I was informed that I have not been properly preparing my readers for
what comes in my fic. As such, please take note of the following
warnings. Warning: the folllowing involves fights, innuendo, violence,
flagrant copyright infringement, bad puns, and strange scenes. It
includes annoying new characters, annoying old characters, annoying
original characters, <other than the Senshi themselves> and a plethora
of warped events. It's atleast as tasteful as The Naked Gun but not
quite as suave. The following is not religious material, english
research guides, or the cure for the common cold. Apply to bleeding with
pressure and mantain, adding extra layers when necessary. Do not ingest
or read underwater. Contains less then 4% of the Surgeon General's daily
recomended dosage of Vitamins C and K and none for you.
Thank you for your time.
Chapter 2
"Thank you and have a nice day!" The nurse said, smiling.
"I will," the black clad figure replied. He winked at her and turned to
go.
The nurse instantly fell wildly in love with him and was heartbroken as
he left.
Mr. I. A. Shara strode down the street, planning his next move. That
truck had slowed him down, but nothing, nothing, could keep him from his
goal: hitting the Tokyo underground party scene.
As he walked through a small park downtown, a stray thought crossed his
mind. "Wasn't there something else I needed to do?" he muttered to
himself.
"Oh yeah! Save the Senshi, have wild sex with all of them at once,
smack Tux-boy around, break the fourth wall, and THEN hit the Tokyo club
scene. And meet Rumiko Takahashi, the dude who did Gunnm, and others."
Mr. Shara smiled. Instantly, every woman within fifty feet turned his
way and looked him over a few times. Many were the irate boyfriends in
the park that day.
Humming slightly, Mr. Shara continued his stroll.
He had only gone a few steps before a sound reached his incredibly
perceptive ears. Breaking into a slow jog of about forty mph or so, easy
for someone of his innate power, he went around the corner and plunged
into a dark alley. There, a scene of perfidious evil assaulted his
senses.
He swept his sword from his sheath and slashed twice, using the
obscenely overpowered secret techniques of...of.... whatever the hell
his style was again. The ninety-seven foes he faced fell to the floor
immediately. It was a really crowded dark alley.
The single woman who would have been the victim of the heinous crime
plotted in the hearts of those evil men looked up and saw her rescuer.
She fell hopelessly, wildly, really, really improbably, and
disproportionately in love with him at first sight.
For his part, Mr. Shara looked around at the almost five score foes he
had just vanquished. There was only one thing he could say. "Damn, I'm
cool."
"Oh, my hero!"
"No problem ma'am. I could have taken them out like that." Mr. Shara
snapped, releasing a small energy blast skywards.
The woman just stared at him with worshipful adoration in her eyes. He
smiled back. A 747 fell on his head.
The 747 had, in addition to the considerable damage caused by its
rather forcible collision with the ground, a gaping hole in the cockpit.
There, a mysterious blast of green light had crashed, without warning,
through the plane's walls and destroyed several of the critical
computing systems.
From under a pile of debris, which mysteriously didn't injure anyone
else including the passengers on the plane, the word "Suck" could be
heard.
"Oh well, I guess he wasn't so great after all." And the woman walked
off.
***
The sun rose over Tokyo, as it was wont to do, and bathed the city in
light. The light passed Hino Rei, quietly humming as she swept the steps
of her shrine. It rolled through an open window and cascaded across
Tsukino Usagi, as she lay asleep in her bed. The warm illumination
pressed against the curtains that kept Kino Makoto's room cool and dark.
The sun's rays greeted Aino Minako as she yawned and staggered to the
window, wiping sleep from her eyes. It passed over a couple of tired
moon cats and the people that the Senshi fought to protect each day.
It was into the light that a figure pulled himself. He lifted his tired
body from the sea and collapsed on the pier, his considerable reserves
of energy depleted. As he panted, sucking bright breaths of air into his
lungs, his dark hair lay straggly about his face. He ignored it, more
concerned with rejuvenating himself.
After a moment, he pulled himself weekly to his feet. He was tall, well
over six and a half feet. His build resembled that of a martial artist,
very dense, well-defined muscle but none of the sheer bulk of a body
builder. The wet blue and gray uniform, which clung to his body, gave
some slight indication of where he had come from, but no one around
would recognize it.
"Hey. Buddy, are you alright?" One of the dockworkers came over to the
man who was leaning against a wooden post. It seemed that just remaining
vertical exhausted the huge man.
"Now." The immense intruder reached out and wrapped one giant palm
across the dock laborer's face. For a moment they both glowed bright
blue. Then the unfortunate victim slumped and fell to his face.
Everyone nearby scattered.
***
Tokyo is a city that never sleeps but bathes frequently. As opposed to
New York, the city which doesn't even know what a shower is, Tokyo was
one of the nicest places to breathe deeply. The frequent gardens, both
public and private, only help this situation.
Down at the harbor it was another story. There the ocean rose to meet
the shore, and the stench rose to meet everything. Illegally dumped
refuse mixed with motor oil, the combination merged with waste gasses,
and the run off from the industrial complexes gave all three a unique
tang. The air was singularly foul in places where the breezes were
blocked. Above the "Saint Frufru," international freelance freighter
carrying a load of poultry, the smell was incredibly fowl, but that's a
special case.
A huge amount of money and goods went through the Tokyo harbor every
day. Some of it was even legal. In dingy lit rooms, men toiled and
molded the future of the Japanese economy. They worked, sweating and
swearing, with no regard for the law or the Japanese Better Business
Bureau. These were cold and desperate men, willing to do anything to
make just a little more money.
The criminal element, on the other hand, was ensconced in well-lit
hotels and ate from silver platters. They knew better than to treat
themselves like animals.
It was in one particular subdivision that most people who dwelt in the
harbor area lived and worked. With easy access to the trains, docks, and
warehouses, it was a thriving section of the waterfront economy. This
day, men and women hustled around town, all busy with their respective
errands. The birds sailed through the repellent air and ships conducted
their business. Money changed hands, deals were struck, lives were
lived, and the Senshi were beaten to a pulp.
This was not of particular concern to those around them. The Senshi
were the forces of love and justice. They always won in the end.
Sometimes the road there was just rockier. Right?
On this particular day, the Senshi five were locked in combat against a
huge, pale man. He had finished replenishing his depleted reserves and
had quite a surplus when the Sailors had arrived upon the scene. As
such, he was tossing magic constantly, intent on ridding the world of
these irritating Senshi.
For their part, the Senshi were putting more effort into dodging and
surviving then counter attacks. They knew that in straight power they
couldn't stand against this new assailant, but Mercury had deduced that
he would run out of energy shortly. Not to say that they were not
throwing quite a bit of their own magic, though. They had simply so far
refrained from using any of the big guns.
***
In the room of the Great Scrying Glass, there was the Nemesian
equivalent of a Superbowl party. Seats were available, someone in the
back had set up a grill, the beer was plentiful, and two mid level
soldiers had been drafted into the position of announcers. The object
was, of course, the (much hoped for) death of the Senshi.
In the Glass, the battle between the Senshi and this Negaverse relic
was being shown. The glass was roughly forty feet in diameter so the
result was a bit more intense then the average wide screen TV. It showed
instant reply of when the Senshi took an exceptionally good hit or
dished out one of their own. It was the height of Nemesian culture.
***
"You're behaving like a petulant child."
"Maybe I am. But I do not want to speak with her."
"You were perfectly able to talk to her at some length when that Black
Moon machine was after them. As I recall, you spent almost half an hour
doing nothing but talking."
"That was different. Then she was a girl fighting for love and justice.
Now she's a politician. And considering the sacrifices she made on the
altar of politics and her duty, I have no desire to see her."
"Then speak to her before she became a politician. Learn to talk to her
when she was just a girl."
"How the hell am I going to do that? That was over a thousand years
ago."
His answer was a long, flat look.
"Oh yeah. That wouldn't be much of a problem to you, would it?"
"My job does allow me certain advantages. You won't be able to tell her
anything of the future, but you may just speak at some length."
"Fine. Fine. Fine. I'll go. I don't see why you're so dead set on me
doing this anyway."
"You'll understand in time."
***
Sailor Mercury ducked left as a black blast of energy passed over her
head. If it wasn't pure evil, it was the closest rendition she'd ever
seen.
To her right, Mars was pinned down with Moon behind a pile of I-beams.
To her left, Venus and Jupiter were trying to distract their opponent
with a series of magical blasts. It wasn't working.
Pearl was irate. He hadn't fed on human energy in twenty five thousand
years and on his first meal after that time he was interrupted. What was
worse, it was by the same Senshi that had imprisoned him for the first
twenty five thousand years. He had been brooding and holding a grudge
for a very long period of time. He felt a little pay back was called
for.
A Jupiter Thunder whatever glanced off his shield on his right, but he
ignored it. He was not to be dissuaded. The only way he was going to
beat these Senshi was eliminate them, one at a time. And he had his
sights set on Venus.
The second the dark Negacreep came over the top of the truck Venus was
hiding behind, she started running. He had previously screamed something
about avenging his ex-Queen Beryl, and for some reason, she felt he
might be testy with them. She leapt over a series of black blasts that
perforated the store behind her. Furious his target had dodged, he made
a highly offensive and anatomically uncomfortable suggestion. Yep, testy
was a definite possibility.
Venus ducked into an alley and started panting. Unfortunately, her
respite was cut short as her foe also entered the alley, his right hand
glowing profusely with black light.
"Now, you die Sailor Swine!"
"Did you just call me fat?" Venus screamed and kicked him in the head.
He flew backwards out of the alley and onto the street. "I'm dieting!"
Pearl yelled and climbed to his feet. "Oh, now you will pay, Sailor
Saddlebags."
Venus saw red. Screaming incoherently, she ran from the alley and leapt
at Pearl. {Author's Note: In an effort not to make the fic rated NC-28,
the following scene was omitted. All I can tell you is it involved a
parking meter, three goldfish bowls, four hypodermic needles, and poison
ivy vines. Yes, I know they're not indigenous to Tokyo. Don't ask, you
don't want to know.}
After a moment, the other Senshi approached Venus. She was standing in
a small crater, panting heavily. Before her was a fading trace of magic
Pearl had used when he had finally succeeded The Senshi slowly formed a
circled around her, slight nervous about whatever it had been that had
caused such a berserker fury.
"Are you all right?" Mercury asked.
"Am I fat?" She replied.
***
Meanwhile, in a different part of town, the doors of a small
convenience store were thrown open. A figure burst through and grabbed
the scrawny, pimple faced clerk by the collar. "Give me bandages,
aspirin, and all the Preparation H in the store!"