At 02:55 PM 4/17/00 -0700, Thryth wrote:
The Amazon and the Moneylender: Episode 10, Part 2:
Visitations
[HFBR=Hopefully the Final Bloody Rewrite...:)]
The Mousse scene works perfectly, but the other scenes for the cured curse
victims go by too quickly, Particularly Ranma's. Ryouga is okay, but
Ranma's scene feels 'plugged in' to the rest of the story, with little
effect on the rest of the story. Wouldn't Ranma be more exuberant or upset
or *something* after a year+ of being cursed?
Still looking forward to more!
C.
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C. Jones - guilty@furinkan.net
http://www.furinkan.net
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