They were quite a well-matched pair, roughly equal in
height. The young girl was blonde and had her hair cut short; but
Don't know as you need a semicolon there if you're using 'but'
her beauty could still be seen, though there was a bit of a
boyish slant to it. One who didn't know any better might have
mistaken her for a handsome teenaged boy. With the yellow dress
she was wearing that mistake would probably never be made.
One would hope so.
It
hugged her in all the right places,
Like the shoulder, finger, and nose.
They were a well-matched pair alright, but as if the roles
were reversed. The young girl's strength and confidence were
clear in her posture and the way she leaned on the railing, a
great contrast with
'from' would be better than 'with'
her companion, who exuded a somewhat
submissive pose. To be harsh, he looked like a wimp. One could
also see the
'see from the' would be better, IMO
The girl chuckled at this and stopped leaning on the
railing, straightening up. "Well, you were either doing that
loving look thing of yours again or you were ogling my breasts,
'Roshi."
Can't he do both.
The teenager blushed a bit at what she said. "I wasn't
ogling your breasts, Haruka. It isn't my fault if that necklace
of yours draws a lot of attention," he said, a
don't know as you need the comma between 'said' and 'a'
bit defensively.
"Besides, I was thinking more in
'along' instead of 'in'
the lines of what did I do to
awkward. I'd suggest
the lines of what I did to get such
get such a beautiful girlfriend like you." The boy's head was
bowed so he didn't see Haruka flinch at the mention of
"girlfriend".
Oh dear
Haruka snorted at his statement. "I don't see any of the
other guys here doing the same things for their girlfriends. That
bouquet of flowers for my birthday? That wasn't exactly cheap,
wasn't it?"
was it?"
She remembered how her parents had rejoiced when they
had seen the flowers from Hiroshi. They had literally danced in
the middle of the room.
I take it they've been really concerned about her romantic relationships
then. ^_^
"Well, yeah..."
"Come clean with me here, 'Roshi. How much did it cost?"
Hiroshi: Nothing. I stole them
"No, no, no...I just...you're really not making this any
easier, you know," Haruka said as she looked at Hiroshi's face,
throwing her hands up and looking away. Like kicking a puppy or
beating up a senior citizen, this was making her feel really bad.
Really? Doing those things usually make me feel pretty good. ^_^
"Making what easier, 'Ruka?" Hiroshi was starting become
starting to become
Hiroshi saw Haruka's expression tighten when he said
"'Ruka". No, please, no, this is a nightmare, a bad dream, I'm
gonna wake up any second now...
Not likely. Poor guy.
that he would try to make a move on her considering the common
denominator that all the films had: romance, tons of mushy
romance. But after seeing him cry so many times at the theater
without once trying anything, she finally realized that he really
liked those films and wanted her along so that he can share them
with her. Though she usually slept through half of the movies
that they went to, he wouldn't mind.
Heh. That should really make her feel guilty now.
This wasn't happening. He was going to invite her to the
prom. He was going to invite her. The tux was all rented out. The
reservations for dinner at Chez Maison, the finest restaurant in
town, was already set. He'd already picked out a nice gift for
her, a beautiful gold necklace with a nice amber centerpiece. She
loved amber and her favorite color was gold. It was perfect.
Except for the 'she doesn't love you' thing.
"Hiroshi, the person I kissed back at my old school..."
"Well!?"
"The person wasn't a guy."
"What?!"
Haruka: It was a hermaphrodite.
"She was a girl. I like girls, Hiroshi. I like them the way
you like me."
Hiroshi: Lathered in whip cream?
Haruka: Exactly.
The look on Hiroshi's face said it all.
"I started dating with you, because...because... that way
my parents would at least ease off. That way, they'd be proud of
me again, like they used to be. They always liked to tell of how
proud they were that they had such a great daughter. I was a
great pianist. Intelligent. A great athlete. That was before
everything, before I kissed her..."
Heh. I like the dialogue of the confession. It reads well.
Haruka looked at Hiroshi's face and she felt even more bad.
even worse.
"So we moved. And we ended up here. Then I met you."
Haruka returned her gaze to Hiroshi. "You probably think I'm a
freak, too, now that you know everything. You probably want to
hit me right now. So go ahead. Hit me."
Hiroshi: *SMACK*
Haruka: I was only kidding, damn it!
She thought of the anger
that she had seen in his eyes, but mostly she thought of his
tears and the hurt she'd caused him. She saw Hiroshi come close
and she closed her eyes and readied herself for the hit.
'blow' sounds better than 'hit' to me.
"No, I am ugly. Compared to you...I'm nothing. You're not a
freak, Haruka. Heck, I'd love you even if you were, no matter
what you looked like, no matter what you've done. You...you
changed me. I used to be... I used to be a worthless piece of
nothing. You made me what I am, trying to be something for you
has made me something. And I love you for that."
How sweet.
"You know...I always thought that we'd end up in something I
saw from the movies. Happily ever after. Maybe a blonde kid or
two," Hiroshi said
'Fraid not, kid.
"This isn't the movies, 'Roshi. This is real life. Please."
Line break here.
Very nice work. Short and to the point, but very touching.
D.B. Sommer