******************************************************
Notes: First of all, certain characters are going to
be a lot worse than mere jerks in this fic, it
skitters the edges of a dark fic in several places.
There is a side story that is DEFINITELY dark, but I
won't post that until it is no longer a spoiler.
And finally, the name "The Amazon and the
Moneylender" is not without meaning. This is a fic
leading towards a yuri pairing, anybody not interested
be warned.
*******************************************************
After the old troll had managed to lure the
persistent octopus into a series of tuna nets the
gigantic thing was slaughtered by the fishermen, who
were filled with a mixture of terror and avarice. From
there the beast was divided among the various boats
involved and chopped up for ease of transport. These
boats traveled back to their ports and sold this
recent catch to their various distributors and
restaurant contracts.
Most of the octopus ended up being heavily
processed and doused with any of a number of chemical
sterilizers. At least two pieces, however, reached a
restaurant in the Nerima district where they prided
themselves on the fact that they used no artificial
additives or preservatives. Upon getting the
appropriate order the cooks took those two pieces and
prepared them as necessary.
The head waiter personally, and very nervously,
carried the platters to the table that had ordered the
exotic meal. He set the plate down and bowed profusely
as he backed away from the table.
The man's presence was explained by the presence of
the one girl, a longtime customer. She looked about
eighteen or nineteen, but carried herself with a
satisfied and mildly amused aura. Her brown hair was
cut short, about neck height curling around in front
of her face a little. Her petite, slightly upturned,
nose hung over a mildly smirking mouth.
His nervousness, on the other hand, was easily
explained by the other girl's presence. The blue
haired Chinese girl was well known as being one of the
greatest sources of property damage, second only to
Ryouga Hibiki, that Nerima had ever encountered in all
its history. This girl was looking at her dinner
companion with a measure of suspicion and veiled fear.
"Shampoo do her part, now money-girl answer Shampoo
question!" the blue-haired girl demanded. The waiter
and everyone within hearing glanced nervously at the
infamously short-tempered amazon. They didn't want to
do anything even moderately insulting, fearing how
that might make the amazon react. Of course only a few
of them knew that the other girl was easily more
dangerous to annoy, for she was the secret mistress of
Nerima.
"On the condition that I set forth before," the
brown haired girl insisted as she plucked her first
piece of the giant octopus sushi special (for a
limited time only). Across from her, Shampoo was
irritably picking at her meal. She noted that the
Amazon was not taking the proper time necessary to
savor the exquisite taste of the dish. "You don't
expect me to harm my sister in any way," the brown
haired girl looked up for a moment to glare at the
amazon. All the amusement was gone as she spoke the
last two words. "Do you?"
"How Shampoo expect you to help win Airen if you
not help Shampoo get violent-girl out of way?"
"I don't care if you manage to win Ranma's heart or
not, consider it my method of testing his loyalty.
However, I'll not hurt my sister to help you do it,
understood?"
"Shampoo, understand," the amazon answered,
grudgingly. She had to admit that Nabiki was certainly
a formidable negotiator, and what she wouldn't give to
have that sort of effortless and dignified beauty.
"Good," Nabiki returned to her former good humor. A
genuine and sudden shift of mood, something she had
learned to control quite a long time ago. "Then go
ahead and ask your questions then."
"Aiya," Shampoo declared happily. Nabiki blinked,
and then recovered her manner. Shampoo was wonderfully
naive, it was amazing, Nabiki never considered the
possibility of a violent innocent before. "If
money-girl not help Shampoo with sister, then maybe
you help take spatula-girl out of picture?" The fact
that guys, guys who didn't know her violent
tendencies, and quite a few who did, turned their
heads as she arrived didn't make her any less
enviable.
"Hmm," Nabiki thought about this. "Ukyou, eh? Well
that could be interesting." Her eyebrows crimped and
she laughed quietly.
"What you mean?" Shampoo asked nervously.
"What do you know about matchmaking?" Nabiki asked
still laughing.
"Baka!" the insult was followed by a loud clanging
sound.
"What was that for!?!" came the boy's answering
shout.
"You were supposed to tell her all about your
undying love for her," the first speaker. She was a
girl about seventeen or eighteen, wielding a huge
spatula. Her hair hung down to her mid back and was
tied with a cute, white ribbon. "Not comment on her
ability as a martial artist."
"I'm sorry, Ukyou!" the boy shouted angrily. "I
just couldn't do it, there was....too much....risk."
The boy managed to combine depression, fury and
embarrassment into one indescribable emotion. He was
about Ukyou's age, but about a foot taller wearing a
yellow shirt and a black and yellow bandana.
"So you tell her that she 'really needs to practice
more!?!?!'" Ukyou demanded. "You're lucky that she
only hit once, Ryouga."
"At least she doesn't hit me with a giant spatula
every time I ask a question!"
*Clang*
"What was that? I couldn't hear what you said."
"You violent, uncute, chef!"
*Clang**Clang*
"What was that for!?!"
"What did you hit me for?!!?"
This was witnessed from the trees above by a very
reluctant and nervous Shampoo.
"Trust me," she remembered Nabiki saying. "They
really like each other, for all I know it might even
be love. Make her think your moving in on her
territory and she's bound to fight back."
"Hey, if spatula-girl get pig-boy, won't he stop
chasing money-girl sister?"
"I really doubt that my sister will ever notice
that patheticly shy boy," Nabiki assured her. "Either
way its one fiancee down, isn't it?" Nabiki raised an
eye-brow.
"But what make pig-boy like spatula-girl?"
"Oh, I'll handle that problem," Nabiki laughed.
Then later it was her great-grandmother.
"I'm not sure I trust this Nabiki," Cologne
cautioned her. "It could be that she too has designs
on the boy."
"Great-grandmother just upset I not go to you for
help this time," Shampoo insisted. "Money-girl only
care about money, and she very smart."
"And have you stopped to consider that she might be
trying to trick you into serving her own purposes?"
"Yes, Shampoo know she make much money if
spatula-girl dates pig-boy sooner than later."
"Oh, I see," Cologne nodded. "In that case, perhaps
she can be trusted."
Back in the trees Shampoo breathed in a large sigh
of relief as she cleared her mind of the flashbacks.
"Time Shampoo go to work," she almost sounded like
she was purring. Shampoo leaped down from her tree and
glomped onto Ryouga with a half-way plausible "Woda
Airen!" It didn't take long for Ukyou to recover from
the face-fault.
"Ryouga?" Ukyou began, far too calmly and sweetly
for Ryouga's liking. It reminded of the way Akane
sometimes talked to Ranma.
"Y-yes?" he asked, trying to turn to face the
okonomiyaki chef while trapped in Shampoo's
surprisingly strong arms. The amazon meanwhile was
smiling and and nuzzling her head against his chest.
"Tell me you didn't beat Shampoo in combat," Ukyou
said quietly. Then she started yelling. "AND YOU
BETTER DO IT QUICKLY!!!!!!!!!"
"I didn't! I didn't!" Ryouga declared. "I not know
what going on...er...I mean I don't
know....AAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
*Clang*
The Amazon stared in trepidation at the flattened
boy. If her deception was revealed, the two would be
more than willing to do that to her.
"Shampoo practicing in woods when something hit
back of head and Shampoo go night-night," the amazon
explained. "Shampoo wake up and here 'excuse me' as
new Airen walk away."
"I...did....n't...meeeaan it," Ryouga drawled out
as he struggled back to consciousness.
*Clang**Clang**Clang**Clang**Clang*
"You idiot!" Ukyou yelled. "After everything I'm
doing to help you win Akane's love, your off romancing
Shampoo as well! You...you...you...."
"Ukyou, I didn't do anything," Ryouga pleaded,
miraculously recovered after multiple spatula strikes.
"I must have just landed on her last time you orbit
kicked me!" Ukyou wasn't listening.
"Casanova!!!!!!!....You're just as bad as Ranma!"
The chef stomped away. "RYOUGA NO BAKA!!!!!!!!!"
Ryouga winced as Ukyou shouted those last words.
"Fine be that way!"
"Wo ai ni," Shampoo whispered, again glomped onto
Ryouga. Nabiki had stressed that it was necessary for
him to believe the deception as well.
"Get off me!" Ryouga yelled leaping up and away.
Before Shampoo could even make it look like she was
following he had extended his umbrella and was gliding
away on a wind current.
"Now money-girl's turn," Shampoo noted.
"What is this image of beauty I see before me?" the
pompous voice demanded. "This is not my lovely Akane
or the Pig-Tailed Goddess."
"What is it Kuno-Baby?" Nabiki asked feigning
annoyance. She looked at the picture he was inquiring
about. "Oh, that? Sorry, that's another customer's
merchandise, didn't mean to give it to you." Nabiki
casually reached out to retrieve the photo she had
"mistakenly" delivered to his hand.
"Nae, I shall keep this glorious image." He held in
his hand a picture of Ukyou cooking. "She is so
disciplined and focused, like the blade of a finely
wrought katana. Honed to a brilliant sharpness and
oneness of purpose. Yes, this woman is indeed a
wonderous example of human nature. Truly a prize worth
the winning." The would-be samurai ceased his rant for
a moment to again address Nabiki. "Tell me, fair
Nabiki, who is this beauty and where might I find
her?"
"Two thousand yen." Nabiki demanded. Kuno forked
over the cash unhesitantly.
"Now I demand you..." Nabiki held up a hand to
forestall his next spiel.
"Hold it Kuno-Baby," she told him. "That was for
the photo, the name will cost you five thousand yen,
and her home will cost you another eight thousand."
"Errrgghh!" Kuno growled. "You would demand my soul
itself if you could use it, woman." He handed over the
thirteen hundred yen. "Now what is her name and place
of residence?"
"Her name is Ukyou Kuonji," Nabiki told him. "She
lives with Ryouga at Ucchan's restaurant."
"Ryouga?" Kuno asked. "And who is this...Ryouga?"
Nabiki stopped to think for a moment.
"Four thousand yen."
"Damn it woman! Who is this person?!?!" Kuno
demanded as passed over more money.
"You know Ryouga," Nabiki told him. "He's that guy
with the umbrella Ranma is always fighting with."
"Ah yes, Ryouga Hibiki," Kuno said in sudden
realization. "I had thought that he was a man of honor
and discipline, but it appears that he is just another
sorcerer. Obviously he is the evil Saotome's former
apprentice come to overthrow his master and beginning
by enslaving this fair maiden with his vile magics. I
must go to rescue her at once!" The samurai leaped to
his feet and charged out of the diner.
"Whatever, Kuno-Baby," Nabiki said to the
disappearing dust trail. She smiled and thought back
to Shampoo's objections over dinner.
=====
"Caffeinated Kender? What's that, a berserk spell?" -
Tribble, Kender Warrior of the Celestial Kingdom
Signed
He of Too Many Names (Thrythlind/Thryth/Luke/Hyperbole/Pika/Pooka)
http://members.aol.com/thrythlind/snake.html
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