Scenes From An Elevator:
An Idiotic Utena Spamfic
By: Dreiser
EPISODE TWENTY SEVEN: Piles of Anime Lesbian Mail, Oh
My! Why Oh My? To Rhyme the Lines!
SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where
the shadows of Mikage Souji and Chida Mamiya are seen sitting
inside of it. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the
background.
(Muffled noises come from the elevator floor which can't be clearly
seen, much to many peoples relief, I'm sure. The most likely cause
of said muffled noises are Mikage and Mamiya. To know just what
they're doing try your best to recall the sex education classes you
might have received during high school. Now recall what they
didn't teach you. Yeah, that's what they're doing right this very
second. Syrup and all.)
MIKAGE: (Head raises into view.) Syrup? But we haven't used
the syrup yet. We just started with the whipped cream.
MAMIYA: (Head also raises into view. Face is covered with bits
of whipped cream.) We have syrup, Mikage-kun?
MIKAGE: (Looks at Mamiya.) Last I checked, we did.
MAMIYA: (Forms a slow smile.) I do love syrup...
MIKAGE: (Lets loose a high pitched squeak.) Lucky me!
(Once again, Mikage and Mamiya disappear from view and the
muffled noises begin to fill the air.)
SCENE: The Dueling Arena stairs. Tenjou Utena is slowly making
her way up them. As she does so, the song Zettai Unmei
Mokushiroku or the Absolute Destiny Apocalypse plays in the
background. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the
background.
UTENA: (Slowly walking up the stairs.) This sucks.
(There's a fairly long and significant pause where the only thing that
can be heard is the usual stair walking theme song.)
UTENA: (Slowly walking up the stairs. Grouchy. More grouchy
than normal.) What?! What's with the pause of silence?! Do you
really expect me to be giving you pearls of wisdom right about
now?! I've been walking up these stairs for how many freaking
episodes now?! I'm tired! TIRED!! And why the hell don't we
have an escalator or an elevator?! This stupid school is loaded with
money and we're being held in a weird fairy tale-esque environment
by an evil control maniac who's using his sister's magical powers!
We should have modern conveniences like elevators and escalators
instead of some torturous neverending stairs!
(Utena abruptly pauses in her rant and her walk to blink dimly as
she realizes something.)
UTENA: (Gives a sheepish laugh.) Well... I take back that part
about wanting an elevator instead of stairs. Considering the way
this fic has gone so far I think that we can do without another one
of those operating in Ohtori. (She laughs again in sheepish tones
then starts walking up the stairs. A moment passes before she tugs
at her red shorts and mutters.) Stupid tight shorts that show off my
butt. They always give me a wedgie.
SCENE: Some random road in Ohtori where a pile of truckers can
be seen lying in the road in a toppled heap. The Sunlit Garden no
longer plays in the background.
TRUCKER #456: (Moans.) He was a monster...
TRUCKER #6,701,091: (Moans also.) A bishonen monster...
TRUCKER #13: (Groans for variety.) Blue haired monster...
TRUCKER #4,900: (Says weakly.) The guy had to be a monster
to steal all our trucks just for the stuff that we were hauling. I mean,
who in the world can eat that many ding dongs?
ALL THE TRUCKERS: (Groan together.) He was a ding dong
addicted monster...
SCENE: Arisugawa Juri's newly built headquarters. Several
hundred girls wander around the room, all adoring Juri in their own
special way. The wonderful magnificence that is Juri can't be seen
as she's hidden behind a huge pile of papers that are stacked
several feet high on her desk. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays
faintly in the background.
JURI: (Wading through papers. Sounds muffled.) I never thought
I'd say this... but I think there are too many Anime lesbians. I'm not
sure we have enough room for them all.
AUTHOR: (Sounds helpful.) Well, maybe we don't have to invite
them all to your convention? Just the cool ones?
JURI: (Considers this.) We could do that... I'm not sure that I want
any of the hentai girls here.
AUTHOR: (Snickers.) Why, Juri-sama, are you hentai prejudiced?
After all, Anime lesbians are Anime lesbians.
JURI: (Droll tones.) True but considering the cast that we have
here at Ohtori I'm not sure that letting loose the girls from La Blue
Girl would be such a good thing.
AUTHOR: (Murmurs.) Good point.
JURI: (Reading one of her many suggested lists.) Why are people
suggesting that I invite myself? I'm in charge of this whole thing so
of course I would be invited. (Sounds surprised.) Ukyo and
Shampoo? Since when are they part of the glorious Sapphic
sisterhood?
AUTHOR: (Would shrug but is merely a voice without a body in
this particular spamfic.) Probably just wishful thinking I would
imagine. Did they mention Nabiki?
JURI: (Smirks. Sounds smug.) No one needs to mention Nabiki to
me. I know how she swings from experience.
AUTHOR: (Surprised.) What, Juri-sama? You mean...?
JURI: (Coughs. A bit embarrassed.) Well, she does have that
wonderful husky voice and she's awfully sexy...
AUTHOR: (Sighs.) And here I wanted you with Maya.
JURI: (Blinks.) Who?
AUTHOR: (Sighs again.) Never mind, Juri-sama. I'm just prattling
again. I have to admit, Nabiki is very sexy.
JURI: (Smirks.) You don't need to tell me that.
AUTHOR: (Groans.) Hoo boy.
SCENE: Some wall in Ohtori Academy during an unusually
untimely and infrequent eclipse. The figures of the Shadow Play
Girls A-ko, B-ko, and C-ko aren't seen. The Sunlit Garden no
longer plays faintly in the background.
(Overwhelming silence takes place. The sound of flapping wings
are heard then some scuffling noises.)
BIRDS: Tweety, tweet, tweet!
(As the birds that can't be seen because of the unusually untimed
eclipse continue to tweet the scene fades to more black.)
To be continued...
All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a
nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when
extremely bored. I'll continue to write this series when I'm
extremely bored because sometimes I just feel like being silly. In
other words don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun.
Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com
The not so thrilling trailer line: What will happen next time?! Will
Mikage and Mamiya still be, for whatever reason, in the elevator?!
Can Utena free herself from the horrible grip of her red shorts
wedgie?! Just how many truckers did Miki trounce for the sake of
ding dongs?! And which Anime lesbians will Juri invite to the
marvelous convention that she's planning?! Stay tuned!
Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780
Thanks to Red Death all of my fanfics are archived at:
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm
For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to:
http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/prs/index.html
To hear the excellent SFAE radio production go to:
http://michiru.com/utena/
A RANDOM QUOTE AND ANALYZATION:
LINA: Here comes the bondage queen of darkness.
NAGA: Yes, and I'm fit to be tied.
TOUGA: (Gives a low and self satisfied chuckle that still manages
to sound rather hentai.) Truly a quote worthy of my attentions.
When they're diverted from online porn, that is.
NANAMI: (Looks up. Blinks.) Oniichan... I'm not sure that's a
quote. It looks more like script format to me.
TOUGA: (Still chuckling.) Yes, very worthy indeed. And I do like
the idea of Lina tying up Naga. I wonder if they'll be making an
appearance at Juri-san's upcoming convention.
NANAMI: (Stares at Touga. Shrugs.) Oh well. I guess I'll just
have to analyze whatever it is. (Stares at the quote.) I'm not sure it
has any depth other than sexual innuendo though.
TOUGA: (Looks at Nanami.) Isn't that depth enough?
NANAMI: (Sweatdrops.) If you say so.
TOUGA: (Laughs madly.) I do say so! Because I'm the great
Kiryuu Touga and I say whatever I like on the merest of whims!
NANAMI: (Slowly.) Right...
Juri Rules All.
Despite what any
Canadian TV people
might say Haruka is
NOT Michiru's sister.
NOOOO! NOT SISTERS!
-Quotes from me-