[Ranma 1/2 / Robotech]
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Title: Silent Battles, Deaf Victories
Segment: Chapter 1: Crossroads
Series: Ranma 1/2 / Robotech
Genre: Crossover
Author: Latin_D
Email: latin_d@uol.com.ar
Date Sent to FFML: 04/08/2000
Size: 31 KB
Series Summary:
Hunted by memories, Ranma stumbles into the SDF-1 and finds himself
deeply involved in the First Robotech War.
Segment Summary:
In the worst day of Macross� history, Ranma visits the island.
Hmm. I count... three seperate narrations. The fairy-tale-esque narrator,
who speaks in Capital Letters and who does a marvelous job of recapping
the
action in Ranma to date, Ranma looking around Macross Island, and Ranma
remembering the first time he and Akane met up with the SDF-1. The problem
is that they intertwine... a bit too much. I appreciate what you're trying
to do - it's certainly a bit easier to read them as you've set them up
than
it is to read them in sequence - but they seem to take over for each other
a
bit _too_ often. This might be forgivable if the passages they narrate are
analogous, but that doesn't seem to be the case, at least to my untrained
eye. Cut down on the number of swaps you do - break each story into
perhaps
two or three sections - and you won't run the risk of losing your reader
just as they've gotten used to envisioning one setting around Ranma.
Hi! Thanks for the C&C.
I realize now that the big number of changes of POV can get confusing, so
I've been rewriting the chapter. There will _definitely_ be less 'swaps'
and, hopefully, it will read better. Thanks for spending time to send some
C&C.
Bye and good luck,
Latin_D