Subject: [FFML] Re: All the Small Things-Chapter 1
From: Kyhdin@aol.com
Date: 4/6/2000, 12:41 AM
To: ffml@fanfic.com


In a message dated 4/5/00 5:57:35 PM, r_heins@yahoo.com writes:

<<     "When I made the offer, I didn't think you were 
going to wake me up at 3 IN THE FREAKING MORNING!" 
She hissed, "I meant at a normal time."
     "I couldn't wait. I need your help. Do you 
always sleep in the nude?"
     "Yeah, usually, when it starts to get warm. What 
do you mean, 'I need your help'?" 
     Now Nabiki wasn't the brightest of the morning 
people. In fact, if she had her way, the sun wouldn't 
rise until, oh, noon. But somewhere deep in her 
slowly waking brain something was saying,
"Hey! Wait a minute! What'd he say?" In fact, if you 
were to map her thought processes they would go 
something like this: <Help? Why would he ask me for 
help? Why me? I haven't proven myself to be the most 
trustworthy of souls. And why is he grinning like 
that? Did I miss something important? Let's see: woke 
up, went to window, Ranma asked for help, 
waitaminnit, _NUDE_?>
     "EEP!"  >>

BWA HA HA HA. That's a good one. 

Okay, C&C: Nabiki seemed a little OOC, a bit to nice. What I mean by that, is 
I can't. . .I guess the word is hear her saying that.

Lemme try again. When I write or read dialouge, I try to match the 
character's voice (in my case, the dub) to the words, if I can't hear that 
person saying it, then it doesn't work for me. I can't "hear" Nabiki.(Yeah, 
yeah, I know it sounds crazy) 

On a side note, I can't "hear" Setsuna either. Of course, I don't know her 
that well, so its sorta moot point.

Other then that, it looks like a good beginning. Lookin forward to more.

-Komodo


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