"Stardragon" <st002153@hrz1.hrz.tu-darmstadt.de> wrote:
Kuno showing up with a real katana was a bit too much though,
Kasumi frowned briefly as she gathered everything that had been broken
in the aborted wedding attempt. Someone could have really gotten hurt.
She must have a 'talk' to him soon.
talk to him, or a talk with him
Almost no one knew of her secret. Not even Nabiki. In the whole
neighbourhood, only Elder Cologne and Happosai knew of her secret and
then only because they had known what to look out for. They would never
betray her secret of course. Happosai feared her too much to even cop a
secret, of
So what if she abused her powers every once in a while just to
entertain herself. She has never been responsible for any injuries.
She had never (past tense)
To her surprise, it had worked. In a way. She had been studying
medicine and had decided to use the local chiropracticor as the test
chiropractor
She was a little disappointed that it had not worked out the way
it should have, but that had worked out even better. She never really
Try not to repeat a phrase if you can help it. ("worked out")
She enspelled the leader of the student body, one Tatewaki Kuno
Kuno, (comma)
Bidding farewell to her elemental friends, Kasumi now turned her
attention to the walls of the dojo. It would not do for the dojo to be
so drafty. People could catch colds training here in winter. Chanting,
she began to reshape the wood in the dojo. Drawing upon the spare wood
she had laid in the corner, she cover the holes caused by the blows of
covered
She had to admit. When she first learned of his curse, she had
admit, when
It had not been difficult to counter that though. Once she had
that, though.
calmed down and examined the problem, it was practically child's play.
Only little bits of chaos magic leaked from their curses when changing
forms. All she had to do was strengthen the existing spell matrixes a
matrices (I think)
Oh well, time to watch the fun, er.. see what Ranma has done
wrong again.
what Ranma had done (past tense)
Ok, this was inspired by all those Kasumi with a secret fics out
there. I hope this is an original idea.
The idea is interesting, but I think it could've been presented better.
IMO, rather than have Kasumi explain everything to the readers, it
would've been better to show an incident where she actually uses these
powers in action, filling in the background as you go.
Also, using her as an explanation for the events of the series is fine,
but don't go overboard. Surely *some* of the things that happened in the
manga were caused by the other characters. :)
All in all, a pretty good attempt, and I wish you good luck with any
future writing.
Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html