"Miller, Bert" <bert.miller@unisys.com> wrote:
Yes, I'm still writing this. Only half a chapter this time, but better
than nothing, no? :)
Definitely better than nothing. One could wish for a faster pace,
but I'm hardly one to talk.
Yes, there's not a lot of high moral ground to be had, is there. ;)
"Greetings, 'General.' Or should I call you...."
Oh, go ahead, _tell_ us that the General is someone we already know...
Okay, the General is someone you know. ^_^
"His hair. I smelled some kind of 'essence of flowers' stuff on
it. A guy wouldn't use that junk unless he was trying to impress a
babe."
Perhaps a little _too_ sneaky. It doesn't strike me that you
really want, or need, your readers to have to make a major feat of
deduction here to realize that Shampoo used the Xi Fang Whatsit Gao.
Yeah, it was a trifle more obvious than I'd hoped. Still, I'm not sure
that stating it explicitly will help anything.
Sauchuk is interesting, in that he's definitely _not_ a bad guy,
but perhaps a bit more detail would help here. "Fight for his
country, for what he believed in" usually takes some additional
sophistry to reconcile with an actual invasion, or at least an
ideology ("we're here to _help_ the South Vietnamese | Afghans").
If he honestly believes that advance bases are required to defend
Mongolia, which is possible, maybe a bit more distaste for the
unpleasant necessity of occupation should be on display here.
Point duly noted, and I will work on developing Sauchuk's view of things
more. One of the things I've tried to show with him and the other Mongol
characters is that people have reasons for the things they do; it's not
just that they're the villains of the story because they're not nice
people. I'm glad that this is coming through, at least for one reader.
"Fiancee," Sauchuk answered curtly. "We're getting married as
soon as my hitch is up."
Yes, we're definitely not going to enjoy it when Sauchuk buys
the farm...
Yeah, I know that I'm being rather obvious with this. One prereader
suggested that this guy should be wearing a red shirt. :) But I don't
really see any way around that. People die in wars, and that's a fact of
life, and some of them leave loved ones behind.
Why, she wondered, were things like this so painfully obvious,
but not until *after* it was too late to stop herself? Enough was
enough. Okay, maybe she couldn't stop herself from being jealous. But
she could lock her jealousy away deep inside herself where it wouldn't
cause harm to anyone. After all, it wasn't as if those
feelings ever did any good for her.
And this. Looks like Akane's growing up. Still, this is pretty
accurately and well phrased to seem like the Akane we know, who's
not much more articulate (when it comes to feelings) than Ranma.
She has learned a thing or two since the old days. Still, you're
probably right that this is too insightful for her. I'll see what I can
do with it.
Ranma crawled quickly and quietly from vehicle top to vehicle
top. They were parked bumper to bumper in neatly arranged rows.
Heh. To prevent sabotage? (Pearl Harbor reference)
Nah, those silly Amazons just don't have adequate parking facilities. :)
total. Ranma wondered why the tanks were here; from what he'd
been able to find out, they hadn't been used against the Amazons.
Maybe they'd been brought along just in case.
Seems like the Amazons are to be a supply base for the next
conquest? I would've thought Ranma might figure that out.
Well, he doesn't exactly have any experience in such matters.
BTW, why _are_ you using 'Amazons' rather than 'Nujiezu'?
Personal preference, I suppose. "Amazon" carries a certain meaning to
the readers that the Chinese name wouldn't.
"He got... we chased him off." Yuan glanced past the rows of
wrecked radiators and punctured tires. "But at least we stopped him
before he could damage anything!"
Heh. Nice scene. Your own answer to martial artists vs. bullets,
I take it.
I didn't think of it that way, but I suppose so. Can't shoot 'em if you
can't hit 'em. :)
The sad truth was, this was a different kind of fight from
any that she and her friends had been in before -- fights where
all they'd needed to do was pummel their opponents into submission.
Akane was only beginning to realize -- in her head, if not her
heart -- how different it was. The stakes had been raised, and
they had to either call or fold.
She had to make Ranma understand that, for his own sake as well as
everyone else's, even though she didn't want to believe it herself.
Nice. Ranma is being rather extreme in holding out against the
thought that is _war_. Having both Ranma and Akane fully realize
that is bound to lead to changes.
It's a difficult thing for them to accept, yeah. I've seen similar
things happen in anti-KKK coalitions with which I've been involved.
There's a whole spectrum of opinions on how the Klan should be reacted
to -- from shooting them on sight, to ignoring them and hoping they'll
go away -- and I can emphathize with a lot of them.
A sudden feeling shook through her head like a jolt of
electricity. *DANGER!*
Akane's reaction argues that this is Kodachi; this is exactly
what always happens when Kodachi ambushes Akane in the series.
OTOH, this oculd be Zhen Biaozi.
All I can say is, wait and see. :)
BTW, are you following Takahashi and Alan Harnum for the terrain
around Joketsuzoku and Jusenkyou? Or the actual geography of
the area? The real Qinghai, even in the Bayankala, is pretty
open; it would be hard to hide from searchers out in the open
like this.
I'm using the geography as shown by Takahashi. (Alan, in this case, is
incidental. ^_^) In the later part of the series, as much of the action
moves elsewhere, you'll see more realistic geography -- I hope. :)
"I'm sorry. I know it's not nice to laugh at others'
misfortunes. But just think of how they'll feel when they take their
clothes out of the wash, and they're still dirty." She giggled again.
So the priestess is still Kasumi...
I certainly hope so. :) I've tried to keep true to the essential spirit
of the character, even though she has been through some changes. Then
again, it could all be a front.... ^_^
rescue her village. And after that, he'd be gone. No matter how he
looked at it, it seemed that Hikaru Gosunkugi was going to
end up alone.
Kind of sad that he doesn't (yet) realize that the opportunity
is for him to seize.
Yep. But he's got a lot of growing up to do.
Saotome's wife, also a martial artist. And some others that
nobody knows here much about."
Typo: "nobody here knows much about."
Oops. Will fix.
"Yes, sir," Shagdarsuren repeated. "The locals' stories were
surprisingly consistent. I think they've really told us all
they know."
Consistency doesn't get him suspicious?
Well, an inconsistency would be one way of telling that someone was
lying.
the memories they held. It was very strange. All the other buildings
Shan Pu had seen had been looted and emptied; why not this one?
Hmmm... Perhaps Zhen Biaozi has a reason? Like the Linghungbao?
We can be sure she has a reason... as for what it is, you'll have to
wait and see. :)
"Hello, kitty."
Groan. Intentional?
Yeah. Not very good, I'll admit....
No, she knew better than to fight a battle that she could
not win.
Interesting... Might we see Shampoo give up if the odds look
bad enough? Certainly Ranma wouldn't.
I know some disagree, but I think Pu in the manga has shown quite a lot
of sense in choosing which battles to fight -- moreso than Ranma. But in
this case, she's only declining the battle, not the war, and even Ranma
(sometimes) has enough sense to change his tactics when his current ones
obviously aren't going to work.
Not a great deal in the way of plot developments in this section
(so far). But entertaining nevertheless, and intriguing.
You'll see a major shift in the plot direction between this chapter and
the next one. How's that for service? :)
Looking forward to more (whenever).
Thanks! I very much appreciate the C&C.
Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html