Some C[arrots]&C[arrots], Kara. :)
All C&C are my opinions and suggestions only.
KaraOhki wrote:
"Yeah, meet us there. You and I can spar some, you and Kasumi can be
together, and we all go home the next day."
Ranma found himself being held by the collar. "What exactly do you
mean by me and Kasumi being together?"
This bit was confusing. I honestly thought Ranma was speaking the
sentence. I suggest separating the two sentences.
"Pick on Saotome all you want, Kuno, but leave Akane alone! Don't you
think you've annoyed her enough?"
He looked for one person to support him, and found nothing. Why? He
had proved Ranma to be the monster that he was, so why was everyone
angry at him?
Hmm. This would be the perfect place for Kuno to think something like:
'Ah, but it was so obvious! It was the foul demon Saotome's fault. The
sorcerer had turned everyone against him. But Tatewaki Kuno was not so
easily fooled; he would defeat Saotome and deliver the school from his
black spells.'
Kuno, to me, is always willing to go off on a tangent even-- er,
especially when the facts are against him. :)
"It isn't fair! We've been trying for months to get close to Akane,
and Saotome manages it in a day! We can't let him get her so easily,
can we?"
Another boy shrugged. "He DID defeat her. Wasn't that the whole
idea? Whoever defeated Akane would get to date her. So why are we
trying to change the rules now?"
"Easy. He's an outsider."
"Ah, but that means she has to marry him then!"
Whap! "Idiot! We aren't Chinese Amazons, you know!"
It was dangerous, and in more than one way. Akane's attraction to
Ranma was growing quickly, and she was having a difficult time dealing
with it. Boys still scared her, and he was a boy. At least most of
the time.
Akane's Mental Voices:
Sappho-Akane: But he's also a girl sometimes. That's just so cute!
Ecchi-Akane: Yeah, then I wouldn't mind doing *bzzzzrt* and *zrrrph* with
him.
Censor-Akane [carefully hiding the censored bits under the bed]: Hmmph!
Watch what you say. We're not like that!
"Make up your mind, Akane," she whispered to herself. "Do you want
him, or don't you?"
Akane jumped. Where had THAT come from?
Mental Voices I tell you! :)
Akane began to wash the dishes, wishing she could hear more. Since
she couldn't, she began talking to herself. "They're talking about
me. I knew they were going to pick me. This 'training trip' nonsense
doesn't mean a thing."
"Why are you talking to yourself, Akane?"
See! Positive proof of Mental Voices! :)
"I don't think so. You're just trying too hard." He reached out and
touched Akane's shoulder. "You are SO tense!"
Ranma moved behind Akane began to massage her shoulders, and she
Missing an 'and' between 'Akane' and 'began'.
Phil.