Subject: [FFML] Re: Ranma/OMG][revision 1] [Fanfiction] Honor on High Chapter one Betrayal
From: Scott Jamison
Date: 4/6/2000, 7:03 PM
To: Richard Robinson <RICHARDROBINSONJR@prodigy.net>, fanfic list FFML <ffml@fanfic.com>


     I must admit I'm confused by this one. 
Initially, I laughed it off as an April Fool's fic, a
parody of things like "Genma's Daughter."  However,
with this revision, that seems not to be the case.
     The problem, to my view, is that by saying that
this is a "parallel universe" where the canon doesn't
apply you've taken away any reason to care about what
happens.
     This isn't the Ranma or Genma or even Morisato
family that we recognize from the manga/anime.  And so
far they seem to be far inferior counterfeits.
     The only really interesting notion in the story
as it stands is the throwaway bit with Akane and
Ryouga.  A short story that explained that and
examined the consequences would be quite good, I
think.
     For a better hook, you might have considered the
Morisato daughter showing up and demanding that Ranma
"give my life back!"  Skip the cliche "awful day" and
move straight into the switched identities.  This
would also allow for a better confrontation with
Genma, as both kids demand answers, rather than the
very weak "spill everything" scene here.
     Unless you plan to reveal that this entire
chapter was a nightmare created by Mara for some
reason?


SKJAM!

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