Graduation Text submitted by Saotome Ranma.
Reason for rejection: 1 & 3.
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Reason 1: Does not meet one of the subject guides listed.
Reason 3: Does not make mention of a pineapple.
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To the Students of Fukinikan High, or something like that,
Honored guest,
Members from the Jusenkyou Grounds, Amazon Tribalwomen, Lackeys,
I thank you for coming to this graduation ceremony. It has been two
long
years for me from the time I left with Pops from China, and sometimes I
wish I
should have stayed with Shampoo back there. You've all harassed me, even
though
I don't have a clue what the word "harassed" means, groped me, and
generally
made me feel miserable. And that's just from the guys.
You all know I hate my curse. I can't stand turning into a girl and
knowing what you girls mean when you have those "not-so-fresh days." Oh,
and
guys, if you wonder why it is girls go to the bathroom in packs, it's
the same
reason we guys hafta scratch in public and look at naked women rolling
around
mud, not that I would know anything like that. It's what you guys been
telling
me.
Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. My curse. I hate it, but I hafta thank
you all for making it bearable, and even sometimes worth while. Now I've
gotten
to the point where I wouldn't know what to do if I do find a cure, and I
guess
I've stopped lookin'. Probably not worth it.
And to the school, how I hate you all. From a principal who spent more
time in Hawaii than has seen his desk to a teacher who not only acts
like a
girl, IS a girl...I mean I've seen it all. But I'm finally glad to see
that
Principal Kuno has stopped that hair-cutting schtick and I'm glad to see
that
Miss Hinako Ninomiya is finally getting married. Mr. Tendou, I hope
you're
prepared for childhood all over again.
And as for the Tendou family that took us in? What can I say but,
thanks
for the panda steaks we had for lunch! Seriously, I'm very glad to be
marrying
into the family, and I'm even glad on taking on the Tendou name. I love
Akane,
and I hope we will live a long and enriching life, which I guess will be
longer
than a week. Kasumi, you've been like a second to Mother to me. Now if
you would
just act like a child every once in a while. Nabiki, if you really wanna
know
how I feel about you, that'll be 25,000 yen. And Akane, my dear
wife-to-be, I
just wanna say that I'm proud of you that you're not a girl, but a
tomboy.
Pops, Mother, what can I say? I am a man, even through I hafta wear a
bra everyone once in a while, and I have been the honorable son, even if
Pops
isn't the honorable father I'd like him to be. That's all I can say.
As for my friends, and yes, even enemies, I'm glad to see that all are
here. And I'm especially glad that ol' P-chan here finally got that
brain
transplant operation he had hoped for. I had no idea you really were
only
workin' with a brain stem all these years. Hopefully, that experimental
brain
cell growth thingy will prevent ya from losin' your way. Hope that your
upcoming
wedding with Akari will be a smash.
And Ucchan, how could I ever forget you? You've been a saint to me,
even
through you've had your fair share of scheme to get me. 'Course, you've
always
made the best okonomiyaki in town, and I appreciate good food, no matter
who
makes it. Sorry, Akane. I hope your marriage with Konastu will turn out
okay.
And please, get him to dress like a man more often!
Shampoo, Mousse, and Cologne...my main rivals, antagonists, and
friends.
I promise that as soon as Akane and I are married, we'll move in with
your
tribe. I know we'll miss Nermia, but I know we'll definately miss the
rain the
most! I hope you understand that my love for Akane is stronger than your
laws,
but I understand your need for order and disipline. I wish Pops knew
'bout that.
As for the rest of ya, I'll miss you all, and I'll definately miss
what'll happen here. Actually, I've probably already had. Although I'll
see Herb
and Nabiki and I'm sure to look forward to have Taro as a "relative".
Just don't
hurt Kasumi too hard, okay?
As for the rest of the graduating class of Fukinan high, I leave you
with these words from our lousy Principal, get outta thara and surf high
ya
beach bums!
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Submission rejected.