Reluctant Bet segment 19: "Reluctant Target"
disclaimer: not the original author, not the original
author.
gregg dunnit.
*************
Kasumi was something reviled by a great many people. She
was a morning person, usually up and cheerful long before
the sun had ever crested the horizon.
Nabiki, who had many wonderful and positive qualities (at
least in this timeline), was by no stretch of the
imagination a morning person.
So it was that Kasumi was the first Tendo present to hear
the odd noise and step outside the front gate of the
Tendo-ke to find out who was singing at 5am.
"Hi ho hi ho hi ho hi ho,
Hi ho hi ho hi ho - hi ho!
Hi ho, hi ho,
It's off to work we go!"
Kasumi STARED as Ranko passed by, acting for all the world
like some extra-chirpy majorette including twirling some
sort of glittering staff. Actually that the bat-girl was
acting perky and strutting around at this hour wasn't TOO
hard for Kasumi to believe.
A platoon of dwarves following her DID make Kasumi wonder
if she had fallen asleep at some point.
"Hi hooo hi ho hi ho hi ho!
Hi ho, it's off to build we go!"
There were wheelbarrows of bricks and rebar, bags of
mortar, thick pillars of wood, a vast array of tools and
pipes and equipment passing by her door. The monolithic
shapes of earth elementals, a couple of massive ogres, and
some lean scholarly man with pointed ears who gave her a
wink and a nod from within the crowd. The tune slightly
changed as the army gained an audience.
"When it's gotta be built and built real strong,
Call us in, it won't take long!
Sound off, one two!
Sound off, three four!
Sound off. One two. Three four!"
Nabiki sleepily crept out to the doorway to see what was
going on. The toothbrush dropped from her mouth as a
western-looking dragon, laden with saddlebags, passed by the
front gate.
"Tough the job, they call us in,
Doing it with dwarven grin!
Hard the work, and all day long,
Pass the time with working song!
Sound off, one two!
Sound off, three four!
Sound off, one two THREE FOUR!"
"Dwarves?" Nabiki got a good look at the crowd of creatures
going by, rubbing sleep from her eyes as she stumbled over
to the vacant lot to see this.
"Oh, hello Mrs Yamani!" Kasumi waved at one of her
neighbors. Said neighbor apparently didn't notice.
"Digging deep, it's what dwarves do!
Elves they just ain't got a clue!
Foundation's most important thing,
So dig it deep while we sing!
Sound off, one two.
Sound off, three four.
Sound off, one two... three four!"
Another group could be heard approaching, and Kasumi and
Nabiki couldn't help staring at these in their turn.
"Building things with sorcery,
That's the way it's got to be!
Dwarves ain't got a stinking clue!
Elves have got a job to do!"
The two groups started moving seamlessly together, their
two songs merging.
"Build it fast and build it strong,
Built to last millenium long,
Build it deep and build it high,
Cause Pheonix Mage, he sure ain't shy!"
A hill was built, the center tunnelled out, and wood and
stone started flowing together as the two groups worked.
"Stone and metal, earth and wood,
Go together just like they should,
Strength of arm and strength of spell,
They just go together well.
Building things is what we do,
Buildwell Works Construction Crew!"
Kasumi nudged Nabiki, they had to go back to getting ready
for school and for the day's work. Though Kasumi wondered if
she should come by with her bagel cart later, as there
*might* be a market for her wares here.
As it was, it was nearly 6am now, and Kasumi REALLY needed
to be preparing the various sandwiches, bentos, and other
foods for the day.
************
Asgard:
"So, what's going on with that little wager we had going?"
The goddess formerly known as Urd stuck her head into a
conference room in a building near the juncture of three
Heavens.
"Amaterasu's bowed out, the wimp, though her Royal
Sunniness seems to be thinking about vengeance against those
who arranged for HER to be involved." The little winged
cherub pulled the stogie out of his mouth and regarded her
briefly. "Hey, glad yer here. Got my own ideas ta do with
this group."
Urge held back her usual response to the presence of a
Terlin. This was the Neutral Grounds coffeeshop after all.
Instead she just opened up the newest device that the RRO
had come up with, 'The Planewalkers Guide', and pointed the
sensor at the demonic cherub.
*-Terlin, a minor demon type who wander the planes sowing
mischief and discord through inappropriate or ill-fated
love. Terlins on a mission are equipped with love arrows
that they shoot, causing mortal or the careless immortal to
fall in love with the first compatible being they see. The
most infamous of these is the being known as 'Cupid' who is
impersonating Eros. Eros has been granted exemption from the
Doublet System should he ever find the impersonator.-*
Cupid nearly swallowed his stogie, then managed a weak
laugh. "Yer jokin', right? No way he coulda gotten
permission..."
"Detail on Terlin named 'Cupid'," Urge instructed the
computer.
*-Cupid the Terlin, most successful and notorious of the
race of demons. As with all Terlins they enjoy the spread of
death, despair, hatred, and suffering. Cupid is considered
somewhat of a hero among his race due to his targetting of
Lady Beryl of the Earth Kingdom, causing her to fall in love
with her Prince - subsequently leading to her becoming Dark
Queen Beryl and the destruction of the Silver Millenium.
Cupid has gone on to cause one disaster after another, with
an accumulated death toll in the hundreds of billions. Exact
number classified...-*
"Stop," instructed Urge, noting that Cupid was now sweating
heavily. "You have outdone yourself. To the extent that
special permission was granted. Don't you feel privledged?"
"Heh," Cupid said, rallying. "That only applies if EROS
finds me."
"WHERE IS HE?!"
Cupid vanished in a puff of ill-smelling smoke.
Urd smirked, her Ventriloquism spell and ability to imitate
voices had gotten rid of the demon AND his cigar. Now she'd
just wait and see what was going on.
Urd was just beginning to relax when she realized WHERE
Cupid had likely gone.
*************
"So, Nabs, Akane has to date any of these guys who defeat
her in combat?" Jared took another bite of banana while
waiting for Nabiki to finish.
"That's right." Nabiki agreed, wondering suspiciously at
his grin. She thought he hated her sister, could he be ready
to trounce her now, especially after the 'nonviolent' little
sister had emerged victorious? She hated that, the little
princess didn't have to work at anything, it would just be
handed to her.
The boy finished his banana and carelessly tossed the peel
out. By a remarkable coincidence, it came to rest directly
under Akane's foot an instant before she pivoted to avoid a
rush from the Sumo Club Captain.
Akane swiftly went down beneath the rush, a look of utter
surprise as Kabu Yamashiro didn't meet the expected
resistance and fell upon her. There was a loud thud as the
oft-defeated Captain of the fifth ranked Sumo team
completely covered the girl he had hoped to date.
The group paused momentarily before a dogpile of every male
in the crowd formed atop Yamashiro.
"Too bad." Jared shook his head insincerely, putting both
arms behind his head as he started to walk into school
examining the sky. He sighed gladly. "Ah, what a beautiful
day."
He was humming as he went into school.
"HOLD IT YOU MEANIES!" A redhaired girl stormed up to the
crowd. "Why are you picking on poor defenseless Akane?!"
The crowd stared for a moment, then slowly began getting
off Yamashiro who groaned a thank you.
"Well, maam, errr, what's your name?" The Dance Club
Captain looked over the newcomer but couldn't place her.
"Ranko Saotome. Why are you bullying her? You're martial
artists aren't you? Bullying the weak is against the code!"
Akane groaned from her position under Yamashiro, who hadn't
moved yet.
"Uhm, well, she's cute..." The Karate Club Captain seemed
as nervous as the Dance Club member.
"YOU BEAT ON HER BECAUSE YOU THINK SHE'S CUTE?!" Ranko
addressed the one who had spoken. "Then if she were an idol
singer would you hospitalize her?"
"Hey! In order to date Akane, you've got to beat her!
Kabu's the first one to do it!"
Kabu Yamashiro grinned and slowly got off his date, who was
imbedded in the ground from her experience.
Ranko blinked. "That has to be the most ridiculous... WHOSE
idea was that?"
"Mine! Tatewaki Kuno, age 17, Junior, Group E. The rising
star of the High School Fencing World. But my friends call
me the 'Blue Thunder' of Furinken High!" *crackle* *thoom*
Ranko looked at where the lightning had struck. "NICE
trick."
"Thank you," Kuno nodded in acknowledgement.
"Okay, I admit I'm new around here. WHY defeat Akane to
date her?" Ranko waited patiently.
"Because she is so fierce yet tidy, a beauteous Diana to be
courted only by the strongest of warriors," Kuno said
dramatically.
"Such may have been the case once, but what woman wants to
be courted by whomever can strike her down the hardest?"
Ranko turned to the next person in line. "Is not courtship
to promote feelings of tenderness and love? Is love best
served by showing your willingness to wound her? The path of
love already has many thorns, why seek to add more
unnecessarily?
"Love is a tender thing, all too easily snuffed. Go gently,
I beseech you, try to show something admirable towards those
you court, treat them well and with kindness, and with
respect. It will make a MUCH more favorable impression than
beating on those weaker and more helpless than yourself! To
ground a relationship in hurt is not healthy, try instead to
nurture the fragile flower!" Ranko stopped, sweeping the
crowd with a pleading look. "Does not the Code of the
Martial Artist, the code of Bushido, speak of aiding those
weaker than yourself? Is it right to strike against those
who are frailer and lacking in your strength? Didn't Ieyasu
himself speak against casual violence?" (Despite that he was
as bloody and vicious as Nobunaga, he had better public
relations after the deeds.)
The captain of the Dance Club broke the following silence.
"She's cute."
Ranko blinked. "Huh?"
"She's got big hooters."
"Wasn't ANYONE listening?!" Ranko shook her head, taking a
step backwards.
"LET'S GET HER!"
Yamashiro shrugged. He had Akane, there was no point in
going after some new girl.
The boy to shout that got hit in the head by a small stone,
and slumped to the ground before the rest of his fellows.
Jared idly stepped between the crowd and Ranko. "Well, well.
If it isn't a crowd of boys attacking my sister."
The martial artist flexed the fingers of one hand and a
sword appeared, crackling with electricity and fire along
its entire length. "I feel I ought to warn you. Any who
would strike out at my sister must first deal with me. She
is not presently seeing boys, and will not so long as she
doesn't care to." He released the sword and it vanished,
then he took a menacing step forward.
"Naturally you all follow the Code, that there is no such
thing as failure, only death or success, and you have placed
as your goals the acquiring of a bride in spite of that oath
where my sword must slay any man who would presume to touch
even the furthest hem of her garment
without her express permission."
Yamashiro looked a little askance at that. He had what HE
wanted, which was to date the toughest girl in school -
Akane Tendo. Considering her penchant for quick and
overwhelming violence, well, he HAD read that article about
what violent girls were like in bed! Frankly a bird in the
hand, etc.
Jared's eyes glinted. "If you were lesser men you would
shrink, knowing that you would die to so much as lay a hand
upon her.
"But is it not Bushido that cowardice is dishonorable?
Having chosen this fight, no doubt you are all willing to
embrace this gruesome death, rather than face dishonor. How
sad then that my lord has forbidden that I should spill
blood while in this city. I am unable to offer you the
mortal combat necessary for you to deserve the hand of my
sibling. But this much I can give you." He reached once
again into his sleeve and removed from it a sword made from
burnished copper with a carved maid's hand and wrist as it's
hilt. This he thrust partway into the ground directly behind
one post of the school's gate, and the concrete bubbled and
frothed for a brief moment.
He released the imbedded weapon and stood back, indicating
it. "Whosoever draws this forth may meet me upon the slopes
of Mt. Fuji, there to decide by the giving and inflicting of
bloody wounds should they be worthy to approach my father
for permission to take upon him a quest proving his
worthiness to date my sib."
Jared started to walk into the school, saying back over his
shoulder. "I will, of course, severely punish any
dishonorable pig who attempts to get her without passing
this minor test."
The crowd parted before him as he walked through. Then as
if by accident his steps took the Saotome boy to where Kuno
stood directly between him and the school doors. They came
toe to toe and the swish of wind was the only noise. Sweat
runnels flew down Kuno's face as he met
the impassive, unflinching gaze of the Saotome. Then Kuno
made a sudden move, stepping aside and bowing then quickly
turning to lose himself in the school grounds.
Jared walked on to the doors with a sardonic smile on his
face.
"Care to explain that?" Nabiki met him at those doors,
lounging with crossed arms.
"It was a samurai thing." He responded shortly in good
humor.
"And what about that?" She pointed to the sword, where
everybody was staring but no one had moved to touch it yet.
"Oh, that." He smiled more fully. "A simple layered
defense. Ranko shouldn't be seeing any boys for her own
mental health's sake. To prevent that from happening I put
something in place where they can all swagger about and
claim they tried this near impossible thing, but neither I
nor she has to slam down crowds of her suitors daily."
"And when they actually get someone who can pull it out?"
"That would be hard, that sword is frictionless to all
grasps but mine and rooted in a multi-ton deposit of
tight-grained volcanic rock just under the surface.
Explosives wouldn't stir it. Plus, it's not something they
can defeat and then get her, that only lets them fight
*me*. And they're only doing THAT for the priviledge of
talking to her father, and how many boys *want* to do that?
No, it was *meant* to be too big and discouraging. But think
of how they'll brag that they attempted it? They get to have
something epic in their lives without earning it, she's
safe, the girls have their gossip. Everybody wins."
Akane slowly pulled herself out of the crater. "That...
'weak'? 'helpless'? 'frail'? 'defenseless'? RANKO SAOTOME,
YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!"
*THUD!*
Once again, weakened beyond the ability to move, Akane
realized it was beginning to rain and she was in a shallow
crater.
"Nabiki? Someone? Anyone?" Akane felt her dress beginning
to soak through and cried. She was wet, she was weak, she
was helpless, she was alone and unloved and she was going to
drown.
Strong arms lifted her up. "Don't worry, Akane-chan, I'm
here," Ranko said sadly to the person who hated her.
****
Akane was still too weak to move, and so just acted asleep,
peeking out barely opened eyes at the vampire.
Who had been crying and was now being consoled by NABIKI?!
"There, there, Ranko. It's all right. I've got to get back
to class though."
"But she HATES me!" Ranko sniffled. "I don't remember
ANYONE hating me before..."
"Ranko-chan," said Nabiki to the child she was hugging,
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but it's a tough world
out there. There are people who devote their whole lives to
hate, people who enjoy hurting others."
"B-bu-but why?"
"Because Ranko, it makes them feel strong." Nabiki sighed.
"Look, you're like a lot of people, you tend to regard other
people as if they were you. You're honest and kind, and you
expect other people to be like that. Many aren't they'll
hurt you if they can gain something from it, and many will
hurt you just to prove that they can..."
"Akane-chan?"
Nabiki shook her head. "Not completely, but lately she's
been going there."
"I AM NOT GOING THERE!"
Akane flinched at the look of fear on Ranko's face but
prepared to say something cruel when something penetrated.
Nabiki was positioned to protect Ranko. From her own
sister.
Akane felt a chill at the look being levelled at her. Even
her sisters had abandoned her. All she had left was her
mallet. IT loved her, it whispered to her in the dark, and
last night she had known confirmation. All it would take was
killing the vampire...
*******
Kasumi wheeled the cart into what had been an empty lot six
hours ago. She had sold most of her little bentos, juices,
and the like at the office buildings. Now she could try
unloading the stuff that would normally be donated to the
priests over at Nabiki's shrine.
"FOOD'S HERE!" A scruffy little dwarf yelled from where he
was mixing mortar, surprising Kasumi with what a loud voice
came from such a short fellow.
"Uhm, anno," Kasumi's natural shyness began manifesting.
She'd worked through some of it with her job, but these were
complete strangers, some of whom looked quite rough.
"Ooooh," a grizzled dwarf who was covered in sawdust
sniffed. "Earl Grey?"
"Uhm, yes. Double bergamot variety, it's..."
The grizzled dwarf flashed her grin that was missing a few
teeth. "Any honey? Cream?"
"Egg salad?" Another fierce looking dwarf looked at the
sandwiches. "I LOVE egg salad!"
Kasumi blinked and felt a little confidence return. "Yes,
well, they're..."
"I'll take 'em," the dwarf slapped a piece of coinage into
her hand. "And let me mate refresh his pot off'n your carafe
there."
Kasumi stared at the coin. Gold. She nodded a little
numbly.
"Excuse me," rumbled a deep voice. Kasumi's eyes slowly
tracked up to regard an ogre who seemed entirely composed of
bulging muscles. "Might ye have a vegimite sandwich?"
Kasumi shook her head, estimating the ogre's height at
6'4". She essayed a weak smile.
"Oh knock it off, Harold, ain't nobody got that shi..
pardon lady. Ain't nobody got that stuff around here. This's
one of the Japan types, so it's mainly rice or fish or
both." The grizzled dwarf who'd pressed a gold coin in her
hand gave her a wink and tapped his head. "Ogres, what can I
say?"
A snuffling noise caused Kasumi to turn and regard the
snuffler, ready to chastise a dog.
The dragon regarded her with blinking golden eyes.
"Wouldn't happen to have any chocolate on you, would'ja?"
It took twelve minutes for Kasumi to unload the last of her
wares, and then another five to get her cart next door to
her house, and then another fifteen minutes to stop shaking.
****************
"Did you hear about the border skirmish between China and
Russia?" Hiroshi asked Daisuke.
"Bad news," Daisuke shook his head. "Hope it doesn't
escalate."
"Well, they're SAYING it was an isolated incident."
Jared watched the two hentai walk by before turning his
attention back to the box lunch. "Let me guess, Ranko made
my lunch."
"How you know?" Shan asked from where she was sitting.
Nabiki was entirely too busy at her busiest point of the
day - lunch time.
"I can't picture Kasumi fixing a Peanut butter-Banana-Honey
sandwich on wheat with sunflower seeds." Jared sighed. "But
she's drawing on Grey's cooking skills and I recall him
mentioning that he spent a few years trying to do the
vegetarian health-kick thing."
Shan blinked. "Vegetarian?"
"Yeah." Jared looked about and made sure Ranko wasn't
visible before casting a spell that altered the wheat bread
to white. Ah! Reminded him of a childhood friend. Her mom
had made the best peanut butter and honey sandwiches. "So,
any idea how stable this timeline is yet?" He called forth a
self-supporting globe of turkey soup with his other hand and
stuck a straw into it.
"Shan not sure." Shan glanced to the side. "Look like
stick-boy try again draw sword from stone."
Jared nodded then froze. Evil. It was close. He
metaphorically licked his chops and set his food aside,
casting a quick Dimensional Anchor to keep whatever it was
from escaping along planular boundaries. Then followed that
up with a Teleport Block so it couldn't easily get out of
range of the anchor. He frowned as it appeared that his
Teleport Block hit a Block Blocker.
Shan blinked again. "Dimensional aperature opening. 23.75
meters North-Northeast. Altitude 4.31 meters."
Jared looked in the appropriate direction, not seeing
anything but a telltale ripple in the air that was gone in a
moment. Which meant that its stealth magic was pretty
spiffy.
"Spells that confound the eye and mind,
Now begone, thy threads unwind!"
Shan merely shifted her vision through several spectrums.
"Looks pretty dorky to me."
"Cupid? I thought he was an adult." Jared frowned, noting
the ambush being laid. His eyes tracked to where the bow was
aiming and was unsurprised to see red hair. "Uh oh!"
The arrow shot, Jared was already moving but he realized
he'd be too late.
The air blurred and Shan appeared, taking the energy bolt
onto her staff.
She grinned at the little cherub she could see in the
Ultraviolet. "Technique acquired: Arrows of Obsession."
Jared fired off a quick spate of magic missiles, causing
the cherub to flee. Then spared a moment to look at the
cyborg Amazon. "Shan? I'm your Master right?"
"Yes." Shan looked back curiously. Didn't he know that
already?
"This is a direct command. You are NOT to use that or any
similar technique on me."
"Oh," Shan pouted. "Well, darn."
*********
Cupid blipped back in, angrier than ever, now approaching
from a different angle. How DARE anyone interfere in his
play!
The demon nocked another arrow. This time for sure!
The arrow sped off.
Ranko didn't see it, but the Binding did. Using the least
amount of effort, it made Ranko sneeze.
The arrow went through the space previously occupied by
Ranko's head to plunge into the chest of the girl directly
behind the alu-fiend.
Akane winced at a sudden chest pain, but was keeping an eye
on the vampire.
Cupid fled again, opening a dimensional portal. He was
shoved through by the force of the Solar Bomb attack upon
his unprotected back.
******
Asgard:
A little holographic Doraemon appeared over the console.
"Demonic interference detected in subject timeline."
"It appears to be..." Belle frowned, she had expected it to
be Senbei or Marller.
"Cupid? Hang on," Celeste punched a couple of buttons on
her speed-dial. "Eros? Celeste here. Guess who's hanging
around Grey at the moment. No, and I REALLY think you should
have left well enough alone there. It's Cupid. Yes, the
Terlin, though you know those terms are really not the
sort... I thought you'd be interested. Good hunting."
"Oh my." Belle noted that the little holographic Doraemon
was holding up a sign stating "Serious Screwup In Subject
Timeline" and repeatedly saying "Fubar" whatever that meant.
Celeste pulled up an analysis and stared for a moment.
"Well, *this* was unexpected."
--------
It was as if all the veils had been pulled from her eyes,
all the little odd things in her life now made complete
sense.
No wonder she had been disgusted with the male populace of
Furinkan. No wonder she had tried to accept Kuno's terms
rather than reject them entirely. And the reason was in
front of her.
She didn't like guys, and it was because she liked girls!
She had been jealous and hadn't understood things clearly,
but this gentle, kind, wonderful young girl had been there
for her. She had TRIED, repeatedly, to break down the
barriers and be Akane's friend.
The concern Ranko had shown her, the perky friendliness,
the kindly bumbling way she'd bandaged Akane up...
Akane smiled. They could become *very* good friends indeed.
Ranko was *so* cute and so well developed for a fourteen
year old.
Akane couldn't wait.
--------
The shriek of Holy Terror(tm) was enough to draw most of
the lunch-goers' attention to an unplanned floorshow.
Those in attendence caught sight of Ranko Saotome, a
fourteen year old who had been hanging around their school
because her own transfer to a Junior High had become snarled
in paperwork, was trying desperately to escape Akane Tendo.
"A-a-a-kane-chan! We're both girls!"
"Come back here, Ranko!" Akane gave chase, not letting
Ranko have enough lead where the alu-fiend could spread
wings and fly away.
Jared stared. "Let's see, that looks like a 'Type III Arrow
Of Romantic Obsession.' Let me check my notebook. Hmmmm,
says here that 'Saving Throw for half damage. As this is a
demonic arrow, those of proper class gain a +2 to their
Saving Throw. Causes irresistable attraction to either first
person seen or person named when arrow is crafted. The
victim will do anything he or she can (within alignment
limits) to get that person's love. See also Type IIIa: Arrow
of Erotic Obsession, Type IIIb: Arrow of Unbridled Lust,
Type IIIc: Arrow Of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Type
IIId: Arrow of Impotence.' All arrows normally last between
two and eight weeks."
Shan watched the way the two ran around the school. "Shan
not think it last two. Though Akane has Ranko's shirt. Why
not Ranko fly away?"
"Akane's too close. Good thing Ranko has that sports bra
and Happosai hasn't arrived yet." Jared noted. "Hmmm. If
it's a Type IIIa then to dispel it requires a Charm Of
Dispelling type IV. If it's a Type IIIb, you need a Chime Of
Kyras. If it's just a Type III it requires three drops of
holy water and a Remove Curse."
Ranko finally got ahead of Akane enough, spread wings and
shot at best velocity over the school wall. She finally got
under control and hovered at a height of 25 feet, but ready
to bolt if it looked like Akane could get anywhere near her.
"Akane?! Why? I thought..."
"Yoo hoo, Ranko, don't you want your shirt?" Akane held the
article of clothing up and waved it at the flying girl.
"I don't understand," said Ranko, realizing that she had
been saying that a LOT lately. She was covering her chest as
best she could with her arms, but having trouble fitting
this sudden change in Akane's behavior into any sort of
logical pattern.
"Come down here, Ranko, my little snuggle-bear."
Kabu Yamashiro wept, realizing that his date with Akane
wouldn't be *nearly* as much fun as he had thought.
Jared threw a small stone to catch Akane's attention.
"Excuse me, the same deal goes for you, Tendo-san, as for
the Hentai Horde." Jared quickly explained the 'sword from
the stone' requirements for dating Ranko.
At the mention of parental permission a gleam came into
Akane's eyes. "Well, since the Tendos and Saotomes are
supposed to be joined, once I get to that stage it'll be
easy!"
Jared blinked. "She's definitely got that 'selective
hearing' thing down pat, doesn't she?"
Nabiki could be heard exclaiming loudly that she was NOT
like that, it did NOT run in her family, and she was NOT
selling lemon pictures of Akane and Ranko in hot & heavy
girl action. She sold lunches, advice, and accessories for
hair and bookbags and the like. "NOT those kind of
accessories, you hentai!"
Jared twitched as his elven hearing brought bits and pieces
of the conversations around them to focus.
There was Yuka and Sayuri being scandalized. And Akane had
been taking showers with them, and had gone for sleepovers.
Who knew what hentai things she had been thinking?!
There was all the weeping boys, now having decided that
Akane could never be theirs.
There was Tatewaki Kuno, declaring that he would bring
Akane Tendo and the Redhaired Girl to the "proper path" by
courting them both. As soon as he figured out a way to
remove that sword, of course.
"Draw the sword and I get Ranko AND I can fight Ranma!"
Jared winced. That had sounded like...
Ryouga charged across the schoolyard ready to try his luck
on the sword. Unfortunately for him, fortunate for everyone
else, he got lost in transit. "Where is it? I know the front
of the school was around here somewhere."
Jared winced. Ryoga had fixated on Ranko? If ANYONE in the
Ranmaverse had both the motive and the ability to draw the
sword, Ryoga would. This was bad.
"Hah! I can win the hand of the Winged Outsider Girl?
This'll be easy."
Jared went from wincing to open-jaw staring. "Mousse?!"
"At least stupid Mousse not fixating on Shan," said Shan in
relief. "Though Shan feel much sympathy for Ranko."
Ranko shrieked as Akane leapt to the top of the wall and
with a blur of wings, Ranko disappeared into the distance.
"Her wings work?" One of the slower boys was just realizing
this newsflash.
"Poor Ranko. She's got boys AND girls chasing after her
now."
"Have you tried drawing the sword yet?"
"Heck, I tried using a chisel but I couldn't get anywhere."
The schoolbell rang, calling people back to classes.
Unsurprisingly, many of the students had trouble
concentrating on the lessons that afternoon.
*******
Kasumi had just opened a window in her room, ready for an
afternoon nap, when an *awfully* big bat zipped through the
opening and commenced hiding under her bed.
Kasumi sighed. It was trite and cliche, but there were
times it was appropriate. "Oh my."
A pair of eyes gleamed from the darkness under her bed.
"Don'tletherfindme!"
"Ranko-chan, I'm a bit tired. I'm just going to catch a
quick nap. Do you mind?"
"Nooooo. I'll be very quiet down here. You just go ahead
and take a nap, oneechan."
Kasumi frowned, trying to make sense out of the brief
glimpse of Ranko and her current actions. "Did you get into
a fight, Ranko-chan? Where's your shirt?"
"Sort of. My shirt was ripped off. She tried to grab my bra
too, but I slipped away."
Kasumi winced, missing the gender of the attacker. "Was it
a pervert?"
"What's a pervert?"
"Someone who has... inappropriate desires of a..." Kasumi
decided she could NOT have this conversation. "Ask your
brother."
*********
Urd found the classes boring to say the least. The boys
were boring, the lessons were boring, the teacher was
boring. Dull, dull, deadly dull.
And who designed this Furinkan school girl's uniform? Heck,
even Saint Hebereke had better school uniforms! Altering her
and Belldandy's ages to fit in with this crowd had been
easy, but Urd was beginning to regret it. And as the older
sister, she'd chosen to be one year older, putting her in
Nabiki and Kuno's class.
She was actually relieved to be given bucket duty.
One floor down and to the side, Belldandy had fallen asleep
and been sentenced to bucket duty in short order. She had
fallen asleep standing up and holding the buckets not long
after that.
Makoto was nearly as bored as Urd. Nobody to fight, no
challenges. No... Her wandering eye caught the sword out in
the courtyard. Whoever grasped the sword and pulled it out
got to fight Jared-chan? Makoto grinned as the thought
occurred to her.
*********
Mrs Yamani absently noted the presence of their dog Bess.
Which called to mind that she'd been practically rooted in
this spot (except for brief attempts to busy herself
elsewhere) for the entire morning. It was now early
afternoon and the weirdness continued.
It COULD be an advertising gimmick OR some government
conspiracy. Either that or one of those nasty Japanese
terrorists had slipped a hallucinogen into the water supply!
She'd called the Police but for some reason after she'd
called in the story about Bigfoot stealing her medicinal
herbs, they hadn't been responding. Or had it been the time
when It Came From Beneath The Kitchen Sink? Or the time that
nice young man had gotten lost inside her drying shed? No,
that was before the time the space aliens landed and had
turned her into Bob Denver. How rude!
Mrs Yamani took another sip of her family's Secret Recipe
Vitality Formula and watched those too-short people and the
too-thin people building some European style tower.
Fortunately Bess was here, that way she could talk things
out with him.
Bess said something rude and uncomplimentary dealing with
Ieyasu Tokugawa and his penchant for pickled pig's feet.
Mrs Yamani nodded absently. People in Nerima were just SO
strange lately. It was even affecting Bess.
Fortunately, it hadn't affected her yet.
*********
SMJ Universe:
"At last!" A ripple in midair threw out a girl with long
ponytails. "Err. Where are we?"
Ami Mercury rode through the ripple on a hovercycle.
"Established that this is the universe all of them left TO."
"Doesn't look like much," Haruka argued, letting her chi
support her in midair. "No high chi levels. Is he here?"
"No," said Ami after studying her computer. "But I have
readings. When we get back to my lab we can try opening a
gateway to where they went."
"Oooo! That's some kind of festival!" Usagi floated
unsteadily and pointed at a brightly lit area. "Maybe
they've got ICE CREAM!"
Minako Venus and Rei Mars nodded at each other, then
grabbed Usagi's arms and dragged her back through the
dimension barrier.
Uranus was all for leaving her, of course.
*********
Target timeline:
Akane RAN from the doors of the school towards the object
of her affection. Unfortunately the sword STILL could not be
pulled from the stone.
Using a rope twined about the guard and grip, she was able
to get purchase (something she'd observed Katsuhiro of the
Chess Club doing earlier) on the slippery surface, but
despite getting red in the face from her efforts, was unable
to budge the sword from its resting place.
She wasn't willing to give up so easily though. With most
of the students lingering, Akane climbed to the top of the
school. "I, Akane Tendo, SWEAR that I shall draw the sword
and defeat any obstacle that keeps me from the beauteous
Ranko Saotome! I SHALL earn her hand, no matter what Quest I
must undertake, no matter what difficulties or hardships I
must endure! Ranko Saotome! Will! Be! Mine!"
"Did you hear that?" In the gathering crowd, Hiroshi
inquired of his partner in crime.
"Indeed." Daisuke responded.
"Ah, the beautiful flower Ranko! So delicate, so lively and
vivacious!" Akane did NOT realize how much like Kuno she was
sounding. "Spring has at last come to my heart, thawing it
from the winter I have endured at the hands of these BOYS.
Yet how can these pale shadows compare to the radiant sun of
my True Love? Nay, they cannot, for can the candle do
anything more than envy the blazing inferno that is my
Ranko?"
Nabiki's gaze was flat as she trudged home. "That's it.
That's all. I've always suspected that about Akane, but to
declare it all from the roof..."
In the crowd, Yuka glanced to Sayuri, her hair toinging out
slightly. "You know, I'm still Akane's friend but I don't
think I want to have any more sleepovers or late night study
sessions until she's worked this out of her system."
Sayuri nodded, half-listening to Akane talking about roses
and weddings and how she was devoting her life to winning
the affection of some girl. As soon as Akane could cure
Ranko of being a vampire. "I kind of suspected this, but
still..."
"I think I'll get Hiroshi to take me out," said Yuka. She
couldn't understand what Akane was talking about now.
Something about milky skin, hair redder than cherries, etc.
"That pervert? Why?!"
"Just to prove we're NOT like Akane in one regard. She's my
friend, but I don't want that kind of reputation."
Sayuri nodded. "Good point."
Akane eventually ran out of steam.
Kuno eventually stopped taking notes.
*********
Jared had just gotten in the Tendo's door when Ranko's
voice reached him. "ONIIICHAN! Akane isn't with you, is
she?"
"Err, no."
"Good," Ranko popped out of an end table drawer you could
have sworn she wasn't able to fit in. "Oniichan, what's a
'pervert'?"
Jared thought for a moment. "You know, Ranko, I'll have to
get back to you on that. I just remembered someone I have to
go visit. Be sure to check and see if our new house is ready
with Urd and Belldandy. Also Li- Makoto. She'll be able to
keep Akane off you."
Ranko watched her big brother run off at that Ridiculous
speed he had. She brightened on seeing Belldandy and Urd.
"Belldandy-chan! Could *you* tell me what a 'pervert' is?"
Belldandy flinched. "Well, errr. Urd, isn't this in your
department?"
Urd considered briefly. "Sure thing. Let me explain the
concept to you. Do you know if the Tendos have a
videocassette machine or overhead projector?"
*********
The handsome male chef flipped an order of okonomiyaki onto
a plate for himself and considered the open door of the
cafe. The dinner rush was over and not likely to resume. The
place where he worked had decent floor space but a lousy
location, which meant only the regular customers who knew
how to find it came.
Though business had picked up since he'd come on. They'd
started to bring their friends.
It was that way wherever he worked okonomiyaki. By now he
had enough saved up to open his own shop, but didn't want to
do that until he'd finished his vengeance quest. For now he
had to keep moving, stay mobile, until he found the
wretched...
The chef's mental monologue got interrupted by a customer
sweeping unexpectedly through the door. He was about to
launch into the standard drill of taking orders when the
stranger came up and bowed himself directly at the
okonomiyaki seller's feet.
"Behold, your humble servant, Ranma Saotome. Ucchan, I have
only just learned of my father's perfidity in abandoning
you. I dare not even claim the right to life, yet will make
what restitution I may as..." His face came up, startled.
"Oh, I'm terribly sorry."
He got up and brushed off his clothes, laughing slightly at
himself. "Here someone told me you were a *girl* and I'd
stolen your dowry. I felt no end of shame. I've only just
lately began unraveling all my father's lies, and..."
His spiel got cut off as a giant spatula impacted his head.
"You JACKASS! I *AM* a girl!" Ukyo shouted, having shrugged
off the momentary paralysis of having her daily fantasy for
years appear in front of her, then turn into this gross
parody.
Jared's face poked from behind the spatula. "Are you sure?"
He said, checking her doubtfully out as he asked.
*SMASH!*
"Sure I'm sure! What, you think I don't know what gender I
am?!"
With typical Ranma bluntness (it was in the rules) he said.
"That would explain the way you dress..."
*crunch!*
Jared grinned inside the box smashed over his head. They'd
all felt like pillow-blows! Still, he'd have to start
defending himself soon or else she might pick up horrible,
Akane-like habits. He pulled the box off of his head,
spilling flour.
Ukyo was winding up for another blow.
Casually, he stepped inside her guard and began peering
closely at her all over. She turned red under the scrutiny
and her heart fluttered.
"Ranchan..."
"Hey, Ucchan, you sure you're not pulling my leg? Okay I'm
willing to believe you, but..." He broke off when he'd
noticed that she'd facefaulted.
Then she was up and looming in his face. "YES! I know what
gender I am!!!!"
Jared stared down at her chest and frowned doubtfully.
"Okay, you don't believe me?" Ukyo challenged. "I'll
*prove* it!!!" She swept off her top to reveal her chest
bindings. "See!"
He met her eyes, trusting yet unconvinced.
Ukyo stammered to a stop. That was supposed to have been
the Great Unveiling, total proof of her final moment of
victory when she revealed that she really was a girl and
claimed her life back.
Jared's eyes dropped ashamedly to the floor. "Ucchan, I'm
willin ta trust ya. But that just as easily might be taped
ribs. You're a martial artist, you know how injured we get."
Suddenly Ukyo was at a loss.
He toed a chair leg. "I mean, even *I* can make a more
convincing girl than that..."
Hurt and anger resurfaced on Ukyo's features. Then she met
his guileless eyes suffused with friendship and melted a
little. Tears stung her eyes. "You saying you don't believe
me, Ranchan?"
"Nah, I didn't say that. You're my best friend, I ain't
gunna doubt your word. You say you're a girl," he helplessly
tossed his hands. "Then you're a girl."
Her features stayed flat with warning caution. "So what DO
you mean, Ranchan?"
Jared tried not to look embarrassed, ended up failing. "I
guess it was just bragging. I can make a pretty convincing
act of *pretending* to be a girl, but NO WAY do I have the
mannerisms and stuff you have down. I mean, you walk like a
guy, you act like one, you dress like one, you even sound
like one. It's pretty hard to get used to the idea that
maybe, you
know, you *aren't* one. Back when we were kids I just kinda
stupidly assumed you were, so right now it ain't all that
easy to make the shift. It'll just be awhile sinking in, is
all."
He looked down at her garments, then looked away speaking
halfway to himself. "Man, it's gunna be FOREVER if you keep
dressing like that."
~And that,~ Jared thought to himself. ~Should end the
crossdressing.~
The door slammed shut and the restaurant sign vanished,
accompanied a moment later by the sound of a male shout of
terror.
"NO WAIT! STOP! AAAAAAAAHHH!"
********
Celeste chuckled to herself as she made a copy of that
scene, then lost her smile on seeing the alarm light.
"What the...?!" Celeste checked the file and watched a
series of events. Eros tries to get that mortal Belldandy
together with someone, apparently not Ranma. Eros throws the
bow down, and Shampoo steals it while Eros' back is turned.
Shampoo stalks Jared and...
"MOUSSE STEALS THE BOW?!" Celeste allowed herself an
"Aiyah! Very bad!" as it seemed entirely too appropriate.
Reluctantly, Celeste sent a message up stating that a Reset
needed to be scheduled again. Just the thought of Mousse
shooting off love arrows was enough to send a cold shiver up
her back, even if his sight HAD been restored.
********
"Aaaaaa! Please, Akane, no!" Ranko ran down the stairs at
high speeds, attempting to stay ahead of a girl wielding a
mallet.
"How dare you! After I offer you my heart, you called me a
pervert!"
"I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry!"
"Akane!" Kasumi flinched as the mallet swung dangerously
close to her.
"DIE RANKO!"
Ranko dove out the sliding doors, spread her wings, and
promptly got tangled up in a panda that had been coming to
see what the problem was.
"GOT YOU!" Akane had target lock-on. There was no way she
could miss.
"I'm sorry, Akane," whimpered Ranko as the souldrinker was
brought down in an overhand swing.
*******
*BAMF!*
Jared teleported in. Belldandy spotted him and took in the
mussed hair and ripped shirt with a blink.
"Sorry,,but the Favored Fiancee is supposed to be the
jealous sort," Belldandy said and bowed in apology to Jared.
"Shame on you!"
Jared waited a moment but nothing else came. "Ok... Well,
errr, it didn't quite go the way I had pictured." ~I hadn't
expected her to grab my head, force my face against her
chest and have her yell something about 'what do you think
*these* are, buster!' Nope. Didn't see THAT coming at all.~
"All right. Jay-chan, there's a problem. They're planning
on another Reset."
Jared blinked. "But we just *had* a reset!"
Belldandy smiled apologetically. "Apparently Thor's
threatening Genma, there is divine and demonic intervention.
And something else they're still trying to track."
"Something else?" Jared rubbed his forehead, feeling a
headache coming on. It couldn't be HIM, after all, he'd been
relatively low profile so far. Hadn't he?
"Actually, I think THAT is the other thing," Urd
volunteered, pointing at a mallet.
Jared took in the web of magic around the cracked head of
the mallet and particularly a dagger lying in the wreckage.
"Someone put a soulstealing Evil Rune Weapon inside a mallet
and put anti-demon wards around it to confuse scrying?
Nasty. Pity those things are indestructible."
"Most of the time, yes."
Jared almost missed that as he was trying to figure "who
was missing" besides Akane. Urd and Belldandy were here.
Nabiki was praying and putting anti-evil wards around the
mallet, apparently in THIS timeline she was sufficiently
sensitive to such things that she could feel the demonic
hunger radiating off the thing. Kasumi was looking rather
pale and trying to pour tea from what was apparently an
empty teapot.
Seeing what he was looking at, Urd explained. "I explained
to Kasumi what a souldrinker is, and as she was missed by a
wild swing." Urd's hands were about two inches apart. Kasumi
twitched again.
Genma, Soun, Makoto, Akane, and Shan weren't present. "WHO
did Akane get?"
Urd gestured to follow and she led Jared to the dojo.
There was Akane huddled in a ball, being gently rocked and
held by the smaller Ranko.
"She stopped. Just in time. Either Ranko's pleading reached
her, or she realized that the rune weapon was influencing
her. She had to fought the thing on the downstroke or it
would automatically have aimed itself for a vulnerable
target."
"More likely the Binding had an influence, it's powerful
enough to act in such a manner against a direct threat like
a souldrinker." Jared watched the disconsolate Akane for a
moment. "Something's different about her."
"Bell cast a purification spell to try to clean up the
taint it left on her soul." Urd shook her head and shrugged.
"Wouldn't be surprised if she takes up religion after the
Reset."
"There's some bleedover then," Jared noted. It was a pity
so much work would be for naught, but some of this might
remain.
Belldandy cleared her throat. "You need to fetch Sakyo.
There's a promise that needs to be kept."
============================
ideas from chapter 19:
The fantasy RPG equivelant of the Army Corps of Engineers.
Another reason why all those hentai could be after Akane.
Maybe because they ARE hentai and into getting pummelled. Or
maybe they're just idiots.
Someone actually trying to reason with the Horde of Hentai,
no canon evidence of this tactic being tried.
Cupid and Terlin are from RIFTS: Pantheons of the Megaverse.
Mousse firing off love arrows. If he were still mainly
blind, this would go from BAD to Horrific.
The Sailorjin roles for anyone interested. (Note that
some of the roles would be majorly modified (less dying,
more recruitment of villains, etc.) (i could *easily* see
another worlds-spanning series like Mirrors or Quantum
Destinies dropping into this mess.)
Usagi Son > Son Goku. Clumsier but even more "friend
making." Turns out to be a Sailorjin of the Royal Family
sent to Earth during a coup. Raised by the martial
artist/monk Gohan.
Ami Mercury > Bulma. Develops high tech solutions, honorary
Sailorjin. Cappsule Corp is actually Sailorjin technology
retro-engineered.
Makoto Jupiter > Yamcha - the boy-crazy desert bandit who
later turns out to be a Sailorjin.
Rei Mars > not sure where she fits in. Was thinking as an
adopted granddaughter of the Kamesennin.
Minako Venus > Kurillyn. The rival/best friend. Has never
really forgiven Haruka for killing her, even though the
Dragonballs were used to bring her back.
Tuxedo Kamen > Piccolo/Kami. Similar role as
sensei/advisor/buttinsky with the added romantic subplot.
Setsuna Pluto > Kaioh-sama. Tends to stick offplane and give
cryptic messages and expository dialogue to the heroes.
Haruka Uranus > Vegita. Was the Heir of the forces who led
the coup on the Sailorjin homeworld that kicked Usagi's
family out of power. Then the Sailorjin planet was destroyed
later by Freezer and the Vogons constructing a hyperspace
bypass.
Michiru Neptune > Haruka's chief henchwoman and main
squeeze.
Hotaru Saturn > Warrior of Haruka's group, and one of the
three survivors (Haruka, Michiru, Hotaru) who saw their
planet destroyed.
================
-------------------------------
"At times like this, I prefer using overwhelming
amounts of force."
-Jared Saotome, Reluctant Bet
metroanime@mindspring.com
http://metroanime.home.mindspring.com/