heya
Here's my first fic contribution contribution to the list...
Please... be gentle<smiles>
I'm currently working on Pt 3 so i should be able to post the next
part fairly soon... provided you all like<smiles>
***********************
<E-mail to Kathy@linuxgrrls.org>
Ranma 1/2 and the Sandman are not owned by me, but by gum I
wish they were!
All rights to the characters in this work of fan fiction are owned by
their respective copyright holders (Rumiko Takahashi an' Viz (I t'ink)
and Neil Gaiman and Vertigo comics.<?>)
the situations just happened though<smiles>
Please note, Death and Destruction speak in normal tones, the
other endless have their own vocal markers... you'll see as we go
along ^.^
***
Death: the Moron and the Maiden
Nerima district, a calm, pleasant sort of place, a typical
example of the traditional Japanese values, and a great place to
bring the kids.
from the "Nerima travel guide".
"You mean you want me to go near that bunch of nuts?!"
<slam the door, hit the gas, don't look back>
From the "Tokyo Taxi training manual of approved emergency
actions".
***
Nabiki walked out of her room slowly, yawning slightly in the
dawn light, beginning her long practised damage appraisal routine.
"lets see - new hole in roof, mallet holes, new gate, call landscaper,
new carp for the pond, the table needs replacing and oh, yes, get
the plasterer in to fix the impressions in the walls......"
In other words , it was a perfectly normal morning after the
night before.
Others too were slowly starting to wake, although Kuno was at
a loss to explain how he'd gone from embracing his pig tailed
goddess to being an impact crater at the zoo. Ranma woke on the
roof, crawling painfully over to the emergency back support that
Kasumi had thoughtfully had installed after the first Happosai
incident.
Ryoga woke in Akane's bed, yawned and started to look for his
clothes. He was lost before he hit the floor, and was soon sharing
accomodation with Kuno.
"Bwee!" <this is all your fault Ranma - you should have hit this
idiot harder!>
Kho Lon the greatest warrier of her generation (no matter what
a certain highly perverted ex of hers said), woke and turned on the
Mighty Morphing Power Rangers, wondering if there was going to be
anything today worth teaching to son-in-law. The fact that this was
a repeat was of little consequence to her - after all the training was
just her excuse to veg out for half an hour without having to worry
about the craziness that permeated the ward. And, besides, she
liked it.
***
Ranma was not enjoying how the morning had progressed.
He'd been fleeced by Nabiki for the repair work, he still couldn't
stand up straight, but that was all-right - he had to go to Dr Tofu's
anyway for his emergency stomach pumping treatment. He still
couldn't understand why Akane insisted that she would cook his
breakfast for him...
"Stupid Pop, how the heck is having a breakfast made by her
supposed to be training? And why does old man Tendo go along
with it - I thought he wanted her to marry me, not bury me...."
A horribly familiar splash and cry of "Ranma No Baka!" rang out. It
took him a moment, but he soon realised that his internal
monologue was an EXternal monologue. He sighed, and as he flew
gracefully into a near perfect parabolic trajectory decided that he
HAD to get a better class of fiancé... or at least less homicidal
ones as the would be warrior wives started a melee
amongst themselves for his affections.
Not that they actually tried to stop his flight of course....
***
Death, sat at the edge of a certain Tendo pond, was not a
usual sight even by this wards whacked out standards. She sat
there idly running her finger through the still water and relaxed a
little, even finally coming to a conclusion that her late brother
Dream had reached two hundred years ago. She was bored with
her job. it's hard to imagine that a woman who has to collect every
life form as it passes out of this mortal realm, from humans to
humus, would have two seconds to rub together to feel this way,
but ...
It was worse than being an Airline Hostess - the pay was
worse, the perks were non-existent, the job stank, you never got to
make any real friends due to the nature of the job, and you *never*
got to share in the fun. Some days she felt like a glorified swinging
door for the afterworlds.
There was no two ways about it, even the endless were subject
to ennui and stress burnout. They were still feeling the aftershocks
of Destruction's mid-life crisis, let alone Dream's.... Still this latest
run looked interesting, a chaotic nexus, capable of creating the
sort of mischief that she saw around her, was due to end his mortal
span by drowning... It was tough luck for the poor guy, but she
could REALLY use a good chat with someone right now.
It is perhaps fortunate for Ranma that Akane splashed her,
since when the distracted Death looked around she saw what
appeared to be a redhead girl falling from the roof of the Dojo and
falling into the pond after catching herself a sound thump around
the ear off the guttering... and not the blackhaired male she was
waiting for.
Well, Death may be there to take departed onto the next realm,
but she didn't kill people, or even allow those she wasn't there for
on business to get hurt. It was a pleasant way of trying to buck the
rules.
So she dragged the girl out of the pond, and waited for the
man she was to take to turn up.
***
Destiny's realm is composed of paths, the ones taken, the
ones voided, the ones that might have been, and the ones that
never stood a prayer. It was infinite, and ever-changing, yet Destiny
knew the flux of it like the pounding of the heart he didn't have. He
was caught up in this metaphor, attempting to refine it into a thing
of beauty so he could write it in his diary.
NOT the BOOK, but his perfectly written personal diary -the
BOOK s aid that the statement he would make today would be one
he would cherish and reflect on for a long time.
So it came as a total shock to him when he tripped over his
own feet, beaned himself on a bench that hadn't been there five
seconds ago, and then stood up into the underside of a tree branch.
"+Ouch! I never saw that bloody one coming - EEEEK bloody
chair!+"
The BOOK was right - it was a statement he was going to
spend a lot of time contemplating. It was sort of a pity that as he
went hopping off on one leg, he was to busy looking for (and sadly
not finding) an aspirin to wonder WHY the paths had chosen to
warp themselves into a totally new and unexpected shape around
him....
***
Ranma-chan too thought longingly of aspirin, but pushed the
thought away with a determined effort, and decided that the
headache she had this time was almost a rival to the one she'd
gained after Kuno's little booze-up during "Romeo and Juliet".
Holding her head slightly, and muttering imprecations about
uncute tomboys, the unfairness of the world, and her father's
inability to go to the toilet without finding her a new fiancé, she sat
upon her elbows. Wiping her hair out of her eyes she looked at the
woman perched above her face perilously close, and drew the only
logical conclusion possible.
Dad had REALLY gone all out to find a weird fiancé this time.
Still the make-up was kinda cute, and she radiated friendliness
through the *seriously* cute gothic look she wore at Kasumi-plus
levels.
For Death herself the experience was rather unique - having
dragged the redhead out of the water, and waited for her to start
breathing, she had been about to administer mouth to mouth when
said patient had moaned to herself for a moment, groaned in pain,
and gone from half dead to 100% terrified.
"Oh Kami-Sama - I don't have to marry ANOTHER one do I?!"
wailed Ranma-chan.
Death was mightily confused. "Um, thats a bit overkill for the
rescue, and besides, isn't it illegal for girls to marry in Japan?" she
asked in bewilderment at the apparent fruitloop she had just saved
from drowning. Ranma-chan looked own at her chest. She had an
out! She wasn't a guy, and so she had a chance to let her down
gently before he was booted heavily by the other girls!
"Uh, yeah, sorry, right I'm just... heh," laughed a nervous but
relieved Ranma-Chan while she desperately strove to find a good
excuse. Her mouth continued to blather inanities nineteen to the
dozen while her mind desperately tried to make use of the precious
time she had bought herself.
Death for her part couldn't believe it, the girl she had rescued
was coming apart at the seams, and all to avoid answering a
simple yes-no question... it was just too funny! Laughing she
decided that she had a friend for the first time in a ... well no need
to go there....
Ranma-chan took a mental breather as she raced to control her
errant mouth - it had already gained her a first class trip via
hammer airlines, and she had to switch it off quickly or she'd end up
with another innazuke! Deciding to roll with the flow, she went on
the verbal offensive.
"Um, excuse me m'am but why are you here?" she asked,
hoping to shift the attention away from herself, and *maybe* get
some of the details of this engagement while they were still
capable of being arranged away.
Death paused in her laughter, and blinked in confusion - how
could she put this without scaring off her new friend? "Um, you fell
off the roof and were drowning in the pond - I pulled you out and got
you breathing again" phew! that should do it! she thought.
Ranma-chan, realising the truth of this, paused, but returned to
the offensive - the save was nice, but if she let a innazuke lose with
that sort of hold on her she'd soon be in even whose trouble with the
other three! "I meant the Dojo m'am... Um, what do I call you?"
Yes, a name would be good when she released the stress from the
latest engagement on the panda...
"Um, guess you can call me D'eath, and to answer your
question I'm here for Ranma -" she paused at the sudden tension
on Ranma-chan's face, but mostly, the way that she had shot
straight to her feet in a way that even SHE had thought impossible.
Ranma-chan however was inconsolable - it WAS another innazuke!
"You're here to marry him aren't you!" she wailed in dispair.
Death ran this one through her mind a few times - a way to hide her
true identity untill she was ready to reveal it - and a way to be
around her new friend for a while - and she could play the sympathy
card a little when her 'innazuke' was tragically killed in the same
spot that her friend had only just been rescued from!
"Um, yes, it was so romantic," think! how did they do this in
Japan last time she was on one of her 'mortal days'? Oh yes - the
father arranged for the children.... "My parents asked Ranma's
father about merging our two houses, and he accepted!" A thought
here. "Um, what's your name?" Ranma-chan barely heard, the
panda died this time!
THREE properly arranged innazuke PLUS Shampoo and the
nutcase in the leotard....
"Um, I'm Ranko, pleased to meet you... you'd better come
inside, Ranma will be here later on" she said without much
conviction. Death jumped to the obvious conclusion - namely that
Ranko must be Ranma's sister and that she was upset since her
father hadn't arranged a marriage for her. well.. she'd fix that one up
- Ranko looked so glum, she just had to make her smile!
"I'm sure that your father will arrange a marriage for you too!"
she tried to reassure the depressed girl beside her. Girl? She was
a young woman but then a perspective that ranged from half an
hour after the start of time, to the point where you would lock up on
the universe tended to skew her sense of perspective she guessed.
Still Ranko was laughing some now...
Although it wasn't what you might call SANE laughter. Ranma-
chan was just grasping at the irony of D'eaths, 'weird name -
sounds a little gaijin', choice of words. Gasping for air she spotted
a panda chewing contentedly on a bamboo cane she stalked
towards it.
"That isn't the problem at all," she explained earnestly, "our
useless father has engaged both Ranma *AND MYSELF*..." she
trailed off momentarily.
Genma winced at what his son was doing to him to make he
point that he was playing Ranko again. He also tried to match the
face before him against any of his old bar-debt marriage pledges.
"Well... lets just say the useless fat old idiot engaged both of
us against our will several times....
Death was stricken - her poor friend! to have such a
dishonourable father! putting an arm around 'Ranko' for a friendly
hug she tried to explain that it was her fathers fault not hers.
However she stopped when she felt the demon head forming behind
her.
Soun Had Seen The Hug.
Soun Was Not Happy.
Then Soun saw her face.
Death saw Soun's face.
Death and Soun both pointed at each other screaming "YOU!"
Kasumi popped her head around the door, and admonished the
pair - "Please stop pointing, it is very rude... Would you like any tea
Miss...?" she trailed off. Soun started to cry.
"Waaaaaaaaah you took my wife! please tell me who you have
come for!" he bawled as Death sheepishly accepted a cup of tea
from Kasumi.
"It is not you or yours Soun Tendo... and I am sorry for the loss
of your wife... but I was glad to be able to let you both say good-
bye before she finally passed away," she said sadly. Soun nodded
brightly - it wasn't going to be any of his family, so the only person
in trouble was Genma, and he was wily enough for any three foxes.
He of course was thinking of Ranma as his son-in-law....
Ranma-chan was getting exasperated by the coded talk, so
being Ranma, she did what she did best - stuck both feet in his/her
mouth and proceeded to dig.
"So, Um, who are then D'eath? - you aren't really here to marry
Ranma are you?" Death caught the sadness at the end of the
sentence, and ried to cover up, even as Soun (in an act of speed
that made the chestnut fist look like an old ladies tea outing)
appeared in his armour and began threatening Mr Panda.
Ignoring acts of violence that would have earned long sentences
for cruelty to animals in any other ward, she tried to make the loss
easier for Ranko, and still remain her friend - in other words, she
borrowed Ranko's feet and had a good chew herself.
"Well... no, I never was formally engaged to your brother, but
your father did promise to marry his firstborn to anyone who could
stop him freezing to death when he was 6... and I kind of gave him
a blanket... but that's not why I'm here. I'm sorry Ranko - Ranma is
going to drown in the pond this morning and I'm here to take him to
the next realm."
Ranma-chan looked at the clock, then at Death, then at
Genma, and then at Nabiki who'd somehow appeared zenlike at
the door armed with tape recorder, a camera, and a hit list, plus a
series of betting pools for the life spans of prominent politicians
(though where THEY came from...) and started to cackle
maniacally.
"You're here to take Ranma Saotome to the next word?"
"Yes."
"He's going to die this morning?"
"Yes."
"How?"
"Drowning."
"You only take people who's lives are over - you would never kill
someone to take them with you?"
"Only when Life is over, I never kill." "Do you really want to be
married to me?"
"HUH?" came the astonished response from the rest of the
room. Ranma pointed at the clock on the wall - 1:25pm.
Then she poured a kettle of water over her head (how Kasumi
always knew to have those ready was a mystery not even Destiny
understood) morphing upwards, breasts shrinking, muscles
moving...
"Sorry about this... Thankyou for saving my life instead of taking
it... erm.... *I'm* Ranma Saotome."
Death did the predictable thing.
With a gentle sigh and a muttered "How the hell am I gonna fix
THIS one?!" she fainted.
Ranma rubbed a thoughtful hand over his head and turned and
looked at Genma, who was still sat in a frozen look of horror.
"Now why don't you explain how you engaged me to the grim
reaper Pops....."
Even Kasumi joined in on the beating the hapless panda
received.
***
At Furinken High:
"Where's Ranchan?"
"Shampoo no see airen stupid spatula girl...."
"Ohh Ranma - you are going to pay! After I cooked this lunch
especially for you!"
"Aiyaa!"
"Well... I guess it DOES explain a lot, eh shampoo?"
"Come here you two and die!"
***
End part one
This story was whacked out since I needed to know *if* I COULD
write a story. this one was rather off the top of my head. I know
there's a few ways I can take this, but mostly it's just a good
giggle, since the main story I wanted to write is going to be a fairly
large and personal beastie... Anyway, enjoy, and (please!) it won't
ALL be laughs, i do hope to get SOME sort of plot in here
somehow...
And I know I've been inconsistent with the chinese contingents
names - but they are Kho Lon and Xian Pu when they think of
themselves, and Cologne and Shampoo when the Nerima cast
thinks of them. Nice save ne? ^_^
Still, all C&C welcomed, Flames gratefully accepted, money spent
on groceries and voodoo dolls blessed and used as good luck
charms.
For my Friends
Zen, who reminded me that depth wasn't such a bad thing, when I
was trying to avoid my life by skipping over reality.
Kaori who kept me sane when I was sliding away.
and Monika because she's Monika and I love her.
Ja ne!
<written in three hours to the strains of classical rock violin>
(and re-writen in ten minutes because I had a couple of good ideas
in the bath....)
07-04-00
Ryoko
myaa!
Mail Eternal power, make-up!