Hi,
My comments##
Date:
Tue, 18 Apr 2000 20:38:57 -0500 (CDT)
From:
Scott Johnson <zagyg@io.com> | Block address
To:
ffml@fanfic.com
Subject:
[FFML] Re: [fanfic][SM]Sukeban Senshi Chapter
7 part 3
of 3
<SNIP>
I'd have to agree -- I stumbled across this story with
the first part
of
this chapter, and while some of the earlier bits
(especially chapter
six)
are a bit ecchi for my tastes, it's mostly
non-gratuitous, and actually
manages to be something close to tasteful for some
rather odd
goings-on,
and uses them for a definite purpose in both plot and
characterization.
Soban is a very interesting character, with echoes of
Usagi shining
through at interesting moments and in novel ways, and
it's also
interesting to see hints of how the other Senshi
developed differently
here, without Usagi's influence -- Ami being more shy
and isolated at
first, for instance, or Makoto being rougher and more
violent.
##Thank you very much. This is exactly what I was
trying to do.
<SNIP>
My personal concern is that suddenly everything and
the kitchen sink is
being thrown into the plot, and I think it's suffering
for it. The
premise from the beginning was a simple and
interesting one -- the
leaderless Sailor Senshi fighting a losing battle
against the Dark
Kingdom, with Soban now entering the picture to change
it in unforseen
ways. However, now we have the villains from just
about every Sailor
Moon
season running around simultaneously, allied with each
other,
##Errrr, actually this is a necessary part of the
plot. W/O SM to counteract the DK there
was nothing to stop the other Bad Guys from showing up
and staking a claim. Beryl is the
only thing that stands between the earth and the
forces of evil. And she's not what you would consider
a force for good. It's rather like the Russians in
WWII protecting Jews from
Germans. Not because they _liked_ the Jews, but
because they hated the Germans
and because they had a use for the Jews as forced
labor. (this is a rather simplistic versions
of events, but it conveys the general idea)
So, in this case we have Beryl making alliances to
defend her _almost_ conquest of earth
against other invaders. And the other invaders forming
their own alliances. ^_^
*plus*
we've
got the entire cast and plot of Blue Seed (which I
must admit I've
never
seen) thrown into the mix.
##Well, it didn't seem reasonable that the DK and
company would be the ONLY
problems. And BS seemed to fit into the mix very well.
There are a lot
of similarities between SM and BS, yet enough
differences to make a nice
contrast.
Leaving aside the continuity problems
(would
Wiseman still be there without chasing Chibi-Usa into
the past? Where
is
Pegasus hiding?
##Two very interesting questions. You will be finding
out about
Pegasus in chapter 8. Wiseman . . .well, he's got
problems of his own that
will be revealed as the story progresses.
What's Fiore's story, if Mamoru's parents are still
alive?
##Another good question. Fiore plays a rather crucial
role in
chapter 9. I don't want to give any spoilers but I
assure you that
it _should_ make sense in the fullness of time. (no
pun intended)
Why haven't the Senshi run into anyone but the Dark
Kingdom
yet,
if the others are out there taking Heart
Crystals/Dream
Mirrors/whatever?
##They have . . .to a limited degree. I haven't really
introduced any of the
villains until this chapter after all. And the Senshi
have limited knowledge of
their enemies. Without Usagi/SM/Super-SM/Princess
Serenity they've been on
the defensive for all this time so they haven't really
had time to do much except
survive.
If Soban knows Queen Beryl by name, wouldn't she be
suspicious of
Mizuno-sama and co. knowing the real names of the
'Grey Princes'/Dark
Generals?), I have to raise the significant question
of 'Why?'
##Well, not really. After all Soban only knows bits
and pieces that
Zoicite & co might let slip after a few beers. And
she's not really interested
in knowing too much. (It's rather like running a mafia
bar. It doesn't
pay to appear to be too inquisitive.)
As for "the girls" letting things slip . . .they're
"game otaku". They know all
sorts of trivia. I'm following a SM tradition. Plus,
in real life it's only AFTER
the fact that people say . . . "I should have known."
I can think of several recent event on the news plus
countless examples from wars
(Napoleonic to Persian Gulf) where horrific crimes
were committed or
horrendous blunders occurred on the battlefield.
Yet it was only after the criminals were caught or the
battle lost that people saw that there
were clues all over the place.
I _think_ that the "clues" that are scattered all over
the place are reasonable, especially in the
SM universe, but I will certainly go back and check.
They are partially in support of the plot,
partially an homage to the original amine.
For the life of me, I can't yet see what adding all of
these elements
does
for the story aside from complicating it immensely.
##Ummm, it was NOT my idea. However it seemed to
follow logically
from the set-up. After all, in the original series,
Ali and Ann followed soon after the defeat
of Beryl. Then the Black Moon clan, the Death Busters,
Dead Moon Circus, etc. The fact
SM is missing would NOT stop them from coming. Quite
the contrary, she's not there to
stop them so they would be _stronger_. And they would
be falling over each other by this
time. ^_^
For that matter,
I'm
not sure I like that Soban does not, in fact, become
Sailor Moon or
Princess Serenity or anything like it, as the ongoing
thrust of the
drama
would seem to have implied up to this point.
##Be patient. ^_^
A scarred and wounded
Sailor
Moon would be interesting. So would a Sailor Moon who
had to deal with
suddenly *not* being scarred and wounded -- but only
when in her
magical
form.
##Actually that's what _I_ thought would happen.
However, when I started the transformation scene . .
.well
it didn't quite work out that way. ^_^
There's dozens of variants that could work. But a
scarred
delinquent with a heart of gold who changes into
something bizarre and
goes hunting after the villains from Blue Seed while
the Sailor Team
watches from the background... I must confess, I'm
losing the focus of
the story.
##I'm afraid you're jumping to conclusions. ^_^
Just wait until chapter 9, things should be clearer
then.
(well, perhaps _part_ of 8 as well)
Of course, this is all just my opinion. And whatever
else, I still
love
the whole work up to this point -- a darker take on
the Sailor Moon
world
that still retains a subtle optimism, and a darker
character who still
has
Usagi's heart underneath the greatly changed exterior
and
circumstances.
##Thank you.
I just think that the great core of the story is being
lost to some
stuff
I can't see as anything but extraneous. I'd love to
be proven wrong
and
have it all come together... but I just wanted to
voice my concerns.
##I'm glad to hear from you. And I don't blame you.
I was worried myself. However things are really much
clearer now. (at least to me) Several things that were
bothering
me about some later scenes now make perfect sense.
Thanks so much for writing. I really appreciate the
C&C.
=====
"When I get a little money, I buy books;
And, if any is left, I buy food and clothes."-Erasmus
"A man is a small thing, and the night is large
and full of wonders." -Lord Dunsany
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