Okay, so far as I can work out, this is EVA set in WWII, right? Well, firstly, alternate histories are such an established genre that you really can't get away with inaccuracies, and any changes really do have to be fully illustrated, and the reasons for the change fully explained. Not that I found any inaccuracies or unexplained changes in this fic, I'm just issuing a friendly caveat for the future.

As for the fic itself, there's not really much there. What I mean to say is, not much happens. Kid arrives, kid gets on plane, maniac pilot (who darn well better be wearing a funky red flying jacket! :)) flies kid somewhere (sorry, maybe I missed something, but it wasn't clear where they were going), plane gets shot at, pilot lands plane, pilot and kid get out and run for it, then kid gets pushed. Rough summary all present and correct?

Maybe you need to make this first episode longer in order to fit more in. Also, more physical descriptions of stuff would be extremely useful to set the scene better, which is essential in the opening chapter of a fic that changes a story's setting.

I'm gonna reserve judgement on this until I see the next episode or a further revised (and preferably expanded) version of this one. Note that reserving judgement means just that, I'm not going to be premature! ^_^ Also, a web-page where we can get this episode and/or later ones would be good.
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