Alan Harnum <harnums@thekeep.org> wrote:
At 06:34 AM 4/6/00 -0500, Gary Kleppe wrote:
Yes, I'm still writing this. Only half a chapter this time, but better
than nothing, no? :)
Yes, I'm still doing public C&C. This is my first one in well over a
month, but better than nothing, no? ^^;;
Hey! Plagerism! :)
"one mere human being"? Hrm. A hint that this "General" isn't human, or
merely a red herring? I go with the former myself, but that may just be my
bias for supernatural conflict over military conflict.
Of course, given that this is a Ranma fanfic, having something extra-human
behind things (a la the Herb, Saffron or Ryugenzawa stories) makes sense.
Makes sense to me. :) You'll find out for sure in Part Five.
Formatting note: the single quotes are only supposed to be used for making
quotations within quotation marks. I used to do this a lot myself, until
someone pointed out to me that it's incorrect, and it's taken me some time
to break myself of the habit.
Hm. Okay. My preference would be to reserve double quotes for actual
spoken dialog, but I can change it.
every last one of them. Nothing but cold-blooded killers. Command
should've just dropped a bomb on the whole damn village and been done
with it.
An insight into the mentality of the average soldier involved in this
invasion? Telling.
I'm trying to portray these guys' attitudes realistically, though my
experience with the military mind isn't all that great.
Sauchuk turned in time to catch a glimpse of white fur before it
slipped away into the underbrush. "A cat? You're one sick, er... puppy,
Martinez."
*chuckle* This is how to break the fourth wall for humour value without
being intrusive.
At least someone got the reference. :) Now, if this character happens to
get killed off later, am I in violation of the FAQ? ^_^
"Morning, corporal. Anything to report?"
"Corporal" should be capitalized.
Oops.
As a way to avoid starting a sentence with "There were", let me suggest:
Ranma crawled quietly from vehicle top to vehicle top. Trucks, jeeps and a
few tanks -- about thirty total -- were parked bumper to bumper in neatly
arranged rows.
Okay, that sounds good.
This must have been the place where he'd fought Shan Pu ten
years ago. He scanned over the surroundings, trying to jog his memory.
It had been too long ago for him to remember any of the buildings or
scenery, but the big open space was unmistakable.
I don't find this particularly sensible myself; what is it about the "big
open space" that makes it so unmistakable? After all, one big open space
looks much like another.
Hmm. I'll have to think about this one. I'll either find something to
make it more distinctive or drop this bit.
Hrm. Considering the amount of trade that goes on between China and Japan,
I doubt that merely having a bottle marked MADE IN JAPAN would keep the
soldiers from laying the blame upon Ranma's group. If they want to make it
clear that they're responsible, why not something more obvious--a message
in the bottle, perhaps?
Er, no, the point is that they're *supposed* to blame Ranma's group, so
that they don't take reprisals against the Amazons. Yes, they could
leave a note, but there'd be no guarantee of it being believed anyhow.
Akane sprang into the air, and landed on the roof, causing the
whole hut to shake. It was empty. The attacker was already gone. How
could anyone have gotten away so fast?
Happosai's return, with whatever it was he stole back in the prologues,
perhaps? (If I'm remembering the prologues correctly)
Someone stole something from Cologne right before she passed away. It
may or may not have been Happy. Wait and see. :)
At the camp in the mountains, Hikaru Gosunkugi sat with Ti Pi
atop a flat boulder. About a meter high and twice as long, the rock
would've (and, for all Hikaru knew, had) made a good picnic table during
better times. Now, it served as the "conference room" in which the two
of them arranged ways to provoke the Mongols.
SC (in order to emphasize outdoor setting): Now, it served as the
"conference room" where the two of them arranged ways to provoke the Mongols.
Okay, that works.
Hikaru considered for a moment. "Ryoga. He's the strongest of
the group, and besides, Ke Lun taught him that attack that makes rocks
blow up by touching them."
"The Breaking Point? You think he could adapt it against armor?"
Considering that he's demonstrated the ability to adapt it to wood (the
Magic Mushrooms story), I think this is plausible.
True, though it didn't look like it did much damage to the wood in that
story. Still, point taken.
The two Mongol soldiers walked off. Concealed in the shadows, a
duck watched. The camera hanging by a strap from its neck bobbed back
and forth as it lifted its head. And to the extent that a duck can
smile, this one did, knowing that everything was going according to
plan.
"Soon, they all--the Amazons, the Mongols, his so-called "friends"--would
pay! The duck would have his revenge!"
Yep, Mousse finally went over the edge. A real quack-up.
* * *
It's very nice to see you working on this again, Gary. The guerilla
It's nice to be making progress on this again. ^_^
tactics of Ranma and company against the invaders were nicely done. Plot
I have to thank Ed Becerra for a lot of them. Much of the action in this
chapter came out of discussions with him.
seems to be moving forward at a fairly sedate pace, although I get the
sense that everything is building towards one of those "boiling point"
explosions.
Yep. As I told Bert, the end of this chapter (when it's complete) will
be a major transition point in this series. Lots of action, which means
it's going to be hard to write. :)
Not much to say beyond that. I hope the next part comes out quickly. :)
I'll try. I hope to have this out before ACen, along with "For a Dying
Friend" (a new stand-alone fic; plug! plug!)
As always, thanks very much for the feedback, Alan.
Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html