Yay! It's about time. And I hope for your sake this isn't that final of a
draft, since I bet I can find some mistakes if I look real hard. ^_^:
Chapter 85
"That guy is following you again."
Nabiki glanced behind her. "How many days has it been now?"
Her companion shrugged.
"Since we last had sex? About two."
Mike didn't know what to say. He hadn't intended to be more than
Nabiki's friend when he was assigned to be her class partner,
But tragically, he became another one of her marks.
and was
trying desperately to keep to that intent, especially when Nabiki had
made it clear that she wasn't interested
in anything but sex.
Nabiki's manner had gone from friendly to icy.
"Don't give me that. You've still got feelings for the guy. Go talk
to him!"
"If and when I'm good and ready to!" Nabiki stalked off,
Ah, so now she's stalking Kunou. :P
*****
The first seed had been planted.
My, my. You are just full of sexual innuendos this time around, aren't you?
^_^
Akane quickly explained about the restoration of the springs, and how
Shiro and Shampoo had surprised them with the water. "Ranma's on his
way to Nerima right now with his father's water."
"Why aren't you with him?"
"Because I didn't go along," Akane explained.
Akane found herself listening to a dial tone, and hung up the phone.
It rang seconds later.
"Do you like scary movies?" the voice on the other end said.
"Ok,
Okay (as a general rule, always spell it out)
now tell me why you don't have enough money to go to Nerima."
"Because we spent more than we made, duh." Akane wondered why Nabiki was
asking such simple minded questions.
Nabiki frowned. That answer had come just a little too quickly.
"It's not nothing, is it? Tell me!"
There was a huge sigh
'huge' doesn't seem appropriate to me. "deep' would sound better IMO
Nabiki raised her voice. "Don't argue with me! How often do I give
away money with no strings attached?
"Never," Akane said.
"Exactly," Nabiki grinned evilly on her end of the line. "Now I'll need to
take some pictures of you in a swim suit so I can sell the pictures to
Kunou and make a profit."
"You seem to be full of them today. I figured next you'd tell me you
were pregnant."
"No, not yet."
Nabiki squeaked. "Not yet? What do you mean by that?"
"It means I am not currently pregnant, but might be some day." Akane would
have clubbed her sister over the head at this point for wasting her time
like this. How many stupid questions could one person ask in a single
conversation.
"You mean Mike? Are the two of you dating?"
"No. It's strictly a business relationship."
"So he's paying you for sex?"
"You got it," Nabiki answered.
Akane laughed at her sister's quick retreat, and went to the closet
for her coat. As long as Ranma was away, she was going to drop in on
Nodoka. Her mother-in-law had been treating her rather coldly for
weeks, and Akane wanted the opportunity to talk to her without Ranma's
presence.
Oh yeah. There's a recipe for trouble.
"Ranma, what a lovely surprise! I'll make you some tea!" Kasumi
whirled around and ran into the kitchen before Ranma could respond.
Genma and Soun just stared. Ranma was standing there, a small bag
slung over his shoulder, and a large heavy-looking package hanging
>from his hand. Of course, they jumped to conclusions.
"Akane threw you out, boy? What did you do this time?"
"Ranma! How could you hurt my little girl like that!"
Heh. Very nice.
The minute Akane had walked into Ucchan's, Nodoka had left the grill
to Konatsu and shepherded her daughter-in-law to a corner table. Then
she'd rushed to prepare a pot of tea and get a plate of small cakes.
Akane looked at her mother-in-law, trying not to let her nervousness
show. Nodoka was being a little too friendly.
Good. She should be suspicous at this point.
For just a moment, Akane was certain that a look of annoyance crossed
Nodoka's face,
Odd. Still pissy at Genma, or is it something else?
but it was quickly replaced with her usual smile.
"That was kind of your friend. I'm sure Dearest will appreciate it."
She paused, and took a bite of one of the cakes.
"Now that you're through with the play, what are you doing with your
time?"
I think you can connect the above sentence with the paragraph above it.
Either that or reidentify the speaker, to help keep track of who is saying
what.
"Yes! Please say yes!"
"I'm sorry, but--"
Nodoka put aside all pretense of friendliness. "You selfish girl! It
is your obligation as Ranma's wife to provide an heir to the Saotome
name! How dare you refuse to give my son a child!"
Akane: If you're that desperate for me to provide you with an heir to the
Saotome name, I could always get some Instant Nannichuan and knock you up.
Nodoka: On the other hand, it's unwise to rush into such things. By all
means, wait a couple of decades before having any children. I won't mind.
"I never said--"
"I'm sorry you ever married him!" Nodoka stood, pushing her chair
back so hard that it nearly fell over. She pointed at the door. "Get
out! I have nothing to say to you!"
"But--"
"I said to get out!"
"I said get out!" flows a little better to me. A minor nit, to be sure.
Akane picked up her coat and ran. Two blocks down the street she
stopped and put the coat on, trying to button it with shaking fingers.
What was she going to tell Ranma?
It should go something like this. "Ranma, I hate that she-bitch you call a
mother...
Then a memory from her wedding day came to her. She and Ranma had
promised not to keep secrets from one another.
Two choices, neither of them good ones. What was she going to do?
Leave him for Ryouga. (Well, it would make the current matter moot. ^_^)
A glance at the clock tower on campus sent Akane toward
'towards' (I think)
the day care
center. She had regained her outward composure by the time she
arrived there,
I'd drop 'there', it seems unnecesary.
After a couple of minutes Akane could feel the tension in Mrs.
Kawara's shoulders ease, and she
ease. She (sounds better to me, but again it could be nothing more than a
difference in style.)
Ranma's annoyance faded rapidly when he saw the expression on his
father's face. It had been one of skepticism, but that had changed to
joyful amazement. Genma grabbed the jug from Ranma's hands and
started to unscrew the lid, but Ranma took it back.
"Take off your clothes and kneel down. I'll pour."
nice touch.
Soun stood in the doorway, watching. Ranma poured. Genma held his
breath, and turned on the cold shower. Nothing happened.
You mean he didn't get wet? What was it? Waterproof water? ^_^
For the rest of that afternoon and well into the night a
night, a (I think)
Akane was taking care of a diaper change when two of the toddlers
behind her began to argue. She looked over her shoulder, and
discovered that they were wrestling over a stuffed Pikachu. Once the
baby was back in her crib Akane
crib, Akane
"He's mine!!!"
"NO!!! MINE!!!"
"No," said Akane softly. "Pikachu is tired, and needs a nap." She
put the stuffed toy in one of the cribs, and covered it with a
blanket,
Both of the toddlers panicked. The girl thought a stuffed toy needed sleep?
Obviously she was deranged, and there was no telling what she would do.
Best to play along with whatever she told them to do until they could make
a run for it.
"What is it?"
"A plain blue sky puzzle that has a thousand pieces,' Akane answered.
"You won't know until you put it together. I'm not telling!"
I don't think you need the exclamation point. The emphasis feels out of
place.
"So, have you got any ideas?"
Ranma turned on the shower spray and aimed it at Ryoga.
"We'll just sneak you on the train.
"In my pants," Ranma finished.
"What will you do now, Ryoga?"
"I want to go home."
"You mean your house?" asked Ranma.
"No, I mean yours," Ryouga said.
Ryoga was beginning to look agitated, which was pretty normal for him,
but made Shampoo nervous. Ryoga tended to be rather destructive when
he was depressed.
I dunno, even for Ryouga, I can't see him becoming depressed this fast
after losing his curse.
*****
Nodoka sat at the table, her untouched breakfast before her. She was
tired of waiting for Akane to change. Evidently she was too
self-centered to give her son the child he deserved. That didn't mean
Nodoka wouldn't get what she wanted. Just because Akane wouldn't give
Ranma a child didn't mean there wasn't
Three 'not' contractions in this sentence, making it awkward. How about
changing the start to
Just because Akane refused to give Ranma a child...
"Okay. Thanks." Ranma shoved the card in his pocket,
Oh boy. I can see this one coming.
grabbed his
umbrella, and left the room. When he opened the door to leave the
building he found Anne standing in the entranceway, scowling at the
rain. For half a second Ranma wondered why she looked different, and
then he realized that she'd cut her hair short.
and had gotten a sex change.
Akane just smiled, and linked her arm through Ranma's. "Did you
forget what I said the other day? I've always wanted to be able to
walk in the rain with you."
"You're nuts, you know." Ranma leaned over and kissed his wife. Then
they walked home, hand in hand, smiling and dripping wet.
Unfortunately, as fate would have it, they stepped in a landmine, killing
them both and making this an unexpected darkfic, but KaraOhki was tricky
that way.
*****
"You told me that you figured something out, Ukyo. What is it?"
"I'm not sure how to tell you, Doctor."
"Just try."
"I think I let other people influence me too much."
"Like psychiatrists, which is why I won't be seeing you anymore," Ukyou
said.
"I was thinking back to when my father wanted to engage me to Ranma.
I was only a little girl, and Ranma was my friend, so if that was what
Daddy wanted, I was going to listen to him. I listened, Ranma's
father took him away, and Daddy blamed it on me. My friends all
laughed at me, so I thought it was my fault. See what I mean?"
"No," the doctor said. "I happen to think they were right. It is all your
fault, you loser."
"Ranma? You've got to be kidding. He's too soft-hearted to even try.
But I think his mother is trying to."
Ah, one potential problem averted. Kind of surprised, actually.
"Do you believe that?"
"I'd like to. No, I want to. But I think it's a lie."
Ukyo got up and started pacing around the room.
Again, I'd connect this with the sentence above and make the whole thing
one paragraph.
"I have to know the
truth. I can't let go until I know...and I can't find out while I'm
here!"
"And what about Ranma's wife?"
"Oh, I'll just kill the black-hearted bitch," Ukyou said.
The doctor said nothing. Ukyo continued to pace while the doctor
thought. "Well, aren't you going to say anything?"
"I've been waiting for you to come to this conclusion. If you think
it's time to take control of your own life and face the
truth--whatever you find out--I'm willing to discharge you. That
doesn't mean you're completely on your own, Ukyo. I still want to see
you on a regular basis. Do you understand that?"
The response he got was enthusiastic
was an enthusiastic
agreement. The doctor left to
make arrangements for Ukyo's discharge, and she sat down in the chair
he'd just vacated.
Her plan had worked. Tell most of the truth, and hope the doctor
would let her out. It was time to find out what she really wanted
>from Ranma,
Hot sex.
and what he was willing to give.
A pat on the back.
"Thank you. I like it better there." He lay his cheek against her
breast, and soon fell asleep again. Akane smiled, closed her eyes,
and joined him.
Aww. How sweet.
Unfortunately, Nabiki hadn't slept well. Thoughts of the past had
kept her awake for hours. She'd relived much of the previous
summer--long walks with Kuno, picnic lunches, candlelit dinners.
Three way orgies with him and Kodachi.
Then everything had gone to pieces. He'd forced her to choose between
Ranma and Akane, or him. When she had taken her side with her sister
and fiance, Tatewaki had walked out on her. Then to make matters
worse he'd
worse, he'd
"Maybe I should talk to him," she muttered. Then she shook her head
violently and got out of bed. If she and Kuno had any chance of a
real relationship, he had to be able to admit he was wrong to her face
without any prodding from her or anyone else.
Typical woman. The guy's always at fault.
He picked up something to eat and made his way toward
towards
He also wanted someone to love. Not a fantasy, like Akane had been,
or an illusion, like Ranma. Someone real. And of all people, he had
found that someone to be Nabiki.
What happened to Mariko? :P
"First, I must apologize for the way I treated you the day we went to
Ube. I was unfair, unkind, and unreasonable. You were right to side
with your sister and her fiance, and I was wrong to try to make you
choose."
Oh yes, he had learned the art of the 'white lie' so very well.
Another glance showed a completely neutral expression on Nabiki's
face.
Largely in part because she was dead.
The stricken look in Akane's eyes made Ranma's heart sink. "It can't
be that bad! Tell me!"
"Your mother...I think your mother hates me."
Ranma: Hell. I knew that.
"WHAT???"
"She started again about babies. I tried to explain that we'd decided
to wait, but she--she got the idea that I just didn't WANT children."
Akane began to cry.
Again I'd connect that to the above.
She and Ranma were out in the hallway and Ranma was locking the door
when he opened it and ran back in.
"Ranma? What are you doing?"
"I'm opening the door and running back in,' Ranma explained, exasperated.
Hadn't Akane read the line above?
She watched as Ranma dug around in his pockets until he found the
card.
Ah, and here I thought she'd find the card and think he was accepting other
girls' numbers.
"Don't worry. I'll think of something." The skeptical look Ranma got
>from his wife made him slightly indignant. "Well, I will!"
It'll be a lousy plan, but at least it'll be one.
"I've been waiting for this for months! He's my favorite poet!"
Andrew Dice Clay? ^_^
Nabiki gave Kuno a smile that shook him down to his toes before she
dashed to the cashier's desk. The woman rang up the sale while Nabiki
was getting out her wallet. When she opened it her hand went to her
mouth.
"I forgot!" she muttered.
And with Kunou right next to her. My, my. Isn't that conveinent. ^_^
Nabiki began to relate the story of Shampoo and Shiro's romance, and
Kasumi's active involvement in it. When she told him about Mousse's
attack on Kasumi, she wasn't surprised at his reaction.
Kunou: The bitch deserved it.
"That coward! How could anyone think of hurting a gentle person like
Kasumi!
Kasumi?!
If I ever see him he
him, he
Nabiki paused, and
no need for the comma (I think)
Ukyo allowed herself a few seconds to enjoy the sensation of being
held by someone who cared about her. How long had it been since
anyone had touched her?
There were the pedophiles when she was younger, but they didn't really
count.
Then she stopped lying to herself, and opened her eyes to take a good
look at the person standing in front of her. He'd stood by her even
when he knew he wasn't wanted. He'd been there every day for her, and
she'd never really appreciated that.
"Why do you stay? Why did you come to see me every day, even when I
yelled at you?"
"Because someday I hope to have sex with you," after a moment of thought,
Konatsu added, "And you're the only woman I know that won't try to steal my
Fredrick's of Hollywood underwear."
"She's trying to pressure Ranma into taking you as a mistress."
Ukyo hissed, and pulled her hands out of Konatsu's. "I thought she
was up to something!" She stood, and began to pace around.
"Where are you going?"
"To help in the plans," Ukyou said.
Konatsu watched Ukyo from his place on the bench. She had been
circling the park for fifteen minutes,
like a vulture circling a motionless animal
obviously deep in thought.
"I don't know what's gotten into Mom, Konatsu! Look at how long it
took me and Akane to get together. Do you think I want to spoil it by
cheating on her? Besides, I don't--I don't feel that way about Ukyo.
She's a nice girl and all, but Akane..."
is more desirable. So are Shampoo, Kodachi, Mariko, Miss Hinako, Kiima, the
water pail lady...' Ranma continued on for the next half hour until he
started in on all of the men he knew.
Ranma had trailed off, but Konatsu didn't have any problem
understanding him. He knew what it was like to love someone to the
exclusivity of all others.
But he would never let Ranma know the deep feelings he harbored for him.
She got no response. Ukyo continued into the back with her packages
and began putting them away. What did Nodoka want from her, exactly?
During her walk with Konatsu she
Konatsu, she
Well, great work as always. Looks like you're starting to wrap up the final
threads.
D.B. Sommer