seeing the
"unbalancing" aspects of this
transformation; when taken as a whole that is. True,
the new form has
probability/reality-altering abilities, but so
does/did Princess Serenity
##So does Pluto. And Saturn is a Doomsday weapon with
no
safety. {and apparently manic-depressive tendencies.
^)^ }
(the form those abilities
took was different, but six of one or half a dozen of
the other....). And
while it has some very good close-combat potential, I
don't see how that upset's
the negatives that comes with this form. After all,
getting your hands on
a main battle tank is all well and good in a fight,
but it isn't that useful when the
only ammunition you can find is for a .22!
##True enough. MBTs are also gas (diesel) hogs and
need firm roads
to travel and don't swim worth a darn. The point
being that there
are NO perfect weapons or perfect warriors. I've
re-read chapter 7
part 3 several times recently ^_~* and I see several
liabilities clearly
shown in that scene. I'm working on re-writing the
scene a little since
it seems to have causes some problems. (!?!)
I'll admit the transformation is a bit shocking (It
shocked me and I
wrote the darn thing) but I still don't see it as
_that_ powerful. If
Murukumo or Su-sa-no-oh had been
more cautious and less arrogant . . .
Quite frankly the "battle" between _kitty_ and the BS
gang
has several historical parallels (I'm thinking WWI but
there are
others) where a competent but numerically inferior
force is
victorious over a stronger foe due to sheer bloody
arrogance
or blindness of the stronger opponent.
The transformation itself is another negative to
Soban's new form.
While it could just be a one-shot deal, the pain she
felt during the first
transformation is likely to cause her to hesitate
before trying to
transform again. For that matter, certain aspects of
Part 3 lead me to believe
that the "Sailor Moon" transformation item is no more,
which leads me to wonder
how Soban is to transform (either back into her human
form, or into her
"God-Eater" form in the future) *period*. Given that
her new form doesn't seem to
have the necessary parts to speak Japanese, I hope she
either knows sign
language or can develop telepathic abilities.
##Got it in one. (well, almost.) I really don't want
to do spoilers.
I will say that it is NOT a one-shot. OTOH this is NOT
your
"magical girl" transformation of choice. I will also
point out
that "kitty" is NOT a cat. Nor did it evolve in this
_universe_, let
alone this planet.
Another downside to her transformation is the inhuman
nature of her new
form. The "God-Eater" form is more likely to be taken
as some new
Youma than an ally you can trust by the other Inner
Senshi (and if
Neptune and Uranus are currently pulling their
"pull-the-heart-crystals-out-first,
worry-about-the-morality-afterwards" skit....
##Neptune and Uranus? Funny you should mention them.
Let's see, who is missing. Small Lady (remember her,
pink hair, annoying?)
Pluto, Neptune, Uranus, Saturn . . .
Now, if I've brought in various BG's, surely you don't
think I'd avoid
the rest of the senshi. Well, I might. Darn it. I
could almost write the next
chapter in the time it would take me to explain. So I
want say more than
that "The Apprentice" has an excellent grasp of what
is going on.
(That may be part of my problem. My pre-readers
understand me too well)
If "The Apprentice" or any of the readers who are
having problems with
Sukeban would like to pre-read . . .???
Well, they always struck
*me*
as "shoot first, search the remains latter" sort of
people). And,
given the
nature of her initial transformation, while there be
any changes to
*Soban's* form carried over from her "God-Eater" form?
Golden eyes, or
hair that seems to be imitating the Medusa's would be
a *tad*
noticable.
##I am never that obvious. You are, one again,
anticipating at least
in spirit, events that happen MUCH later on in the
story. (Part II)
For that matter, if Soban were too lose her scaring
and whatnot, that
would also be more than slightly noticable.
##Nope, scarred for life. (which is a wee bit
ambiguous. ^_^)
The new form's *mental* issues, are also a potential
negative to Soban.
The "God-Eater" doesn't (so far) seem to have access
to Soban's
memories, or knowledge. The personality differences
between the two are harder
to state, but likely exist.
##alien life form, Evolved in a different universe.
Part of the plot.
<SNIP>
(Who knows,
maybe in this reality, instead of just vaping the Dark
Kingdom and
everything/one in it, maybe Soban will end up as it's
new ruler!)
##That's a different story. (really, I've got one with
Usagi (OUR Usagi)
ruling the DK)
<SNIP>
<SNIP>
##OK, I had to <SNIP> a LOT. Either that or just write
the rest of the
story. All good questions, which if answered would
have constituted
at LEAST chapters 9 & 11 and possibly some of Chapter
3 part II.
##################
And how is the end of Chapter 7 going to affect Soban,
on a more "down
to
Earth" level. She did after all, fail to make her
delivery. Never
mind that *two* supernatural groups decided to have
their fights with their
respective "heroes" in the same area and at the same
time. Unless
Chapter 8 is a lot more merciful towards Soban then
I'm guessing, she is still
not going to make the delivery.
##You noticed that did you? Critical element on
chapter 8.
<SNIP>
Yakuza suggests that they don't *care* about the
unexpected
circumstances.
##Neither lightning bolt, nor youma attack nor end of
the world
shall stay Yakuza couriers from the swift completion
of their
deliveries. ^_^
I'm getting the feeling that Soban might soon have to
deal with people
trying to muscle in, or outright take over, her
territory. Which
probably wouldn't be welcomed at the best of time, not
to mention right now with
monsters, and senshi and transformations. Oh my!
##Japanese prisons are about third world level of
amenities. And the
Japanese have NO civil rights. Graphic detail coming
soon. Not for the
squeamish. (don't forget the phone call either.
Artemis hasn't)
And while some might be brave
(or stupid) enough to go after Soban directly, at
least one of them might
have the brains to realize that Soban is still pretty
damn tough...
But she seems to care about four creampuffs in the
school she's going
to right now, doesn't she? And how hard could four
cute little girls who
are just getting their toes wet on the "wild side" be
for a group of
up-and-coming Yakuza?
##Eeeep. You know, I never thought about that. (I keep
telling
people that I'm constantly surprised by stuff.)
However, now that
you mention it . . . .<ewwwww> This could be messy.
But is does explain something that I wondered about.
AND I think you just added another chapter
to this thing.
I think a storm might be coming in for both the Inner
Senshi and for
Soban in the upcoming chapters....
The Apprentice
##Thanks. I was getting a little discouraged until I
got your post.
Besides a much needed boost, I now have a better
understanding
of what went wrong with Chapter 7. Perhaps I can avoid
similar problems in
the future thanks to you.
^_^
=====
"When I get a little money, I buy books;
And, if any is left, I buy food and clothes."-Erasmus
"A man is a small thing, and the night is large
and full of wonders." -Lord Dunsany
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