W*ING Higley Presents:
�Kasumi�s Affliction�
Chop, chop, chop.
�PERVERT!�
Chop, chop, chop.
�UNCUTE, MACHO, TOMBOY!�
Chop, chop, chop.
WHACK! SLAM! CRASH! SPLASH!
Chop, chop, chop.
Kasumi Tendo smiled. Of course, she always smiled. Ever prior to her mother�s death, she was always referred to as �that strange, happy child� by her mother�s friends. But no, today, her smile was particularly bright and cheery. This was not lost on Ranma girl-type as she made her way from the koi pond into the kitchen.
�Hey Kasumi.�
�Why good morning Ranma, did you and Akane have another fight?�
�Yeah, I wish she�d stop being so sensitive about her cooking. I mean, most people would be proud to be compared to one of them master chef guys on �The Iron Chef.��
�What master chef did you compare her to?�
�Oh, well, they had on this homeless guy from America, and he was explainin� to the host about how he took garbage and made it into meals, I think it was a comedy segment, and anyways I said that Akane should go on the show an challenge the homeless guy, at least she might have a chance of winning.�
�Now Ranma,� Kasumi said as she took a kettle from the stove and poured it over her future brother-in-law, �how many times have I told you that you must be nicer to Akane. You know she�s very sensitive.�
�Yeah, yeah.�
�Now, I want you to go apologize.�
Ranma sulked and headed back into the living room as Kasumi returned to chopping her onions. She continued to smile.
Chop, chop, chop.
It had been a trying year for the Tendo family, Kasumi thought.
<Poor Akane, she tries so hard to cope. She always does. And Ranma, I have tried so hard to turn him into a decent young man, yet he always seems to ignore my advice. Still, someday those two will be married and everything will turn out alright. Yes, I just have to give them time. One day, Ranma will finally admit his feelings for Akane.>
As Kasumi continued chopping, she suddenly felt a familiar urge develop in her stomach. As the feeling began to spread, Kasumi frowned.
<What? Again? I haven�t felt this since....since Akane�s last fianc�e showed up.>
Slowly, Kasumi�s smile returned, only it seemed to gain a malicious edge to it.
*****
Sleeping on a bedroll is not the most pleasant experience in the world, even for the world�s greatest martial artist.
�Quit tossing boy, I�m trying to get some sleep.� Ranma noted that Genma was his usual grouchy self tonight.
�Stuff it pops, I�m in no mood for your crap tonight.� Ranma grabbed a glass of water next to his futon and dumped in on Genma, smirking as his father shifted into panda form.
�Now be quiet and get some sleep.�
As with any martial artist, Ranma always slept lightly so that be ready for any impending attack. So it was with some surprise that, as he sat up to see who had just snuck into the guest room, he saw Kasumi.
�Kasumi, what are you doing here?�
Kasumi smiled. �Oh nothing much, Ranma. Just this.�
Kasumi�s smile gained that malicious edge to it as she whipped out a giant butcher knife and swung at Ranma.
*****
�AAAIIIGGH!!!�
Soun, Akane and Nabiki shuddered in the hallway as they heard Ranma�s inhuman cry of pain. Akane was sobbing.
�Why daddy? Why can�t we take her to the police? Why do we have to keep bringing these �fianc�es� in every six months just to satisfy Kasumi�s bloodlusts?�
�I�m sorry Akane. But I promised your mother that I would never allow any one of you to be imprisoned. After your grandfather was killed in an American P.O.W. camp in World War II, your mother gained a deep fear of prisons and made me swear that none of you would ever be behind bars.�
�But this?�
�Engaging you and Nabiki multiple times was the only way your mother and I could think of to lure people here who would never be missed by the police. By the time, Nabiki was born, the doctors had already figured out that Kasumi was psychotic.�
�Growf?�
Soun shuddered again as he heard his old friend wake up in confusion.
�Now excuse me, I have to call Masaki in Okayama and tell them that Nabiki is ready to honor her engagement to his son, Tenchi.�
As Sound hurried out of the room, Nabiki wondered, just what, exactly, did the death cries of a panda sound like. She would soon find out.
*****
The next day:
�Hello.� The young man looked nervous, Kasumi noted. He was about 17 with short, spiky hair.
�My name�s Tenchi Masaki, is Nabiki here?�
�Oh, you�re her fianc�e, come in, come in.�
<Oh man, Ryoko and Ayeka are gonna kill me if they ever find out what Dad�s forcing me into.> �Uh, thank you.. Say, something sure smells good.�
Kasumi returned to her cutting board.
�Yes, we�re having panda burgers for dinner tonight.�
�Panda burgers, I�ve never heard of that before.�
�Oh, it�s a family specialty.� Kasumi smiled.
Chop, chop, chop.
*****
Author�s Comments: Kasumi meets Lizzy Borden, I guess. This one does have some series potential to it, as I could have Kasumi go to various other anime series and whack everyone, kinda like Michael Myers, but with a sweet disposition. We don�t really see many �Kasumi the Psycho� stories, though I must recommend �Kasumi Gets Kidnapped� by Jack Staik and Lady Tesser. C&C can be sent, as always, to skywarp@cephiro.com.
Ranma and company trademark and copyright 1996 in Japan by Rumiko Takahashi.
Trademark and copyright 2000 in America by Viz Communications on behalf of Ms. Takahashi.
Tenchi Masaki and friends trademark and copyright 1999 in Japan & America by AIC & Pioneer LTD.
The Iron Chef trademark and copyright 2000 in America by The Food Network.
W*ING and the W*ING logo trademark and copyright 1994 by Victor Quinones and Mickey Iberagi.
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