DB Sommer wrote:
Ah, time to return favors:
Yep. As I shall be doing later this day.
I was informed that I have not been properly preparing my readers for
what comes in my fic.
Tsk. Tsk. We should all know by now what to expect from you: Nothing our
own twisted minds could come up with, since you are far worse than anyone
else here.
Thank you. Thank you. Finally. The recognition I deserve.
involves fights, innuendo, violence,
flagrant copyright infringement, bad puns, and strange scenes.
What, no lesbian sex? And in a Sailor Moon fic no less? Shame on you.
I have something worse planned actually.
as tasteful as The Naked Gun but not
quite as suave.
If it was, you'd be writing movie scripts, now wouldn't you? ^_^
Probably.
"I will," the black clad figure replied. He winked at her and turned to
go.
The nurse instantly fell wildly in love with him and was heartbroken as
he left.
Saw that coming. ^_^
that has got to be one of the single greatest cliches in SI.
Mr. I. A. Shara
Couldn't you have picked a less silly name as well? :P
I wanted a name which ever so subtley implied that he was a SI.
"Oh yeah! Save the Senshi, have wild sex with all of them at once,
smack Tux-boy around, break the fourth wall, and THEN hit the Tokyo club
scene. And meet Rumiko Takahashi, the dude who did Gunnm, and others."
Mr. Shara smiled. Instantly, every woman within fifty feet turned his
way and looked him over a few times. Many were the irate boyfriends in
the park that day.
Except for the ones that liked men too.
I said many, not all.
Humming slightly, Mr. Shara continued his stroll.
He had only gone a few steps before a sound reached his incredibly
perceptive ears. Breaking into a slow jog of about forty mph or so, easy
for someone of his innate power,
Or for someone out of 'Shadows Without Light'
Basically. This guy's worse though. Better fashion sense as well.
He swept his sword from his sheath and slashed twice, using the
obscenely overpowered secret techniques of...of.... whatever the hell
his style was again. The ninety-seven foes he faced fell to the floor
immediately. It was a really crowded dark alley.
Sadly, this does remind me of many SIs.
the Satire element becomes clear.
up and saw her rescuer.
She fell hopelessly, wildly, really, really improbably, and
disproportionately in love with him at first sight.
But then the feeling passed and she became irritated. She had wanted to
kick the collective asses of all of her assailents with her own unnamable
sword technique.
Wait about a page.
For his part, Mr. Shara looked around at the almost five score foes he
had just vanquished. There was only one thing he could say. "Damn, I'm
cool."
Right out of the Book of D'Amour: How to Pick Up Chicks. You've learned
well.
One does one's best.
I could have taken them out like that." Mr. Shara
snapped, releasing a small energy blast skywards.
The woman just stared at him with worshipful adoration in her eyes. He
smiled back. A 747 fell on his head.
More dignified then a Dojo Destroyer, anyway. ^_^ (Yes, I remember you
warning me about this scene being written well before TWHN. Works well)
It did seem to fit.
The 747 had, in addition to the considerable damage caused by its
rather forcible collision with the ground, a gaping hole in the cockpit.
There, a mysterious blast of green light had crashed, without warning,
through the plane's walls and destroyed several of the critical
computing systems.
Probably from an Albatross. They release funky green lights all the time,
you know.
Yes. Thats it. An Albatross.
***
The sun rose over Tokyo, as it was wont to do, and bathed the city in
light. The light passed Hino Rei, quietly humming as she swept the steps
of her shrine. It rolled through an open window and cascaded across
Tsukino Usagi, as she lay asleep in her bed. The warm illumination
pressed against the curtains that kept Kino Makoto's room cool and dark.
The sun's rays greeted Aino Minako as she yawned and staggered to the
window, wiping sleep from her eyes.
and kicking the guy she had picked up last night out of her bed.
I didn't think it even needed to be said.
It was into the light that a figure pulled himself. He lifted his tired
body from the sea and collapsed on the pier, his considerable reserves
of energy depleted. As he panted, sucking bright breaths
'bright breaths'? Wrong adjective there. Perhaps 'deep' or something else.
Bright invokes relations to vision rather than breath.
Uh.... florescent air?
"Now." The immense intruder reached out and wrapped one giant palm
across the dock laborer's face. For a moment they both glowed bright
blue. Then the unfortunate victim slumped and fell to his face.
Everyone nearby scattered.
Hmm. Interesting.
Blatant introductory scene.
***
Tokyo is a city that never sleeps but bathes frequently. As opposed to
New York, the city which doesn't even know what a shower is,
Better than Detroit, the urban equivelent of an armpit which no amount of
baths or showers could ever clean.
I've been to both. New York is worse. It boggles the mind.
combination merged with waste gasses,
and the run off from the industrial complexes gave all three a unique
tang.
Surprisingly, it smelled a lot like Chanel Number 5. What irony.
Number 4 actually. But close.
The air was singularly foul in places where the breezes were
blocked. Above the "Saint Frufru," international freelance freighter
carrying a load of poultry, the smell was incredibly fowl,
Ouch
What? <Complete innocence?>
A huge amount of money and goods went through the Tokyo harbor every
day. Some of it was even legal. In dingy lit rooms, men toiled and
molded the future of the Japanese economy. They worked, sweating and
swearing, with no regard for the law or the Japanese Better Business
Bureau. These were cold and desperate men, willing to do anything to
make just a little more money.
Major League Baseball players?
Not that bad. Merely basketball.
On this particular day, the Senshi five were locked in combat against a
huge, pale man. He had finished replenishing his depleted reserves and
had quite a surplus when the Sailors had arrived upon the scene. As
such, he was tossing magic constantly, intent on ridding the world of
these irritating Senshi.
Go, Unknown Big Guy.
I see the Magic Girls are garnishing as much support as I anticipated.
For their part, the Senshi were putting more effort into dodging and
surviving then
than (I think)
Yep.
of when the Senshi took an exceptionally good hit or
dished out one of their own. It was the height of Nemesian culture.
Actually sounds pretty cool.
Hence it being the height of their culture.
"How the hell am I going to do that? That was over a thousand years
ago."
His answer was a long, flat look.
"Oh yeah. That wouldn't be much of a problem to you, would it?"
D'oh, Cyanide.
Happens to the most annoying of us.
To her right, Mars was pinned down with Moon behind a pile of I-beams.
A lemon writer's dream.
One must speculate. Considering how tasteless the average chapter of
this is, combined with how tasteless the average lemon is, I don't know
if I'd survive writing a lemon.
To her left, Venus and Jupiter were trying to distract their opponent
with a series of magical blasts. It wasn't working.
So they gave him a gratuitous shot of cleavage.
Exactamo. That was plan A.
was interrupted.
That reads a bit awkwardly. I think I'd rephrase it, but nothing is coming
to mind now.
Um, lemme think.
Venus ducked into an alley and started panting. Unfortunately, her
respite was cut short as her foe also entered the alley, his right hand
glowing profusely with black light.
"Now, you die Sailor Swine!"
Venus: No. That's Akari Unryuu who's Sailor Swine, and she only appears in
cheesy Ranma/SM fusions. This is a cheesy fusion of a different kind
Hah! It's not a fusion! It's an even cheesier crossover!
Pearl yelled and climbed to his feet. "Oh, now you will pay, Sailor
Saddlebags."
Venus saw red.
Especially since all the other senshi were nodding in agreement with Pearl.
Well, she was getting a bit beefy.
about whatever it had been that had
caused such a berserker fury.
"Are you all right?" Mercury asked.
"Am I fat?" She replied.
she replied.
"Am I an airhead?" Usagi offered as an answer.
Not that beefy.
***
Meanwhile, in a different part of town, the doors of a small
convenience store were thrown open. A figure burst through and grabbed
the scrawny, pimple faced clerk by the collar. "Give me bandages,
aspirin, and all the Preparation H in the store!"
Hmm. This chapter lacked something. Perhaps it was trying too hard at being
silly. 'Eclipse' was successful for me in that it was funny without trying
to be so. Almost as though you were making it appear that you were trying
to be serious, and helplessly failing. Obviously you were not, of course,
but the humor felt less forced. Still, I liked this, just think it could be
better.
I don't really have much say in how each chapter comes out. It
basicially dictates itself and smacks me when I try to guide it at all.
A note of interest about the puns, Cyanide's basic chemical formula is
NC-. That bares a striking resemhblance to the abreviation for Annoying
New Character, eh?
D.B. Sommer
Thanks muchly. I always enjoy hearing from you.
Miashara