Subject: [FFML] [selfinputcrappyC&CRanmablablaba] Oh Ranma Megamee saaaaaamaa!..
From: "Mass Dahn" <mass_dahn@hotmail.com>
Date: 3/30/2000, 12:42 PM
To: ffml@fanfic.com

Skuld, Norn and Goddess of the Future, was home. The other was a
mystery; greenish complexion, bulging blue eyes, and bright
red hair. Who was this person?

PASSERBY:  THAT's the Goddess of Sex?
FANBOY:  Oh, yes!  [drool]
PASSERBY:  I meant the redhead.
FANBOY:  Ew!


Actually I've always thought Ranma-chan looks really sexy..


Skuld and her companion floated away from
the fountain and landed gently on the gray flagstones. The
companion
fell to her knees, shaking. After a moment, she bent over
further
and kissed the ground... many, many times.

RANMA-SAMA:  Oh, YESsss!  [writhe] [moan]


o_O


A cloaked figure pushes soem digits and it apears in an uncute room..


Akane ran through the house, upstairs, and then into her room.
She shut the door, the broken lock rattling, and threw herself on
her
The door squeaked open, and Nabiki stepped into the room,
shutting
the door behind her. <Need to have someone fix that,> Nabiki
thought.
The elder Tendou nodded and held out her hand. "2000 yen."
"NABIKI!! Don't you DARE!"

Nabiki cooly looked at her sister through half-lidded eyes.
"Oh? Why
not?"

Akane sputtered, turning red. "Because... because..."

"Because *you* want him? Hmmm?"
"Grrr!" Akane stomped over to her purse and extracted the
requested
amount, slapping the bills into her sister's outstretched
palm.
"Now, what's so important that you have to charge your own
sister for it?!"

Akane lowered her head and studied her upturned palms. "I..."
she
whispered. "I... want... um, I... want--"

"Ranma."

Akane jerked, but after a moment, she nodded. She looked up at
Nabiki with a haunted expression that made the other flinch.
*SIGH* "Well, if you *must* have him, though I have *no* idea
what
you see in him, then *take* him."
"Little sister, you no longer have the luxury of denying what
you
feel or what you want. Things... the *weirdness* that follows
Ranma
around has just put him out of the reach of family honor. Now,
he...
she can leave whenever she wants!
"How... do I, er, 'take' him."

The trademark Tendou Nabiki smile flashed across her face.
"Simple.
Extremely simple. Tell him you love him. No denials, no
waffling."

Akane just stared, fear evident in her wide eyes. "What...
what if
he doesn't love *me*?" Tears began to gather in the corners of
her
eyes, and she sniffled twice. Nabiki rolled her eyes.
"Fine, Akane," Nabiki sniffed. "Play into Ukyou's or Shampoo's
hands. I'm sure they'll thank you for it." She tossed her
hands
melodramatically. "Sheesh! Why do I even bother?"
"Why ARE you bothering?" Akane asked suspiciously. "Isn't this
going
to ruin your 'business'?"

Nothing was said for several moments as Nabiki stared out the
window. She eventually began to smile fondly. "It's been a fun
ride, ne?"
"We've met goddesses and seen demons," Nabiki said distantly.
"The implications are obvious." > Nabiki pursed her lips and looked at her little sister
speculatively. "Declare your love and then demonstrate it with
the 'act'."
Akane fidgeted, afraid of what her sister was suggesting.
"Errr...
what act?" She tried to feign innocence and failed before
Nabiki's perceptive might.

I can't think of a better suggestion, but "perceptive might"
sounds weird.  How much does power have to do with perception?


*Steps out od shadows* Finaly this was what I was waiting for..
you want to write "clear perspective" there..


Nabiki, however, allowed it to stand. She sighed. "Make love
to him,
Akane. Show him what you're telling him. Seal it. Make the
commitment between the two of you. I think that Ranma's the
kind of
person that would, after such a thing, stay loyal unto death."

AKANE:  And since he's probably immortal now...  Sweeto!

"Ranma was likely to keep his curse for the rest of his life.
You can't tell me that you two wouldn't have eventually played
around with his girl form.

Well I have.. *pushes some digits on a small holocomputer and the scene changes*


Kuonji Ukyou sat in front of her grill, twirling back and
forth on one of the stools and frowning.
The morning had passed without a sign . She conveniently
ignored her part in the failed wedding, some three
weeks previous, and was sure her Ranchan wouldn't let that
keep him from her... okonomiyaki.

[insert gratuitous "sauce" comments here.]

UKYO:  Sugar, *that's* not what I want inserted...


WHAT! thats it this show is supposed to be P-rated!
*shoves Ukyo down a a garbage can*


The last sentence is somewhat disjointed; the first part doesn't
fit with the second.
suggest:  "...some three ways previous, and was sure Rancan had,
too.  Anyway, she was sure that wouldn't..."


*peers at the odd person flapping his gumms*
Oh yah. thats nice.. no listen Ranchan is not a real word but what Ukyo calls Ranma .. like honey fore example.. its the way Ukyo is talking in the fanfics..


Ukyou rolled her eyes. <Oh, just
great!
Look who's back in town. *SIGH* Can't let him get run over,
now can
I? Probably hurt someone's car...>
"Ryouga, you jackass! Are you *tryin'* to get run over?!"

...said the girl standing in the middle of the road,
staring at a pig, instead of oncoming traffic.  ;)

Startled, Ryouga squealed and looked fearfully up at the woman
towering over him. He relaxed when he recognized Ukyou's face.
His thoughts were cut off as Ukyou picked him up by his
bandanna.
"C'mon, piglet. There's an okonomiyaki with your name on it
waitin'."
Misunderstanding her intent, Ryouga began to struggle and
squeal.

Ukyou came back with a kettle. "I usually keep this for
Ranchan, but since... Oh, never mind." She poured the steaming
water over the piglet's head.

RYOUGA: Got some sugar?

Ukyou chuckled. "Sure, Sugar." She reached behind the grill
and retrieved an apron, throwing it at him.
"Um..." He opened the apron and held it over his torso. "Got
anything more, er, complete?"
Ukyou returned momentarily with an okonomiyaki-seller's
outfit,consisting of the traditional shirt and a pair of
black tights.
Ryouga looked at the garments dubiously.
"It's either that or a kimono or three. What'll it be,
handsome?

RYOGA:  Your clothes.  Give them to me.
UKYO:  Wh- What?
RYOGA:  Your boy's uniform.
UKYO:  Oh.

OHNO... not a Terminator refference!

*flicks a finger and sends the odd C&C 'r to his death*

Damnit *watches as the scene changes again*


"Pretty lady, come try the wine..." "Mistress, the grapes are
in
season..." "Roast boar is the only..." "You are so
beautiful..."
"You have no idea how boring it is..." "Seeing the same old
faces..." "Millennia in, millennia out..."

The hell am I know? *looks around*

Oh Nirvana..


Off to the side, Urd mumbled to herself as she neared the
halfway
point in completing the gate. "Juuust great. *He* would have
to show
up. King of Gods, my rear end. King of Philanderers, more like
it..."

DANAE:  How can she say such a thing?
CALLISTO:  Awfully judgemental of her.
SEMELE:   I bet she's just jealous.
GANYMEDE:  The tramp.
IO:  She wishes she were as lucky as Zeusie
LEDA:  Or as I like to call him, Jupiter...

"WHAT RARE AND FAIR FOREIGN FLOWER HATH ASCENDED TO GRACE THE
HALLS
OF MIGHTY OLYMPUS? BUT HOLD! 'TIS NO SPIRIT, BUT MORTAL
WOMAN!"
BY WHAT NAME ARE THEE CALLED?" <Yea, she will do fine.>

"No-No-Nodoka."

"'TIS A PASSING STRANGE NAME, BUT IT SUITS THEE WELL. NOW, DEAREST NODAKO--"

"Anou, i-i-it's Nodoka."

"QUITE, QUITE. NOW, DEAREST NAKOKO--"

"Nodoka," repeated the slightly annoyed woman.
To the Saotome matriarch's surprise, Zeus bent forward and
whispered
in her ear. Over the course of the next twenty seconds, Nodoka
turned pink, then red, then purple. She jerked back.

"Sir! I am a married woman!"

NODOKA:  And faithful to my loving husband.  YES, I mean Genma!

Hera had grabbed Zeus' beard and was dragging him off.
A flash of light, and they vanished.
The spectating gods and goddesses shrugged
for lost opportunity, and in a series of flashes, they
vanished as
well, back to wherever they had come from and to whatever
they had been doing, boring or otherwise.
The enormous structure was once again devoid of life... or was
it?
The ghost of a Greek man appeared, a woman draped on his arm.
"You're NOT my mother, I don't care what you say! I would
NEVER
marry my mother!"

The woman sighed, kissed him on the cheek, and gave up.
"As you say..."

*spots the undead* thats it! TO HADES WITH YAH! *opens a whole in the ground and kicks them down*


Ranma felt the hairs rise on the back of her neck,
and she looked over at Skuld.
Skuld nodded once and said, "Something's coming
through the gate."


*walks out of the gate* Oh look if it isnt the gurl club..

Urd: .......

Ah not to worry I will graceyou with my presence cause I
see that you sluts are in great need of a real Devil..


Urd snorted. "Anyway! I want to stop by my digs for a
minute or two."
The trio walked off to catch up with Skuld. "It's been
more than a little while since I've been allowed, errr,
been back."
With her arm still pointing, she chuckled at the blinking
Ranma.
"Never mind," she lowered her arm, "you'll get used to it.
Just
wait; you'll have to study about all this sooner or later, if
you
want to get your classification."

"What?!" Ranma screeched, despair echoing in the question.
"*More*
school?!"

HORDE OF GODS:  Ranko-sama!  Go out with us!!!
RANMA-SAMA:  Every stinking morning...

"We're not going to take the dime tour; it would probably take
the
rest of Nodoka-san's life to finish it." She punched the 'UP'
button
at the elevator bank, and they waited.

NODOKA:  Thank you for pointing out of how my son is now an
  immortal goddess, while I'll grow old, whither, and die.

Actually, I don't think there's any evidence that the goddesses
are imortal.  They appear to actually be twenty-something.

URD:  Except for you, squirt.
SKULD:   [pout]

*hands Skuld a lollipop*

"Uh, yeah." Ranma sweatdropped. "you are quite the devil,
aren't you, a-heh."
Urd's 'digs', as it turned out, consisted of an elaborate
boudoir
with little brothelesque touches here and there.

"Brothelesque"?  ^_^;;;

RANMA-SAMA:  Forget it.  I can already see where this is going,
  and I am SO outta here!
Ranma shivered at her sensei's display of bodily charms.
<Remind me never to get her interested in me. Gah!>

URD:  Now how are you ever going to learn if you dont--
RANMA-SAMA:   [sigh]

"You *really* must try the bed! It's just delicious!"
It must be noted that Urd had been away for some time, and the
instinct our feet have for guiding us safely through familiar
rooms, therefore, there was little surprise that she had
forgotten about the red pillows lying about the foot of the bed,
in spite of the painful clashing they caused with the majority of
the furnishings. And Urd was *not* a tidy person to begin with.
Urd smiled and gazed at Ranma through half-lidded eyes.
She opened her legs, wrapped them around Ranma's hips,
and locked the ankles behind her buttocks,
her inner heel digging in slightly.

"EEP!" That was Ranma, by the way.


*takes out a video camera* work with the camera Gurls!


Sweating, the trainee goddess experienced one of life's
little visceral epiphanies when she realized that she was
utterly and completely trapped. No matter how she might move,
she intuitively knew that some highly specific,
provocative part of her or Urd's body would
be rubbing against some highly specific,
provocative part of the other's body, creating
all manner of interesting (and provocative) sensations.

Ranma is a professional at handling glomps.
He knows what he's doing.

Ranma briefly considered employing the little-known variant
of the Saotome Secret Technique of Tactical Retreat,
which utilized a
voluntary release of consciousness, but the necessary
concentration
for the technique was shattered as Urd began to wriggle
underneath
her in a very distracting fashion.

RANMA-SAMA:  Augh!  I feel like I'm covered with wriggling
worms!


*looks on* yeah.. not so strange considering you are.. now,
Ranma sweetie could you please throw your hair ..
yeah thats the way .. hahaha

"OOOOHO-HO-HO-HOOOOO!!"

In spite of the pain, Ranma cringed at the Kodachi-esque
laughter.

Urd smiled. She *had* gotten a *little* excited by that,
though. She
felt a tap on her shoulder and turned her head to see Skuld.
Skuld
put something in her lap and walked away, quickly. Urd looked
down
at a metal sphere. A second later, she realized what it was.

Divine retribution?  ;)

When the smoke cleared, the non-bombed occupants of the room
saw a
soot-covered Urd sitting on the now-dingy bed,
"If that wasn't a big enough 'thrill', I've got more," she
said
sarcastically and jumped back as Urd tried to grab her.
Urd stood and held her hands in front of her as if she were
holding
a large ball. And directly a ball did appear, one composed
of pure mana.
Skuld backed a little further away and pulled out two
more bombs.

And in a burst of competitive spirit, Ranma-sama felt
compelled to expose some dargerous orbs of her own...


O_O!

Nodoka looked down at her daughter in surprise. "Oneechan?"

Ranma weakly smiled back, the lines of her closed eyes
making little arches,

Over one hundred million served.

and multiple-sweatdropped. The impending conflagration
reclaimed their attention as the two Norns made ready to
attack.
"We ARE here for a REASON, aren't we?" she said in iron tones.

URD:  Reason has nothing to do with this...

The Norns looked back at each other, and Urd narrowed her
eyes. "I OWE you for that one, Runt."


*sees Skuld pouting* arrgh I cant stand this!
*throws Pok�ball and cathes her*
hahaha small gurls make the best Pok�mon!


"Now," Urd sniffed, "you're going to have to wait while *I*
take a
bath." She spun around and stalked off into the recesses of
the
room, disappearing from view.

"Ranma," he whispered, "I'll get you for this. Send *me* to a
place
that won't let me have my Darlings, will you? Grrr!"

Happosai turns around wathing a few demons run away at the sight
of him..

Happosai: oh well .. I needed a vacation anyway.

Happosai sees a young demoness whip some humans

Happosai: SWEETOO!!

and then Happosai got his ass kicked out of hell for the 12'th time..


"AAAAACHOOOOOIIIII!!"
"Goodness, Ranma-chan, are you coming down with a cold?"
Nodoka asked.

"Don't think so..." Ranma rubbed the back of her hand
against her nose.
Nodoka swatted her lightly with a handkerchief she'd pulled
from her�kimono.
"As long as you're stuck as a girl, behave like a lady."
She offered the hanky.

RANMA:  Why would I behave like a lady?  Shouldn't I be acting
like the Goddess of Sex?  Worpship me!  Play with yourself!

The group moved out of the more heavily populated areas and
neared a small hill.
Set into the side of the hill, they noticed asthey approached,
was a massive set of iron-bound, oaken doors,
each door easily five meters high and two across and weathered
with the ages.
Fortunately, one was ajar; Ranma didn't relish the thought of
trying to pry them open.
They slipped through the open door and descended a wide and
high earthen tunnel.
After about ten meters, the tunnel opened up into a cage, >constructed of thick iron bars framed by heavy oakbeams.
A Valkyrie sat behind a teller window, typing on a holocomputer.
One
knew she was a Valkyrie only by the helmet with a horsehair
tail
that she wore, a winged horse embossed into the metal.
Otherwise,
she was dressed in utilitarian coveralls overlaid with a
leather
apron. Her golden-blonde hair was braided and hung loosely
over the
back of the chair in which she was sitting. Light-grey eyes
concentrated on the screen in front of her. She was quite
lovely, but carried an air of tomboyishness.
Urd snorted. "Face it, girlfriend. You're doomed to spend
eternity
polishing weapons."
Both women roared in laughter, then Svava tossed her head at
Nodoka and Ranma.
"Are you gonna introduce me or what? It gets *lonely* down here."

Svava eyed her up and down a couple of times. "Aye, Red,
you're
built for it, I'll say that for sure."

Widest hips in Japan...  ^_^
[seen wider]  WHAT! *rips of the C&C' rs head*
Damn theese people keep popping up all over the place!

Ranma didn't know whether to be angry or highly embarrassed.
She chose embarrassed, but bowed to Svava anyway.
"Very nice ta meet'cha."
"Yeah. Ranma ascended yesterday afternoon, er, Midgard's
yesterday, that is."
"Let's see now..."
Svava tapped on her computer a few times. "Hmmm, don't have her. I
have a Saotome 'Ranko'."

"That's me," Ranma piped up. "Ranko's a mistake."
"Okay, but you'll have to sign off on her, Urd. Can't just let
any
old Goddess of Sex in here," Svava snickered.
They passed through an oak arch. "Here we have maces and
clubs.
Anything you could want to pound your opponent into a bloody
stew."
Next corridor: "Shields."

DARIEN:  Hi!

Then: "Armor." "Bows." And so on.

SVAVA:  "Lace."  "Ribbons..."

Ranma scanned the various items on display till
something caught her eye.
"Ha!" she barked and bounded over to one particular
object.
She hefted it and swung the broad end several times,
slicing through the air.

"Aye, now there's an odd one. You know it?"

"Sure! It's one of Ucchan's battle spatulas!"
"She still alive?" Svava asked.

"Of course!" Ranma said, mildly disturbed by the thought of
her
childhood friend pushing up daisies.
She looked up into her mother's eyes. "She still doesn't know,
ya know?
About me bein' a goddess and all. It's gonna break her heart."

*watches the galls check some nice 'toys'*

"You have a good eye, Nodoka-san." Svava walked up and
rejoined
them, and both women turned to her. "Yes, indeed. That's a
fine one.
I think her original and only owner would be pleased to know a
kindred spirit might get some use out of it."
"Oh?" Nodoka asked, intrigued. "Who was that?"

"Amaterasu Oumikami."

Nodoka gasped and almost dropped the blade. Ranma's eyes
bulged and
she presented warding signs.

Okay.  I've been a good boy and not made any comments about all
the Japanese.  However, you can't just drop in Amaterasu's name
and expect it to mean anything to your readers, anymore than I'd
expect someone to know who Avalokiteshvara is.

Please add a "G- Goddess of the Sun!?" or somesuch after the
gasping and bulging.

*turns slowly around* thought I got ridd of you..

C&C'r : can't get ridd of a good plague!

*rips the C&C 'r to shreds*  perhaps..
hmm besides I know who Amaretsu is so its obviouse that other
more inteligent people should.. *strolls away from the bloody
pulp wondering how I ended up insulting myself*


Ranma nodded in acknowledgment as Nodoka slid the katana
back into its scabbard and held it out.
Ranma put her hands out, then jerked back at the last minute. <Amaterasu! Oh, boy...>
Gathering her courage, she quickly reached out and snatched
the sheathed blade, squinching her eyes shut.
When nothing happened, she opened one eye and peeked down.

"No, no. You have to *draw* it, child," Svava said.

RANMA-SAMA:  I'll need some paper and crayons...
"So what can it do?" Ranma asked, as she put the katana
through her own unrestricted version of kenjutsu forms.

"Do?" Svava echoed, a little confused by the question.
"Well... it *cuts*!"

SVAVA:  Your vegetables will never be sliced as evenly!

Ranma started to face-fault, then she remembered the sharp
object in
her hands. "No, no. I mean, does it have any special magical
attacks or anything?"

SVAVA:  It can cleave your enemies, and yet it's still
sharp enough to cut this ripe tomato!

*coughs while I'm talking behing my knuckle*
Oh, and don't forgett what it can do when you put batteries in it.

SVAVA: oh, my...  <gotta remember to lock my door>

Svava rubbed her chin in a masculine fashion. "Well, Red, it
looks like the blade's yours. Now, put it away and come with me.
Since you've identified one mystery weapon for me today, maybe you
can identify another."

SOULEDGE: ...... <chu?>

Ranma sheathed the sword, picked up Ukyou's lost spatula, and
followed behind the Valkyrie. Nodoka was, again, a little out
of it for having handled Amaterasu's katana, but Urd slowly drew
her mind away from it with small talk.

URD:  So, does Genma saistfy you as a woman?

Svava led them through three more corridors,
and then she started to angle off into a narrow
hall that appeared on their left.
For no apparent reason, Ranma missed the turn
and kept going through more corridors.
Her eyes started to slowly unfocus, and she
unconsciously shivered at the cooling air.
"No, no," Svava soothed. "It's not your fault.
They were calling to you."
She started guiding her guests back up the aisle.

EVIL SWORD:  Hey, baby, you wanna "sheathe" me?

*looks at SOULEDGE*

THATS IT! *Throws the sword out of heaven*

GO EAT SOME SPIRITS OR SOMETHING!

The group reached the narrow hallway that was their turnoff.
The hallway descended at a steady angle and, after a minute,
opened out into a gigantic, cavernous space.
Boxes and crates were stacked everywhere alongside assorted
piles of this and that. Not too farfrom where they had come out, Svava stopped them in front of afour-meter high pile
covered with a tarp.
Ranma, fully recovered from the prior weirdness,
looked at it curiously.
Urd grimaced. "Ha ha." She then sighed.
"All right. Be back in a minute."
Urd rose into the air and zoomed back up the passageway.
Ranma looked up, the oval of a toilet seat dangling from her
elbow.
Well, anyway, what do you think, Red?"
Svava let Ranma take the spatula.

RANMA-SAMA: Think?... sorry I don't follow you..


"Sensei?"

Urd looked aside to her protege. "Yeah?"

Ranma fidgeted for a moment, then said, "I need ta talk to ya
about somethin'."

"Sure. What's on your mind?"

RANMA-SAMA: NOthing.. err I mean, do you ever feel...
...Not-so-goddesslike?

"Yeah, I'll have sake-- no, better make that a coffee, black.
An iced mocha for the lady and a double of the same for the
redhead."
"Got it. Be right up," the cherub wheezed and then buzzed
away, its little wings flapping furiously.

"WHAT was THAT?" Ranma hissed at Urd.

"Eh? You've never seen a cherub before?

RANMA-SAMA: Sure I have gots lots of them stuffed..
No, I was wondering what it was you had in your face?

URD: Oh, this?

RANMA-SAMA: yeah! what is that thing!

URD: err well its my nose..

RANMA-SAMA: so that is what you call it..


"My guess," Urd continued, "is that your basic personality and
tastes won't change <much>--"

<"RANMA NO BAKA!"> echoed through the new goddess' mind and she winced.

"--but whatever was keeping your female side behind bars
is probably steadily disintegrating."

Urd observed the Saotome matriarch appraisingly. <She's either
going to be a big help or a lot of trouble. I wish I knew which.>
She decided to save her student from an imminent meltdown.
Urd nodded, smiled, and said, "Unless we make Akane a man, and
then..." She paused in thought.

Flee, Akane, flee!

*CLONK!* "OW!! Darn table... Senseeei, don't you even
THINK about it!" Ranma barked at Urd's legs.

She says that now, Akane, but I bet her tune changes
in a few more parts.  Run now, while you can!

The Norn grinned insanely. "YES! I AM the Cupid of Love!!
OOOH-HO-HO-HOOOOO!!!"

RANMA-SAMA:  As the "Cupid" of Love, doesn't that
mean you work for the Goddess of Love?
URD:  Ah...
Nothing was said, as the car seemed to follow a mildly
convoluted path upwards,
if Ranma was any judge of aerial direction changes.
The music of a string quartet drifted out of the overhead
speakers,
and Ranma found herself unconsciously relaxing to the
airy strains of the piece's slow movement.
Thus, it jarred her when the elevator smoothly stopped
and the doors whispered open.
Clutching her katana and Ukyou's battle spatula to her protectively,
taking some comfort from the familiarity of things martial,
she stepped into yet another hallway.
Even the satchel of potty-trainers lent something to
her confidence.
At the far end of the hallway, a large, unmistakably oaken
desk sat facing the visitors.
Wide, thick, hammered bands of iron were
riveted into the wood in such a way as to both serve as part
of the fastenings and as part of the decoration.
It was impressive in a mountainous kind of way. The desk was topped with the ubiquitous off-white
computer monitor and keyboard and several papers in a neat stack.
A pottery cup held a few pencils and pens, while an ancient
quill pen and mount sat off to one side. The quill pen caught
and held the eye, and Ranma knew instinctively that it held some
kind of power.

The pen is mightier than the sword.. blabla

"Well, come, come," the woman said in business-like tones.
"Time waits for no man... or goddess."

RANMA-SAMA:  At least SOMEONE still calls me a man.
MOIRA:  Actually, it's a figure of speech...
RANMA-SAMA:  [sigh]

"Heh, heh, 'Ranko' is a mistake. My name's really Ranma...
Moira-sama." Ranma fell to fidgeting as Moira returned her
gaze to the computer.

"Ah..." She turned back to Ranma, her eyes boring into her.
"So you're saying the system made a mistake, hmmm?"
Urd burned red in embarrassment, but she had the presence of
mind to remember her manners.

"Daddy, may I present Saotome Ranma."
The man simply studied her, and Ranma finally fell through
whatever delay in comprehension she'd erected to preserve
her center and understood that this, this was Kamisama! Although she couldn't see his eyes,
Ranma could feel a subtle warmth flood through her brain.
All manner of memories and feelings were being turned over and
examined. A tsunami of panic welled up in her, and she felt
every bad thing she'd ever done stay turned over and rise up to
confront her, mocking her right to hold her godhead.

suggest:  goddesshead
or better yet:  divitity  [you mean divinity]

Although that seemed bad enough, the worst by far was the
suffering she'd caused a certain young woman,
who'd figured strongly in her thoughts of the last year.
She knew in her thoughts that their
teasing had some value as play between them, but she knew in her heart that it also caused pain.
"Ranma," His voice softly spoke, seeking out every corner of
the room, "if you so wish, you may return to mortal life.
But I ask you, what is the first duty of a martial artist?"

RANMA-SAMA:  Eat whenever you can, since you don't
know when you'll get another opportunity.
KAMI-SAMA:  ...
RANMA-SAMA:  No no, wait!  That's Pop's stupid idea.
KAMI-SAMA:  [sighing with relief]
RANMA-SAMA:  Never turn down a challenge!
KAMI-SAMA:  [sighing with disgust]
RANMA-SAMA:  Defeat monsters?

<Wha-What...?> Rubbing the backs of her hands over her eyes,
she blinked across the desktop at the hidden being. <I don't...
understand... the first duty?>

"Um... t-to protect those who c-can't protect themselves," she
recited from rote, her voice cracking.
"There is a man," He said, "that will teach you the way of the
sword."

A card appeared in midair. Ranma reached up and brought it
down, reading the name and address. "This is... back home?"

One could almost sense an unseen eyebrow going up.
"He is possibly the finest swordsman on any plane,
and his benefactor... owes me a favor." There were volumes unspoken, but no clarification was
forthcoming. "Show him the card. Study well and learn.
From him and from Urd... and from others that you will happen upon."

I know it's not going to happen, but I SO want this to be Kuno.
;)

Yes I agree please let it be Kunou. I mean that would be some
really good reading. Kunou is so Beautifull.. *sigh*

Urd was puzzling over Kamisama's last instructions.
<"In the future, Ranma may want, or need, to know about avatars.
You will understand when the time comes.">
Their sojourn quickly ended before a large, oaken door. <What
is it with oak up here?> Ranma wondered. The title on the door read:
Vice President - Personnel.


STAFF: cutdowns..


"A- A- AKANE?!?!" Ranma's gaze darted to and fro,
recognizing a number of beloved facial features.
"Oh, hello!" The woman smiled at Ranma.
"Um, no, child. My name's Amaterasu."

RANMA-SAMA:  The Goddess of the Sun is an uncute tomboy?
NODOKA:  [flees]

Every ounce of blood drained from Ranma's face,
her eyes swallowed her skull,
and her mouth started working without much guidance.
"Ama-- Ama-- Ama--"

Amaterasu nodded happily. "Amaterasu Oumikami. What's your
name? Want to be friends?"
"AAAIIIIEEEEEEE!!!" Before everyone's astounded eyes, Ranma
began bouncing around in place, freezing for a split-second in
various poses, most of them penitent.
*Zip!* Bowing before Amaterasu. "Ack! Sorry!" *Zip!* Facing
away with warding signs.
"Sorry!" *Zip!* Hands in claws beseeching the sky.
"Gah! Amaterasu!"
Then it got weirder.

[weirdness snipped] NOOOO

"Oh! Her!" Amaterasu's eyes sparkled as she picked Ranma up
from the ground and looked her over.
"Ooo! A nice native girl from back home!
How nice!" She looked Ranma up and down once. "Hai, she'll
make a fine sex goddess with a build like that."

THAT snapped Ranma out of it. "Hey! I'm a guy! ... EEP!
Akanemeratsu! EEP! I mean, Amane! Um..."
"There, there, child." Amaterasu hugged her tight.
"None of that. You're one of us, now."
Ranma's eyes bulged at the thought of THE goddess
from back home calling her 'one of us'.
But the sentiment was genuine,
and Ranma calmed slightly and weakly returned the hug.
"Uh... thanks, Amaterasu-sama."
Amaterasu beamed sunlight at Ranma. "That's more like it!"
She sat Ranma down and noticed the third member of their party.
She floated over to Nodoka. "And what's your name, Dear?"

Nodoka was frozen.

"Dear?"

A stiff thump echoed in the room as Nodoka fell backwards,
straight as a board.

Conversely, life on the kami-plane was starting to become a
little stagnant.
For its own health, it needed a little shot of chaos now
and again. He'd been considering a number of possible
remedies for some little while, but as usual, circumstance,
Fate, or Destiny, whichever suited you, wrought a far better
and more effective solution.

KAMI-SAMA:  Screw this.  [speaks on intercom]  Moira?
MOIRA:  Yes, Sir?
KAMI-SAMA:  Have Fate and Destiny report to my office.
Let's find out which one's responsible for this mess.
MOIRA:  Right away, Sir.

He chuckled. Ranma was perfect beyond His expectations and
would indeed stir the pot and keep folks on their toes,
none ever quite knowing from which direction
His will would next manifest.
Yes, far better to simply allow things andevents to have their head.

And far more entertaining.

This sounds familiar.  The secret is out.
Kami-sama is really... [pulls of mask]

RANMA CAST:  Cologne!
COLOGNE-SAMA:  Heh.  Looks like the truth is out.
SHAMPOO:  But Grandmother is here at Tendos'!
COLOGNE-SAMA:  I'm Kami-sama.  I can be wherever I want!

A spate of giggling from beyond her feet caused Nodoka to sit
up and look at a red-faced Urd and her matching daughter.
"U-U-Ummm, I-I'm S-S-Saotom-m-me N-N-Nodoka... Amaterasusama!"
Nodoka bowed fully from the waist, placing her forehead on the
cushion.

AMATERASUSAMA: Pretend you are a puppy in window store,
Nodoka dearest...


"All r-r-right. If that is your will, Amaterasu-sama."
Nodoka sat stiffly, looking straight ahead.
"Oh, it was so very nice to meet all of you!"
Amaterasu beamed. <puppys!>
She�gathered Ranma up in a hug. "I'm counting on you to do well
for home and country!"

For the Goddess of Sex "to do well for home and country" means
that she wants the population growth rate of Japan to soar.  ;)

"Su-sure!" Ranma stuttered and exercised her manners. "Um, if
you're ever down, don't forget to drop by."

Amaterasu leaned back and held Ranma out at arm's length. "How
sweet! I just might!"

AKANE:  Ranma.  Who is this... person?
HAPPOSAI:  Who cares?  Swee-TO!  [glomp]

*shakes my head*

Well that was that.. most of this briliant C&C belongs to the the
Original C&C'r may he rest in pieces..

now if someone would be so kinds as to send me a copy or a link ..
of/to the original fanfic that this C&C was based upon I would be very ... well uh..  yeah.. just send it to me..
*walks away trips on a little black piglet falls down stairs breakes neck*

damn...

*MASS'ES apploads*
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