"C. Jones" wrote:
"Excuse me," she said, taking a deep breath that was almost
calm. "What the hell is going on here?"
--------------------
End of Part Twenty-Three
Author's notes:
This isn't a dark fic. Really! I swear! Things are going to
get better in the next (hopefully concluding -- but how many
times have I said that? >_<)
ARRRHRHRHHAHAHAHAHAHRHRHRHRHRHRHRRHRHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHG!!!!!!!!!
Damnit, Krista! AAAAAAHAAHAHHHHHHHHHHH!
So... you liked it, right? ^^
Okay. Now that I've got that out of my system....
C&C...
While the pacing for the scenes between Ranma and Akane were just right, I
still feel like the Nabiki-Kunou scenes move a little slowly. While the
content is good, I feel that you could trim a few lines here or there to
speed along the general progression of the story.
I did do a bit of trimming, taking out a couple of long, unnecessary
paragraphs. I guess because I'm too close to it, I can't see what else
I could remove without ruining the feel of the scene. Suggestions? If
you were to take a scalpel to it, what would you remove to speed up the
pacing?
Waiting for 23 with a stop-watch.
24. ;)
But first... I'm working on a brand new April Fools Chapter! Hearts of
Ice, the "Weekend at Bernie's" Ending! Watch as Akane tries to convince
the others that Ranma isn't dead!
Kidding! Kidding! ^_^
--Krista