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Ranma Saotome and the Truth About Shampoo
by Jack Staik, Property of Jillian
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It was late afternoon at the Nekohanten.
Cologne and Nodoka sat at a table, looking over some old
scrolls and books. Shampoo sulked along one wall, while
Mousse cleaned up, a silly grin on his face.
Ranma and Akane entered, looks of curiosity and trepidation
on their faces. Nabiki was right alongside them, determind
not to miss out on anything affecting her cash cow ... er,
her sister and future brother-in-law.
Nodoka smiled as her son entered. Her smile wavered slightly
when Ukyo Kuonji entered behind them - she still remembered
when the 'Fiancee Brigade' (as they were known) had
demolished her home.
"Why have you got to be here, Ukyo?" Akane hissed. "Auntie
Nodoka invited Ranma and *me*!"
"You think I'm gonna let you take my Ranchan on a date -
even chaperoned?" Ukyo said sweetly. "Besides, we were never
properly introduced. I think we may have gotten off on the
wrong foot."
"When you and Shampoo and Kodachi wrecked her house?"
Nabiki said snidely.
"Hello, everyone," Nodoka said in a warm-but-firm voice.
Everyone focused on Nodoka as they sat down.
"You may be wondering why we called you here," Cologne
began.
"To tell us Whodunnit?" Nabiki remarked.
"Actually, child," Cologne chuckled. "We know who, and we
know when. We just discovered recently, however, the act
itself."
"Huh?" several persons asked.
"I came here," Nodoka began, "to seek recompense for the
destruction of my house, and to investigate the merits of
Shampoo's claim to Ranma."
Akane got nervous. Could Nodoka be ready to support
Shampoo's claim?
"In the course of our discussion, Cologne mentioned
Shampoo's ancestry."
This got several curious stares.
"And it turns out that Ranma and Shampoo can not marry."
"Huh?" Ranma exclaimed. "What do you mean, Mom?"
"I mean, son, that you and Shampoo are cousins, connected by
blood."
"YIPPEE!!" Akane and Ukyo cried out, jumping up and down and
waving victory fans.
"Wait a second!" Nabiki said. "Exactly *how* are they
related?"
"Well," Cologne explained, "It seems that Shampoo's
grandfather, a foreign adventurer who journeyed among us
during the Japanese Occupation, was also the father of
Nodoka Saotome. The journals and photographs of Nodoka's
mother, as well as my own memories and the records of the
time, confirm it."
"So Shampoo's grandfather was Japanese?" Ukyo asked.
Nodoka blushed. "No, he was not."
"Huh?" Ranma said.
Nodoka turned away in embarassment. "My father was ... not
my mother's husband." She steeled herself and looked at her
son. "My father was ... an American."
"WHAT?!?" Kodachi cried, leaping out of nowhere. "You mean
to say that ... Ranma has ... *gaijin* blood?!?"
Nodoka stood and stared down Kodachi, who cringed before the
Maternal Power in Nodoka's eyes.
"Yes," Nodoka said, in an icy voice. "My son has non-
Japanese blood. As do I. If you dislike that fact, then
leave."
"Rest assured, I shall!" She turned to Ranma, scorn in her
face. "Also rest assured, I shall never pollute the pure
Kuno blood! So you shall have to forget your infatuation
with my beauty and cease your ardent pursuit of me, Ranma
Saotome, for you shall never have me!"
"Who's been pursuin' who, Kodachi?" Ranma protested. But
Kodachi had already left.
"That's two down," Ukyo said happily. "What about you,
Tendo? Gonna contaminate your pure Samurai blood with some
American mongrel?"
Akane shrugged. "Too late. My maternal grandmother was
Korean."
"Don't bother me none, either," Ukyo said.
Shampoo, meanwhile, just sulked.
"You okay, Shampoo?" Ranma asked.
"RANMA!" Akane protested. "How *dare* you flirt with Shampoo
when I'm sitting right here?!?"
"HEY!" he protested. "She's my cousin, remember? And she's
depressed."
"Akane-chan!" Nodoka said sharply. "Ranma was *not* flirting
- he was expressing concern for his family member! You owe
him an apology."
Ukyo just grinned. [Score one for me!]
Akane blushed and mumbled "Gomen" under her breath.
"Shampoo embarassed," she said softly. "What if this get
out? Shampoo be laughing stock of village! Shampoo have to
wear shirt with red neck!"
"I ain't gonna tell," Ranma said. "It's embarassing to me,
too."
"Don't worry, my dear Shampoo," proclaimed Mousse. "I won't hold your temporary infatuation with your cousin against you. I still believe we can make our relationship work - OW!! OW!! AYIEEEE!!"
Shampoo sniffed angrily. "Watch stupid mouth, duck-boy."
Nabiki rapped the table to get attention. "Auntie Nodoka -
what about Shampoo and Ranma's grandfather? Who was he?"
Cologne grinned (making chills run up and down everyone's
spines). You'll have a chance to meet him. I contacted him,
and he should be in Tokyo day after tomorrow."
"He's still alive?" Ranma said in shock. "He's gotta be a
zillion years old!"
"Hmph!" Cologne commented. "For your information, he's
barely a hundred and ten - just at the age when you young
people start growing up properly!"
"So - is he rich?" Nabiki asked.
"Nabiki!" Akane said, embarassed.
"He is," Nodoka commented. "And well-travelled, and well-
educated. As well as, in his youth, a clever adventurer and
a cunning warrior. A truly manly man, by anyone's
definition."
Ranma nodded. "Sounds like it might be nice to meet him."
Shampoo nodded, too. "Should pay respects to ancestor."
"He got a name?" Nabiki asked.
"His name," Nodoka said, "is Henry Jones Junior, Doctor of
Archaeology."
"But," Cologne added. "he prefers to be called 'Indiana'."