Ryoga P Hibiki wrote:
On Thu, 30 Mar 2000 00:07:25 -0500 "matthew lewis"
<mal@bulldog.georgetown.edu> writes:
"Ranma Saotome, I hereby challenge you to a battle of
honor, your
cowardly ways shall come to light as my mighty and swift justice
comes
upon you. Meet me tomorrow on the field of battle as I show you the
might
of a true samurai of noble blood. I shall meet your challenge with
steel
and a noble heart. Come prepared. Yours truly, Tatewaki Kuno, the
True
Battosai of Furinkan High."
Honestly, I don't think that Kuno would take another's
nickname. He's always been to arrogant to do it. It would be like
a ball
player calling himself the sultan of swat 2. He'd probably call
himself a
hitokiri (sp?) instead.
I doubt that Kuno would call himself a hitokiri, since the term
literally means "man slayer" or, more succinctly, "assassin," and, as
Ranma pointed out, Kuno has never taken a life. It's more logical that
Kuno calls himself Battousai, even though his style doesn't warrent that
either. In RK, Kenshin earned the nickname "Battousai" because of his
method of killing, Battou-jutsu. Battou - an instant sword draw. Jutsu
- technique.
<snip>
know my way around a battle such as this," replied Ranma simply.
"What's
with this Battosai thing anyway?"
Akane gasped in shock and looked at the boy oddly. "You
killed during
the war?"
"That is what one does in a war Akane, I have a lot of
blood on my
hands," replied the boy simply.
This, along with Ranma's later speech about cowardice, his
actually dueling, and the way he talks about not killing again tend
to
convey the impression that Ranma's oath was taken more out of
vainglory or
a sense he ought to do that than out of regret. He doesn't display
any
regret or much maturity about it. Remember, Kenshin has conceded
fights
before they started and was willing to be arrested or killed rather
than
fight (at least until Kyoto). Ranma lacks that sense his life isn't
worth
saving or the need for redemption. Of course, this may be what you
want to
do. Ranma's growth to understanding what he has done and why he
would want
to keep his oath would be a good thread through the story.
Ranma does have his own reasons for making the oath. I haven't gone into
them yet though. As for conceding fights, you have to Remeber that this
is Ranma we're talking about here after all. He's a lot more mature, and
most of his personality is Kenshin now; but he's still Ranma deep down.
I'm still learning to write Kenshin, so when I hit a place I'm uncertain
about I fall back on Ranma's personality. This coupled with the fact that
I'm using the Characters from Ranma 1/2 helps things along. Most of the
really drastic changes that will make this more Kenshin esque haven't
happened/been explained yet.
This is part of what makes this story a bit difficult to read. It's
apparent that you haven't really decided what parts of Ranma's character
are Ranma, and what parts are Kenshin. A melding of the two is
incredibly difficult, since the two characters are almost diametrically
oppoisite in their personalities -- where Ranma's arrogance knows no
bounds, Kenshin's humility knows no bounds. Where Ranma can never back
down from a challenge, Kenshin does everything he can to avoid
confrontations. This becomes a problem for me as a reader, when it
seems that Ranma mostly has Kenshin's personality, but then suddenly
makes some really arrogant remark, like when he goes to face Kuno for
the duel. The sudden switch to Ranma's personality is jarring.
I think this problem could be fixed if you really worked out all of this
fusion-Ranma's personality aspects, and the reasons behind them, then
went back through these first three chapters and gave us readers more of
a clue as to what was going on, and why Ranma is the way he is, rather
than saying "wait and see." Personally, I can only "wait and see" to
the extent that I believe in the character in the first place. The fact
that you hit a place that you're uncertain about, and then just fall
back on Ranma's personality says that you aren't too sure of his
characterization and motivations yourself. Once you are, I'm sure
you'll find writing his character much easier, and it will also make it
more enjoyable for the readers. As it stands, this Ranma is less of a
fusion, and more like a split-personality. ^^; I find that, as I read,
I keep thinking, "Oh, there's Ranma," and "Oh, there's Kenshin."
Actually, I admire the fact that you're attempting this fusion in the
first place, simply because of how inherently difficult it is to pull
off well. I would never try this. ;)
<snip>
You know, Ranma reminds of Saitoh more than Kenshin. He's
got the
attitude and willingness to pound his superiority into those that
don't
listen. Except Saitoh has that maturity and acceptance of his path.
This Ranma is more like Saitou, simply because of his arrogance.
However, I would say that the difference between Kenshin and Saitou was
not "maturity," but rather that Saitou was content to live with his
inner-darkness, while Kenshin constantly fought to rise above it. Now,
Saitou may be an uber-cool bad-ass, with his Aku Soku Zan philosophy,
but it is my opinion that Kenshin's desire to overcome his
inner-darkness was a far more noble and difficult struggle than any
physical battle in the series. The most powerful and life-altering
battles are fought within the quiet confines of the soul.
Quite simply, in this fic, Ranma lacks this. So I agree with Matt here,
in that this Ranma is more like Saitou than Kenshin.
Really? I always thought of Saitou as more like Taro than anyone else.
[Hint hint]
That's true enough. But now I wonder where the real conflict between
Saitou-Taro and Kenshin-Ranma is going to be. Sure, Saitou and Kenshin
fought some really cool duels, but the *real* battle between Saitou and
Kenshin was that Saitou was trying to get Kenshin to accept his killing
nature, like he had, and Kenshin fought against him (and himself) every
step of the way, and ultimately succeeded. With Ranma's arrogance
matching Taro's, I don't see how this could work, other than
superficially.
<snip>
"Ohmygod! He killed Kuno!" screeched Nabiki.
"You bastard," said Kasumi sweetly. Everyone looked at her
and she
blushed.
This made me smile.
I've always wanted to use this line.
Waaay OOC... but yeah, it made me laugh. ^^
<snip>
Not too bad. Ranma doesn't come as too likeable, but we're
still
setting things up. I look forward to seeing more
Orooro? Ranma, not likable?
I think he meant that Ranma isn't very likable for the reader. (Correct
me if I'm wrong, Matt.) And again, I think this is because you need to
work a bit more on figuring out his character, because your own
uncertainty shows, and is quite distracting. With some more research
and rewrites, I think you could fix this, though.
A minor nitpick: You're getting better with your use of "oro," but I
think you're overusing it a bit. It seems like whenever Ranma is having
a discussion with the Tendos, he uses it every other sentence. Not even
Kenshin says "oro" that much. ;)
--Krista