Alright; here's my two pence. ^_^ I intended to reply only to
Scott's first post but since then...
In <Pine.LNX.4.10.10004182016100.24171-100000@fnord.io.com> Scott Johnson <zagyg@io.com> wrote:
My personal concern is that suddenly everything and the kitchen sink is
being thrown into the plot, and I think it's suffering for it. The
premise from the beginning was a simple and interesting one -- the
leaderless Sailor Senshi fighting a losing battle against the Dark
Kingdom, with Soban now entering the picture to change it in unforseen
ways. However, now we have the villains from just about every Sailor Moon
season running around simultaneously, allied with each other, *plus* we've
got the entire cast and plot of Blue Seed (which I must admit I've never
seen) thrown into the mix. Leaving aside the continuity problems (would
Wiseman still be there without chasing Chibi-Usa into the past? Where is
Pegasus hiding? What's Fiore's story, if Mamoru's parents are still
alive? Why haven't the Senshi run into anyone but the Dark Kingdom yet,
if the others are out there taking Heart Crystals/Dream Mirrors/whatever?
If Soban knows Queen Beryl by name, wouldn't she be suspicious of
Mizuno-sama and co. knowing the real names of the 'Grey Princes'/Dark
Generals?), I have to raise the significant question of 'Why?'
For the life of me, I can't yet see what adding all of these elements does
for the story aside from complicating it immensely. For that matter, I'm
not sure I like that Soban does not, in fact, become Sailor Moon or
Princess Serenity or anything like it, as the ongoing thrust of the drama
would seem to have implied up to this point. A scarred and wounded Sailor
Moon would be interesting. So would a Sailor Moon who had to deal with
suddenly *not* being scarred and wounded -- but only when in her magical
form. There's dozens of variants that could work. But a scarred
delinquent with a heart of gold who changes into something bizarre and
goes hunting after the villains from Blue Seed while the Sailor Team
watches from the background... I must confess, I'm losing the focus of
the story.
Of course, this is all just my opinion. And whatever else, I still love
the whole work up to this point -- a darker take on the Sailor Moon world
that still retains a subtle optimism, and a darker character who still has
Usagi's heart underneath the greatly changed exterior and circumstances.
I just think that the great core of the story is being lost to some stuff
I can't see as anything but extraneous. I'd love to be proven wrong and
have it all come together... but I just wanted to voice my concerns.
--
Scott Johnson |
zagyg@io.com | This space intentionally left blank.
First, sorry for quoting Scott's first post in its entirety above, but
it was so *exactly* what I perceived myself that I felt it was justified. I
wasn't going to comment (mainly because I'm tied up with a Sailor Moon
Expanded 'fic and also some other fanfic projects) but since both Scott and
Elsa have done so...
From the beginning until mid-way through Ch. 7-3, one felt one had a
fair idea of what was going on. The plot was tight, the background and
character development excellent and the story seemed to be travelling through
fascinating territory (despite the fact that I wasn't comfortable with some of
Ch. 6). Then suddenly, mid-way through Ch. 7-3 it was as though the entire
POV had been shifted to some weird alternate composite reality in which the
story-reality to that point was suddenly just one in a bizarre tangle of plots
and counters. I must mention at this point that I felt somewhat similar
concerning Furies (tight and extremely well executed until the end of Ch. 9
but then things seemed to become ever-more strange the closer one came to the
end; almost as though Allyn had just got fed up and wanted to finish it as
quickly as possible (probably most unfair on my part)). Obviously, it's
merely my opinion, but I confess I began to feel more than a little betrayed
by the last 1/4 of SS Ch. 7 after the excellence the rest had achieved and
more than a little cheated by it's end. Like Scott, I'd be fascinated to see
how Soban might have coped with whatever variant of Sailor Moon she would have
become and just what kind of Moon she would have been (particularly as I
posted a *very vaguely* similar idea about 2 years ago and still intend to try
my hand writing it if I have time). Also, I too feel that the appearance of
the other enemies and in particular the BS cast is a tremendous over-
complication. The original premise (so far as I understand it) was that,
desperate to remove what they saw as the main impediment to their plans,
Kunzite came up with the idea to cripple the senshi by destroying SM. This
was the *cardinal* change and that which was to define the new reality, and
IMO the concept that made the tale such a fascinating read. Then suddenly
everything changes and one is left wondering what the point is to all this,
why the hades it was necessary to bring all these other villains into the
picture when it was going so well without them and just what all these
seemingly extraneous characters are going to bring to the story. Also, IMO
Soban's transformation problems didn't seem to me to make sense. Obviously
she was able to become SM before Kunzite's interference (presumably (using
Allyn's definition as a basis) because her current incarnation was
`uncorrupted'). Very well then: assuming her becoming Soban has violated that
purity, was there *no* previous existence in which she reached a state of
purity similar to that the Usagi Tsukino version attained that would have let
her become SM (what about the Princess Serenity incarnation)? As Scott said,
it seems that the tale is beginning to lose focus. There seem also other
problems IMO. As Elsa says in <01bfa9f0$94f395e0$LocalHost@epic1.epic.net>:
if you noticed by the end of SM's first season, Mettalia
was awakened. If the Senshi have been operating longer than that
then they're technically dead meat.
Precisely. Canonically, Metallia was all but at the point of becoming
fully aware when the senshi entered the DK. Given the premise that the DK
were able to gather more energy, Metallia would have been *long* awake by
year's end.
[...]
I just think that the great core of the story is being
lost to some
stuff
I can't see as anything but extraneous. I'd love to
be proven wrong
and
have it all come together... but I just wanted to
voice my concerns.
Same here. And I'm sure a lot of the fans out there who
are afraid or to lazy to write in probably feel the same
way.
I'd have wholeheartedly to agree.
Anyway, I'm afraid I was too harsh at some points, but I
really love this story's original concept and I am loathe
to think that this fic could be headed into the zone where
it becomes more of a monstrosity than a masterpiece.
Indeed.
Bye for now,
Craig