Ah, time to return favors:
I was informed that I have not been properly preparing my readers for
what comes in my fic.
Tsk. Tsk. We should all know by now what to expect from you: Nothing our
own twisted minds could come up with, since you are far worse than anyone
else here.
As such, please take note of the following
warnings. Warning: the folllowing
following
involves fights, innuendo, violence,
flagrant copyright infringement, bad puns, and strange scenes.
What, no lesbian sex? And in a Sailor Moon fic no less? Shame on you.
<other than the Senshi themselves> and a plethora
of warped events. It's atleast
at least
as tasteful as The Naked Gun but not
quite as suave.
If it was, you'd be writing movie scripts, now wouldn't you? ^_^
Chapter 2
"Thank you and have a nice day!" The
the
nurse said, smiling.
"I will," the black clad figure replied. He winked at her and turned to
go.
The nurse instantly fell wildly in love with him and was heartbroken as
he left.
Saw that coming. ^_^
Mr. I. A. Shara
Couldn't you have picked a less silly name as well? :P
"Oh yeah! Save the Senshi, have wild sex with all of them at once,
smack Tux-boy around, break the fourth wall, and THEN hit the Tokyo club
scene. And meet Rumiko Takahashi, the dude who did Gunnm, and others."
Mr. Shara smiled. Instantly, every woman within fifty feet turned his
way and looked him over a few times. Many were the irate boyfriends in
the park that day.
Except for the ones that liked men too.
Humming slightly, Mr. Shara continued his stroll.
He had only gone a few steps before a sound reached his incredibly
perceptive ears. Breaking into a slow jog of about forty mph or so, easy
for someone of his innate power,
Or for someone out of 'Shadows Without Light'
He swept his sword from his sheath and slashed twice, using the
obscenely overpowered secret techniques of...of.... whatever the hell
his style was again. The ninety-seven foes he faced fell to the floor
immediately. It was a really crowded dark alley.
Sadly, this does remind me of many SIs.
The single woman who would
woman, who
have been the victim of the heinous crime
plotted in the hearts of those evil men looked
men, looked
up and saw her rescuer.
She fell hopelessly, wildly, really, really improbably, and
disproportionately in love with him at first sight.
But then the feeling passed and she became irritated. She had wanted to
kick the collective asses of all of her assailents with her own unnamable
sword technique.
For his part, Mr. Shara looked around at the almost five score foes he
had just vanquished. There was only one thing he could say. "Damn, I'm
cool."
Right out of the Book of D'Amour: How to Pick Up Chicks. You've learned
well.
"Oh, my hero!"
"Oh, My Hero!" (seems better to capitalize it to me. She's really putting
him on the pedastal then)
"No problem ma'am.
problem, ma'am
I could have taken them out like that." Mr. Shara
snapped, releasing a small energy blast skywards.
The woman just stared at him with worshipful adoration in her eyes. He
smiled back. A 747 fell on his head.
More dignified then a Dojo Destroyer, anyway. ^_^ (Yes, I remember you
warning me about this scene being written well before TWHN. Works well)
The 747 had, in addition to the considerable damage caused by its
rather forcible collision with the ground, a gaping hole in the cockpit.
There, a mysterious blast of green light had crashed, without warning,
through the plane's walls and destroyed several of the critical
computing systems.
Probably from an Albatross. They release funky green lights all the time,
you know.
From under a pile of debris, which mysteriously didn't injure anyone
else including
else, including
***
The sun rose over Tokyo, as it was wont to do, and bathed the city in
light. The light passed Hino Rei, quietly humming as she swept the steps
of her shrine. It rolled through an open window and cascaded across
Tsukino Usagi, as she lay asleep in her bed. The warm illumination
pressed against the curtains that kept Kino Makoto's room cool and dark.
The sun's rays greeted Aino Minako as she yawned and staggered to the
window, wiping sleep from her eyes.
and kicking the guy she had picked up last night out of her bed.
It was into the light that a figure pulled himself. He lifted his tired
body from the sea and collapsed on the pier, his considerable reserves
of energy depleted. As he panted, sucking bright breaths
'bright breaths'? Wrong adjective there. Perhaps 'deep' or something else.
Bright invokes relations to vision rather than breath.
"Now." The immense intruder reached out and wrapped one giant palm
across the dock laborer's face. For a moment they both glowed bright
blue. Then the unfortunate victim slumped and fell to his face.
Everyone nearby scattered.
Hmm. Interesting.
***
Tokyo is a city that never sleeps but bathes frequently. As opposed to
New York, the city which doesn't even know what a shower is,
Better than Detroit, the urban equivelent of an armpit which no amount of
baths or showers could ever clean.
Down at the harbor it
harbor, it
was another story. There the ocean rose to meet
the shore, and the stench rose to meet everything. Illegally dumped
refuse mixed with motor oil, the
oil. The
combination merged with waste gasses,
and the run off from the industrial complexes gave all three a unique
tang.
Surprisingly, it smelled a lot like Chanel Number 5. What irony.
The air was singularly foul in places where the breezes were
blocked. Above the "Saint Frufru," international freelance freighter
carrying a load of poultry, the smell was incredibly fowl,
Ouch
A huge amount of money and goods went through the Tokyo harbor every
day. Some of it was even legal. In dingy lit rooms, men toiled and
molded the future of the Japanese economy. They worked, sweating and
swearing, with no regard for the law or the Japanese Better Business
Bureau. These were cold and desperate men, willing to do anything to
make just a little more money.
Major League Baseball players?
The criminal element, on the other hand, was ensconced in well-lit
hotels and ate from silver platters. They knew better than to treat
themselves like animals.
S'truth.
On this particular day, the Senshi five were locked in combat against a
huge, pale man. He had finished replenishing his depleted reserves and
had quite a surplus when the Sailors had arrived upon the scene. As
such, he was tossing magic constantly, intent on ridding the world of
these irritating Senshi.
Go, Unknown Big Guy.
For their part, the Senshi were putting more effort into dodging and
surviving then
than (I think)
***
In the Glass, the battle between the Senshi and this Negaverse relic
was being shown. The glass was roughly forty feet in diameter so the
result was a bit more intense then the average wide screen TV. It showed
instant reply
replay
of when the Senshi took an exceptionally good hit or
dished out one of their own. It was the height of Nemesian culture.
Actually sounds pretty cool.
"How the hell am I going to do that? That was over a thousand years
ago."
His answer was a long, flat look.
"Oh yeah. That wouldn't be much of a problem to you, would it?"
D'oh, Cyanide.
To her right, Mars was pinned down with Moon behind a pile of I-beams.
A lemon writer's dream.
To her left, Venus and Jupiter were trying to distract their opponent
with a series of magical blasts. It wasn't working.
So they gave him a gratuitous shot of cleavage.
Pearl was irate. He hadn't fed on human energy in twenty five thousand
years and on his first meal after that time he
time, he
was interrupted.
That reads a bit awkwardly. I think I'd rephrase it, but nothing is coming
to mind now.
A Jupiter Thunder whatever glanced off his shield on his right, but he
ignored it. He was not to be dissuaded. The only way he was going to
beat these Senshi was eliminate
was to eliminate
The second the dark Negacreep came over the top of the truck Venus was
hiding behind, she started running. He had previously screamed something
about avenging his ex-Queen Beryl, and for some reason, she felt he
might be testy with them. She leapt over a series of black blasts that
perforated the store behind her. Furious his target
Furious that his
Venus ducked into an alley and started panting. Unfortunately, her
respite was cut short as her foe also entered the alley, his right hand
glowing profusely with black light.
"Now, you die Sailor Swine!"
Venus: No. That's Akari Unryuu who's Sailor Swine, and she only appears in
cheesy Ranma/SM fusions. This is a cheesy fusion of a different kind
Pearl yelled and climbed to his feet. "Oh, now you will pay, Sailor
Saddlebags."
Venus saw red.
Especially since all the other senshi were nodding in agreement with Pearl.
After a moment, the other Senshi approached Venus. She was standing in
a small crater, panting heavily. Before her was a fading trace of magic
Pearl had used when he had finally succeeded The
succeeded. The
Senshi slowly formed a
circled
circle
around her, slight nervous
slightly
about whatever it had been that had
caused such a berserker fury.
"Are you all right?" Mercury asked.
"Am I fat?" She replied.
she replied.
"Am I an airhead?" Usagi offered as an answer.
***
Meanwhile, in a different part of town, the doors of a small
convenience store were thrown open. A figure burst through and grabbed
the scrawny, pimple faced clerk by the collar. "Give me bandages,
aspirin, and all the Preparation H in the store!"
Hmm. This chapter lacked something. Perhaps it was trying too hard at being
silly. 'Eclipse' was successful for me in that it was funny without trying
to be so. Almost as though you were making it appear that you were trying
to be serious, and helplessly failing. Obviously you were not, of course,
but the humor felt less forced. Still, I liked this, just think it could be
better.
D.B. Sommer