Scenes From An Elevator:
An Idiotic Utena Spamfic
By: Dreiser
EPISODE... WELL, THIS ISN'T AN EPISODE:
SCENE: Arisugawa Juri's newly built headquarters. She is sitting
behind a large desk looking elegant as always. Several hundred
girls wander around the room, all adoring Juri in their own special
way. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background.
JURI: (Looks around.) What's going on?
AUTHOR: (Coughs.) I dunno, Juri-sama.
JURI: (Scowls.) What do you mean, 'dunno'? You're the author of
this stupid spamfic! You have to know!
AUTHOR: (Looks sheepish.) Yeah, well. I dunno. All I can offer
you is my one cent opinion about this.
JURI: (Dry tones.) Don't you mean two cents?
AUTHOR: (More sheepish.) I don't have that much money on me.
JURI: (Groans.) You really are pathetic!
(Suddenly Takatsuki Shiori enters the office and it reeks heavily of
CK1, the fragrance of Satan.)
SHIORI: (Ducking her eyes. Says very quietly. Too
quietly for someone this evil.) Uhm... Juri-sama... you know those
papers you gave me? The ones that had the list of all the Anime
lesbians you wanted at your meeting?
JURI: (Eyes narrow.) Yes... what about them?
SHIORI: (Keeps ducking her eyes.) Yeah, well... they've
sort of been destroyed.
JURI: (Erupts. Jumps to her feet.) Destroyed?! But how?!
SHIORI: (Scuffs her foot on the floor.) I was spraying myself with
more CK1 and... well... I accidentally hit the papers. (She holds
up the papers which are drenched with
so much CK1 that they're probably toxic. She looks at Juri
nervously.) Sorry?
JURI: (Twitches. Says slowly.) Get... out... now...
SHIORI: (Eyes widen.) But, Juri-sama--
JURI: (Twitches more.) OUT!!
(Shiori's eyes widen even more and she dashes out of the office as
quickly as her legs can go.)
JURI: (Sinks slowly into her seat.) Damn... damn... and damn
some more. What am I going to do now? I can't remember all
those names and I don't think Haruka will let me borrow her not
so little black book again.
AUTHOR: (Helpful tones.) Well, why don't we ask for help?
JURI: (Scowls.) Help? From who, exactly?
AUTHOR: (Thinks. Yes, I can think.) Well... why not ask for help
from the people on this mailing list? They could reply to this and
make your list even larger and more ridiculous by suggesting every
single Anime lesbian in existence to show up at the big conference
that you have planned, Juri-sama.
JURI: (Ponders this.) Hmm... you know, that's not such a bad
idea. (Frowns.) How did you come up with it?
AUTHOR: (Sounds puzzled.) I'm not sure.
JURI: (Stands up and looks particularly sexy.) Okay then! All of
you otaku have your mission! Reply to this message and help me
make a list of every lesbian, would be lesbian, and slutty or not so
slutty bisexual girl in Anime existence! The almighty and damn cool
Arisugawa Juri has spoken!
AUTHOR: (Breaks out clapping.) Yay, Juri-sama!
JURI: (Scowls.) Be quiet.
AUTHOR: (Hushed tones.) Yes, Juri-sama.
JURI: (Sits down. Sighs.) Why me?
Yeah... so... help me! Help Juri-sama! Just help!
JURI: (Snickers.) Help pay her brain medicine.
What? Juri-sama you shouldn't be able to hear me now.
JURI: (Snorts.) Yeah, well. I can. Because I'm cool.
Ah. Yes... well. Okay. This letter is over with now.
JURI: (Snickers again.) Riiiiight...
Stop making fun of me!
JURI: (Sighs.) All right, all right.
(Juri then forms a lazy smile and looks very sexy again as she
snaps her fingers and the thread fades to black.)
To be continued... (In the regular spamfic series.)
All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a
nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when
extremely bored. I'll continue to write this series when I'm
extremely bored because sometimes I just feel like being silly. In
other words don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun.
Send your Anime lesbian list suggestions to:
Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com
I promise they'll reach Juri-sama!
JURI: (Snorts.) Yeah, right.
Juri Rules All
Sailor Moon music
is damn addictive
Kuno smotes well
-Quotes from me-