The FFML Synopses List Review!
====================== *******
For the week of: March 17, 2000
Reviewer on Duty: Glazius "Bird-boy" Falconar
Synopses Submitted: 15 (with 1 for March 18)
* * * * *
[Mobile Police Patlabor]
- - - - -
Title: Patlabor: Personal Files
Segment: Episode 16: Asuma vs. Noa-the Confrontation in the Hot Springs
Genre: Episodic (changes with each episode)
Author: David A. Tatum
Email: desaix@sysnet.net
Homepage:
<http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Acropolis/7872/fanfics.htm>
Date Sent to FFML: March 17, 2000
Archive Number: 7942 (+ 20K)
Size: 29 KB
Series Summary:
A series which fills in the story between the end of the last episode of
the New Files OAV and the end of the Movie 2, plus a little resolution
that the movie failed to provide.
Segment Summary:
This Episode: The Second Unit goes on its second annual joint vacation.
Asuma has something he wants to tell Noa, but will the others get in his
way?
Never having seen any tapes of Patlabor, I find myself at a loss to do much
imaging of the characters in this story, but it's hardly the author's fault.
Sixteen episodes in, you stop describing your characters, ne? The scenes
were described enough not to be confusing but not so much as to be
impossible to visualize, either. This is _also_ the first installment of the
series I've read, in keeping with my own credo that one should have some
background in series canon before reading fanfics... so I can't say whether
Kana was part of the fanfic series or part of the canon. Which is a good
thing, come to think of it; this is trying to be a canon to itself, and I
think it works, within my admittedly limited scope.
That said, I'm always a bit of a sucker for a good love story. But this
feels a little... skeletal? Probably because I don't have that much in the
way of series background. I could easily see this in
half-hour-with-commercials format, but that usually feels... just a bit
rushed for my taste. The pacing isn't breakneck by any stretch of the
imagination, but the end feels... a little unsatisfying. Then again, this
_is_ intended as a series, and if one installment satisfies, what keeps you
coming back for more?
* * * * *
[Neon Genesis Evangelion]
- - - - -
Title: EVA 2055
Segment: Episode 1.0, Exodus 0:1, "The Architecture of Fear and Loss"
Genre: Dark, Alternate Universe, Dark, Drama, Continuation, Cyberpunk
Author: Adrian Forest
Email: dalziel_86@hotmail.com
Date Sent to FFML: March 16, 2000
Archive Number: 7870 (+ 20K)
Size: 25 KB
Series Summary:
Sort of an Alternate Future. I've changed some of the events in the EoE
movie (i.e. Third Impact doesn't happen), and then advanced the time-
line 40 years from there.
Segment Summary:
The usual first-episode introduction. Kia Hamato sets the scene by way
of a quote, and then talks to Shinji. Aki Shirato talks to her lecturer
a bit, Hiroshi Samura acts as a vehicle for some Giger and Gibson rip-
offs, and Hitomi Miyamura watches some leaves. Also features The
Hannibal Lecter Bit (TM).
This is confusing as any episode of Evangelion could ever aspire to be.
Why confusing, you say?
Well, first, formatting. Putting a tab-stop or hard return before a new
paragraph makes it a lot easier for readers to follow the flow of the story,
especially in the long dialogue-only passages that crop up now and again.
And there's a bit where the narrative shifts abruptly from one character to
another with a very similar name but a different gender, and I had to go
back and read carefully to determine where one section ended and another
began. Mark off your paragraphs consistently, and try to use asterisks for
scene breaks.
Second, because there are some very abrupt shifts in pacing. A stretch of
dialogue to perhaps an over-detailed stretch of description, back to
dialogue, back to description again, then a final passage which is very
inconsistent with the narrative flow of the rest of the story. I realize
there are certain things that need to be gotten across in an introductory
episode, but this feels like several little episodes cobbled together to
make one big one.
Third, because I can't really find much justification for character
behavior. Perhaps this is going to be explored in later installements of the
series, but I can't honestly think of a reason off the top of my head why
_Shinji_ of all people would want there to be _more_ EVAs, why anyone would
want to do a research paper on a doctor painted with the broad brush of
societal hatred, or indeed what relevance any of these characters are going
to have to the story ahead.
This story needs to spend more time discussing character pasts and the
evolution of society and _justifying_ the twists it throws in, and less time
just coming up with interesting things to say. What was the _purpose_ of
identifying Shinji with Hannibal Lecter, or indeed that whole section on
architectural theory? Both seemed very out of place.
- - - - -
Title: Garden of EVA
Segment: Book 2: Blows, 2:2 - The Theater Blows
Genre: Alternate Universe [Lime - ed]
Author: Jim Lazar
Email: jimlazar@earthlink.net
Homepage:
<http://home.earthlink.net/~jimlazar/anime>
Date Sent to FFML: March 12, 2000
Archive Number: 7730 (+ 20K)
Size: 40 KB
Series Summary:
Take 5 minutes from episode 26 and make it into a continuing series?
No way! Can't be done! What if I put a VR Eva game in and lots of
hormone driven teenagers talking about sex? Not enough? How about a
love triangle? Ah, now that I have your attention:
Segment Summary:
What is the theater, why it is it there, and why are they all naked?
Who cares, just build a world already, Shinji!
The perfect world as envisioned by the imperfect mind is wrought with
imperfection. Or innuendo. Or possibly both.
Comedy EVA series. Well, someone had to do it. And this one doesn't suffer
in skit gags or in one-liners. Or in the lime department. And it carefully
skirts the metaphysics of post-Impact life, which would probably be way too
confusing to go into anyway. Not for everyone, but if you like it, you'll
want to read the other parts.
* * * * *
[Neon Genesis Evangelion / Ranma 1/2]
- - - - -
Title: Crossed Destinies
Genre: Fusion
Author: Nabiki Saotome
Email: nabiki_saotome@yahoo.com
Date Sent to FFML: March 14, 2000
Archive Number: 7818 (+ 20K)
Size: 50 KB
Summary:
What would the back story to Evangelion be like... if Nabiki was Gendo
and Ranma was Yui?
Whoa.
In retrospect, Ranma-as-kickass-science-guy is not so easy to swallow, but
going through that story, it was very nicely done indeed. I still think you
could have at least devoted a few more scenes to Akane's perspective on the
whole situation, but it was a decent fusion all the same. Are you planning
more? The Yui-Shinji relationship has taken an interesting twist here, and
I'd very much like to see _that_ developed.
It's very good writing... there are a few passages of dialogue that seem a
little awkward; read them aloud and you'll see what I mean. But other than
that, I was kept engaged up to the end. This is definitely a plausible
fusion, and one I would like to see continued.
* * * * *
[No Need for Tenchi!]
- - - - -
Title: Big Plans
Segment: Part one (too tiny for a chapter)
Genre: not sure... i'll let the reader decide
Author: TJ Hamilton
Email: Ryougaecho@abraxis.com
Homepage: <http://www.ryo-oh-ki.net/>
Archived at
<http://www.ryo-oh-ki.net/collidingSYmphonies/fanfic.htm>
Date Sent to FFML: March 18, 2000
Archive Number: 7994 (+ 20K)
Size: 6 KB
Series Summary:
After the OAV, and presuming the Manatsu No Eve was OAV stuff. Lots of
positions in the universe jockeying for power, gain, or just a bigger
carrot, everyone has big plans for making it happen.
Segment Summary:
Gets the ball rolling on the first of the 'Big Plans'.
Hmm. It seemed... a little awkward, reading a synopsis in detached
first-person. Perhaps intercut shots of the cast going about their daily
lives and/or plans to take over the world with Misaki's recollections of
them - it seems too detached and one-dimensional otherwise.
- - - - -
Title: Vacation Days Epilogue
Genre: Original Flavor
Author: D.B. Sommer
Email: sommer@3rdm.net
Homepage: http://angcobra.jumpfun.com/dbsommer.html
Date Sent to FFML: March 13, 2000
Archive Number: 7758 (+ 20K)
Size: 29 KB
Summary:
It's the end of the tale as Tenchi and Mihoshi finally get to the beach.
And it sure as hell took a lot for them to get there.
If I were drinking while reading this story, I'd be sending the author a
bill for a new keyboard, monitor, and possibly desk. There are that many "oh
wait, that's _funny_" moments. The plot itself keeps being yanked in all
sorts of weird directions by outside forces, but then again the plot of this
story has been one happy accident after another. It fits Mihoshi, who by
many lines in the story is not as bubbleheaded as she would seem.
And Aeka and Ryoko are relegated to comic relief, while Mihoshi is a major
character. Now _that's_ a change of pace. And a good one. A funny ending
with serious flashes to what as by and large been a funny story with serious
flashes. One can only wonder at the ultimate fate of the voice in Tenchi's
head.
* * * * *
[Oh My Goddess!]
- - - - -
Title: Ah Venture Capitalists-sama
Genre: Spamfic
Author: Kim Smuga-Otto
Email: kmstephe@facstaff.wisc.edu
Homepage: http://mailbag.com/users/kmso
Date Sent to FFML: March 13, 2000
Archive Number: 7778 (+ 20K)
Size: 10 KB
Summary:
The Goddesses prepare for their IPO, based off a Science News Brief too
uncanny to be ignored.
Uncanny indeed. It takes what would be a one-joke fic and throws in a bunch
of little funny asides - Urd going to keep Alan Greenspan's mouth shut by
any means possible, for example - and makes a nice little lighthearted
"what-if?" whole. Nice for those five minutes between getting back from
dinner and taking the clothes out of the dryer.
- - - - -
Title: What Wish?
Segment: Chapters 1-3
Genre: Alternate Universe
Author: TimeRunner
Email: keiichi@i-manila.com.ph
Homepage:
<http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/7482>
Date Sent to FFML: March 14, 2000
Archive Number: 7756 (+ 20K)
Size: 51 KB
Series Summary:
Keiichi dials up Skuld, a goddess decidedly less inclined to be nice and
friendly toward her client, and discovers he actually isn't sure what to
wish for.
Segment Summary:
Included is the newly-written part 3, where Keiichi deals with a
goddess, campus life, and college kings and queens.
Huh. Now _this_ is the sort of altuniv I've come to expect out of
TimeRunner. Very well thought-out, excellent characterization on the part
of... well, the entire cast of characters, really. K1 is still the same
vaguely nice guy he always was. And now that he's got Skuld to charm... sort
of... well, let's just say I am very much looking forward to the next part
of the fic. So WRITE FASTER, ALREADY!
* * * * *
[Ranma 1/2]
- - - - -
Title: An Awakening of Demons
Segment: Chapter 8b - The Red Game
Genre: Action/Thriller
Author: Kagami
Email: kagami@jeack.com.au
Homepage: www.csus.edu/indiv/s/seifertv/kagami/
Date Sent to FFML: March 14, 2000
Archive Number: 7755 (+ 20K)
Size: 37 KB
Series Summary:
Ranma Saotome - your friendly neighborhood half-demon? Kodachi Kuno -
Devil Hunter of the Kuno Clan? Nodoka Saotome - past lover of a Demon
Lord? Tempted to do a boggle of disbelief? No need; just read An
Awakening of Demons - where the past is always bad news and history
returns to haunt the living.
Segment Summary:
Eighteen years ago, Ranma's half-sister, Shukumaru, chose to rebel
against her father, the Demon Lord of the East. For a great many
reasons, Shukumaru embarked on her journey to power and isolation,
firmly believing that sitting on the Eastern Throne was the means to end
her unhappiness. Still, when demons play the red game of war, only
death will triumph in the end.
And now we know... the _rest_ of the backstory.
Well, the important bits, anyway. Excellent and very vivid description that
depicts atrocity without being overly graphic and demons without being
overly stomach-turning... but doesn't skip on details so the mind paints in
its own horrors. Which is good; some of the things lurking up there I don't
_want_ guest-starring in a story.
Folks, _this_ is how you put a new character through her paces. We get a
very accurate picture of Shukumaru from this and the other flashback
portions. The intrigue is handled smoothly, despite the fact that the court
it's happening at has some denizens with very unusual abilities, and we can
see the plot coming... well, the important bits of it, anyway. This is an
excellent bit of background work which, while not _essential_ to the plot,
_is_ essential to understanding the character. If you've been keeping up
with the story, you've read this already; if not, carve out a weekend and
catch up from the archives. You won't regret it.
- - - - -
Title: Ranma-chan: Genie of the Ring
Segment: 16
Genre: Alt
Author: Tom mathews a.k.a. Disruptor
Email: mathews1@gte.net
Homepage: http://home1.gte.net/mathews1/
Archived at http://home1.gte.net/mathews1/fanfic.htm
Date Sent to FFML: March 13, 2000
Archive Number: 7738 (+ 20K)
Size: 14 KB
Series Summary:
A mysterious ring turns Ranma's female form into a genie.
Segment Summary:
The person who sent the ring shows up.
Author's Note:
I forgot to title the e-mail and the title of the e-mail is (no subject).
Sorry.
Yeah. Needed to fulltext search my archive to get at this little bit.
But... it really seems like not much happens at all. People just sit around
and talk a little bit, and the conversation itself doesn't seem all that
important. Though I suppose it does provide a bookend of sorts for the
flashes to other characters... well, just don't feel like you're under any
obligation to present your story in real time. I can't think of any bits of
Ranma and Akane's conversation I haven't seen several other times in several
other fics, and the fact Ranma's in a funny costume doesn't make it
different.
It's a nice concept, but the recent parts have had the pacing lag a bit.
- - - - -
Title: Gratuitous Self: Meta-meta-what?
Segment: Prologue and Parts 1-12
Genre: Satire
Author: TimeRunner
Email: keiichi@i-manila.com.ph
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/7482
Date Sent to FFML: March 15, 2000
Archive Number: 7788 (+ 20K)
Size: 31 KB
Series Summary:
Gratuitous Self may be dead, or at least dormant, but its memory lives
on. Unfortunately, TimeRunner is going to share his ideas with us
whether we want him to or not.
Segment Summary:
GS:MMW? continues, tackling writer's block, twink posts, and palmistry?
You know... this really isn't a fic.
What it is, however, is a very nice essay about fic writing, and the
circumstances that drive it, and makes a very nice companion to the original
Gratuitous Self, which is probably floating around r.a.a.c somewhere.
I'd advise reading it, especially if you're new to the list; it gives you a
sense of history. Which is important.
And I do agree... it's gotten quiet lately. There are too many people for
opinions to flare and everyone to get their fair say.
You think we should maybe start rec.arts.anime.creative.ffml?
* * * * *
[Ranma 1/2 / Video Girl Ai]
- - - - -
Title: Video Girl? I?
Segment: episode 1: The Invisible Girl
Genre: fusion
Author: Ukyou Kuonji
Email: ukyoukwnji@aol.com
Homepage: http://members.aol.com/ukyoukwnji/index.htm
Date Sent to FFML: March 13, 2000
Archive Number: 7772 (+ 20K)
Size: 16 KB
Series Summary:
Ukyou is offered a chance to become a video girl. Is it an offer she
can't refuse?
Segment Summary:
Outside of the Ucchan, no one seems to see her. Except for this strange
old man in this video rental place... and his notice doesn't seem to be
a good thing either...
Heh. Way to keep it real, Ucchan. Buncha stuff rang true in this, and I
could really feel for the protagonist and what she was going through. And
it's only the first part of what I hope will be a nice series.
This is very excellent setup, with a couple of mildly humorous moments and a
premise that _begs_ to be expounded on further. Please do so as soon as
possible, as I'm very interested in seeing where this is going.
A couple of awkward bits here and there, but they've already been pointed
out by a bunch of other people. I'll just say "good fic" and wait for the
next bit.
* * * * *
[Ranma 1/2 / The Vampire Chronicles]
- - - - -
Title: Immortality
Segment: Act 1b: "The price of a departure"
Genre: Crossover, continuation
Author: Jiro Maeda
Email: hiryu@tri-isys.com
Date Sent to FFML: March 14, 2000
Archive Number: 7784 (+ 20K)
Size: 16 KB
Series Summary:
Ranma becomes a vampire, how does this affect Nerima and the Nerima
wrecking crew?
Segment Summary:
Ranma sees his sire again, a flashback of the day he turned immortal and
a final farewell to Akane. Oh, yes, and also lots of Piggy abuse...
Smartquotes and ellipses. This fic was not designed for the bulk of
newsreaders; a reformat will change this easily enough.
The paragraphs are, to put it bluntly, huge, a little too big to contain
just one idea; starting a new one when someone starts talking would be a
very good idea. And the punctuation seems to be just a hair off the right
place, so the story moves in fits and starts rather than as one coherent
whole.
The story reads like a summary of a story rather than a story itself, with a
few scenes written out full-length. This could be _much_ longer without your
having to worry about losing the reader. Ranma seems to have seamlessly
integrated into being a vampire; usually a change this large doesn't occur
without some sort of thought process on the character's part... but the
characters in the story don't seem to think, just act.
You have a nice concept here, but you really need to work on the execution.
* * * * *
[Slayers]
- - - - -
Title: The Secret Games
Segment: Episode 2: Fragile Truths
Genre: semi-serious
Author: Murasakikaze
Email: TaliaShimae@juno.com
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Villa/9072/Fanfic.htm
Date Sent to FFML: March 16, 2000
Archive Number: 7941 (+ 20K)
Size: 40 KB
Series Summary:
Naria finds that not only is her family life going downhill, so is her
friend's life. It seems that Xellas Metallium and Deep Sea Dolphin have
finally collaborated on something... unfortunately, it's all about
revenge. Lina and Co. must survive three tests before being allowed to
live and, of course, they are divided into teams... with the losing team
giving up their lives.
Segment Summary:
The gods begin to mobilize against the Mazoku while Imako and Kako are
stuck in Garrou without even realizing it. Lina and the others follow
Naria's trail to Garrou Island and Compound Seven where Naria finds that
her family history leaves a lot to be desired.
Author's Note:
Formerly "Secrets of the Past".
Continuation of "A Past to be Forgotten" and "Slayers: Double!"
Earlier chapters can be found at homepage.
::sigh:: Okay folks, quick request by the bird. When you include your
author's name, make sure to also make note of the name you posted the fic
under, 'cause that's how my archive is sorted. Less hassle for me and
everyone else who wants to go rummaging through the archives to find your
fic.
With that said...
You need to work on Naria's dialogue. Unless you've established her in prior
chapters as saying everything in one breathless rush, commas are a good
idea; otherwise, it just seems awkward. Everything else, however, is good.
Is Dolphin canonical? I know the gods aren't, but they seem like nicely
rounded characters.
I'd expect Zellas and Dolphin's scenes to be treated with something other
than the matter-of-fact air the narrative voice lends them; the
gods-in-heaven too, for that matter. Unless your prior series works have
depicted the gods as commonplace things, in which case it'd be a bit late to
consider now. These are beings mucking around with the fate of the world,
but they're being treated like they're discussing throwing a garden party in
a quiet little corner of Sairaag. It just seems... a little off to me.
I'd suggest foreshadowing Naria's discovery a little more than you have in
this chapter; it comes all of a sudden, and I don't think anybody can snap
that fast.
Hmm. Generally, I think the one problem I have with this story is that
earthshaking matters are given the same attention as every other part of the
story. While consistency is good, it doesn't feel right to have the
important and the unimportant sound the same in the narrator's eyes.
* * * * *
[Vision of Escaflowne]
- - - - -
Title: Never Forgotten
Segment: Part II, Chapters 8 - 14
Genre: Drama, Spoiler
Author: Kus Kus
Email: mamoru_kusanagi@hotmail.com
Homepage:
<http://www.crosswinds.net/~dilandau/>
Archived at
<http://www.crosswinds.net/~dilandau/nv>
Date Sent to FFML: March 15, 2000 (in two posts)
Archive Numbers: 7853 and 7854, resp. (+ 20K)
Size: totalling 60 KB
Series Summary:
Celena Schezar has returned home, only can she ever forget what she was?
Segment Summary:
Celena and her brother have arrived at the Asturian palace. But what
will happen when she and Van Fanel finally meet face to face? And can
she bury what Dilandau has forced upon her enough to find out what
Folken's role in all of this is?
I've never seen Escaflowne. I hear they're bringing it over on Fox. I hope
the dub will be as quality as the one they've given Gundam Wing, with the
one exception that it will be aired on a channel I can actually _get_ here
at college.
That said...
Well, the first thing you need to do is line-wrap your fic. Not too hard,
really... make a .txt file out of it, go into Notepad, and keep pressing
End, then Enter. A lot of paragraphs I was getting into the flow of suddenly
snapped in a flurry of exclamation points.
I don't know Dilandau. I've heard things, and you paint an excellent picture
of a young woman trying to control a psychopath. But that's not where the
_real_ strength of this story is.
It's in the worldsetting. I _feel_ that there's a whole world beyond the
little one you're telling your story in. That I can look out from the
parapet of the castle and see forever, or descend into the crowd and listen
to this and that. The description is _very_ vivid, and accentuates the plot
very nicely indeed. And the end...
Well, let's just say I wish the dub would get here a little faster, so I can
actually _understand_ this thing. But it is an excellent, excellent piece of
work. Fix the little technical problem you have with line-wrapping, and a
lot more people are going to read it.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
And that's the end. Remember, folks, I am not Almighty Fanfic Guy,
descending from the clouds to offer you mortals my divine and infallible
opinion on the absolute worth of a story to be read.
In the words of the immortal LeVar Burton, "Don't take my word for it!" If
something sounds interesting to you (but oy, people, some of these summaries
are _flat_) then go read it! And send the author comments. They like that.
I don't think I have enough leverage to plug websites yet, and I don't have
much of a State of the Fanfic address to give otherwise, so I'll just let
y'all go.
Happy reading!
--G. Falconar