It was the year 2000. The year we make contact.
In space, there can be no sound. However, the Sentinel's cry
could be heard throughout all of creation.
The black monolith stood its eternal, silent watch over the
surface of the moon. The one by four by nine black obelisk became the
definition of motionless, buried partially in the lunar rock, as the
shrill shriek of its voice carried on all frequencies. Scientists in
moon suits winced, as they looked onto its alien glory, floodlamps
unable to penetrate that eternal darkness, a darkness that was in
actuality filled with stars, yet as impenetrable as reality itself...
A large yellow bulldozer crashed into the monolith, knocking it
flat. The sound stopped. Scientists looked confused.
Controversial Jack peered through the glass of his spiky-headed
space helmet, and over the controls of the Caterpillar moon crawler
he'd rented from U-Doze-It. "HEY! Beat it, you bums!" he ordered.
"I've got a show to put on here!"
The scientists sheepishly picked up their monolith and went home.
"Honestly, Washuu, these NASA guys have been getting damn cocky
since that whole Pathfinder thing," Jack complained, throwing the
machine into gear and plowing over the site of man's greatest
discovery. "I think they need a few shuttle explosions to knock 'em
out of complacency."
"There was that polar lander that burned up in orbit because they
left a line of code out," Washuu commented absently, as she peered
behind them, at the massive structure they were towing into place.
"Jack, you understand, the only reason I took time out of my
preparations for tonight was as a personal favor. This, plus setting
up Gally's ladder match, took a chunk of time away from very important
work. I expect to be paid back for this."
"Yeah, yeah, I know," Jack said, with a grin. "That's fine. The
results will make it all worthwhile. Besides, you CyberGrrlz are nice
ratings draws... except that blue guy. But I've got some ideas for how
to revamp his gimmick and get him over with the crowd -- no sense in
wasting perfectly good talent. How does he feel about dressing up as a
giant condom?"
"He's nowhere near operational," Washuu warned. "I've sent him
home to Dr. Light for repairs. He'll pull through, but not for awhile.
Besides, Gally's more important right now, her repairs are only 80%
complete, at best... you're going to put her match later on the card,
right?"
"And you up front, as requested," Jack verified. "Plenty of time
to finish the repair job between the two matches. Gally fighting at
less than 100% would probably suck for her and for my ratings. I tell
you, Washuu, tonight... tonight is a HUGE risk. Holding a pay per view
from the surface of the moon and shuttling everybody up here is no
cheap task..."
"Not to mention the parts for your new portable Mini-Ultradome,
and for the surprise battleground you had me--"
"Right, right. But don't worry your spiky red haired head that
looks so much like my own beloved 'do! Everything will pay off when
this stunt sparks MEGA buyrates! Ultra may be in a bad situation now,
but mark my words... after tonight, EVERYTHING's gonna change."
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
Back on Earth...
Back on Earth, Nabiki was bored. For the last few weeks, ever
since dropping her managerial role at Ultra, months since dropping her
job as technical director, she'd had to put up with being... totally
normal. Your average schoolgirl, with your average allowance (plus the
occasional racketeering take) and your average importance in the grand
scheme of things.
She missed the excitement. She missed BEING someone. But most of
all, she missed the money. There was nothing like making an adult's
salary, then being bumped down to hunting the desk drawer in your room
for spare yen so you could buy a soda. (Nabiki had even taken to
buying a lottery ticket a week, just in case -- not that she ever won.)
Being poor means you don't get to go out much. For example,
tonight was a Sunday night, which was just like Saturday in that she
was staying home and not doing anything of interest other than sitting
around, eating chips and watching TV. There was only a minor
difference: tonight, instead of watching the Simpsons dubbed badly into
Japanese, Kasumi had ordered UltraRage Delta. She got it for free,
compliments of Jack, in some cheapo token thanks for handing him the
keys to the kingdom.
Nabiki eyed her sister, so calmly sitting at the other end of the
recently purchased living room couch, waiting for the show to come on.
Kasumi hadn't missed a single episode of Ultra since leaving it high
and dry in Manhattan. No matter how often she visited Dr. Tofu, no
matter how often she had to attend to Ranma, she'd be here around
Ultratime, quietly sipping tea and watching with smiling delight.
It was getting a bit annoying, to tell the truth.
"Why do you LIKE this show, oneechan?" Nabiki asked, interrupting
the quiet. "It's gone downhill ever since you put Jack in charge of
it. They only got a lousy two thousand people at the last show, or
something. My market theorists friends at eTrade say they're inches
away from bankruptcy."
"Oh my," Kasumi said, surprised. "I hadn't noticed all of
that..."
"How could you not NOTICE?"
"I was too busy watching all my friends," she said, returning to
her smile. "Everything's so wonderful. Jack-san has had a lot of bad
luck lately, but I know he can pull things together -- I made the right
choice, since he loves his job so much, with all of his heart..."
"JACK? He's a tyrant who makes decisions with a dartboard! He
wouldn't know a good business decision if it bit him in the ass!"
"He's a big softie, he just doesn't want to admit it," Kasumi
smiled. "Ultra isn't just about money, Nabiki-chan. It's about people
working out their problems. Why, just last week, those nice Rocket
Team people were so happy about winning! I hope they do well tonight."
"How can you say it's not about money? It was the most profitable
industry on earth when you were in control of it! If *I* was running
the show, I could turn it back into a money machine in mere days, I
bet!"
"I gave all the surplus money to charity," Kasumi reminded.
"Kasumi, don't use the 'C' word," Nabiki gagged.
"Don't worry, Nabiki-chan. One day, when you're older, you'll
understand that sometimes the true rewards of your hard work aren't
counted in numbers," Kasumi philosophized, as she served up the snacks
she'd prepared. "Tea? Octopus wafers? Dried eel?"
"Tea," Nabiki said quickly. That was the other thing she missed;
expensive imported American food, like pizza that didn't have corn on
it. This wasn't working for her. Being a normal Japanese girl was not
going to work. But there wasn't much she could do about it, not yet.
Pantyhose Tarou wandered in front of the TV, blocking her view.
She leaned to the left to see better.
...wait.
"Hello, Tarou-san!" Kasumi smiled. "Fancy seeing you here in our
house!"
Tarou looked up, noticing where he was for the first time.
"...the hell? Tendo?! How did I get here?"
"You must have used the door I installed for easy access to
heaven," Kasumi said, realizing. "Oh my. I thought I'd locked it.
Would you like some tea?"
"I've been wandering through the planes of space and time for the
better part of several weeks without food or water," Tarou said. "Damn
right I want some tea. And food. Go make me some food, woman."
"Okay!" Kasumi smiled, getting up and heading to the kitchen,
while Tarou took the pre-warmed spot on the couch where she was
sitting. He slung back two cups of tea before sparing a glance at
Nabiki.
"Hey," Nabiki greeted, unenthusiastically.
"Hey," he said. "What're you watching?"
"It's just..."
{ M A G I C A L T R O U B L E S H O O T I N G }
{ C R O S S O V E R F I G H T I N G }
{ F E D E R A T I O N }
{ .-----------. }
{ | U-L-T-R-A | }
{ `-----------' }
{ http://www.improfanfic.com }
| | | - +-- ---. ._
| | | | | / | \
|__/ ___ | | \ | _\
._
UltraRage | \
DELTA: | _\ LUNAR ECLIPSE
+---
| -.
_ \__|
| \ +--- | - +-- ._
| | | -- | | | \
|_/ +--- +--- | | _\
Episode 41
Written by Stefan Gagne
With tag team assist from Eternal Lost Lurker
The crowd was quiet.
Yeah, you heard me, quiet.
You could hear a pin drop.
Then the FIREWORKS WENT OFF AND SPARKLERS FLEW AND BIG EXPLOSIONS
AND BURSTS OF FLAME FILLED THE AIR and everybody was happy and loud
again!
But they were still quiet compared to most Ultra audiences. That
was because the Mini-Dome, with a wonderful clear canopy to show the
Earth hanging high above, only sat 1,000 fans, and that's just not much
of a crowd compared to the thirty G's that they stuff into Ultradome
Tokyo.
Hiroshi scanned the crowd, a bit surprised, but moved right into
his introduction. This was UltraRage DELTA, and he'd MAKE it as
exciting as it deserved to be!
"ARE YOU READY FOR SOME ULTRAVIOLENCE?!" Hiroshi shouted, as the
camera whip-panned over the crowd. "Are you ready for a war? Bitter
enemies go toe to toe in fights MONTHS in the making, as we are live
and direct from the SEA OF TRANQUILITY -- not that anybody in the house
will be tranquil, I can say that for sure!!"
"Jack, in his ongoing campaign to do crazier and crazier stunts to
give us a defribulator shot to the chest, has set up this very..
unusual crowd," Daisuke explained. "You'll notice a high number of
VIPs, politicians, and celebrities in here tonight. They're all very
special guests, invited by Controversial Jack and shuttled up here just
for UltraRage Delta. Look, there's Bon Jovi with an 'I'm a Dan Fan'
sign... although if I was Dan, I'm not sure I'd want that guy in my
corner..."
"And there's Fidel Castro! There's Puff Daddy! And there's Bill
Gates!" Hiroshi name-dropped. "Bill's got a Marlo sign, go figure...
and it seems that in the seats right behind us, we've got--"
"HIIIEEE!!!!" Sana-chan screamed, waving her 'I WANNA SEE BLOOD
AND GUTS' sign in front of Hiroshi. "I'm on camera! Waiwaaaai!"
"You're on camera every week, Sana," Daisuke muttered.
"Work with me, Daisuke! Don't wreck my fun of being on Ultra!!"
Sana threatened, bopping him with a hot dog onna stick.
"We've got an amazing show for our pay per view audience at home!"
Hiroshi shouted, after pushing Sana's sign out of the way. "Mewtwo vs.
Washuu! Marlo in my specially booked mystery match I'm DEFINITELY
looking forward to! We've got interdimensional ladder matches, we've
got Team Rocket in da hizouse, Naga taking on the romantic heartthrob
Sephiroth, and above all -- we've got the RANMA SAOTOME MEMORIAL GAMMA
TOURNAMENT! Shingo, Sakura, Morrigan, Mr. Satan, only ONE walks out
with the gold! If that wasn't enough, Jack's promised a special match
for the ENTIRE Lambda division before the night is over!"
"Right now, we've got a special Omega grudge match for you,"
Daisuke explained, reading the notes off his clipboard while staying
out of hot dog onna stick range. "It's been boiling over for weeks,
with the monster pocket monster plowing through CyberGrrl after
CyberGrrl. He's sworn to take out Washuu, and he's going to try
tonight -- it's going to be a special... man, these names are getting
more and more ridiculous... ahem. 'Special Omega Rules Pokemon League
Tournament Grudge Match'. Coming to us live and direct from the
Houston Astrodome, which has been refitted for a Pokemon stadium field,
here's to hoping the good state of Texas doesn't sue us."
"Hey, Daisuke, don't knock Texas. They make a mean barbecue."
"They also have the highest number of deaths by lethal injection,
but at least it's good to know the last meal will be good down home
cooking," Daisuke Sarcastro'ed.
"Dai, dai! Come ON! Cheer up!" Hiroshi nearly ordered. "This is
ULTRARAGE! The culmination of an entire season of our hard work. It's
a time to celebrate!"
"Something's going to go horribly, horribly wrong," Daisuke
naysayed. "I just know it."
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
Mewtwo floated lightly, priming his psychic powers. He had waited
long for this moment... even if the setting confused him.
His opponent, the scientific madwoman Washuu Hakubi, had demanded
a Pokemon league rules match. Mewtwo had left all of his pokemon
allies behind, but he would simply use himself; that was legal in the
rules, by simple virtue of nobody writing a rule against a pokemon
entering itself. But Washuu...
The young scientist stepped out of a portal, on the other side of
the Pokemon field of battle, still wearing her space-suit. She took
off the helmet, shaking out her impressive mane of hair... but didn't
seem to have a pokeball with her. What twisted, unholy genetic
experiment was she cooking to pit against him in battle? Mewtwo would
have frowned, if he had a mouth. It would be typical of the heartless,
cold forces of science to breed a being just to absorb the punishment
she had coming to her.
>>No stalling. No taunts. No preludes,<< Mewtwo declared,
raising his arm to signal the fight's opening. >>I have come for one
purpose only, and that is to destroy you, Washuu. For your sins
against pokemon and your atrocities against nature itself--<<
"I'm fuzzy on this whole sins and atrocities thing," Washuu said,
refusing to launch into battle. "Is it about the 'Darchu' thing? It
was a joke, okay? Maybe a little mean spirited, but I apologized to
him between shows, and there's no hard feelings now--"
>>And your friends? The robots, the unholy blends of life and
technology you sent against me?<< Mewtwo asked.
"You called them out! They were just trying to stop you from
getting at me. That's why we're friends! You crippled them just for
that?"
>>They shouldn't have tried to fight me. They should have
surrendered you to me for the punishment you have coming. That they
would fight only proves they are your slaves.<<
"You're screwed up in the head, you know that?" Washuu said,
waving a little finger around the side of her head in that sarcastic
circular 'You're Nuts' motion so common in man's history. "Your logic
processes are all screwed up. You'd come up with any excuse to justify
your lashing out at the world, wouldn't you? I'm not to blame for your
nasty childhood, pal!"
A blue ball of firey power snapped into focus around Mewtwo,
matching the blazing light in his eyes.
>>ALL of your kind are to blame,<< he warned. >>Now, send your
Pokemon, and we will finish this!!<<
"Fine!" Washuu said, unzipping a pouch on her suit's backpack.
"You asked for it, and you're going to get it... my finest creation, my
perfect weapon, and the perfect child of my creation... RYO-OHKI! I
CHOOSE YOU!!"
A brown and white furry rabbit / cat hybrid jumped out of the
backpack, twisting twice before landing on its feet. Ryo-ohki was
ready for a fight; she arched her back, hissing at Mewtwo as she
scampered into the Pokemon ring.
"Way back when I first got into this federation, I promised Ryo-
ohki a chance to shine," Washuu said, smiling as she stared Mewtwo
down. "I figure this would be a very appropriate time. You've beaten
all of my friends, but you'll never defeat Ryo-ohki!"
"Myaaa!!!" the cabbit growled, positioning herself between Washuu
and Mewtwo.
>>...foolish.<< he shook his head, hovering into the ring. >>I
will get you, Washuu. And your little cabbit, too.<<
][ ULTRARAGE DELTA MATCH #1 : SPECIAL OMEGA RULES POKEMON LEAGUE
TOURNAMENT GRUDGE MATCH
][ RYO-OHKI w/Washuu VS. MEWTWO
][ FIGHT!!
Without even lifting a hand, Mewtwo's power flared around the
cabbit. Ryo-ohki waved her little paws in the air, trying to scrabble
back to the ground, Mya!ing in alarm all the way.
>>Useless,<< Mewtwo declared. It would be over in one shot.
Accelerating the telekinetic hold, he hurled the strange Pokemon
towards the roof of the Astrodome, intent on squashing it against the
ceiling...
Instead, a large, spiky spaceship tore right through the roof of
the dome like a machete through tinfoil. Twisted metal rafters crashed
to the astroturf below, taking out huge sections of the empty seating;
Mewtwo used a psychic shield to avoid damage, whereas Washuu simply
stood still and grinned madly as debris clattered all around her.
(Back at the Ultradome, Jack whistled, and tried not to think
about the repair bill of the Astrodome. After all, the buyrate would
MORE than cover the charges, and it was a damn impressive destructive
scene on video.)
"*MYAAA!!!!*" the crystalline spaceship roared, twisting around,
to face Mewtwo. Points of brilliant light formed, ready to launch into
targeting particle beams, each locked on Mewtwo.
Mewtwo studied the beams. They were powerful... but they were
physical streams of energy. Blocking them would be trivial. He
focused his mental shielding, keeping it in front of him, just as Ryo-
ohki's attack launched. The brilliantly colored beams flew straight...
...then curved around and slammed into his less protected back.
Mewtwo was knocked across the stadium, crashing into Section 7G.
"You don't think I'd send my baby here without SOME counterattacks
to your defenses, did you?!" Washuu shouted over the crashing din.
"Ryo-ohki, pummel him! You know what I said: don't kill him, but send
him running with his tail between his legs!"
"*MYAAA!!*"
Mewtwo exploded outward with willpower, carving a nice spherical
shape into the seats, running with at least 1.5 Tetsuos of psychic rage
by this point. His eyes were barely visible in the flickering aura of
power surrounding him, as he rushed the spaceship head on -- before it
could begin a second attack.
The ship plowed through the back of the Astrodome, tearing away a
good portion of the wall, before skidding to a halt in the parking lot.
Great chunks of asphalt and dirt flew up before Ryo-ohki took to the
air, quite happy to be free of that constructive stadium, and the REAL
fight began.
Both combatants had their own spherical shields, as they rammed
into each other repeatedly, bouncing around the sky like superballs on
crack. Both had firepower to spare... Mewtwo hurling black and purple
psycho shots, similar to M. Bison's fabled energy attacks (leading even
more to speculate about what the M. truly stood for), Ryo-ohki using
crazily swerving lasers and missiles that put a Valkyrie's ammo load to
shame. Explosion after explosion rocked the empty Texas sky.
Washuu stood on the ground, waving Rising Sun fans. "Go, go, Ryo-
ohki! Win one in the name of science and all things cute and adorable!
Beat that mean 'ol Mewtwo! And KICK HIS BLOODY TEETH IN for trashing
the Cybergrrlz!!"
"*Mya, myaaa!*" Ryo-ohki complained (translation: I can only do
one thing at a time here!).
The psychic Pokemon was getting alarmed. This one wasn't
overwhelmingly stronger than the others of Washuu's pathetic group...
Gally's Panzer Kunst was almost an issue for him, and Ifurita's copying
skills were troublesome. But Ryo-ohki's fight was different. There
was a size advantage, but the real problem was the strange Pokemon's
ferocity... she was fighting with all her heart. No matter how badly
she got hurt, she kept coming, like a relentless force.
The concept baffled Mewtwo. What possible reason could this thing
have to be so vigilant in battle, when Washuu was ordering it around?
The pondering had caused him distraction, as Ryo-ohki's beam
cannon knocked him back five hundred feet. No. Focus. Don't think.
Totality of purpose... of punishment. Mewtwo loaded everything he had
into his power, realizing what was needed here... a swift blow, a death
sentence. A prolonged fight served no purpose...
But as he charged up, he noticed Ryo-ohki doing the same. The
Pokemon was also preparing to end the fight, in one ungodly powerful
blast... the ball of energy forming, leashed but growing at an
exponential rate, dwarfed any previous attack. Mewtwo had no choice
but to continue; he had begun this endgame, and would finish it...
Washuu covered her eyes, to shield them from the glare. What was
going on up there? The blasts had stopped echoing, and...
"Whoa, whoa!" she shouted, waving her arms. "Ryo-ohki, don't!
You've taken too much damage, you'll get hurt if you try to--"
"*MMMYAAAA!!!*"
A brilliant, but totally silent white light filled the sky. They
were high up enough not to melt the buildings on the ground, but the
heat wave was like a blow to the chest. Washuu fell off her feet,
dazed... shortly before twin comets crashed into each endzone of the
Dome's turf.
Ryo-ohki's crystal spikes were warped and bent, the heat having
severely damaged them. The ship made no noises, no sound. But Mewtwo
wasn't in any better shape, severe burns all over his body, as he
crashed headfirst into the ground, and also did not move.
Gokuu, in Pokemon League referee's clothes, phased in quickly, to
issue the count. If neither could get up by ten, it would be a double
countout...
"Get up, Ryo-ohki!" Washuu shouted, waving her fans like mad. She
charged down the field, towards her fallen cabbit. "You can do it!
You're stronger than him! You're nicer than him! I know you can win
this fight!!"
"M... myaa..." the ship warbled.
"Nine... eight... seven..." Gokuu continued, keeping an eye on
both participants. "Six..."
Washuu ditched the fans.. but she knew she couldn't interfere,
couldn't touch the surface of Ryo-ohki to run a quick check of her
vital signs. She got as close as she dared, and kept waving her hands,
trying to get a reaction.
"You can't go down like this! Not like the others!" she yelled.
"I won't let Mewtwo take you down as well! Get up, Ryo-ohki, please!"
"Five... four... three..." Gokuu counted, concerned for the
cabbit's health as well. "Two... one..."
The spaceship stirred. Mewtwo did not. It was enough.
"...zero," Gokuu counted. "Mewtwo couldn't answer to the ten
count, but Ryo-ohki moved. I declare Washuu and Ryo-ohki the winners!"
Washuu quickly dove for the nearest access port on Ryo-ohki, and
focused on transferring her own energy reserves to the fallen cabbit.
"There there," she soothed. "You did it. You beat him. You got
revenge for all my friends... thanks. I'm sorry you had to get hurt to
do it..."
"...mya?" Ryo-ohki asked. "Myaa?"
"Of course I'm proud of you! When we get home, you can have TWO
metric tons of carrots and a healing plasma bath!"
"Mya, mya!" the jubilant spaceship celebrated, shaking around, and
nearly causing the already fragile superstructure of the dome to
collapse.
"With the power of science," Washuu declared, "NOTHING is
impossible! Yes! I rule!"
She snapped open a victory fan, and posed, right before the blue
beam struck her from behind.
Mewtwo blink-teleported in behind Washuu, hands held just inches
away from her head. >>You may have won this battle, scientist, but you
lose the war. My revenge will not be denied!<<
"That's ENOUGH!" Gokuu warned. He quickly lobbed a fireball,
aiming to knock Mewtwo away from Washuu safely -- and caught nothing
but air, as Mewtwo teleported away.
>>It is enough,<< Mewtwo decided. >>My task is complete.
Farewell, Washuu.<<
In a final flash of light, Mewtwo was gone. Moment later, Washuu
collapsed, unconscious.
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
"See? See?" Daisuke half-gloated, half-bitterly-commented.
"What'd I tell you? Something's gone horribly wrong. Shows you to
doubt me and my perfect pessimism."
"Uh.. uh...." Hiroshi stalled, listening to the frantic shouting
of Jack on his headset. "I'm... getting word that Washuu is being
rushed by dimensional portal to the medical ward of the UltraDome on
earth. We're going live to that scene right now!! Hold onto your
seats, folks!"
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
A stretcher burst through the doors, as medical techs wheeled
Washuu into the examination room. Ifurita was quick to follow, having
been summoned promptly from Washuu's lab to sign various insurance
papers for her.
Washuu herself... had regained consciousness, but clearly wasn't
entirely there. She kept absently smiling, and babbling nonsense, as
they wheeled her around.
Jack, who had emergency-teleported over, helped push the stretcher
along. "Crap crap crap crap crap," he cursed. "Just what we need
right now, an on-camera maiming. YO yo, guys, pronto, come on! Get
moving! What's wrong with her?"
"I know," Ifurita said quietly.
Everybody stopped, and stared.
"Psychic attack #15907, recognized," Ifurita recited from her
databanks. "Frequently used in character assassination tactics in the
ancient wars of El Hazard. Attack leaves victim alive... but in a
advanced state of poor mental health."
"...in a what?" Jack asked.
"Is it three o'clock?" Washuu asked, voice wobbly. "I have eggs
at three. Where's my puppy? Millenium hand and shrimp. Ifurita?
Hello. I haven't seen you in so long. Hello. Ifurita? I haven't
seen you in so long..."
"So... she's a turnip," Jack summarized. "An Alzheimer's victim.
Okay. Great. Just great. Umm... Ifurita, you stay here, work with
the docs, get a cure going--"
"There is no known cure. The one who did this must un-do it."
"--yeah, well, just work the problem, okay?" Jack said, testily.
"...I've got to make some calls. Gally's back at the lab, right?
Right. Okay. I've got a show to run. See to.. make sure she's okay.
As okay as she can be. Right. Later."
Controversial Jack shook his head, pushing is way through the
crowd, and stepping into a waiting portal.
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
Daisuke peered into his desk monitor. "Am I going nuts, or is
Jack showing actual concern and compassion for his workers?"
"Daisuke, give the man a break, Washuu HAS been helping him out a
lot with this show," Hiroshi added quietly. "Folks, if we have any
more updates on Washuu's condition, we'll be sure to tell you. It's a
dark moment... but I GARUNTEE you the next match is going to make up
for it! As we speak, there's a space-limo pulling up in the parking
lot..."
The camera cut to a shot of a futuristic stretch limo, with the
ULTRA logo painted down its side. It pulled into the docking bay of
the impromptu lunar Ultradome, door opening--
--before they cut back to Hiroshi. "And you know what that means,
right? It's time for that little special surprise I promised in
Lilith's honor!"
"Actually, I'm looking forward to this," Daisuke said, rubbing his
hands with mock-evil-scientist-glee. "It could be a lot of fun.
Assuming Marlo doesn't whip your ass like a redheaded stepchild after
all is said and done, Hiroshi."
"...uh... I hadn't thought of that."
"Then you'd better hope your plan goes as expected."
The lights promptly went out -- only to light back up again when
Marlo's pyro blasted off, an ear-shattering explosion that sent all the
celebs into a markish frenzy.
Marlo Semaj, reigning Hardcore champion, posed at the top of the
ramp, steel chair and microphone aloft, before strolling his angry ass
on down to the ring. He adjusted his vandalized gold belt, established
by Jack so many seasons ago as a 'baddest of the bad' championship, and
then... glared at Hiroshi.
"SO!" he shouted. "Hiroshi, you pussy! I understand you got so
whiny about me beating up your pedophiliac lover that you booked me in
a mystery match? Well, cry all you want! Life is hard; get a helmet!!
I'm not afraid of your amazing secret challenger. I've taken out guys
TWICE my size! Strength is NOTHING compared to the powers of the
Furnityre Savior!"
Daisuke frowned... and leaned over to whisper to his companion.
"I'm gonna try something. Hang on." He adjusted his headset. "Hello,
control booth?"
"I have been Hardcore champion for TEN episodes of Jack's
ridiculous little show!" Marlo continued, addressing the crowd now.
"He has NEVER given me a worthy challenger, because he's gotten just as
soft and pudgy as those two retards at ringside! Well, I've got to say
this... BRING ON the mystery challenger, because I'm in the mood to put
some guy down like a bad habit! Only true furniture warriors have the
balls, the chairs, the tables and the other wooden implements of doom
to even HOPE to have a chance in a snowball's shot in hell of possibly
scratching MAR--"
He mouthed the rest of his name, but no sound came out. He ranted
more, with more silence. The audience laughed away at him, as he
bapped the microphone a few times, confused...
Only to spot Daisuke and Hiroshi snickering from the announce
table, where they had just told the booth to cut off Marlo's
microphone.
Marlo tossed the mike down, and got his chair into a battle-ready
stance. "Okay, you little dorks, NOW you're gonna--"
And the lights went out a second time.
Even LOUDER pyro than Marlo's entrance flared off, as well as some
crazed punk song that seemed to be entirely centered on the word
'Baka', as the mystery challenger stood at the top of the ramp, wooden
mallet held high like Excalibur...
Hiroshi got on his feet for an impromptu standing ovation.
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" he announced. "I give you your FUTURE Hardcore
Champion, and personal friend of mine... AKANE TENDO!!"
The proverbial and literal jaw of Marlo dropped to the floor.
][ ULTRARAGE DELTA MATCH #2 : HARDCORE TITLE DEFENSE
][ MARLO SEMAJ vs. AKANE TENDO
][ FIGHT!!
The bell hadn't even chimed twice before Akane was down the ramp,
between the ropes and ready to fight, her Furinkan High fuku flapping
behind her. She twirled her mallet like Obi-Wan (whoosh whoosh), then
brought it down hard on Marlo's head.
Chair. Marlo's chair. He wasn't so stunned as to not block the
obvious attack -- he twisted the seat of the chair open and closed
fast, to snag the mallet, and lock up with Akane.
"You're Ranma's bitch, aren't you?!" he grunted, trying to keep
Akane at bay, while she pulled on the mallet and pushed, trying to
knock him off balance. "I know about you... what, are you here for
revenge? I'm not the one who drove him over the edge, your moron
sister was!"
The schoolgirl braced one leg, ready for her next move. "Not just
for him," she hissed, through gritted teeth. "But for Lilith, and
Hiroshi, and because you're a bully, and after what Ranma turned into,
I'm SICK of BULLIES!"
She lifted one foot, planted it against Marlo's chest, and PUSHED
hard -- the two finally broke apart, Marlo losing his chair. But the
warped metal was still wrapped around Akane's mallet, so by the time
her weapon was free, he had summoned a nice fluffy sofa and was holding
it overhead, the shadow looming...
WHAM. The ring thundered when the sofa landed on Akane, the
mallet not being enough to knock away something like that. Marlo
quickly jumped onto the sofa, and using skills honed as a small child
when he jumped up and down on his bed until his mommy yelled at him,
stomped the sofa down harder and harder.
"Uh... Hiroshi, I think Marlo has a slight advantage here,"
Daisuke said, looking for the exits. "Akane can't exactly whip out a
nine foot long couch from nowhere. You sure this was a good idea?"
"She's got a MORAL OBLIGATION to destroy that tyrant Marlo!"
Hiroshi declared, with 0.8 Dans worth of fighting spirit. "She fights
not just because I paid her sixteen hundred yen, she fights for women
everywhere, for truth, justice, and the Japanese way!! GAALU POWAH!"
"I don't think girl power is going to cover her hospital bill."
Marlo bounced to a slow halt, wheezing from the effort, as he
stood on the center cushion. He glared at the booing crowd, looking
decidedly pissed off.
"I thought I told you guys," he yelled. "NO MORE WEAK LITTLE
GIRLS! Is this the best Jack has to off--"
A hand reached up through the cushions like a zombie from the
grave, and latched onto Marlo's ankle. He looked down just in time to
see Akane emerge, slightly battered but possibly even MORE pissed off
than Marlo was.
"I. Am. NOT. A WEAK LITTLE GIRL!" she declared while whirling
Marlo around over her head like a human nunchaku. With a flick of the
wrist, the Furnityre Savior was airborne... and came down awkwardly on
the far turnbuckle. Something went 'crack', the wet sort of crack that
speaks of very high health insurance premiums...
The young Furniture Warrior awkwardly scrabbled to his feet... and
clearly was holding his right arm at his side. If not broken, it was
at least f'd up beyond all useful functionality. He snarled at Akane,
capitalizing on her pulling her foot free of the sofa... he whirled a
full Kenmore oven range up into his hands, and--
Dropped it. "AAAGH!!" he screamed, holding his arm.
"Akane's crippled the Furnityre Savior!!" Hiroshi declared.
"There's no way he can use his big guns when one of his arms is screwed
up! She's got this in the BAG!"
Indeed, Akane advanced on Marlo, cracking her knuckles. She
pulled a mallet out from behind her back, ready to end this fight here
and now. "Got any last words, punk?"
Marlo cowered in the corner... not afraid, mind you. That would
imply he thought she could beat him. The quick pulse and profusive
sweating and vague mental images of running for the horizon were merely
some basic, primal instinct. "Last.. last words? Sure.. I've got four
of 'em..."
Leaning across the announcer's desk, Daisuke peered at the shadow
behind Marlo's back. "Whoa. Wait a minute. What's he--"
With a snap of his good arm, Marlo clutched an ordinary desk lamp,
and swung... coming three feet short of Akane. But the POWER CORD for
the lamp did whip out and snag around her wrist, the AC/DC plug locking
into place.
Marlo hauled back with all his strength, pulling Akane to him --
right before he jumped out of the way. The surprised girl crashed into
the turnbuckle, head bouncing off the steel unpleasantly, and crashed
to the ground.
"Don't... F(BEEP) with MARLO!!" Marlo shouted, whacking her one
with the lamp for good measure.
"Aaagh!" Hiroshi shouted. "It's over! Marlo's won! It can't
be!"
"Hold up, Hiroshi, she's not unconscious," Daisuke noted. "She's
just dazed. If she can recover before Marlo does something..."
Marlo, however, was acting quickly. He was the innovator of
furniture violence, and needed no stalling to think of fun methods of
pain dispersal. He rolled out of the ring, and using his good arm,
quickly pulled out a wooden table from under the ring... he made sure
to set it up right in front of the announcer's desk.
"Oh, crap," Daisuke groaned. "We've seen him put people through
tables before... AKANE! Dammit, get up already!"
Akane tried to pull herself up by the turnbuckle ropes, but her
head was way too fuzzy to manage a full standing position. She
slipped, and ended up on her back again... while Marlo was still
preparing.
"It's just a table," Hiroshi said. "We've seen her take worse--"
First, he hauled a small bag out of the pocket of his coat... and
spread a nice, even layer of thumbtacks on the table.
"...it's just a table covered in thumbtacks," Hiroshi said, voice
cracking with nervousness. "We've... seen her take worse, right?"
Out came the lighter fluid, and bang, one instant flaming table
covered in thumbtacks.
"Okay, she's doomed," Daisuke declared.
"E-C-W! E-C-W! E-C-W!" the audience chanted, since sports
entertainment fans were by definition entertained by excessive use of
violence.
Marlo rolled back into the ring... gave Akane a few more kicks to
the head to keep her down. One final setup to go. He pulled a
grandfather clock out of furniture space, just tugging it flat on the
ground with his good arm... and set up a ladder, acting like a seesaw,
with the clock as the pivot. He dragged Akane onto one end... and
stood at the other.
Convoluted setup? Perhaps. But the crowd was going nuts for it.
"Checkmate, Akane," Marlo wheezed, getting ready. "Guess you're
as weak as that twit Saotome was..."
Akane twitched.
The young boy skipped back a few paces... then ran, rebounded off
the springy couch cushions from the leftover sofa, and SLAMMED down
hard feet first on one end of the ladder.
The leverage launched Akane into the air, to arc nicely into the
flaming table...
Until she managed to snag the top rope, brace one foot on it and
bounce RIGHT back onto her end of the ladder. Thus, launching MARLO
into the air.
"..." Marlo said, as he made this really beautiful flight plan
from ladder to midair over the top rope to crashing headfirst into a
flaming, thumbtack covered table.
"Oh my LINA!!" Hiroshi screamed, as the floor technicians quickly
doused Marlo in radioluminescent fire fighter's foam. "Akane just...
just REVERSED a Marlo special! This fight is over! This fight is
over!"
The bell rang, once it was clear Marlo wasn't going to be getting
up any time soon. Medical technicians stretched him out of there,
while Akane (dazedly) got her footing in the ring... and noticed the
discarded Hardcore belt nearby. With a grin of triumph, she scooped it
up, climbed a turnbuckle, and posed -- mallet in one hand, belt in the
other.
"We've got a new Hardcore champion! We've got a new champion!"
Hiroshi marked out, bouncing up and down on his (non-bouncy) steel
chair. "HA! I knew it! Who's the man? Who's the man?!?"
"You didn't do a damn thing, Hiroshi, she's the one who ate all
those lumps and finally ended Marlo's reign. You sat on your ass and
screamed the whole time."
"...well, I was with her in spirit. I've just been told we've got
a camera backstage where a decision is being made about tonight's
ladder match! Let's go live and see what we can see!"
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
Controversial Jack paced around, talking on a cellphone. That
little vein was already sticking out in his forehead.
"Look, just patch him up, okay?!" Jack ordered. "For Lina's sake,
we've been having injuries left and right tonight... just get Marlo in
decent enough shape and we'll worry about hospitalization later. He
JUST went through a flaming table, how bad could it be? I gotta go,
business to conduct..."
He flipped the phone shut, and turned back to the one with him.
"Okay... look, Gary--"
"Gally," Gally responded.
"I appreciate you wanting to go through with this fight and all
against B-ko," Jack explained, "But you DON'T HAVE ANY ARMS! What're
you gonna do, bite her legs off?!"
Gally stood in a (poorly fitting) beige trenchcoat, trying not to
make a big deal of her lack of limbs. "I can still do it. I know
plenty of fighting techniques I don't need my arms for, and the rest of
my body is perfectly functional--"
Her left ear fell off.
"Macabre," Jack commented. "Look, you're not repaired enough to
go toe to toe in a gimmick match. If Washuu's brains weren't yogurt
right now she'd have finished your upgrades, but as is--"
"I'm NOT the sort of person who walks out on a fight just because
of a boo-boo!" Gally growled, advancing on Jack (who backed off,
despite her being unarmed). "If I've got a spine and a brain and
enough fluids to power both of them -- and I do -- I'll fight. It's
not about easy wins, it's about fighting for what's right. Washuu's
friend is in danger--"
"--actually, from the date last week, it looks like Mihoshi's
pretty comfortable where she is--"
"--and I've been planning a long time for this fight," Gally said.
"So either you put me in there with B-ko, or... or... I'll bite your
legs off, okay?"
"Fine, fine!" Jack said, throwing up his hands in annoyance. "But
I'm not putting you in there alone. Would you object to me upgrading
this from a ladder match to a tag team ladder match? You can bring
along Ifurita."
"...I suppose that would be fine," Gally said. "We're both
fighting for the same cause. But what about B-ko?"
"You let me worry about that," he said. "I've got something I was
going to do next week, but hell, it's pay per view -- let's go crazy.
You head down to the portal room and I'll take care of the rest."
"If you try to screw me, Jack..."
"The whole POINT of this is so you don't get screwed," Jack said.
"What the hell will a one sides squash win by B-ko against a crippled
cyborg do for my ratings?! And more importantly, it wouldn't be
entertaining at all!"
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
"...did I just hear Jack say the show quality is more important
than the ratings?" Daisuke asked, in wonder.
"He's under a lot of stress, okay? Let's not poke him with a
stick, Daisuke, just earn your keep."
"Aaaand we're back, folks," Daisuke monotoned, taking the warning
to heart. "It looks like we've got a TAG TEAM interdimensional ladder
match for you. Washuu's constructed a special cubical zero gravity
space for the fight, and the combatants are now arriving, so... how's
it go? 'Let's get it on to the old barnhouse burning rumble?'"
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
B-ko floated in the indestructible cube, hanging a mile above the
Sea of Tranqulity. The transparent sides may have been as clear as
glass, but a quick round of missiles from her shoulder-mounted
launchers proved they'd hold up well in a fight.
In the middle of the cube floated a simple folding ladder...
except climbing it would activate the pressure pads on the rungs, and
open a small portal to a subdimension where her lovely Mihoshi was
being stored. Poor Mihoshi, all locked away in that dark pocket world,
waiting for her knight in shining power armor to...
What was she thinking? B-ko shook her head. Her heart went out
to Sephiroth, of course. And yet...
A portal across from her opened, and her opponent floated out...
along with a companion.
"...what? Wait, what is THAT wind-up doll doing here??" B-ko
asked, pointing a slender (yet accusatory) finger at Ifurita. "This
must be some kind of trick!"
"Sorry," Gally apologized. "Jack wouldn't let me fight without a
partner. But I'll take you on myself. Ifurita, stay back,
understand?"
"Understood," Ifurita spoke, floating backwards, to stay in her
team's corner.
B-ko frowned, pursing her lips in a very ojousama-esque way.
"Very well, if the trollop wishes to stay, she may. However, if YOU
have a partner, then who is my--"
"*Incoming!*" Jack's voice echoed throughout the cube...
A portal opened, and reluctantly, a bulky shape floated out of it.
Polished blue metal gleamed, as its wings spread wide, and its red eyes
flared with evil intent...
"*Seems he got caught snooping around someone's lab up north,*"
Jack explained. "*She said she 'patched his bug' and shipped him back
Federal Express overnight. He killed three mail sorters before they
finally called us to take him off their hands... B-ko, meet your tag-
team partner, CyberAkuma!*"
"..." CyberAkuma said, almost embarrassed to be here.
Gally would have smacked her forehead, if not for, well, you know.
"CYBERAKUMA?! It's you again?"
"..." Akuma replied. He flexed his metal hands. "...I did not
ask to be 'modified' again. It seems my 'creator' thought I was
'flawed' as a simple human."
B-ko sighed, and waved the dark shotokan master away. "Yes yes,
that's very nice. Now go wait in the corner like a good little boy,
while I--"
A blurring rush shot past her, as Akuma advanced into the cube's
playing field.
"...but that will not stop me from proving I am still a killing
machine!!" he declared.
][ ULTRARAGE DELTA MATCH #3 : TAG TEAM INTERDIMENSIONAL LADDER MATCH
][ B-KO / CYBERAKUMA vs. GALLY / IFURITA
][ FIGHT!!
Gally wasn't dense. She didn't freeze, or act all surprised; she
simply took her knowledge of zero gravity combat, and flicked herself
in a tight loop -- a kick snapped out, connecting with CyberAkuma's
chin. With her strength, and knowing his weak points from her big pay
per view fight with him in a similar steel hypercube, it should have
crippled him.
It didn't.
Akuma's head snapped back, certainly, but servo motors quickly
righted his balance, and he caught Gally from behind as her own kick
kept her spinning. He flared purple ki of the true Shotokan art into
his hands, pumped the energy into her body... and she blew up.
Small parts of her flew in all directions, including one leg.
Gally floated away, while her systems desperately tried to reboot
themselves...
Ifurita phased into space directly in front of CyberAkuma. For a
robot that barely understood the concept of emotional expression, she
looked... really unhappy.
Assuming a Shotokan fighting stance, moves she had long ago copied
off the same fighter, she prepared herself. CyberAkuma did similar...
and they were off, a blurring blaze of kicks and punches and exchanged
fireballs.
B-ko frowned, and would have stamped her foot if she had a surface
to stamp it on. "I MUST protest!! You are interfering in MY fight,
and you've taken out the one person I had most been looking forward to
taking out myself! I can't work under these conditions. I am taking
my dearest Mihoshi and going home--"
A plasma burst impacted against her side. Despite wearing a
bikini that exposed so much cleavage that the show had to be quickly be
jacked to a TV-14(DNVL) rating, it did a traditionally low amount of
damage.
Gally's body floated nearby.. and her eyes were open, and clearly
calling B-ko out. "As long as I can move, I'll fight you. You're not
just waltzing out of here with Mihoshi!"
"Oh, I wasn't just going to waltz out," B-ko teased. "No, first I
have something else in mind..."
Her shoulder-mounted missile racks sprouted sub-racks, which
sprouted extra rockets on swivel arms. Then her boots changed, more
missile launch tubes exposed, and then her helmet had a few pop up, and
two strategically placed on her breasts, etc...
Within two seconds she had about 176 tiny but extremely deadly
rockets targeting Gally.
"...first, I am going to DEFEAT YOU, A-ko-- ah, Gally!!" B-ko
declared. "OOOOOOOHOOHOHOOHOHOHOOOO!!! MISSILE FRENZY, ENGAGE!"
"...crap," Gally cursed.. and kicked off, planting her feet firmly
on the invisible wall of the cube. She skittered and hopped along the
wall, as all one hundred and seventy six warheads launched at once.
What followed, if animated, would likely occupy a great deal of
the seasonly budget, because no Valkyrie, no Gundam, no anything could
dodge that in close quarters quite in the way a Battle Angel(tm) could.
Twists, turns, leaps and spins, skitter left and skitter right, as
missiles whizzed mere centimeters away from clipping her body.
The resulting explosions had to be taken into account, the force
of each blast calculated into her next step, so that she was propelled
to safety each time... except once.
When the last missile clipped her body, and the resulting
explosion totally engulfed Gally, B-ko assumed it was over. So much so
that she decided to start up another nice hearty laugh, which was, of
course, exactly the wrong thing to do.
Scorched, and with nasty damage to several parts of her body,
Gally flew out of the blast cloud like a comet. B-ko had time to blink
once before Gally SLAMMED a headbutt on her -- strong enough to crack
Gally's face plate, strong enough to shatter B-ko's visor, and
definitely strong enough to render both of them near unconsciousness.
Gally's systems booted hard, trying to recover before B-ko could.
She acknowledged Akuma and Ifurita, still brawling away in a blurring
whirl of martial arts and ki exchanges, and worked around them..
floating over to the ladder. Almost there, almost there... she locked
her foot onto the first rung, the portal at the top opening as she
scaled...
...revealing Mihoshi, huddled up in a dark little pocket of
reality. "Waaah! Waaah! I'm scared of the dark!" she complained.
"Save me!"
"Don't worry, Mihoshi, I've got you now," Gally soothed.
Except Gally's voice processor wasn't quite up to snuff, and
sounded more like an evil chain smoking robot with strep throat, and
the headbutt had cracked her face open to expose the Terminator-like
understructure, and when Mihoshi saw THAT climbing up to get at her the
reaction was entirely predictable.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!" Mihoshi
shrieked. She kicked and kicked and kicked and kicked at Gally, to get
the evil robot monster away. "SCARY SCARY SCARY SCARYYY!!"
"..." Gally processed, before one naughty little wire came loose,
thanks to Mihoshi's incredible luck, and she was powered down for the
duration. She floated away -- or rather, was shoved away, as B-ko
pushed her off the ladder, and climbed up.
"Mihoshi! At last!" B-ko called out, taking her hand. "Don't be
afraid! I'm here to rescue you!"
"A big creepy android from the future tried to kill me!" Mihoshi
wailed. "I wanna go back to your mansion, B-ko-san!"
B-ko smiled, pulling Mihoshi into her arms. Somewhere in the
Ultradome, the bell rang, signifying her win -- she simply gave command
to her armored fortress parked on the dark side of the moon to open a
portal, and she fled with her 'hostage' / best friend. A portal
quietly opened, sucking Gally off to the medical ward.
Of course, those three weren't the only ones involved in the
match...
The fight might have been over for Gally and B-ko, but CyberAkuma
took no notice of it. What he DID notice was the raw power surging
through his enhanced muscles. It was nothing like the cheap copy he
had taken out with his own hands previously -- this was a TRUE upgrade.
Slowly, but surely, he had taken the fight to Ifurita, who was using
all of his moves but with inferior power...
Of course, she hadn't copied ONE particular move. With a brutal
kick to the head, CyberAkuma knocked her against the invisible wall, as
he powered up, charging right at her... the way of the fist guiding
him.
"KONGOU KOKURETSU ZAAAN!" he shouted, as his blazing fist glowed
brightly enough to drown out the light of the sun. It impacted solidly
on Ifurita's chest...
The walls of the cube cracked.
Then shattered completely. Ifurita flew off, brilliantly lit as a
flaming comet, heading right for earth. CyberAkuma floated in the void
of space, seeming quite pleased with himself. Perhaps this
'abominable' body Devilot had given him would not prove to be the
handicap he had assumed it would be.
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
Hiroshi watched the monitor, as CyberAkuma finally left the
annihilated remains of the cube, via portal.
"Uh... hey, Ultra fans in Denver, Colorado!" he announced. "Say a
big 'hello' to Ifurita! Because.. from what I'm hearing on my headset,
she'll be impacting just outside your city in about a minute. Daisuke,
can Ifurita survive a high speed orbital burn and crash?"
"I think the more important question is 'Will Washuu be sane
enough to repair her when they tow Ifurita back to the Ultradome',
Hiroshi," Daisuke said. "Folks, we've got ANOTHER Omega match coming
up, and this one's for the belt. Let's hope nobody gets maimed this
time. Naga, who recently was humiliated at the hands of Dark Schneider
is NOT going into this fight with a particularly confident air about
her. That's going to be bad, because the original lady killer himself
(in more ways than one), Sephiroth, is going to be challenging for the
belt. We'll have it for you soon, but first, a word from our
sponsors."
Daisuke sat back, after they cut to a brief promo spot. "I don't
think this night has been going to Jack's expectations. Maybe we've
had some hot fights, but the injuries are emptying the locker room.
You think he's gonna take it out on us? Lord knows he'd love to cut
what little salary I make..."
"I thought you wanted to be fired."
"What?"
"Well.. I mean, each week you complain about how much you hate it
here, and how you're sick of Ultra, and how you're not making enough--"
"I'm not making enough money," Daisuke said. "That's the key.
Look, you know me; from episode one onward I was never much of a
shrieking, easily pleased Ultra enthusiast. I leave that kind of
ridiculous behavior to you."
"Really? Gosh! Thanks, man!"
"But at least I was getting PAID and my life was not in a great
deal of danger," Daisuke added. "That's not the case any more, is it?
I've been KILLED, I've got a stalker, I've had pay cuts, you broke my
ARM--"
"I thought you weren't mad at me anymore!"
"I'm not. But I'm mad about it happening," he said, with his
usual unemotional tone. "Ultra has sucked for me lately. But you
honestly think I want to go back to being an ordinary schoolboy? Girls
TALK to me now that I'm on television, and not all of them stalk me.
If only things weren't so lousy around here, I wouldn't mind as
much..."
"Oh. Well... cheer up!" Hiroshi commanded. "I mean, it can't get
any WORSE, can it?"
For some bizarre reason, there was an ominous thunderclap despite
sound not carrying in space, much less enough moisture to merit a
storm.
".....you bastard," Daisuke grumbled.
"Huh? What? Um... anyway! It looks like we're ready to go, and
it's time we move back to the ring!" Hiroshi announced. "It seems our
reigning tag-team champions have been waiting in the ring during the
break... Yashiro isn't looking like his patience will last much
longer!"
Yashiro was slung up across two top ropes in a corner, like
sitting in a hammock. But he looked anything but relaxed. "What's
keeping those weird rocket people? I wanna get this match over with
and go home. I don't LIKE outer space."
"But Yaaaashiro! It's like the Void, you know?" Shermie said,
prancing about and blowing kisses to the fans. "And the Void is good!"
"I'm more interested in breaking that floof's kneecaps tonight,
not pondering the Void," Yashiro grumbled. "The nerve of those two
cheating their way into a fight with us! I'm gonna clean their clocks
and--"
"Don't we cheat to win fights too?"
"That's different," Yashiro said. "We've got the Void behind us.
Nothing we do is right or wrong. We simply progress, as we push onward
towards nothingness. ...dammit, now you have me pondering the Void. I
want to FIGHT!"
The house lights went off. The crowd popped. The fight was near.
But this time, the music track was not prerecorded. No, the sound
was actually that of an orchestra tuning up... as a spotlight flared
into being, highlighting Michael Kamen, director of the San Francisco
Symphony. He waved his director's baton, and the 41 piece orchestra
they had flown out just for this event leapt into the dramatic music...
"PREPARE FOR *TROUBLE*!"
"MAKE IT *DOUBLE*!"
Twin spotlights highlighted James and Jesse, as they descended
from the Dome ceiling on a gigantic letter R. Both were wearing finer
than their finest clothes; the Rs on their uniforms sparkled with red
glitter, their boots were polished to a shinyleather state of
perfection.
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all peoples within our nation!"
Fifty pounds of sparkly red glitter dropped from the ceiling,
fully lit by the spotlights and looking like someone had just detonated
a disco ball...
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above..."
Twin poses, this time BOTH with brilliantly red roses.
"JESSE!" "JAMES!"
"Team Rocket blasts off at the SPEED OF LIGHT!"
"SURRENDER NOW, OR PREPARE TO FIGHT!"
Finally, as the R touched down on the entrance ramp, Meowth popped
up behind them, having polished that golden metal thingy on his head to
a gleam brighter than Venus.
"MEEEEEEYOWTH! That's RIGHT!" he declared, posing.
To say that the crowd went wild would be an understatement. They
were nearly orgasmic with joy, despite being comprised of political
dignitaries, dramatic actors, and so on.
"We've finally hit the big time, James!" Jesse whispered. "Fame,
popularity, and a shot at the titles! We'll be Team Champion Rocket
for sure!"
"I'm so happy I could cry!!" James squealed. "...ah, Jesse? How
do we get down off this R? It's so tall!"
"*AND THE SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE...*" the house announcer
declared...
And a pink comet knocked the R completely over, dumping Team
Rocket painfully into the ring. The comet twirled a few times in the
air, did three loops, before planting its feet on the fallen R... and
extending a forearm into a godly taunt.
"OOOOSHAAA!!!" Dan taunted. "It is I, Taunting Legend Godhead
Stone Cold Dan Hibiki, Special Guest Referee! Although Jack turned
down my request to claim the Omega belt as my own, I cannot allow a
pay-per-view event to transpire without a healthy dose of MYSELF!"
Hiroshi stood up on his chair, holding a microphone out to the
crowd -- and the microphone blew up in his hand. "And the crowd goes
WILD for Dan Hibiki!!" he called, pointing out the obvious. "Team
Rocket! The Void! And now, Dan Hibiki! This is going to be an
EXCITING match, ladies and gentlemen, as all involved get into the
ring... and it's on!"
"Hiroshi..?" Daisuke whispered, when his friend sat back down.
"Is it just me, or is Shermie looking over here more often than usual?
Not that you can tell through those bangs..."
Yashiro vaulted himself over the top rope, single handedly,
landing on both feet. He rolled his shoulders, cracked his knuckles,
and got ready. "Okay. Which one of you Rocket twits wants to be
busted open first?"
"HAH! Clearly, the buffoon knows not the fury that he faces!"
Jesse laughed... fingering a red and white ball. "Simple man, we do
not fight commoners such as you. We use... our POKEMON! ARBOK, GO!"
"WHEEZING, GO!" James shouted, hurling his own ball into the
mix...
Both popped open, but nothing came out.
"Oh, those things?" Yashiro asked, flashing a mad grin. "We
swapped them for empties back in the locker room before the show even
went on the air. I'm sick of fighting little fuzzy loveable animals."
"Aaaah! My Wheezing!" James shrieked. He stepped in, and
promptly marched over to give Yashiro a piece of his mind. "You, you
big meanie!"
*slap*
"Ow," James whined, shaking his sore hand.
"...okay, you can be first," Yashiro agreed, picking James up by
his face.
][ ULTRARAGE DELTA MATCH #4 : LAMBDA TITLE DEFENSE
][ DISCIPLES OF THE VOID vs. TEAM ROCKET
][ FIGHT!!
"And another brutal beating for James commences," Daisuke
announced, trying to keep his voice over the level of James's girlish
screaming. "There's the irish whip... a little stomping of the virtual
mudhole in James, maybe he's done, nope, Yashiro's got him up and OWW,
jump swinging DDT, and there's the pile driver, Tongan Death Grip
and... err, James is all limp, but I don't think Yashiro's finished
yet. I have this feeling the outcome isn't going to be much of a
surprise to anyone so I don't think I'll call this match anymore. So,
Hiroshi, how are you today?"
Jesse shook the rope in her team's corner in anger. "James, come
on, now! Lay the smack down on that uncouth man! I have faith in you!
Whatever you do, don't tag me, I'm sure you can take care of this
yourself!"
Dan stood around, confused. He didn't have much actual refereeing
to do in this situation. "I do not understand such a match! It seems
that James is trying to throw his opponent's confidence into overdrive,
so that when he mounts his noble return offense, Yashiro will not be
expecting it! Although myself, being extremely mighty, I would likely
engage in a return offense before my eyes began to roll around in an
independent fashion as James's seem to be doing..."
Hiroshi sighed. "Team Rocket may be getting popular, but their
wins lately HAVE been flukes. I guess it was a forgone conclusion
that... hey, you're right, Daisuke! Shermie IS staring at us!"
"She is?" Daisuke asked. He looked back... right when Shermie got
too bored with the fight to pay attention, and she decided to make her
move.
She stepped off the apron, and strutted her super sexy super curvy
super Voidy self on over to the announcer's table. Shermie sat on the
edge, turning to face... Daisuke.
Creeping terrors ran up and down Daisuke's spine. Not his back.
His spine.
"Neeeee, Daisuke," Shermie teased. "I've been waiting a long time
for this, and I figured tonight would be the most magical night of
all..."
"Ah... hello, Shermie," Daisuke said, scooting his chair back
slowly. "Shouldn't you be waiting in case Yashiro wants to tag you?"
"Oh, silly Yashiro can handle the fight! But... I have something
I have to do," she said, pouring the 'vamp' on thick, like
International House of Pancakes Blueberry Syrup. "See... it's just
like I promised you. You'll see me in person. But... I'll see you
first! And I did, when I took these pictures of you in the shower."
Shermie pulled a nicely composed flipbook of polaroids out of her
pocket, right when Daisuke scrambled to his feet, pressing back into
the corner. The crowd, being oblivious to risk and danger, cheered
just because it meant they were on camera.
"We're meant to be, Daisuke! I love you so much I could just love
you to little PIECES!" Shermie declared. "Your name is tattooed across
my heart! Really. Here, let me show you."
And she grasped either side of her jacket, and yanked it open,
buttons flying everywhere. She wasn't kidding; branded right across
her breasts was the word DAISUKE in lovingly crafted kanji.
Everybody in the arena suddenly found something new to focus on.
Two specific somethings.
"Aaagh!" Dan screamed, covering his eyes. "I'm blind! It's like
staring into the sun! I must remain a pure spirited warrior! Down,
down, impure thoughts!!"
Hiroshi smiled, wobbled, and passed out, a red gyser errupting
from his nose. Daisuke however laughed nervously, nodding along with
the psycho, as he edged closer and closer to the mats outside the ring.
"Th-that's really nice, Shermie, ha ha," Daisuke laughed.
"Really. Um. Did you have that done at a tattoo shop?"
"No, silly, I used my curling iron! Why?"
Yashiro, frowning, dumped James on his head, and stomped over to
the ropes to confront her. "SHERMIE! Quit playing around, we've got
business to do here!"
"Ah, well, gee, ah, OH MY GOD LOOK OVER THERE IT'S VOIDUCK AND
HE'S ADORABLE!!" Daisuke shouted, pointing away.
Shermie turned to look -- and Daisuke broke the land ground speed
record for the hundred yard dash on the moon. Up the ramp and into the
back he went, and seconds later, had jumped the first shuttle back to
earth.
"Ano, Voiduck isn't over there," Shermie realized. "Daisuke, I...
Daisuke? Daaaaai-chan? Where--"
A big sign reading 'I'm a Dan Fan!', which was recently stolen
from Bon Jovi, was held in front of Shermie's assets by an irate
referee.
"Miss, we are trying to engage in an honorable battle of wild
indiscriminate grappling!" Dan scolded. "This is not a go-go bar!
Kindly put your jacket back on!"
"Shermie, you ditz," Yashiro groaned, covering his face in his
hands...
...right as Meowth slipped James the QE34 Atomic Disintegrator.
James opened his only non-black eye, recognizing the weapon from
the non-lethal gimmick weapons they had run up on Jack's credit card.
Feeling strength return to him, he got back to his feet (or his knees,
at least), turned, targeted...
The jolt shot up Yashiro's body like an express freight train to
the brainstem. He twitched a few times, before collapsing backwards --
just in time for James to ditch the weapon, whistle like nothing was
wrong, and walk over to plant a foot on Yashiro's fallen body.
Dan finished scotch-taping the 'I'm a Dan Fan!' sign around
Shermie's body, and waved a no-no finger at her. "...and let that be a
lesson to you! And now, I, DAN, must resume my official match duties!"
What he saw was an unconscious Yashiro, and a very smug looking
James. Ten seconds later, it was all over, and the bell rang.
"..." Hiroshi cheerfully announced in lieu of the victory, but
mostly in lieu of Daisuke abandoning his post.
"Oh, poot," Shermie complained, pouting. She grabbed Yashiro's
arm, dragging his limp form out of the ring. "Honestly, I leave you
alone for ONE minute, and you go and lose our belts... Xelloss isn't
going to be haaappy!"
Jesse stared at her partner in disbelief, just now recovering from
the shock of recent events. "We won?... WE WON! TEAM ROCKET WON!!"
Hundreds of white and red balloons fell from the ceiling, as the
San Francisco Orchetra (teamed with Metallica) launched spontaneously
into a wicked cover of 'Double Trouble'. James and Jesse danced around
the ring, laughing and happy, while Meowth scampered about to gather up
the twin belts.
"We're finally Team Champion Rockets!" James delighted in saying.
"Or Team Champion! Or Champion Rockets! Actually, let's stick to Team
Rocket. BUT WE'RE STILL CHAMPIONS!"
Dan nodded sagely, floating back to the ring. "Your fighting
spirit is high, Team Rocket! I salute your pride! Your youthful
enthusiasm brings a tear to my mighty eye!"
"...uh... new champs," Hiroshi summarized. "Err. Daisuke
doesn't... seem to be with us anymore, and Dai, man, hope you make it
back to your protective bunker. Fortunately for him, Shermie's still
needed for the surprise main event later tonight. But next, it's time
for our upcoming Omega title defense: Naga vs. Sephiroth! Stay tuned!!
We'll be right back after this ad for SKITTLES! The most violent candy
on earth and proud sponsor of UltraRage Delta!.... hooboy."
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
In the dark depths, two figures stood.
"You'd like to hurt everyone who ever hurt you, wouldn't you?" the
taller, well-muscled one asked in a deep, chilling voice.
"Yes..." the shorter, almost anorexically thin figure rasped. It
was a voice like a cheese grater; dehydrated, half mad...
"I've given you the power to do exactly that. And in return, you
also want to hurt those who have opposed us, don't you?"
"Okay," the thin one quickly agreed. "I'll do it. Thank you.
Thank you so much..."
The taller figure chuckled. "There's no need to thank me. After
all, revenge is the force which drives us. It is our life, our
purpose." A hand tousled the shorter figure's hair. "You've always had
this in you. I just know how to unlock it, thanks to my own recent
unlocking. Together, we will spill the blood of the false god, and all
those she holds dear." The hand moved on, softly stroking the girl's
cheek. "But first, a test of your loyalty."
"Tell me who you want me to kill."
A touch of amusement crept into the deep voice at the use of the
word 'kill'. She had come along so well... "I'd like to you punish my
old enemy... one from my life before. One who hurt me, many times over.
You know how that feels, you know what I went through. He walks the
world of the false god with her blessing, unabated. Now that I can DO
something about that... it's time to settle the score."
"I'll kill him for you!"
"No...no. I don't want you to kill him." The voice paused
ominously. "I want you to hurt him. Humiliate him..." The soft caress
of the hand drew away...and before the girl could react, she was struck
full across the face, sent sprawling to the ground. "PUNISH him. Do
this, and you'll have paid me back for the power I've given you. Then,
together, we'll make sure nobody can ever hurt us again."
The girl picked herself up, and gazed at the man with burning,
hateful eyes--yet the hate did not seem directed at he who had just
struck her. "I'll do it. I know I can do it. I can DO this!" she
screamed, not a joyous shout, but an agonized one -- in a burst of
flame, the slender redhead disappeared.
And Cloud, the lord of Hell, smiled darkly. A feeling akin to
relief flooded him... although it was probably more akin to
satisfaction.
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
She had to defend her title today.
It wasn't a prospect which would normally bother the self-assured,
self-absorbed Naga the White Serpent. Her utter confidence in her own
abilities, regardless of how well founded that confidence was, usually
would be enough to see her through this day with a glorious victory.
On this day, however, the pulchritudinous sorceress was less sure
of herself than normal, slightly perturbed about the match, and more
than a little tipsy.
Throwing back a ceremonial, pre-fight glass of wine, Naga stood,
wobbled and jiggled a bit, and made her way to the waiting portal which
would whisk her off to the field of battle.
"Ohoho...ho...oh, screw it."
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
Hiroshi stared nervously into the camera. "Well, folks, we're back
here at UltraRage Delta... and I'm without a partner. But I've been
told that I was going to be joined by a special guest announcer anyway
for this fight, one who's innately familiar with the combatants, and
she should be arriving..."
A long, tanned, shapely leg chose that moment to emerge from a
nearby monitor, placed conveniently within view of the camera. "Gurk!"
Hiroshi offered.
The leg was, over the course of several seconds guaranteed to
affect the blood pressure of millions of men (and thousands of women),
joined by the full--*extremely* full--figure of a tall, tanned,
platinum-haired goddess.
Not just a goddess in terms of beauty. A literal goddess. "Hello,
Ultra fans," she said breathily, waving to the camera as she settled
into a chair beside Hiroshi.
"Umm...hello, miss...uh..." A slip of paper was quickly handed to
Hiroshi by a stagehand.
Draping an arm around the cloned announcer suggestively, she
added, "The powers that be decided that it'd be only fitting for me to
be at the event with my name on it. So here I am, all you lucky
people."
"That's right!" Hiroshi enthused, attempting to recover (while
subtly removing the arm before either of his femmes of interest could
see it), "Please welcome the Goddess of the Past, Urd!"
"That's right! But enough about me," Urd said. "Up next, we have a
woman after my own heart, defending her title against a man who wants
to be a god...and in my book, he's not far from it. Hubba hubba! But
you know, he was a really lousy date way back during the first
tournament..."
"Er.. right! So now, we'll take you LIVE! to the venue for our
Omega title match!" Hiroshi shouted, attempting not to sweatdrop.
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
Picture a barren wasteland. You've seen this barren wasteland
before, hundreds of times. The Power Rangers have blasted many monsters
to ash here. Goku and random badass of the day have locked horns here.
Almost any overpowered battle that isn't deliberately held in a city so
that extreme destruction can run rampant without property damage or
loss of life has happened here.
Oddly enough, this perfect natural battleground is in the Dakotas.
Imagine that.
A portal opened over the barren, craggy ground, discharging a
slightly unsteady Naga. Nearby, another portal opened to reveal a rock-
steady, perfectly bishounen Sephiroth.
"Shall we commence?" Sephiroth asked.
"I'm ready whenever you are," Naga said with forced confidence.
][ ULTRARAGE DELTA MATCH #5 : OMEGA TITLE MATCH
][ NAGA vs. SEPHIROTH, w/special guest booker Eternal Lost Lurker
][ FIGHT!
Sephiroth wasted no time in tossing off a mid-level fire spell,
which Naga countered with a Freeze Arrow. "Surely that's not all you
have," Naga taunted, beginning to feel a little of the old sureness
coming back.
That sense of superiority vaporized in an instant, when Sephiroth
smiled and said, simply, "Comet."
Naga let out an undignified squawk as a massive ball of hot space
rock descended upon her. Barely casting Ray Wing in time to evade the
attack, she flew toward her opponent, readying an Icicle Lance spell.
("An incredible recovery by the White Serpent!" Hiroshi announced,
from back at the Mini-Dome. "She's truly in good form tonight!")
(Urd frowned a bit, watching the action on her monitor. "Maybe,
but my money's on Sephiroth in this one...")
"Not bad, but not good enough! Take this!" Naga cried, preparing
to make a jousting pass at Sephiroth with the spear of ice.
"Flare," Sephiroth intoned. The air around Naga suddenly
superheated, causing the Icicle Lance to melt harmlessly into a puddle,
and throwing the Ray Wing out of control. Naga dropped to the ground in
a heap.
Sephiroth approached the fallen sorceress, drawing the Masamune.
As Naga shakily rose to her knees, Sephiroth slashed...
Naga's eyes widened as the blade swept across her chest...
And Naga's leather bikini top was sliced neatly in the center. The
skin beneath remained unmarred.
(Urd raised an eyebrow. "I never figured Sephiroth as the type to
do *that*," she mused.)
(Hiroshi, meanwhile, was turning an interesting shade of red and
trying to stifle a nosebleed for the second time that night. "Yes,
ladies and gentlemen, here at Ultra, fanservice flies fast and
furious!! Please don't sue us for exposing your children to the human
body at an early age...")
Sephiroth smirked. Naga clutched desperately at the ruined
garment, mortification evident on her face. "Less is not always more,"
Sephiroth chided.
Naga cursed, and muttered a very weak fire spell under her breath;
just enough to fuse her top back together without burning herself.
Rising to her feet, Naga raised the back of her hand to her face,
and...
"OHOHOHOHOHO! You'll regret attempting to embarrass the great
White Serpent!" Naga dodged a swipe of the Masamune, and began chanting
a spell. "You who crosses between sky and earth, gently flowing water,
gather in my hand...DEMONA CRYSTAL!"
As suddenly as it rose, however, the icy mist dissipated, canceled
out by an intense wave of heat which washed over the battlefield.
"A nice counter," Naga conceded.
"That was not me," Sephiroth admitted, glancing around in slight
confusion.
Suddenly, a section of ground several meters from the battle
erupted, a gout of flame spewing toward the heavens. A silhouette rose
into view, bathed in the flames. The shadowed figure stepped forth,
revealing itself to be...
"The pilot of the large red toy," Sephiroth commented, eyebrow
raised.
Asuka, clad in a black plugsuit with disturbing blood-red trim,
gazed at Sephiroth with hatred-filled eyes. But despite those eyes,
those maddened red eyes, she was smiling... and laughing. It was a
haggard laugh, like she hadn't taken a drink in nine years. "Heee...
Haaahhehooohooo... hello! I've come for you, son of Jenova!! I've
finally come for you!"
Goku suddenly appeared. "Anou...there's a match going on now.
Don't interfere, alright?"
("Unbelievable! Asuka Langley has arrived on the battlefield!
What's she doing? What kind of game is being played here?")
(Urd frowned. "Something's not right...")
Asuka glanced at Goku, then back at Sephiroth. "I bear a greeting
from my new friend..." she noted/warned... and with that, she extended
her right hand, a stream of hellfire blazing a path toward Sephiroth.
Goku blurred, and reappeared in the path of the flames, dispersing
them with his ki. "Oi, you deaf? I said no interference."
"Shut up shut UP SHUT UP!" Asuka shouted, waving her hand in a
cutting motion. "This.. this bastard hurt me! He violated me, he came
into my Eva's plug and he... he hurt me! And FINALLY, I can do
something, I can get back at him! I WILL destroy the enemy of my new
friend, and I'll have what I've deserved!"
Sephiroth blinked. "Your friend? I care nothing about your
friends, child. Nor do I care about you. Perhaps my simple kiss was
misunderstood?"
Asuka's eyes blazed. "A kiss... and you almost killed me! Just
like you hurt my friend, who art in Hell, hallowed be his name, written
in the blood of all who oppose him!"
("I get the feeling she's talking about Cloud," Hiroshi commented.
Urd nodded. "That sounds like a typical demonic pledge.")
Sephiroth narrowed his eyes. "So. You serve that spiky-haired
freak." At Goku's sharp glance, the bishounen swordsman amended, "The
spiky-haired freak running Hell."
"Yes. And he has sent me to BUST you up. He's given me everything
I need... everything I EVER needed..."
Goku attempted reason once again. "Look, any personal grudges you
have can be settled later. This is an official match."
Sephiroth suddenly seemed amused. "No... if this child wishes to
die, I have no qualms with killing her where she stands now."
The referee blinked, then shrugged. He turned to Naga. "What about
you? What do you have to say?"
Naga, for her part, had been standing around blinking during the
entire exchange. Startled, she offered, "Huh?"
"Have any problems with making this a three-way match?" Goku
asked. "If that's what it takes to get this underway, I'll allow it."
Naga frowned. "Uh...sure, I guess," she said, not sounding at all
certain.
Goku nodded. "Alright...last one standing wins. Continue." With
that, he vanished to watch from a safe distance.
][ ULTRARAGE DELTA MATCH #5.1 : OMEGA TITLE BOUT - THREE WAY DANCE
][ NAGA vs. SEPHIROTH vs. ASUKA
][ FIGHT!
"Well then, shall we begin again?" Sephiroth asked.
Naga began focusing magical energy, ready to resume combat, while
carefully concealing her uncertainty at the increased odds.
Asuka, meanwhile, smiled sadistically, and erupted in a flaming
aura, hair blowing wildly in a hot wind of her own creation.
For a long moment, nobody moved. Finally, the tableau was broken
by Naga. "Freeze Bleed!"
A ball of ice formed between Naga's hands, and flew toward
Sephiroth...
...who was no longer there. Naga blinked, and suddenly Sephiroth
was attempting to dice Asuka with his sword. The young girl, for her
part, produced a large--but still quite human-sized--progressive knife
from somewhere, and was matching the would-be god blow for blow.
"Hmph...ignore me, will they?" Naga scowled. "Alright
then...ignore this! ELMEKIA LANCE!"
A narrow shaft of bright white streaked across the battlefield,
headed for the dueling pair. As Sephiroth feinted and Asuka went for a
side strike, the bolt slammed into her thigh. No real damage resulted,
but the spell stunned the redhead, who faltered. Sephiroth seized the
opportunity, disarming her and knocking her to the ground.
Naga smirked. "Heh...and now..."
She didn't get a chance to finish. Asuka looked up, fire in her
eyes. Without warning, columns of hellfire erupted beneath both
Sephiroth and Naga. Sephiroth teleported out of the blast, but Naga was
not so fortunate. The White Serpent cried out, and fell to the ground,
smoking.
("And the champ is DOWN!" Hiroshi cried. "Oh, what a PAINFUL
attack by Asuka! I don't think Naga'll be getting up from that for a
LONG time!")
"That removes one nuisance," Asuka stated coldly. "Now, to deal
with you, to give you what you've had coming..."
"And how do you propose to do anything without your toy doll to
back you up?" Sephiroth asked.
Asuka scowled. "I don't need an Eva unit to crush you. Not
anymore! I don't need anything except myself!"
The young god of swordplay affected an air of mock disappointment.
"Such a pity. I was looking forward to testing a little project I've
been working on."
"Test anything you like! I don't care."
Sephiroth snorted. "Very well. Prepare to die." He touched a red
crystal on the hilt of his sword. "ANGEL WING!" With that, Sephiroth
vanished...
...and the earth trembled as a massive, silver-and-black mecha
rose out of the ground. An ovoid shield with a flat top edge covered
the left arm, and a long, serrated black metal wing jutted out from the
right shoulder at an angle. The black faceplate was framed by segmented
silver armor, which extended halfway down the back. Green eyes blazed
as the mecha raised its right arm, and a brilliant green beamsaber
sparkled to life.
("AMAZING!" Hiroshi cried. "Sephiroth just summoned a mecha!")
("Not bad," Urd said. "Better not let Skuld see that, though...")
"You have to rely on TOYS to do your fighting?" Asuka asked,
continuing her mad rictus grin in the face of the metal beast. "Okay.
I'll just take apart your toy... with my NEW power!"
She closed her eyes for a long moment, her body shuddering.
Suddenly, she doubled over, vomiting a stream of black blood. As she
remained hunched over, her body began to twist and warp. Her eyes flew
open, blazing with inhuman light. Slowly, agonizingly, she stretched,
shifted, and grew, finally mutating into the lanky, towering form of
Eva Unit-02.
("UNBELIEVABLE!" Hiroshi gushed, although his face had become
paler than pale. "What a SHOCKING development! What an INCREDIBLE
transformation!")
("What a *disgusting* transformation," Urd said, grimacing in
distaste. "I'm glad that Shinji kid doesn't have to go through all
that.")
What followed next could only be described as a perfect
combination of mecha cliches, somehow creating an exciting, gut-
wrenching battle. Beamsaber met distorted AT Field. Progressive knife
clanged against shield, throwing up showers of sparks. The Angel Wing
fired streams of rockets; Unit-02 countered with blasts of hellfire.
Depleted uranium slugs dug craters in the battleground; live uranium
slugs were intercepted by an irritated Goku before they could unleash
radioactive havoc on the countryside.
The battle culminated in both mecha rushing each other; ignited
beamsaber and shield raised to battle progressive knife and AT Field.
Metal head collided with metal head.
*CRUNCH*
(Hiroshi (and most of the audience) winced. "Man oh man, talk
about your head-on collisions," he commented.)
("Reminds me of happy hour at a Viking tavern," Urd remarked.)
The two mecha, with sizeable dents in their foreheads, dropped to
their knees.
Unnoticed by both, Naga groaned, and slowly rose to her knees. She
stared at the two collapsing mecha. "Ohhh...what happened?" She began
wondering if perhaps she had a concussion, or was heavily drunk.
("And Naga is back up! She looks groggy, but she is *still* in
this fight!")
The tortuous transformation of Unit-02 began again in reverse, and
within moments Asuka lie on the ground, on hands and knees, blood
trickling from her forehead. Meanwhile, Angel Wing simply faded from
sight, and Sephiroth stood on the battlefield some distance from the
redhead. "Are you quite finished?"
"Not...yet..." Asuka growled, glaring up at Sephiroth through
blood-plastered bangs. Standing, she wreathed herself in dark flames,
coursing across a warped, distorted AT Field. Slowly, she advanced upon
the son of Jenova.
Naga carefully stood, gingerly checking her wounds for any serious
damage. A light healing spell eased most of her pain and did wonders
for her headache. She watched her two opponents bear down on one
another.
For several minutes, Sephiroth and Asuka struggled, the silver-
haired bishounen attempting to strike down the redhead, who in turn
attempted to burn Sephiroth to a cinder.
Naga took several unsteady steps toward the battle. Though her
pain was eased, she was still rather groggy. *They don't notice me. If
I can just get in one good shot...*
Sephiroth winced reflexively as Asuka grabbed his wrist after
blocking his blade, burning his hand to the bone. His grip on the
Masamune loosened, and the child of hell relieved him of the massive
blade.
("Asuka has Sephiroth's sword! This is amazing!")
("And Naga is moving back into the fray," Urd observed.)
Naga began chanting her spell under her breath, quietly, hoping to
escape notice as long as possible.
Nailing Sephiroth in the face with a kick which staggered the
stoic warrior, Asuka leapt high into the air, bringing the Masamune to
bear.
Crystals of ice began to gather around Naga's hands as the spell
neared completion.
Sephiroth regained his bearings, and looked about in confusion.
Suddenly, his eyes widened, and he glanced up...
...all too late, as Asuka descended from above, eyes gleaming with
malice. The blade of the Masamune stabbed downward...
Naga almost faltered in her spell at the spectacle before her.
The crowd at the Ultradome fell silent.
("...unbelievable..." Hiroshi spoke, barely above a whisper.)
Sephiroth's gaze fell downward, eyes still wide, to the two feet
of blade protruding from his abdomen, and the few drops of blood
splattering on the ground from the tip of the sword.
"Ironic, isn't it?" Asuka asked, grinning with sadistic glee.
"I've finally got you right where I wanted you--"
Naga paused for a moment...then realized that if she didn't make
her move now, she might be next. The girl was obviously crazy... "LY
BRIEM!"
"What...?" Asuka snapped her head around to face this new
threat...only a split second too late, as a massive wave of ice slammed
into both the impaled demigod and the hellchild, freezing them solid.
("And Naga takes advantage of the situation to end the match,
keeping her title! What a development!")
("That was...maybe just a little cold," Urd commented.)
Goku reappeared, glancing at the frozen fighters. He winced. "What
a mess." He turned to Naga. "Well...you won."
Naga blinked. "I...won..." After a moment, she raised her gloved
hand to her face, and...
"OOOOOOOOOOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! Of COURSE I won! After all, am I
not the great Naga, the White Serpent, to whom God herself once served
as sidekick? Certainly neither of my opponents could possibly have
hoped to remove the title belt from my perfect waist!"
("Speaking of removing things..." Urd commented.)
(Hiroshi, and a great many others in the crowd, sprouted wonderful
nosebleeds.)
Goku sweatdropped. "Anou...here, you might need this," he
commented, removing his striped gi top and tossing it to Naga.
Naga blinked. "What--?" She then looked down at herself...and
blushed. Her earlier repairs to her top hadn't quite survived the force
of the Full Naga Laugh. "Oh...hohoho...heh..." Quickly donning the gi,
Naga exited through the open portal.
A dark portal opened on the opposite end of the battlefield,
dispensing the Lord of Hell and his master. With a wave of his hand,
Xelloss dispersed the ice covering Asuka and, incidentally, Sephiroth,
and clucked his tongue at the redhead. "Tsk...not a very good debut,
Asuka-chan. I'm a bit disappointed that you couldn't manage to take the
title belt off that silly Naga person."
Asuka dropped to one knee in pain, gritting her teeth. "I almost
had him! I just need.. I need to get stronger. I can do it! Tell me
what you need me to do!"
Xelloss hmmed, deciding to ignore Asuka, as he smiled his most
serene smile. "Well..." He walked casually around the slowly collapsing
form of Sephiroth, still impaled on his own sword. "I *do* like the
work you did here with this one. Nice touch. So...I'll let this little
failure slide. You'll do better next time. Cloud? Be a good lad and
take Asuka-chan back home for the night, okay?"
Cloud nodded, and without a word, led Asuka back through the
portal.
As the pair disappeared, a shaft of light shone down from the
heavens, and Shinji appeared. "Well, if it isn't Lina's little errand
boy. And what can we do for you today, hmmm?" Xelloss inquired
politely.
("Look! It's Shinji Ikari! What's HE doing there?" Hiroshi
wondered.)
("Hopefully not getting in over his head," Urd remarked, looking
worried.)
Shinji frowned slightly. "Please...I beg you. Asuka doesn't belong
in Hell. She belongs in Heaven, where she can find peace."
"Mmmmm...she certainly didn't seem to be very peaceful when she
rejected you in the first place, did she now?" Xelloss asked. "She
seems to be extraordinarily happy with what we've done for her
downstairs. Are you sure you have her best interests at heart? Maybe if
you did, you wouldn't have lost her in the first place..."
"Her best interests? You and your servant are only interested in
yourselves," Shinji countered.
Xelloss raised an eyebrow, never losing his smile. "Those sound
like fighting words, young angel. But don't worry, I like fighting
words. Would you care to have a little match, winner takes Asuka-chan?"
"A match?" Shinji blinked.
Xelloss nodded. "Sure, why not? And no DQ," he added. "Just to
make it...spicy."
"Against who?" Shinji asked.
"Why...against me, of course." Before Shinji could blink, he found
himself flying through the air, in severe pain as purple-black bolts of
fire and electricity coursed up and down his spine.
("INCREDIBLE! Xelloss just WHOMPED all over Shinji!" Hiroshi
enthused incredulously.)
Goku blinked. "Anou..."
Shinji stood up, scowling. An AT Field sprang to life around him.
"Alright, you're on."
Goku sighed. "Alright...begin, I guess."
Suddenly, another black portal opened, and Chris, (a visibly
limping and battered) Yashiro, and (a re-clothed) Shermie streamed onto
the battlefield. They rushed the startled young angel, and began
attempting to beat him into the ground, AT Field notwithstanding, not
giving him the opportunity to shift to the form of Eva Unit-01.
"What the--what's going on!? The Disciples of the Void are ganging
up on Shinji!" Hiroshi shouted in disbelief.
Urd scowled. "Okay, that's just low." She started to stand up...
Another portal opened on the field of battle, disgorging a
decidedly displeased Terry Bogard. Cracking his knuckles, the deceased
martial artist began to flare with a heavenly aura, halo glowing.
"Alright, you guys...let's party."
The Void portal disgorged Cloud, who tossed a purple-and-black
Pokeball to the ground. Voiduck emerged, clutching his head. "[VOI.]"
Heaven's portal flared briefly, and the youngest of the Norns
stepped out, hammer at the ready. Then, in a brilliant flash of fast-
moving, ethereal light, Dan Hibiki rolled onto the scene, stopping in
front of the possessed Pokemon and shaking a manly fist. Muscled
rippled under the referee's shirt he hadn't finished changing out of.
"OOOSHA! It is time for Dan to assist his heavenly companions!"
Voiduck was toppled by the force of the taunt. It also seemed to
be the signal that began the rumble, as everyone piled on top of each
other. A cloud of dust began to rise as mass pummeling ensued.
][ ULTRARAGE DELTA MATCH #5.2 : MASSIVE RUN-IN CLUSTERFUCK
][ HEAVEN VS. HELL
][ FIGHT!
("I don't believe what I'm seeing!" Hiroshi shouted, nearly
standing on the announcers' table. "This is insane! This is...really
bizarre! It's a free-for-all out there! What's going on here? What'll
come out of this train wreck? Who's going to survive? WHAT'S THE
FREQUENCY!?")
(Urd stood up. "I need to get out there." Without another word,
she disappeared into a nearby monitor.)
(Hiroshi sweatdropped. "Umm...uh...well, let's go back to the
battlefield and see what's going on!")
Clouds of dust rose from the ground of the damaged battle zone as
the forces of Heaven and Hell laid into each other. Xelloss hammered
away at Shinji's AT Field while Terry Bogard duked it out with Chris.
Yashiro and Shermie were facing down an angry Urd, recently appeared
from a monitor on one of the camera bots. Skuld was busily chasing a
frustrated Voiduck around with her mallet. Stone Cold Dan Hibiki was
busily taunting an expressionless Cloud. AT Fields, purple flames,
godly auras, debugging hammers, force bolts, ki blasts, and demonic
magic were flying fast and furious, obscuring the entire fray in a
cloud of dust. The occasional body would fly out of the pileup, only to
be dragged back in to experience more mass carnage.
("WHAT A MESS! It's total chaos out there! Will this insanity ever
end?")
Skuld whammed Voiduck hard upside the head with her hammer. The
Orochi-possessed Pokemon began to glow, and several fighters soon found
themselves hovering in midair, before slamming back down to the ground.
The entire group turned their attention to the squat, purple duck, and
began to dogpile on him in irritation. "[VOIOIOI...!]"
After a moment's distraction, Shinji and Xelloss resumed their
fight--or more accurately, Xelloss kept dishing out attacks which kept
impacting against Shinji's AT Field. It seemed a stalemate was brewing.
In fact, several stalemates seemed imminent, as the entire congregation
of fighters were taking turns pummeling, blasting, and generally
stomping each other.
When the dust finally became so thick that not even the cameras
could penetrate it, a massive shockwave suddenly hit the area, as if
for a brief moment, a powerful local quake had struck. Bodies flew in
all directions, landing on the rim of a fresh crater from which the
dust was rapidly rising. The dense cloud cleared away to reveal one
towering mountain of golden displeasure.
"Alright, all of you," Goku said, turning slowly to glare at
everyone with glowing green eyes framed by gleaming golden bangs. "This
isn't a good fight. This isn't solving anything or proving anything.
It's just a senseless brawl." He scowled. "I was going to allow a match
with Asuka as the prize, but now, I've changed my mind. Go home, all of
you. No more fighting here tonight."
Some of the fighters present seemed willing to continue their
brawl, ignoring the Super Saiyajin referee. At least, until Goku began
flaring his aura, causing the skin of everyone at the rim of the crater
to tingle from its sheer magnitude. Within seconds, the field was clear
except for Goku and the injured Sephiroth. The Super Saiyajin powered
down, then walked over to the fallen warrior. "Oi...I'll call medical
to come get you."
Sephiroth glanced up at Goku, expression calm despite his mortal
wound. "No...I'll be fine. I can heal myself. Just...please, if you
would, pull the sword out."
Goku cocked his head. "Are you sure? You could bleed to death."
Sephiroth smiled grimly. "I've survived worse."
Shrugging, Goku pulled the sword out and tossed it aside. Blood
began to spill freely from the wound, but Sephiroth pulled a small
bottle from his cloak, unstoppered it, and quaffed it. Almost
immediately, the blood flow slowed from a cascade to a trickle, then
ceased entirely, and the son of Jenova stood. "I think I shall retire
to my dressing room now," he said, picking up his bloody sword. With
that, he vanished.
Goku shook his head. "This job really gets strange sometimes."
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
The crowd cheered like crazy once the cameras were back on them.
It had been a long, hard, violent fight -- nobody cared about a lack of
satisfying closure or solid winners. Dignitaries stopped being so
dignified when the markish tendencies took over in full effect.
Hiroshi took up the stick, in the center of the ring... it was
main event time, and that meant something a little more special than
just announcing behind a desk. Although the distinct lack of his
constant companion was still unnerving him a bit.
"Okay, folks, it's time for your double main event!" he announced,
then had to adjust his footing to avoid being knocked over by a wave of
noise. "Even if Jack hasn't announced what the big finale will be, the
Ranma Saotome Memorial Gamma Tournament is about to begin! Although I
guess that's a misnomer since I don't think he's DEAD, just... on
medical leave. Anyway! Our bouts will consist of people's champion
Mr. Satan against the sexy succubus, Morrigan -- followed immediately
by the wannabe turned champion, Shingo Yabuki, and veteran Gamma
champion Sakura Kusanago! The winners of each bout will face each
other for the title. Gamma rules are in effect, and referees will
enforce them! ...we hope. So, let's get this--"
"Hold on, hold on!"
Hiroshi turned to see what was going now (and got ready to duck).
Fortunately, it was just the head booker and owner of Ultra,
Controversial Jack, hurrying to ringside with microphone.
"Whatsisname, Defenstration or something, abandoned his post, and
you need a color commentator," Jack explained. "And since practically
everybody from Omega is in the hospital and all the Lambda people are
needed later tonight and the Gamma folks have gone home... I'm all
that's left. HOWEVER! I promise, you noble and dignified Ultra fans
of significant clout, I am here to ensure that you get your money's
worth! Ultra turns around TONIGHT! We've had problems in the past,
but damned if I'm going to let things slide, and if that means lowering
myself to that of a lip-flapper at ringside, so be it!"
"...errr... thanks, boss," Hiroshi responded, not quite sure if he
should be insulted or pleased. "SO! Let the Ranma Saotome Memorial
Gamma Tournament BEGIN!"
As the veteran announcer and his boss quickly made their way back
to the table, spotlights flicked on... and pointed upwards. Morrigan
chose not to stroll down the ramp, but rather, float down into the ring
while sitting quite daintily on a cloud of bats. She blew kisses to
the audience, since everybody liked fanservice no matter how evil a
shape it came in, and touched down on one heeled boot, to await her
opponent...
But if she got a decent reaction from the crowd, the next fighter
out got double that. Loud music (since it's just not the same without
the loud music) accompanied him, as he strolled right down the ramp on
two ordinary human legs, but with a purpose focused tighter than a
laser. Maybe his fashion sense had gone out in the 70's, but Mr. Satan
was here to take the gold in the 00's, no matter who still thought he
was a zero.
"SA-TAN! SA-TAN! SA-TAN!" the crowd chanted, in time with the
music.
"...and the crowd rallies behind the former Gamma champion!"
Hiroshi announced, after fumbling his headset back on and having a
seat.
"Hey, isn't that the Pope in section 5E chanting 'Satan'?"
Controversial Jack asked, masking a snicker. "Ahhh, how I love Ultra.
It brings out a little of the twisted and dark inner self in everybody!
Speaking of twisted and dark, my money's on Morrigan."
Mr. Satan stepped OVER the ropes, to prove he was large and in
charge, and nearly crotched himself in the process. Wincing, he took
some tentative steps into the ring... and assumed a grappling pose.
"Don't think I'll go easy on you just because you're a woman!" he
gruffly called out to his opponent. "I've got no problems defeating
you with nothing but my two fists!"
"At least it'd be the first time in years that you've laid hands
on a woman," Morrigan purred.
"...BAKA YAROU!" Mr. Satan shouted.
Which was a mistake. Because Morrigan raised her eyebrow at it,
recognizing a potential weakness in her enemy... and was ready to
capitalize on it. No sense wasting energy if she could connive her way
to victory.
][ ULTRARAGE DELTA MATCH #6.1 : RANMA SAOTOME MEMORIAL GAMMA TOURNAMENT
][ MR. SATAN vs. MORRIGAN
][ FIGHT!
Mr. Satan circled Morrigan, keeping his pose halfway between
offensive and defensive. He knew she could be quite tricky to handle,
being inhuman -- he'd have to adapt fast if he was going to win this...
although how one adapted to Morrigan just standing there and giving him
The Eye, he wasn't quite sure. But he'd find a way.
"I've gotta say this about Mr. Satan," Jack spoke, to fill the
non-fighting dead air. "I outed his ass from his closet a long time
ago, but you know? I'm glad he didn't just roll over and die. Shows
some spirit, some integrity. He's been damn fun to book ever since.
Although I still think he should show up to the ring with little pointy
red horns, a tail and pitchfork, that'd go over real well with the
kiddies--"
"KYAAAA!!!" Mr. Satan war-cried, tired of waiting. He rushed
forward, ducking down -- one good spearing body check to the midsection
should take her down... and take her down it did.
Morrigan neatly folded to the attack, ending up with herself lying
back on the mat, and Mr. Satan accidentally nestled right in her
cleavage. "Ooooh!" Morrigan squealed. "You're so STRONG!"
The former Earth's Greatest Hero quickly got to his feet, trying
to regain some composure. "Ah... well, there's plenty more where that
came from! You'd best give up now!"
The demoness didn't get to her feet -- she pivoted ninety degrees
on her heels, from lying flat to standing straight. With a bemused
smirk, she proceeded to attack... a very obvious and straightforward
thrusting punch. A first year newbie would have been able to see it
coming.
Mr. Satan was not a first year newbie, he was a veteran;
instinctively, he grabbed the arm, and pulled Morrigan in for a judo
throw. However, she latched onto him, and he ended up in yet another
compromising position instead of gloating over a fallen foe.
"Your muscles are so THICK, big boy..." Morrigan purred, rubbing
her thigh up and down Mr. Satan's body.
"..." he replied, totally stunned.
"And... uh.. Morrigan with a very unusual tactic!" Hiroshi called.
"She seems to be, er, seducing her enemy! What an exciting match!"
"They're supposed to be FIGHTING!" Jack groaned. "We're gonna
have enough trouble with the broadcasters thanks to Naga and Shermie
exposing themselves on worldwide television. If these two get down and
dirty in the ring, I'm breaking out the damn hose. Controversy is
controversy is fine, but NOBODY messes with my buyrate!"
Mr. Satan attempted to shove Morrigan away, but the succubus was
quite skilled at keeping herself attached to menfolk. The tangling
struggle just got ecchier and ecchier as a result, while Mr. Satan
fought to avoid blushing.
"Aww, what's the matter? Am I being naughty?" Morrigan asked,
with a little pout. "You can spank me if you like--"
"N-Now, listen here, young lady!!" Mr. Satan squeaked. "I'm.. I'm
very serious about this fight and I.. I, uh..."
Morrigan tickled under his chin. "I'm very serious too, Mr. Sexy.
In fact... if you just submit to my love, and let me win this match, I
can make you feel VERY good. It has been a long time, hasn't it?
Don't you miss a soft touch? But I bet your last time wasn't as good
as I can be..."
The struggle stopped.
Not because Mr. Satan gave in to her charms; if anything, he got
harder, fiercer. He SHOVED hard, finally tearing Morrigan off his
body, and she landed on the mat painfully.
"...never... EVER... talk about my wife that way," Mr. Satan
warned, voice low and dangerous. "She was TWICE the woman you'll ever
be, demon tramp. I'm not interested in your offer!"
Morrigan sighed, quite disappointed.. but she flexed her fingers,
her wings spreading slightly in anticipation. "Very well. If you
really want to fight..."
In a brief blast of flaring power, her wings reshaped into two jet
engines, and she was on Mr. Satan like white on rice. This time,
however, it was with intent to do serious bodily harm. Mr. Satan
fended off the attacks, with a successive series of parries and blocks,
before quickly breaking through Morrigan's offense and countering with
a solid hit.
"SATAN PUUUNCH!" he shouted, as Morrigan flew backwards,
tumbling... until she hit the ropes.
A cloud of bats swirled around her in short time, as they formed a
weird, bioorganic shape that vaguely resembled a mecha's main energy
cannon.
"SOUL ERASER!" she countered... and a WALL of energy slammed into
Mr. Satan. He might have been able to do something about it, if not
for the extra velocity from the rope-bounce; as is, it was too much.
The ropes behind him snapped completely, and he got pasted into the
seats, crashing into a gaggle of nuns.
"Oh, great," Jack groaned, envisioning the liability lawsuits to
come.
"But he hit a bunch of nuns!" Hiroshi pointed out. "Isn't that
controversial and stuff?"
"Kid, let's be practical, okay? Controversy is NOT what we need
right now; we're on thin enough ice as is. Maybe one day when you're
all grown up and not masturbating to pictures of pop idols in your
bedroom as a hobby you'll understand how grownups manage business
decisions."
"..." Hiroshi replied.
One of the nuns helped a bewildered Mr. Satan back to his feet,
patting him on the back. "You go get that whore of Babylon, Satan!"
she encouraged.
"...thank you, sister," Mr. Satan thanked, still trying to clear
his head. The attack had drained just about all the stamina he had...
one more would--
And then he was flying in the air. Somewhere in his daze, he had
been picked up by the airborne Morrigan, flown over the ring... and
dropped twenty feet to the mat below. The lights went out in his head.
The nameless referee started the count, but nobody was expecting
him to get up. Morrigan had already casually floated off to the
entrance ramp and to the backstage area for coffee before the ten was
issued.
"Your winner, and moving on to the championship finals, MORRIGAN!"
Hiroshi shouted. "Yow. I don't like Shingo's odds anymore, or what
Karin might think if Shingo fought Morrigan like THAT. But she'd
better change tactics, if Sakura wins the next bout; that's not going
to work on her! ...um, Jack, she took out one entire side of the ring."
"I know, I know," Jack replied, envisioning dollar signs flying
away in his head. "We don't have time to replace them, so... I'm
making the last two fights Falls Count Anywhere! No
disqualifications!! Okay! Gimmick stips, they're always worth a few
laughs. And if these guys can't cut the mustard in a real knock down
drag out no pansy rules fight, they don't deserve the Gamma belt!"
The crowd's cheering resumed, as the next fighters were about to
enter. First out was Sakura, but she wasn't playing to the crowd --
she was no nonsense, walking with just as much focus as Mr. Satan had,
trying not to focus on a thousand pairs of eyes on her. (And on her
adorable little seifuku skirt.)
"You know, I have this theory about Sakura," Jack explained, while
Sakura got in the ring. "She keeps complaining about people looking up
her skirt, but she keeps WEARING it out to the ring. I think she may
be a closet lesbian nymphomaniac exhibitionist who's just looking for
the right mistress to break her spirit and ride her like a Slip 'n
Slide. What do you think, Hiroshi?"
"...I think my brain just seized up, sir."
"Don't die on me, Hiroshi, we're running out of medical insurance
tonight."
The spotlights refocused, back to the entrance, where...
Shingo stood in a cute l'il schoolgirl seifuku with short skirt.
"Taaaa!" Shingo called, posing like Sakura.
Sakura fell over.
"And Shingo with the psychological advantage!" Hiroshi translated,
to give the scene some measure of respectability. "But will it be
enough?! Will it?!!"
"Why don't you watch the damn match and find out?" Jack suggested.
][ ULTRARAGE DELTA MATCH #6.2 : RANMA SAOTOME MEMORIAL GAMMA TOURNAMENT
][ SAKURA vs. SHINGO
][ FIGHT!
The young schoolgirl was getting back to her feet just as the
young definitely-not-a-schoolgirl was getting into the ring. Sakura
held up a hand, to put the fight on a quick pause.
"Shingo, have you flipped your gourd?!" Sakura asked. "You
look... ridiculous!"
"Aww, come on, Sakura, get into the spirit of things!" Shingo
laughed. "Let's give the people a great show, and a good fight! We're
on good terms, right?"
"I guess, but--"
"So let's see if your self-taught Shotokan style can stand up to
my self-taught Shingo no Gimmick Taciticu Technique!" Shingo suggested,
assuming a very Shotokan-esque fighting pose. "No matter who wins,
we'll cheer the other on against Morrigan! Deal?"
Sakura smiled. It did sound kind of fun. "Okay, deal. But I'm
dead set on winning that belt, Shingo. Be ready for a real fight!"
"That's just the way I like it!"
"I'm getting cavities," Jack grumbled. "I swear, every time I put
two goody-two-shoes in the ring it's like watching Mortal Kombat mixed
with Leave it to Beaver."
"Don't worry, boss, they're both real good," Hiroshi comforted.
"Tops of the Gamma division... next to Ranma, I mean. The fight'll be
great!"
"SHINGO KIIIICK!"
"HADOKEN!"
Boom. Shingo briefly was ignited with blue flames, as Sakura
smacked him face-first with a fireball. Shingo shook it off, and
skipped around her, trying to get an opening for a physical strike...
but Sakura kept backing off, to keep Shingo in energy attack range.
"Except that Sakura's got super duper amazing cosmic powers, and
all Shingo can do is punchy-kicky," Jack pointed out. "Two pretty
contrasting styles. If she can keep him away, then this is gonna be a
one sided jobber squash--"
"SHINGO POWER, HENSHIN!" Shingo called out, skipping backwards --
putting him out of Sakura's fireball range. "Form of... YAGAMI!"
Sparklies surrounded Shingo's Kanzuki Industries CostumeChanger,
and on clearing, he was dressed in the punk/goth-esque goodies usually
seen on Gamma's personal bad boy. Every detail was there, from the
moon on the back of his jacket to the weird little strap between his
knees.
"KYOOOOO!!!" he shouted, in a perfect Iori imitation. Then he
charged Sakura -- and kissed the mat, flopping face first.
"Ah... Shingo seems to have forgotten his legs are a little tied
together," Hiroshi explained. "Has the master of the gimmick change
lost his advantage?!"
Sakura rolled her eyes. She stepped up to the plate, focused her
hands, and called. "HADOOOKEN!" The fireball, however, was quite tiny
and focused -- and cut the strap in half.
"...err, thanks," Shingo thanked.
"No problem," Sakura responded, dancing backwards to get back into
a fighting position. "Come at me any time. Hit me with everything
you've got!"
Shingo got back to his feet, adjusting his gloves. "You sure
about that? I was going to save my new technique for later..."
"GET ON WITH IT!!" Jack shouted from ringside, waving a fist in
the air. "I'm not paying you to lollygag, the crowd is dyin' out
there!"
"You heard the boss," Sakura said, with an amused little smirk.
"Ooookay! You asked for it!" Shingo warned... as he assumed a
battlestance much like his old mentor, Kyo. "Type 114, Shiki Ara Kami,
IKUZE!!"
Shingo stepped forward... and a SWEEPING wave of crimson flames
shot from his hands. The fires engulfed Sakura, as Shingo twisted and
followed it up with another wave from his other hand, and finished the
combination with an uppercutting punch. Sakura flew back, through the
missing ropes, and to the mat.
Hiroshi's jaw dropped to the desk. "Did... did Shingo just use
ACTUAL Kusanagi flames in a Kusanagi move?! I thought he wasn't ABLE
to do something like that!"
"YAHOOIE!" Shingo cheered, shaking a Dan-like forearm. "My
technique is perfected! KYO, I have honored you!!"
"...I think I'm getting the picture," Jack said, watching the
ramp. "Look who's here to join the party. Lucky for him this is no
DQ..."
"Sakura! You okay?" Shingo asked, leaning over the ringside, to
check on her. "I hope I didn't put too much into it, but you DID
say..."
A finger tapped his shoulder, so he turned to politely address
whoever was behind him.
Iori Yagami not so politely gripped Shingo's neck in a vice-like
stranglehold of fury, staring right into the younger boy's eyes. It
was an evil, penetrating stare that Iori typically reserved for his
blood enemies or for Jehova's Witnesses.
"I.. want.. my.. gloves back," Iori growled.
"Uh, um, er, um, uh, um, um--"
Iori proved to have about as much patience as Akuma. Maintaining
his grip, he twisted Shingo in the air and bodyslammed him down HARD
onto the mat.. and then went postal. Hands blurred and ripped, Shingo
started to lose quite a bit of blood, as Iori's frenzied rage did what
it does best -- hurt people real good.
He would've just kept going, too, if Yohko Mano hadn't run out to
ringside, gainaxing all the way. She rolled into the ring, and pulled
Iori off of the young boy. Iori snarled and thrashed, fighting Yohko's
grip, but she held fast.
"Excuse us!" Yohko apologized. "Iori, come on, this isn't your
fight! We're leaving."
"This isn't over, Kusanagi!" Iori wailed, voice like ripping
sandpaper. "It's never over, Orochi or no Orochi!!"
"Er, did Iori just call Shingo 'Kusanagi'?" Hiroshi asked,
watching as Yohko forcibly dragged Iori back up the ramp and backstage.
"I think he's getting a little confused in the head. Thank Lina he's
got a girlfriend now to calm him down."
Jack banged his head repeatedly on the desk. "And Shingo's in no
shape to continue fighting! Great, just great. If neither of them get
up, we've got a double count-out and Morrigan wins the belt by default.
Oh, that's REALLY freakin' dramatic! Yahoo! GET UP, YOU BRATS! GET
UP!"
The referee continued his ten count, as neither fighter stirred.
The crowd waited with anticipation, a hush falling as they listened to
each number tick off in the stillness of the air. Seven. Eight.
Nine...
Sakura groaned, and sat up, just in front of the announcer's desk.
The bell rang immediately afterwards. Medical crews ran out to quickly
get Shingo out of the ring.
"And.. and I guess that means Sakura wins the match!" Hiroshi
declared. "It's now going to be Sakura against Morrigan for the
championship belt and-- whoa, whoa! She's not ready! WAIT!"
Faster than a speeding bullet, Morrigan rocketed out of the
entrance, wings beating at a steady pace behind her. The arrogant
smile on her face made things perfectly clear: If Sakura was 95% dead,
then all she'd have to do is finish the job and take an easy win...
][ ULTRARAGE DELTA MATCH #6.3 : RANMA SAOTOME MEMORIAL GAMMA TOURNAMENT
][ MORRIGAN vs. SAKURA, FINAL ROUND
][ FIGHT!
"I think I'm going to move... over here," Jack decided, leaping
out of his seat like a cop out of a speeding car in a bad 70's TV
drama.
"Sakura, run!" Hiroshi shouted, over the roar of the crowd.
"RUN!"
"...wha?" Sakura asked, focusing her eyes... to see Morrigan
making a beeline for her. She instinctively rolled, to get the hell
out of the way.
Morrigan, unfortunately, had built up so much inertia that she
couldn't adjust her flight path. She skidded, put on the air brakes,
but it was useless -- the succubus plowed into the announcer's desk
(and the announcers) at an upwards of twenty miles an hour. That may
not be much on the open road, but it meant a hell of a lot to two
people and one historically easy to annihilate table.
The Spanish Announcer's Table collapsed for no adequately explored
reason, too.
Hiroshi's world inverted itself. He found himself looking up at
the mat and down at the houselights. His body was currently voting for
a nice, quick nap, but his mind kept insisting he had a job to do, as
he painfully rolled over, and got back on his knees... adjusting his
headset.
Naturally, Controversial Jack was fuming mad. Morrigan did her
zombie-standup routine, but when she came up to achieve the fastest
title win in Ultra history, she was facing her spiky haired boss, not
Sakura.
"Do you have any CLUE how much those tables cost!?" Jack demanded
of her. "Not to mention how bad it's gonna look if you win this match
in three seconds? Or how many people are walking out of this show
injured without you adding Sakura to that list?! You're going to wreck
the show!"
"Back off, little man," Morrigan warned, trying to step around
him... but was blocked.
"No, YOU back off! Who the hell do you think you are?! I'm
CONTROVERSIAL JACK, goddammit!" he shouted. "I've had more than my
fair share of problems keeping this franchise afloat, and you're not
going to wreck it with your swelling ego -- that's MY job! I'm sick
and tired of everything going WRONG! I do my best to put on a quality
entertainment of violence and mayhem on a weekly basis; and this
audience doesn't want to see you running ragged over this tournament,
they want to see a real fight. Now you back the hell off and give that
girl some chance at recovering, or I'm firing your ass on the spot!"
Morrigan's eyes narrowed to tight, angry slits. "What did you
just say...?"
"Fire! Vamoose! Gone! I wasn't PLANNING on ejecting anybody
this season, but I can make an exception!" Jack warned, prodding
Morrigan in her ample chest. "Enough people have gotten crippled
tonight, and--"
Morrigan got bored with Jack and punched him squarely across the
jaw. Jack's eyes snapped open wide, before rolling back into his head,
as he pinwheeled off to fall flat on his back.
"Oh my Lina!" Hiroshi shouted. "Morrigan... Morrigan just knocked
out the boss's lights! And the crowd's actually PISSED at her for it!
What is going on around here?!"
The demoness glared at the crowd. "What is wrong with you
people!? I'm FAR more enjoyable to look at than that loudmouthed
mortal! If I--"
She felt a light tapping on her shoulder.
Unlike Shingo, she didn't set herself up for a fall -- she slashed
out hard with one of her wings behind her, to clean house of anybody
trying to sneak up on her. But the wing slashed through with an empty
WHOOSH, as her enemy was also preparing for just such an action...
Sakura rolled around and in front of Morrigan, and angled her
hands upward. Blue lightning flared between them, as she charged up...
"SHINKUUU HADOKEN!!" Sakura screamed, and unleashed an upward
stream of her energy. There wasn't much left, granted, but if she
burned everything up in one shot, maybe it would be enough...
Morrigan got pasted by each fireball blast embedded in the stream,
punched into the air by the impacts. She fell from the sky when the
attack stopped, and landed awkwardly in the ring.
The young girl had nothing left. She was running on fumes now,
but refused to give up, to roll over; she had to stay up and running
long enough to claim the victory. Sakura climbed slowly into the ring,
while the count was issued... she cautiously approached Morrigan, to
check her--
A wing lashed out from Morrigan's back, snapping into a tentacle-
shape that neatly wrapped around Sakura's neck.
Morrigan tilted herself back to a standing position, as she raised
Sakura in the air, choking the life out of her. But the demoness
wasn't completely smug, as she usually was; no, that had definitely
hurt her. And whoever hurt her made her quite angry.
"You are exactly a thousand years too early to defeat me," she
informed her enemy, who was struggling to break free. "No child can
destroy a Darkstalker. You had no chance of winning the championship.
Now you will pay for your insolence..."
"Sakura's got nothing left! Nothing at all!" Hiroshi called,
keeping his cracked headset on as he stayed sheltered behind the
remains of the desk. "There's no way she's going to be able to break
out of a chokehold like that! Morrigan doesn't even have testicles she
can give a swift sneaker to... whoa, wait!"
A steel chair was quietly slipped into the ring, sliding to a
halt... as Mr. Satan hauled himself between the ropes, picking it up
after touching down. The crowd went nuts, which probably killed any
stealth factor he had going for him, but damned if he was going to let
THIS go on any longer.
He crept up behind Morrigan, reared the chair back, and SWUNG--
Connecting nicely with Sakura's head, as Morrigan twisted around
to use the girl as a human shield. The young fighter went totally
limp, her struggles ending.
"...shit," Mr. Satan cursed, realizing what happened. The chair
was knocked back in his face by Morrigan's high kick, sending him
tumbling over the top rope and out of commission.
Fortunately, the ten count sounded, and Morrigan mercifully
dropped Sakura when the victory was final.
"We've got a new Gamma champion! In what was probably the most
screwball match I've ever seen, but we've got a new champion!" Hiroshi
called.
Morrigan snatched the Gamma belt away from the refree, quite
impatient to get her hands on it. But she didn't celebrate or seem
overjoyed; she just seemed mildly pleased to have her hands on it. She
surveyed the damage... Sakura slowly regaining her breathing, Mr. Satan
with a mild concussion, Jack knocked silly. Overall, a fun night.
She stepped through the ropes, making sure to give the audience a
nice look at her ass, and was about to head off to celebrate with six
or seven nice males when she noticed something.
There were people waiting and watching from the top of the ramp.
Two very specific people.
Ranma Saotome and Akane Tendo.
Hiroshi marked out, needless to say, screaming some incoherent
babble into his headset.
Morrigan frowned, flexing her wings a bit. Another fight was not
something she had in mind for capping off the evening -- but Ranma
shook his head, raising a microphone instead.
"...easy, easy," he said, voice almost timid at first. "I'm not
here to fight. I just wanted to talk to you and to the crowd... to
congratulate you on your win. I don't think it was a very good win,
but, well, that's your problem... um. Hi, guys. Did you miss me?"
A resounding wave of boos surprised Ranma. He took two steps back
out of instinct.
"Don't worry, don't worry!" he replied. "I've been getting
help... back at home, from Doctor Tofu and everybody. I'm okay now. I
mean, I'm not going to snap again. I heard Akane got invited to join
the event, and I figured, maybe it was time for me to come back too...
to apologize for how I've acted, and maybe build back to where I was
before everything started going wrong. All I ever wanted to do was be
the best at what I do, the champion, the finest martial artist I could
be... I think I got off track somewhere along the way. But if you'll
let me, I'm ready to prove I can do it again, the right way. That is,
if you guys want me back..."
The crowd murmured... and slowly, applause started to trickle back
in. This WAS Ranma Saotome, after all... the first Gamma champion, and
a really good fighter before he started to lose his marbles. Ranma
smiled at the reaction, nodding along, and saying a few more thankyous
before continuing.
"I've still got some issues to work through," he warned. "So I
don't know when I'll feel ready for active competition... but Morrigan,
if you'll allow me, I'd like a shot at your title sometime this season.
I think it's safe to say I've got the skills to back it up... and given
that the title was taken off my waist for medical leave reasons, I
don't think you can honestly say you've defeated the real Gamma
champion. So. What do you say?"
The demoness thought about the young boy's words a moment... and
then smiled. She snatched a microphone away from a floor techie,
knowing exactly what she was going to say. She'd made her decision
weeks ago, to be specific about it...
"Why, certainly, Ranma," Morrigan said. "I'd just love to give
you a title shot. Why, you and your little friend Akane there... what
a cute tomboy. In fact, the whole reason I SOUGHT this silly gold belt
is so I could draw strong fighters to do battle with. What fun is
being in Ultra if you can't flaunt what you do best? You seemed to
understand that well, right before you left..."
"Ah... I accept, then," Ranma said. "Good luck with defending
your title--"
"Indeed!" Morrigan interrupted, bubbling over with glee. "Because
I'm issuing this challenge in a very interesting way. I HEREBY DECLARE
this... whoever manages to take my belt off of me, well well, they'll
take my belt off of me, as well as other things! All the men I have
faced to date have been weak and undeserving, but for a FULL night of
hot and passionate action, I will MAKE LOVE to whoever is strong enough
to best me in the ring and win my prize! So, Ranma Saotome, I accept
your challenge... and I SO look forward to seeing what you have in
store for me, big boy!"
"..." was Akane Tendo's response to that one, as she glared at
Ranma... who was busy trying to scrape his jaw off the floor.
"Errrr... I think this could fare very badly for Ranma if he
actually wins the belt," Hiroshi said quietly. "As if he didn't have
enough problems in life already... wait a minute. What if a girl wins
the belt next?... ... ... okay, now I need a cold shower..."
"So, I'll see you soon, little Ranma... or, if my wishes come
true, big, thick, strong Ranma!" Morrigan called, adding in a little
ojousama laugh for accent. "You'd best prepare! Although I'd
recommend you start your preparations by looking behind you."
"What?" Ranma asked, turning just in time to see Marlo clocking
Akane over the head with a steel chair.
"Sneak attack! Sneak attack!" Hiroshi doubled up. "He's bandaged
and not looking real good, but Marlo's pounced the woman who took his
belt!!"
The new Hardcore champion wobbled, the blow knocking her for a
loop. She staggered a few feet, before twisting and falling on her
rear, as Marlo advanced, glaring Flaming Nasty Evil Death at his enemy.
"You wanna be hardcore?!" he shouted, shaking the chair madly.
"You wanna be HARDCORE?! I can give you hardcore, you bitch! BRING
IT! BRING--"
The chair was pulled from Marlo's hands and hurled exactly 157
feet away. Ranma grabbed him by the shirt collar, fist locked like
iron, as his entire body trembled...
"...uh... hello again, Ranma," Marlo squeaked, trying to get air.
"How are things?"
Saotome's other hand formed a fist just as tight as the one
grasping Marlo's shirt. He reared his arm back, mumbling something
unpleasant but incomprehensible--
Akane held Ranma's hand back.
"Ranma, remember what Dr. Tofu said," she quickly warned. "Your
breathing. Count from ten to one. Come on..."
Slowly, the grip loosened, and Marlo scrambled away fast before
Ranma changed his mind. Ranma went almost completely limp... looking
very much like a broken man, not like the vengeful hardcase he was mere
moments ago. Akane patted him once on the back, and led him out of
there, before the situation got any more embarrassing.
Then she returned and kicked Marlo squarely in the nads, but that
was just an afterthought.
"............" Hiroshi said. "...folks... it has been a CRAZY
night here. We've seen Morrigan fail to seduce Mr. Satan, we've seen
Shingo swiping Iori's tools of the trade, we've seen Morrigan trash the
boss, a new champion, Ranma's return, Marlo's anger at Akane and.. and
I can't even REMEMBER everything we've seen tonight! And it's NOT EVEN
OVER, not by a longshot! What the hell is going on in Ultra?
Everything's getting out of control--"
Jack rested a hand on the audience barricade, painfully standing
on his own two feet. He held an icepack to his head thoughtfully
provided by Mr. Duck, and grumbled.
"Everything.. is under control," he stated. "Got that? Consider
Morrigan FIRED. And somebody get Mr. Satan and Marlo to medical!
Christ on a crutch, we're gonna run out of beds by the time the night
is through..."
"Maybe we should forgo the second main event?" Hiroshi suggested.
"You said the whole Lambda division is going to be involved, and
knowing your idea of a good time--"
"Ohhhh, no we don't," Jack said, laughing madly. "I paid millions
to get this next stunt ready to rock, and we're going through with it!
It's all or nothing now. If this doesn't turn things around for Ultra,
nothing will! Hiroshi! You wanted to know what I have in store?"
"Uh.. yeah, boss. Kind of."
Jack pointed dramatically to the Titantron. "Then let's get that
camera feed up! I'll explain exactly what we've got in store!"
The camera shot dissolved... to a large, complex looking lunar
base, on the dark side of the moon. Dramatic spotlights kept it nicely
lit.
"Say hello to ULTRAWORLD LUNAR!" Jack dubbed. "A fully functional
Ultra-themed entertainment complex on the moon! Soon to be opened to
the general public for holiday travel packages! Profit making efforts
in action or what, people? Anyway, while these guys were busy
brawling, I had the whole Lambda division shuttled over to the base,
and left there. Camera!"
The shot changed... a large group of fighters standing around in a
futuristic fun park (complete with the Kasumi Tendo Teacup Ride and the
Mr. Satan's Career Roller Coaster), watching a monitor watching Jack
watching them...
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
...the large group consisting of in no particular order: Ash,
Misty, Bean, Tifa, Blanka, Pikachu, Ken, Sagat, Kunou, Haohmaru, Mai,
Andy, Mousse, Shampoo, Sie, Athena, Jesse, James, Meowth, Shermie, and
Yashiro.
"LAMBDA DIVISION! You guys have been the absolute worst at
attendance records, quarter hour ratings and crowd interest! Consider
this both your punishment and your chance to catapult yourselves to
fame and stardom!" Jack told them. "Here's the deal. There has been a
single two-person shuttle docked at the far side of the station. The
first two people to get in that shuttle and escape the station... I
will CARVE YOUR FACES onto the SURFACE OF THE MOON! Your mugshots will
smile down on the Earth forever! Maybe THEN you'll draw some ratings!"
Somewhere very far off, the bell rang.
"He's serious, isn't he?" Tifa asked the group. "I just want to
check. He's REALLY going to carve our faces into the moon?!"
"James, just think!" Jesse cheered, little stars fluttering in her
eyes. "We'll not only be Team Champion Rockets, but we'll be TEAM
CHAMPION ROCKETS ON THE MOON!"
"I'm so happy, I could cry!" James bawled right before Sagat
kicked his ass nine ways to Sunday.
The brawl busted out immediately. There were plenty of people
here, so all the flying pokeballs and fists and feet and energy attacks
made for terrific on-camera action.
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
Back at the Mini-Dome, Jack slumped into a chair and took heart in
this event (and the theme park) resurrecting Ultra's popularity.
"Ah... well, it's not exactly much of a technical fight, I
guess..." Hiroshi said.
"What, are you kidding?" Jack laughed. "Of course not. It's an
excuse to toss a bunch of people into a funny setting and watch them
trash each other. Just sit back and enjoy the chaos, Hiroshi. Good,
clean, wholesome fun! More or less."
"You know, it's funny," Hiroshi said, ponderous. "I would've
expected you to, like, set them up in a creepy space station full of
bloodthirsty aliens..."
"What? Of course not. We've had enough crippling injuries
tonight, man, get serious. What this does it gives the Lambda crew a
chance to blow off some steam while promoting my big theme park
venture! They fight a bit, someone gets out, I carve them into the
moon with the giant laser I bought and everybody goes home happy and
satisfied. Once we've got UltraWorld Lunar up and rolling, Ultra's
financial troubles will be over! I feel like celebrating. Where's the
beer man?"
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
Sagat tossed James's blackened and bruised body onto a passing
Ifurita Automated Tour Guide Cart (wind up motor powered!), and looked
on at the crowd. "Okay, who's next? I don't got all day here--"
"PSYCHO BALL!"
The Thai kickboxer stumbled several feet, the energy shot
impacting on his back. Sie and Athena were all over him then,
doubleteaming quite effectively, as Andy and Mai worked Ken over quite
effectively, keeping the brainwashed commando from interfering...
And, of course, there was Shermie and Yashiro cornering Jesse and
Meowth off to the side.
"I already handled your partner once tonight, but I have yet to
lay my meathooks on you," Yashiro threatened, cracking his knuckles.
"Or your little cheating kitty cat, either. You got any last words?"
"Ah... um..." Jesse babbled... and pointed. "Behind you! A three
headed monkey!"
"Oh, come ON," Yashiro groaned. "We're not dumb enough to--"
"Anooo, I don't see a three headed monkey," Shermie said, scanning
the brawl going on behind her. "I just see lots of people hitting each
other. Yashiro, do you see a cute little monkey?"
Yashiro smacked his forehead. "SHERMIE! For crying out loud,
that was the oldest trick in the book! You're not supposed to LOOK!
If you do, it gives them time to.... aww, nuts, she got away! AFTER
her!"
The four ran into Washuu's Fun House of the Nine Hells, and soon
after really regretted doing that, but the brawl was still going on
without them...
Sort of.
"Tifa! Come on, we're supposed to be fighting here!" Bean
protested, as she Japanese-Arm Dragged him away from the gang.
"But I wanted to go on the Ayanami Rei Tunnel of Clone Love Log
Flume Ride," Tifa complained. "I mean, get real, like Jack's REALLY
going to do give out THAT prize. Let's go have some fun!"
Speaking of fun, back at the fight...
Blanka went THUMP.
"Stupid green furry man get in Shampoo way," Shampoo excused
herself. "Shampoo no responsible for many injury happen when get in
Shampoo way. Mousse! Stop talking to hot dog stand and help Shampoo
defeat people!"
Mousse blinked a few times, wandering. "Shampoo? Where are you,
Shampoo? ShampooOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo..."
The amazon girl groaned, peering over the edge of the exciting
Void Ride (basically, a big empty hole in the ground you sat in and
became one with through nihilism and boredom.) "Mousse stop playing
around! Shampoo in very bad mood since stupid Tendo girl come back,
and Shampoo very serious hereeeeAAAIIEEE!!!!!"
"EXCELLENT, MY PUPIL!" Hoahmaru declared. "YOU USE YOUR
ENVIRONMENT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE! IT'S LIKE I ALWAYS SAY IN A HIGHLY
LEGENDARY FASHION: TO GET AHEAD IN LIFE, YOU HAVE TO PUSH A FEW WOMEN
INTO BOTTOMLESS PITS!"
"I simply grew tired of her lack of personal pronouns, sensei,"
Kunou stated. "That leaves only... the children."
Ash, Misty, and Pikachu looked over from raiding the candy stand
('Lillith Suckable Lollicon Lollypops : $2'). Ash shifted a lolly from
the left side of his mouth to the right side. "Umm, we weren't really
planning to fight any..."
"Nonsense!" Kunou declared, waving his bokken. "Stand your
ground, knave, and face the soon to be highly legendary Tatewaki Kunou,
the most electrifying man in sports entertainment today!!"
"PikaCHUUUUU!!!"
A Krispy Kunou fell over.
"IMPUDENT RODENT!" Hoahmaru spat, drawing his katana. "YOU SHALL
PAY BY SERVING UP YOUR ADORABLY FURRY YET BLOODSOAKED CORPSE TO MY PATH
OF THE BLADE! FOR THE LEGENDARY AND RIGHTEOUS RONIN HAOHMARU WILL LEAD
YOU TOWARDS YOUR SWIFT AND--"
"PIKACHUUUU!!!"
A sizzling samurai joined his apprentice on the ground.
"Hey, they've got chocolates shaped like Dan in here!" Misty
discovered.
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
Jesse emerged from Washuu's Fun House pale as a ghost, and
trembling like a leaf. SOMEONE had an extremely unusual definition of
fun; fortunately, it had also caused her rivals to fall into a flaming
pit of whatever and thus ended the chase...
Meowth paused to catch his breath. "...dat.. was AWFUL! What
kinda crazy theme park is this?!"
"It's positively... positively... oh, blast, I have no clever
rhyming pun. Meowth, we should be near the shuttle, let's hurry!"
The two had to pause for an Ifurita Automated Tour Guide Cart to
roll by. Fortunately, it was carrying James.
"Ow," James said, for the record, as Jesse hauled him out of the
cart.
"We're almost there!" she wheezed, dragging him along. "Soon,
James, we'll be Lunar Team Rocket Moon Unit Champions! Just think of
the product endorsement deals! The fame, the fortune, the glamour!"
"yaaaay," James cheered weakly, waving a tiny 'R' flag.
The trio turned the corner, face to face with their salvation; the
only shuttle out of the park. The door was open, both seats nice and
inviting.
"We did it! We did it!" Jesse celebrated, dropping James like a
load of bricks so she could get down to some serious victory posing.
"We are the champions! We are! We--"
The shuttle door snapped shut.
"Bye!" Meowth waved. "No hard feelings, but why should you humans
get all the glory when *I* could be the 'Cat in the Moon?' See you
back on Earth! Ha ha ha ha!!"
"..." Jesse said, as the shuttle lifted off, and sped away.
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
"It's over! It's over!" Hiroshi wailed, as the crowd went
absolutely ballistic. "We've got a winner in the Lunar Eclipse Rumble!
Meowth takes the prize! Meowth takes the pri... wait a minute, Jack,
they're still fighting!"
"Eh, let 'em fight," Jack said, lighting a cigar with a burning
wad of hundred dollar bills. "We've already won. Ultra is BACK IN
BLACK!"
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
Sagat finally managed to yank Sie Kensou off his back, deliver a
few solid knee-to-the-face strikes, and toss him aside -- only to see a
paper fan bounce off his chest.
"Okay, this is getting ridiculous!" he shouted. "Bison, dammit,
quit playing around! Let's finish them!"
Mai Shiranui bounced her way in front of Sagat (and nearly bounced
her way to the third boob-shot of the night). "Bison, let Ken go, or
we'll punish Sagat! There's nowhere he can run, we're on the moon, and
it's four on two!"
"And then we're coming for you!" Athena added. "For what you did
to Terry, and to me, and everybody else--"
"You're right, Sagat," Bison's voice echoed from Ken's
transmitter. "This is getting ridiculous. Team move number nine,
immediately!"
With no buildup, no taunt, Sagat ROARED with electrical power...
shunting all over his body, chi building into his hands. Next to him,
Ken did the same, but with blue Shotokan energies...
A combined beam of Shinkuu Hadoken and Super Tiger Wave mixed into
one big 'ol wave motion gun blast of unpleasantness. The four allied
fighters were able to dodge out of the way, but just barely -- the
attack shrieked across the open-air courtyard of UltraWorld Lunar.
Then it hit the conveniently placed central cold fusion power
reactor.
A massive explosion rocked the entertainment complex, as force
fields slammed up around the reactor, containing the radiation... but
those fields were weakening. A voice echoed throughout the entire
park, in friendly, but very firm tones.
"*Attention, attention,*" it spoke. "*Main power reactor
overload. Fifteen minutes to complete destruction of UltraWorld.
Please run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. This notice required by
law. Thank you.*"
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
"......." Jack said, his burning wad of hundreds piffling out.
"Uh... uh... Jack?" Hiroshi asked, going quite pale. "I don't
think it's going to be very safe for them to keep fighting there now...
what do we do?"
"...panic!" Jack suggested. "AAHH! AHHHHH!! UYAAAAAAHH!!
WAAHHH!!! Okay, that's enough. Now, TECH CREW! Scramble all limos to
UltraWorld and get those guys out of there! Evacuate! Evacuate!"
"We should be perfectly safe here, right?" Hiroshi asked quickly.
"I mean, that park is on the other side of the moon! Everything's
going to be fine!"
"Oh, sure thing, kid," Jack reassured. "We'll be fine. Ah, good!
Limos are coming back now. See? What'd I tell ya! Ultra's crack
staff is ready for ANY emergency. All fighters and spectators
accounted for in the Mini-Dome. ...we lose UltraWorld, but... well...
I guess we can make up for the funds I poured into it somehow...
Hiroshi, don't just sit there, close out the show."
"Right! Folks, we've had a WILD night here at the Sea of
Tranquility, and we'll see you next week for ULTRA! So, everybody,
this is Hiroshi, saying good fight, good--"
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
Meowth's shuttle soared the stars in triumph.
Okay, technically he had backstabbed his teammates to win this
victory, but hey! They'd understand. Team Rocket was TIGHT like that!
But first, he'd pull a few loop de loops and immelmans in this thing in
celebration--
A blinding white light stunned the Pokemon, knocking him off the
three dictionaries he'd set up in the pilot's seat.
When he climbed back up and got a good look at what was going on,
he wished he hadn't.
UltraWorld Lunar was gone. Not only that, but huge cracks had
formed all over the moon, stemming from the blast point... cracks
quickly running around the surface of the moon, making the whole thing
look like a plaster orb waiting to shatter...
And then it did. The moon blew up.
"Waaaaah!" Meowth shrieked, as his shuttle got knocked around by
large, now liberated chunks of Earth's most popular satellite. "Looks
like Meowth is blasting off agaaaaaaiin!!"
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
The Mini-Dome was not doing much better.
The artificial gravity had shut off, as the dome tumbled
helplessly through space. Politicians, celebrities and other people
who you really don't want to put in his kind of danger screamed and
whooped and hollered and whipped out cellular phones to call up their
lawyers. The ring itself was floating, as were all the signs the fans
had brought with them; it was like a bingo ball tumbler, as the stars
sped by above...
Hiroshi clung to his headset, which was still wired into the
floor, to avoid flying away. Jack was locked like a koala onto the
audience barricade... as Mr. Duck floated out of his pocket and away.
"Mr. Duck! Nooo!" Jack called out. "Hold on, Mr. Duck! I'll...
I'll think of something!"
"Boss, you BLEW UP THE MOON!" Hiroshi yelled back.
"I wasn't trying to! I swear! I mean, I tried to before back on
my old world, but really I wasn't intending to make a mess of things
this time... umm... Hiroshi, is it getting hot in here, or is it just
me?"
Hiroshi looked up at the huge ball of flaming hydrogen that was
coming up fast. "I think we're about to get tossed into the flaming
inferno of the sun, Jack. Um. Can I die of fright now? My clone
heart is really not doing very well and I'm running on some zombie-like
gut reactive instinct now."
"NO, you may not die! You've got to help me save the day!" Jack
shouted. "Start praying to Lina! It's our last hope!"
"Ah.. right! Right! That's a great idea!!" Hiroshi yelled back.
"Oh, Lina, for art in heaven, hallowed be thy name--"
A flash of silent white light signaled God's arrival.
"I can hear you just fine, you don't have to get all biblical,"
she said. "Jack, what kind of mess have you gotten this show into this
time?... no, wait, I'm omniscient to an extent, I already know. You
want me to go wave wave poof and make your problem go away?"
"Gosh, Lina-sama, it would be really swell of you," Controversial
Jack begged. "Pleeaase!"
Lina went wave-wave poof. Gravity asserted itself with a mixed
amount of comedic and horrific results, and the sun was now just a
distant ball in the sky... the blue sky of earth. The Mini-Dome was
just outside of the UltraDome at Tokyo.
"Listen up, Jack, because I'm only explaining this once," Lina
warned, once the chaos had settled down. "Maybe in Kasumi's day Ultra
was tied into heaven's resources, but not any more. She split that job
up when she made me Earth's god and you Ultra's god. You follow what
I'm saying?"
"...um..."
"I'm saying no more!" she replied, stomping her foot. "I've got
MORE than enough of my own problems; Ultra takes care of itself from
now on! You blowing up the moon played merry hell with Yggdrasil, you
know, Skuld's had to implement a quick patch to the tides just to keep
Earth from going HAYWIRE! Heaven is not here to bail your ass out
every time you do something stupid! So consider this a freebie. I've
gotta get back upstairs. Sayonara."
Hiroshi looked around at the disaster area, at his boss's blank
expression of horror, at his own disheveled and ripped tuxedo. But
mostly, he looked at the cameras, tried to scrape his dignity off the
floor, and end the show properly.
"...thank you for ordering UltraRage Delta on pay-per-view," he
intoned, exhaustion setting in. "Good fight, good night. ...I need a
drink."
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
ULTRARAGE DELTA RESULTS :
][ WASHU def. MEWTWO, now 7W/4L
][ AKANE TENDO def. MARLO SEMAJ, now 1W/0L and HARDCORE CHAMPION
][ B-KO/CYBERAKUMA def. GALLY/IFURITA and regained MIHOSHI
][ TEAM ROCKET def. SHERMIE/YASHIRO, now 6W/5L and LAMBDA CHAMPIONS
][ NAGA def. SEPHIROTH and ASUKA, now 6W/3L and still OMEGA CHAMPION
][ MORRIGAN def. MR. SATAN, now 2W/2L
][ SAKURA def. SHINGO, now 11W/3L
][ MORRIGAN def. SAKURA, now 3W/2L and GAMMA CHAMPION
][ MEOWTH won the LUNAR ECLIPSE RUMBLE
][ MOON was DESTROYED
][ MULTIPLE INJURIES requiring COSTLY MEDICAL CARE
][ COMPLETE DESTRUCTION of ULTRAWORLD LUNAR
][ MAJOR DAMAGE to the MINI-DOME
][ GIANT MOON-CARVING LASER (unused)
][ 834 OUT OF COURT LEGAL SETTLEMENTS for WHIPLASH
][ GOVERNMENT INVESTIGATION PENDING for VIOLATION OF FCC SEXUAL CONTENT
REGULATIONS
][ $4.5 MILLION in PPV REFUND DEMANDS
][ one LOST SHUTTLE
][ plus REGULAR EXPENSES, FEES, CONSTRUCTION MATERIALS, CONCESSION
STOCKS, etc.
The bottom line?
Ultra was officially bankrupt.
The show was amazing. It broke records of buyrate and popularity,
but all the losses, the damages and screwups had taken their toll.
That, plus the dropoff in revenue from this season's bungles and
technical errors meant that Ultra currently had about 75 cents to its
name, which Controversial Jack used to purchase the Cheese Doodles of
our discontent.
The morning sun, the morning after, had delivered the bad news.
Nuku carefully typed and added up all the numbers and they came up a
big phat zero. It was a weekend, and Jack didn't have to come to work,
but he knew better than to stay home in this critical time. The empty
dome served as a suitable reminder of the massive failure.
Where did he go wrong? He just wanted to put on the best show he
could. Months ago, when he first came here, he didn't give a rat's ass
about Ultra... he just wanted to screw around with Kasumi's reign, to
cause problems and have fun.
Somewhere down the line, things changed. He began to CARE about
the show, about how well it was doing and how crazily entertaining it
was. Cared so much that he put everything on the line in a number of
gambles and risks that clearly went astray.
But he still had Ultra. He could rebuild. He was peaking Ultra's
ratings back before UltraRage Gamma, and he could do it again! The run
of bad luck was OVER!
"YES!" Jack declared, rising from his desk. "I will CONQUER ONCE
MORE!"
He fell flat on his ass when the entire Ultradome moved two feet
to the left.
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
Jack was still pulling on his fluffy winter coat when he rushed
out into the nippy spring air, to confront the gigantic yellow tractor
that was moving the Dome. He ran alongside the vehicle -- moving
something like this was not a speedy process, after all -- and
unloaded.
"What the hell are you doing!?" he asked the driver.
The gruff blue collar worker gave him a shrug. "We're
repossessing your dome. The bank is foreclosing on Ultra, and it'll be
offered up to the highest bidder in an auction. Sorry, pal. If it
helps, I saw the show last night and it kicked ass..."
"They can't DO that! I AM Ultra!!" Jack shouted, waving a fist in
anger. "They can't take my show away! ...I can bribe you! I have a
bag of Cheese Doodles!"
"What kind, Ranch or Regular?"
"Regular..."
"Can't do it," the driver said, tossing the tractor into a higher
gear. The Ultradome was towed away faster than Jack could run, and
eventually, his legs gave out. He sat on his ass, watching as his
pride and joy got carted away.
Controversial Jack was officially unemployed.
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
But the story didn't end there.
A press conference was held later that day, in the UltraDome...
which was towed right back to where it started, only hours after being
put up for auction. There had been a buyer.
The entire cast and crew of Ultra were gathered in the press room.
Newcomer Akane was there with a much calmer Ranma; all the other new
champions were present as well, with Morrigan demanding a front row
seat, as she actually wore her belt to the event.
Most of the others were in body casts or traction; Gally had to be
wheeled in in a support tank until her replacement parts arrived next
week. Ifurita was looking crispy around the edges. James whimpered in
pain every time he moved. Marlo sat glumly in the back on a chair he
provided for himself, one arm in a sling, as he glared at the back of
Akane's head.
But none of them would miss this... except for a few notables who
were missing this. That would have to wait to be explained.
Hiroshi stepped up to the podium... and he looked damn nervous.
He tapped the mike once or twice before daring to speak.
"Ah... hello, everybody," he started. "I've been instructed to
introduce the.. new head booker and owner of Ultra. As you know, last
night's show completely drained our finances, and we were put up for
grabs, so... well, I can't really give this justice in words, so let me
just introduce your new boss..."
The double doors opened near the podium, as a sharply dressed
business woman and a stocky man flanking her side made their way in.
She opened a folder, and slipped it onto the podium, motioning for
Hiroshi to take a hike.
"Hello, everybody," Nabiki said, greeting them with a smile.
"Miss me?"
Stunned silence fell over the crowd.
"Seems my lottery ticket FINALLY came in this week, and I had just
enough money to buy the one thing on earth that could make even more
money than the lottery... Ultra," Nabiki explained. "Thanks to Jack's
incompetent management, however, your show has fallen off the map. I'm
here to rebuild this franchise into a lean, mean, moneymaking machine.
I understand you've all had a hell of a night, but we are not slowing
down just to accommodate your little problems. We have to act fast and
make some very drastic changes to start us on the road to
profitability. Notice anybody missing from this room?"
Heads turned. Some chairs were indeed empty.
"I've taken the liberty of cutting a few salaries from the
payroll," she explained. "You will no longer be seeing those
talentless hacks Sofia and Cage in Ultra. Likewise, Hsien-ko and her
sister are gone, as is that loafer Gambit. Megaman--"
"Megaman is on medical leave," Gally reminded, having enough of
her body around to speak, at least. "He's getting repaired--"
"Medical leave withdrawn," Nabiki replied. "I don't see any
reason to pay fighters for sitting around at home. That means all of
you people who got a beating last night had better get back into top
shape quick, or you won't be useful to this company. I intend to turn
Ultra around, no matter what it takes. Kasumi ran this company too
soft, and Jack ran this company like a tazmanian devil. I intend to
run this company smooth, and with no problems whatsoever. To do this,
since I know many of you may have some objections... I've decided to
hire an enforcer. Tarou?"
"You punks listen up!" Pantyhose Tarou bellowed, from his flanking
position next to Nabiki. "This here's MISS TENDO, not 'Nabiki' or
'Beek' or even 'Boss'. I'm gonna make sure all her instructions get
carried out to HER liking, and if you ain't to her liking, she's given
me free reign to rearrange you. Finally, I'll have something FUN to do
on this damn show!"
"He'll also be taking over as color commentator," Nabiki added.
"Daisuke was becoming far too unmarketable to keep on the air."
"Wh-what?!" Hiroshi stammered. "You fired Daisuke?! And.. and..
uh... boss, LAST time Tarou was an announcer, nobody LIKED him--"
Tarou jogged Hiroshi's memory with a sharp blow to the head.
"What'd I just say? That's MISS TENDO."
"Next time, Tarou, make sure they're conscious enough to
understand what they did wrong, please," Nabiki requested.
"Gotcha, Miss Tendo. Won't happen again."
"Today, Ultra changes," Nabiki declared. "This is the dawning of
a new era. The show always goes on. Next week you'll have your match
bookings and title defenses and so on. But I expect full cooperation
from my entire staff if you want to keep your jobs. Because frankly,
without someone like me around, you would all be unemployed right now."
- = [ * U L T R A * ] = -
Each interview went the same way.
"Skills? Well, I can field strip an M-16 in less than a minute,
I'm able to make a high yield explosive from a simple edge of Monterey
Jack cheese, and I can fart the national anthem!"
"..."
And no job for him. Controversial Jack sat on a park bench just
outside the Unemployment Office of Tokyo, clutching his bag lunch and
pondering his miserable, awful, terrible, horrible, dejected little
empty shell of a life.
He'd lost the only job he really cared about, and the world didn't
feel like giving him a new one. In the two days he'd spent wandering
aimlessly around Tokyo, trying to find a goal in life, none had turned
up. Meanwhile, NABIKI TENDO of all people was running HIS show...
There would be changes, he'd heard, from Hiroshi. Hiroshi had to
whisper to keep Tendo's new 'enforcer' from hearing him leak the
information to Jack. Big changes. Unannounced changes...
Not that it mattered. There was nothing he could do about it now,
except slump off into the sunset and never be seen again.
Except...
Except that was not the Way of Controversy. He HAD to mount a
comeback. He had to get nuts. He had to get WILD, had to invade, to
subvert, to spread terror and chaos until he was back in power! But...
but he had no real way of doing that, no inside help, nothing. Plus,
he wasn't in the mood for it.
Daisuke sat next to him, also carrying a bag lunch. They noticed
each other for the first time, and sat quietly for a time.
"...can't get work either?" Jack asked.
"Nope," Daisuke asked. "A schoolboy can't get a good job. I
could become a frycook, or assemble cheap goods for Nike in a factory,
but... I don't want that. Dammit, Jack, I want my JOB back. Maybe it
was hell and I'd have Shermie to deal with, but for crying out loud
I've got to be better at it than Pantyhose Tarou. Hiroshi called...
he's panicking. If he has another heart attack I'll feel awful for
days."
"I was thinking similar things," Jack said. "Everything went
kasplooey. Mistakes were made; I'll accept that. I screwed up. But
does that mean you and I have to pay for our sins like this?! Forced
to say 'Can you please speak up, thank you, drive through' at King
Fucker Chicken for the rest of our lives?"
"There's not much else we CAN do--"
"We can fight," Jack replied, getting up. "I got too soft. Too
complacent in power. I had to struggle to GET that job, fighting
against GOD... surely I can overthrow some seventeen year old brat with
an economics degree! And this time, I can use my awesome Powers of
Controversy for good instead of evil!"
Daisuke eyed Jack suspiciously. "Without having it all blow up in
your face again...?"
"I can't promise that. But if I don't TRY, I'll never forgive
myself. And neither will you."
"You're right, I never will forgive you," Daisuke agreed...
sighing. "...okay. Fine. I'll go along with it. Now, what exactly
am I going along with?"
"We'll decide tomorrow in a war council," Jack said. "This sort
of thing takes careful planning. But make no mistake. We shall
overcome. We SHALL overcome. Keep your eyes on the prize, oh lord!
WE SHALL OVERCOME!!"
In a world where demons of the Void teamed up with the powers of
Hell against an accidentally made God and her army of deceased angels
and warriors while Furnityre Saviors clashed with tomboys who had
twitchy fianc�es in twelve step programs who had spunky Chinese love
interests who were alongside Pokemon poachers who had accidental title
wins and bar room brawlers in romantic interludes where children of
Gods wined and dined mecha otaku and an old scientist and her ailing
crew of companions took on a psychic catthing while an evil overlord
brawled his way through scientific experiments that left a herd of
rivals in his wake and a laughing sorceress took all comers on on the
sports entertainment extravaganza that never ended and never failed to
get weird or exciting, surely there would be room for Jack to work back
to the top.
Because this was Ultra. And anything was possible in Ultra.
TO BE CONTINUED
-=-
Author's notes:
I covered a hell of a lot of ground here; so much so that it's gonna be
daunting to make sure these angles don't stagnate. I kind of feel bad
about that, so here's a new Ultra-feature that authors may or may not
want to pick up on -- angle tracking. I'll only mention major
rivalries or out-of-ring activity.
Of course, what constitutes an angle worth noting is subjective, and
odds are I missed a few, but I hope this helps. And remember:
Midseason Ultra parts don't have to be 160k+ monsters that cover all
the ground available! I feel obligated to 'give people their money's
worth' at pay-per-views with these monster parts, but obviously not
every part has to be this huge. @_@;
][ = Angle continues, may have new developments
[] = Angle is closed, might have been replaced
}{ = Entirely new angle
?? = Possible new angle? (Can be derived from events)
XX = Didn't touch on this from past episode very well or at all
[] Jack's declining ratings and profits
(He lost Ultra)
[] Ryo-ohki wanting a shot at Ultra from Episode #1
(Washuu used her in a fight; small angle, but hey :)
[] Akuma seeks out Devilot
(Devilot sent him back cyberified, and he doesn't mind now)
[] B-ko vs. Gally for Mihoshi
(Mihoshi left voluntarily with B-ko)
[] Sofia's father
(She got fired... kinda ends things, gomen)
][ Mewtwo vs. Washuu / the Cybergrrlz
(Washuu has a mental health problem only Mewtwo can fix)
][ Shermie stalks Daisuke
(Shermie exposes herself, so to speak)
][ Heaven vs. Hell
(Huge non-conclusive clusterfrick, and Asuka's new issues)
][ Ranma's many wild emotional issues
(He's no longer a bully, but he's actually fragile now)
}{ Marlo vs. Akane rivalry for the Hardcore belt
(She was Hiroshi's mystery guest)
}{ Nabiki's profit-mongering reign over Ultra
(A MAJOR new angle; Nabiki the boss, Tarou the announcer/enforcer)
}{ Jack and Daisuke plot to get their jobs back
(Junctioned to previous angle, Jack plots to regain his power)
}{ Morrigan vs. every red-blooded male in Ultra ^_^;
(I know *I* wanna take that belt off her!)
?? Mr. Satan vs. Morrigan?
(This could possibly continue)
?? Shingo stole Iori's gloves, possible rivalry
(This also could possibly continue)
?? Meowth gets Lost In Space
(Not a huge angle, but worth noting)
?? Bison's Busters and the Samurai
(them screwing each other in U40 not mentioned at all)
XX Yohko and Iori's relationship
(They came out together, but not much else)
XX Bison vs. SNK/Capcom
(got some minor mention in the rumble)
XX B-ko and Sephiroth, Lovers
(a few mentions, but nothing else)
-2f