<:) Well, seeing as how everyone posts to the FFML for C&C, I guess I get
to bug you again! Yay! (Sorry, sorry...)
"Anyway," Akane said. "Ranma and I are going shopping soon, so I'd
better get ready to go."
Shouldn't the period after said be a comma? Her 'Anyway,' could be seen as
something to lead into 'Ranma and I,' etc.
The Shopping Center was full of activity. People bustling from one
store to another, shopkeepers making their fare share of yen.
Fare is actually fair, I believe. I don't recall what 'fare' meant, but I
know 'fair' means equal, pretty, or a lot, in some cases. All right, 'fare'
means to carry on, turn out, or be supplied with food and drink--at least,
according to my dictionary.
Ranma had safely tucked his 'Fist of the North Star' Wall scroll under
one arm, and held a small collection of City Hunter tapes in a bag in the
other.
Wall scroll doesn't need to be capitalized, as it isn't the beginning of any
sentence, and if you set Fist of the North Star off in apostrophes,
shouldn't you do the same for City Hunter?
Akane looked over to her and smiled. "Yes, it's beautiful."
Um, I don't think "Yes" sounds like Akane... but then, that's only my
opinion...
Akane's heart almost jumped into her throat. If it was at half
price... She COULD afford it. Easily.
No need to capitalize 'she'... If you took out the ellipsis, 'she' wouldn't
be capitalized, would it?
The vendor nodded. "Sure thing, son. Them's original works. I been
making them for a little over a year now. Best seller, too."
:) I like the way he talks.
"A pair? You and the misses?"
Misses is plural for miss, I think. Missus would be Mrs.
"Well did you have to poke me so HARD?"
Comma after well? <:)
Ranma shrugged and took a sip fro his drink. "Tomorrow night," he
said.
Took a sip from. You forgot an m.
Ranma shook his head. "Nothing to worry about. Nabiki just wants me to
do something for her. It's sometimes better not to question that."
Akane nodded. She knew all too well that it wasn't wise to question
Nabiki's intentions.
Well, I noticed you used the same phrase in both paragraphs. 'Question
that.' Maybe it isn't necessary to say it twice... 'She knew all too well
that it wasn't wise to do so to Nabiki's intentions' or 'She knew all too
well that it wasn't wise to do that.'
Ranma finished off his okonomiyaki in one big bite, and stood up. He
dropped some money on the table and stretched.
He did this and did that. He did this and did that. That's kinda what it
sounds like. Maybe you could attach 'he dropped some money on the table' to
'and stood up' with a comma. But then again, you're the writer! ^^;
Sorry if I sound really pushy.
"So, Ryouga," Jennifer said, popping out of the hotel bathroom,
brushing her teeth and wearing blue cotton pajamas. "How well do you
know English?"
Yay! It's the chick I like again!! ^o^
Well, if she's brushing her teeth, shouldn't she mumble or something? I
know I'M not able to talk over a mouthful of bubbles and a large plastic
toothbrush.
Ryouga raised an eyebrow. It took him a moment to decipher what she
said, so after a short pause, he replied, "<Can you point me towards
Japan?>"
Heee!! :D I like that--raising his eyebrow. :}
The movie lineup was remarkably short for such a busy night as
Saturday, but it still had it's population.
The way you're using its is the contraction (I think that's what it's
called) for 'it is.' Its as a possessive form of it, is its. Very weird.
I had problems with that several years ago. ^^;; A meeting with the
dictionary helped.
"Well, if it isn't my Ranma Darling," a husky, demure voice came
from the seat three rows back and to his left.
::suspicion::
"Kodachi," she cursed, almost as if it were a swear word. "And what
are YOU doing here?"
::cackles:: I KNEW it was Kodachi!! Coz you described her voice pretty
well, and still--who else calls 'im Ranma Darling quite like the Kunou
daughter??
"With my Darling Ranma? As if one so handsome as he would willingly
take one so homely as you to a social function.
Hee hee!! That's GOOD!
"God damn you," he said silently.
Did he really say that silently? Okay. ^^; It confused my inadequate
brain for a few seconds.
I'm NOT
your bloody darling.
::giggles:: This is good, too!
"What do you suppose she's up to?" he asked, ducking in close to
her.
Maybe 'What do you think she's up to?' instead? I dunno. ^_^ That's good,
too, but smarter than how Ranma usually sounds, I guess.
"Two households, both alike in dignity," the narrator said. "In fair
Verona, where we lay our scene. From ancient grudge break to new mutiny.
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins
of these two foes, a pair of star cross'd lovers take their life."
I wouldn't know if this is really from Shakespeare or anything, but even so,
I don't think ol' Willy needed forth in there. 'From the fatal loins'
should be fine; 'e doesn't need 'forth' in there, too.
Ranma, surprisingly was impressed.
I think you'll wanna set 'surprisingly' off in commas. ^_~ Or move it to
the end of the sentence, where you'll only need one comma, after impressed.
Shrugging, she continued. "Who knows? Why wouldn't anyone want me
around?"
Ryouga decided to remain silent.
YEAH, RYOUGA!! :D
"Well... The guy is responsible for most of my misfortunes. He's
responsible for my curse, he;s made me look like a fool hundreds of
times. I can't call him a friend... But I can't call him an enemy,
either. I've seen him do things. Things I'm not even sure I'm capable
of, to protect people. His... fiancee, Akane, for instance."
You put a semi-colon in between he and the s instead of an apostrophe. Just
wanted you to notice that. ^^;
Jennifer caught the vibes emanating from Ryouga and looked towards
the ground, deep in thought. "I think..." she began. "I think what needs
to be some here is some good old fashioned soul cleansing."
Connect old with fashioned by using a dash, one of these thingies -. Set
off good from old-fashioned with a comma, because good is describing
soul-cleansing, isn't it? and not old-fashioned.
"Well, Ryouga, honey. You just found the next best thing. Me," she
said, a hidden intelligence moving behind her blue eyes.
Replace the period after honey with a comma, because that's not really a
sentence, unless she stops right out, like, '"Well." He fidgeted. "Uh." He
squirmed. "Y'see... MAN, this SUCKS!"'
"Oh, I AM FORTUNES FOOL!" Romeo cried, kneeling before the statue,
the rain pouring down upon him. He dropped his gun and went to a
crawling position, the rain not bothering him.
He is the fool of fortune, and therefore, he belongs to fortune--thus,
fortune requires an apostrophe, so that it is made a possessive noun--or
something like that, anyway. Hoo boy, Shakespeare and guns, man. ^^;
"I know them both, but I don't remember the girls name. Shiro,
however... Well... It's just, I thought he was gay."
Girl's should be a possessive, so you need an apostrophe.
"Home," Kodachi said as she hopped in to the car. She was angry enough
already. The driver was instructed to be there the minute the movie ended,
and she was forced to WAIT for thirty seconds as the car pulled up to her.
::mischievous grin:: Well, if he was instructed to be there the MINUTE,
well... he's still got thirty seconds for a good ol' cup o' Joe! (SHUT UP,
NIBUN!! Sorry, sorry!) ^^;;
All night, they could make love. All night, they could comfort each
other.
Yeee! ::shudders::
Rei hopped into the back seat of the taxi, and slid over to the far
side, behind the drivers seat. She leaned forward and told him where to
go.
Driver's needs to have an apostrophe, because it's HIS seat.
"Err, I meant... uhh.. in each others faces!"
Same as above, except with other's.
Ranma and Akane both looked up to see Genma fall from the ceiling,
head first.
::clutches her head:: NO NO NOOOOOOO!!
The door to his parents room.
Parents'. I still think it oughtta be parents's--but someone showed me
wrong months ago. ::pouting::
Anyway, if you could let me know your addresses, I'd appreciate it.
Thanks.^_^
Is there any more room for me? <:)
Still it's no excuse for my bland portrayal of these characters. ^_^ Will
fix as the chapters progress, however.
Hey, I LIKE Jennifer! ;P Don't go 'round knockin' her!!
Nibun