Akane woke from a dream of perfect happiness and beauty to a
morning that was surreal and confusing in a number of ugly ways.
Things had been moving very quickly, and now the joyful glow of
whispered promises and emotional disclosure was being eaten away
at a little at a time by way-too-early-in-the-morning grumpiness
and a growing sense of dread.
I don't think you need the at in the second-to-last sentence, Miss Thatcher.
^^;
...she'd agreed to marry him. today. that part had been
real too.
Okay, so 'she'd agreed to marry him' was part of a previous sentence, but
how come the ones following it aren't capitalized?
Ukyou shrugged. "He's been like that all night. I hoped
he'd stay there while I got a few hours of sleep, but this is
ridiculous. I didn't tie him *that* tight."
::giggles:: Well, whaddya 'spect, Ucchan? He's a PANDA half the time! ;P
She made her way to a tiny outside window, and pried it open
silently. Stepping away from the opening to let a little light
pour through, she contemplated the weapons she held. Sharp and
well balanced, she was sure that they would serve her well. She
waited.
I don't know that the comma after the first clause is necessary. It would
be, if your second clause could have been a new sentence, like, "She made
her way to a tiny outside window, and she pried it open silently," but here,
you don't need to, I don't think.
"He not give up so easy. You no feed him breakfast, he
escape. Easy easy."
^o^ I LIKE this!
"Well, you may be right, but we can't wait any longer
either. By now Ran-chan knows we're on to him. It's possible
that the old man told us the truth. One of us ought to go on
ahead."
I can't remember what a preposition was... Maybe or maybe 'By now' isn't a
preposition. But anyway, I think 'By now' deserves a comma after it. <:)
Ukyou shrugged, double checked her accessories/arsenal and
gave her erstwhile rival a playful salute, then she was gone,
heading in the direction of the temple where Mr Saotome had told
them Ranma and Akane would be.
Mr.'s an abbreviation of the type which needs a period.
Though they filled his noble heart with dread and outrage,
Kuno Tatewaki (age seventeen) looked again at the shocking
photographs given to him by the short pale boy.
::grins:: I like where you added 'age seventeen.' It's been a while since
I heard that beloved phrase! Kunou-chan! MINE!
The noble scion of the house of Kuno trembled with rage and
confusion.
Maybe Kunou could... um, cry? <:) He does cry a lot, and this scene is
just beggin' for a shot o' the guy sobbing his heart out! ^_~ Providing
what he hears is true, of course, Miss Thatcher.
She'd had enough. Ukyou had left nearly half an hour ago. The
sun was almost visible now, and she couldn't afford to wait any
longer. She studied the small object in her hand. Many times
she'd seen how they were used. Pulling the chord out of the top,
she studied the distance, then gently and silently tossed the
tiny smoke bomb through the opening Ukyou had created in the
window not much earlier. It landed behind some shelves well out
of sight of the prisoner. Shampoo leapt to the roof and waited.
<;) That wouldn't happen to be, uh... a lax-gas bomb, would it?
Reality-ometer: [\........] Hmmph! Thought so...
Heee! I really like that! :) Will also be going to your page to read more
(if I ever get any time!). Thank you, Miss Thatcher!
Nibun