Scenes From An Elevator:
An Idiotic Utena Spamfic
By: Dreiser
EPISODE TWENTY SIX: A Hostess Crisis.
SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy
where the shadows of Mikage Souji and Chida Mamiya are seen
sitting inside of it. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the
background.
MIKAGE: (Sighs.) I'm bored.
MAMIYA: (Sighs also.) I concur.
MIKAGE: (Looks at Mamiya.) You wuzzat?
MAMIYA: (Looks at Mikage.) I concur. I agree. I concede.
MIKAGE: (Blinks.) Uhm... yeah.
MAMIYA: (Sighs once more.) I should really buy you a
thesaurus.
MIKAGE: (Blinks again.) A what-saurus? Is that a dinosaur?
MAMIYA: (Stares at Mikage.) You know, for a hunky sort of
scientist guy you really aren't all that bright.
MIKAGE: (Shrugs.) Oh well. At least I'm hunky.
MAMIYA: (Nods.) Yes, and in Anime that's all that matters.
MIKAGE: (Nods as well.) Yes, that and your hairstyle.
MAMIYA: (Smiles smugly.) We have nice hair.
MIKAGE: (Smiles smugly also.) Yes, very nice hair.
(Mikage and Mamiya slowly meet each other eyes.)
MAMIYA: (Pounces on Mikage.) Oh, Mikage-kun!
MIKAGE: (Pounces on Mamiya.) Oh, Mamiya-chan!
SCENE: Some random place in Ohtori where Kaoru Miki walks
along aimlessly muttering curses to himself. Suddenly, a paper
comes flying out of nowhere and hits him in the face. The Sunlit
Garden no longer plays faintly in the background.
MIKI: (Rips paper off of his face.) God dammit! I hate papers! I
hate news! I hate--(Miki pauses as he reads the headline of the
paper. He immediately pales.) No... (His hands are shaking and
the paper falls to the ground.) No way... it can't be. They couldn't
have done that to me! Hell no, there's no way that they did this to
me!!! I'm gonna make 'em pay for this but before I do I gotta get
my supply quick!!
(Miki goes running off into the distance at a frantic pace and as he
does the paper is clearly seen. The headline reads: Hostess
Truckers Strike, Ding-Dong Shortage Ahead.)
SCENE: Arisugawa Juri's newly built headquarters. She is sitting
behind a large desk looking elegant as always. Several hundred
girls wander around the room, all adoring Juri in their own special
way. Takatsuki Shiori sits in front of Juri's desk with a pen and
pad wearing a grimace on her face. The Sunlit Garden no longer
plays faintly in the background.
JURI: (Leans back in her swively chair and murmurs in a husky
drawl that makes several of the girls hovering around her shiver
from it.) Greetings my Anime lesbian sisters, it has come to my
awareness that we lack proper leadership. If we are truly to take
over the industry we must unite. To start this noble mission off, I
suggest we convene together for a grand meeting of the minds.
And... (Juri pauses to smile very slyly) a meeting of the bodies if
some of you would allow it. Please be here by the date listed
below, it will be most worth your while. That much I can assure for
certain. Your ever grateful hostess and Anime lesbian supreme,
Arisugawa Juri. (Her swivel chair turns again and Juri leans
forward to rest her chin on the tops of her hands.) Please send that
letter to the people that I've listed, Shiori. And send it as soon as
possible.
SHIORI: (Nods then sighs.) Yes, Juri-sama. (She pauses for a
moment then asks slowly.) All of them?
JURI: (Dryly.) Yes, all of them. Didn't I make my statement clear
enough, Shiori?
SHIORI: (Scowls.) Funny. It's just that... well... some of them
aren't the most stable of people and--
JURI: (Waves her hand carelessly as she interrupts.) It's of no
consequence. Unstable or not, they're sisters and I want all of
them to show up if possible for this conference.
SHIORI: (Eyes wide.) Even Fatora?
JURI: (Very dry tones.) Yes, Shiori. Even Fatora. And she's not
unstable. She's just a particularly annoying Anime lesbian.
SHIORI: (Mutters darkly.) Well, she better not hit on me or I'm
gonna shove her crown up her ass.
JURI: (Winces.) That would be painful. Now, please go type that
letter and send it to the people I've listed. Even Fatora.
SHIORI: (Resigning tones.) Yes, Juri-sama. (She walks out of the
office and mutters to herself.) Snooty princesses...
JURI: (Watching Shiori.) I better keep her away from the drunken
Captain from Project A-ko. That might be trouble.
SCENE: Some wall in Ohtori Academy during an unusually timely
and frequent sunset. The figures of the Shadow Play Girls A-ko,
B-ko, and C-ko are seen. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays
faintly in the background.
A-KO: (Looks at B-ko.) So... who was that letter from?
B-KO: (Blinks.) What letter?
A-KO: (Sighs.) That letter you got the other day.
C-KO: (Helpfully.) The 'I curse you and your children and your
children's children's children' letter.
B-KO: (Tones of realization.) Oooh... that letter. (She shrugs
carelessly.) Dunno. I threw it away.
A-KO: (Eyes wide.) You what?!
B-KO: (Stares at her.) I threw it away. It was annoying.
A-KO: (Shouts.) It was a threat! You should call the police!
B-KO: (Snorts.) The cops? What for? I'm a Shadow Play Girl.
They can't hurt me. I'm faceless and formless.
C-KO: (Mulls over this.) She has a point, y'know.
B-KO: (Continues on.) They couldn't hurt me even if they tried.
The only way they could is if the sun wasn't around and we
couldn't be shadows anymore. But that's never going to--
(Just then, there's an eclipse and the Shadow Play Girls A-ko, B-
ko, and C-ko disappear as the scene fades to black.)
To be continued...
All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a
nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when
extremely bored. I'll continue to write this series when I'm
extremely bored because sometimes I just feel like being silly. In
other words don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun.
Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com
The not so thrilling trailer line: What will happen next time?! Will
Mikage and Mamiya still be, for whatever reason, in the elevator?!
Can Miki survive the ding-dong shortage?! And just how many
Anime lesbians will show up for Juri's convention?! Stay tuned!
Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780
Thanks to Red Death all of my fanfics are archived at:
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm
For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to:
http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/prs/index.html
To hear the excellent SFAE radio production go to:
http://michiru.com/utena/
A RANDOM QUOTE AND ANALYZATION:
"Rejoice, monkey girl, for you will be the last of your kind."
-Rasputin; The Master of Mosquiton-
KOZUE: (Looks up.) Okay... that's just messed.
CHU CHU: (Nods fiercely.) Chu... chu chu chu!
UMI: (Blinks.) What do you mean it's an insult to compare humans
to monkeys, darling? I'm a human.
CHU CHU: (Shrugs.) Chu, chu chu.
UMI: (Clenches her jaw.) I'm an acceptable human?
CHU CHU: (Backtracking.) Chu chu chu... chu.
UMI: (Turning red.) You like me more than most humans?! I knew
it! You hate humans, don't you?!
CHU CHU: (Eyes widen. Waves his hands.) Chu chu!
UMI: (Tears well in her eyes. Stomps off angrily.) I don't want to
hear your fake apologies! This engagement is off!
CHU CHU: (Watches Umi exit. Sadly.) Chuuuuu...
KOZUE: (Shakes her head.) You blew that one, buddy.
Juri Rules All
Dilandau is a good
sort of psycho guy
I'm no monkey girl
-Quotes from me-