http://www.csus.edu/indiv/s/seifertv/kagami/
You can contact me at: kagami@jeack.com.au
---
Cherry blossoms slowly danced across his vision as Ranma
opened his eyes. A veritable cloud of petals drifted down
from the overhanging sakura tree, turning the world a
delicate shade of pink. Where am I? he wondered, staring up
at the orange sky. And where was Akane?
{I second the commotion:} where is Akane?
Ranma frowned as he studied the rose. He had seen
countless roses before; both Kuno and Kodachi had a fetish
for the flower. It seemed entirely normal, a perfect
specimen of the species. The petals were fully formed and
scarlet-hued in colour. The stem was long and held several
green leaves. A wonderful fragrance wafted from the flower
to tickle his nostrils as he breathed in deeply.
Why was it here? He reached out to pick it up and pricked
his finger on a thorn. "Ow!" Ranma exclaimed, jerking his
hand away. A drop of blood welled up from the puncture, so
dark it was almost black.
{Ah, very symbolic. I take it the rose is Kodachi (in which case it's
interesting that it's red rather than black), the thorn is Kodachi's
Demon Hunter role, and the black blood is Ranma's demonic nature?}
He came awake with a sudden start and rubbed his groggy
eyes, yawning loudly. Man, just a lousy dream. The small
hollow at the base of Fuji-san, Ranma remembered. That was
where they were. He smiled in relief as he looked over to
find Akane lying beside him, still asleep, her cheeks
flushed a healthy pink.
{At this point I felt it necessary to go back and reread the end of
Chapter 6, just to reconnect with the thread temporarily set aside in
favor of Shukumaru's backstory.}
An Awakening of Demons
A Ranma 1/2 Fanfic
By Kagami
Chapter 9: Repercussions
Akane Tendo awoke as the light of the early sun pierced
the veil of the morning mist to caress her smooth limbs in
benediction. She raised a hand to muffle a broad yawn,
feeling surprisingly chipper, despite yesterday's events.
chipper despite
What had happened last evening? she wondered. The demon
spider had bitten her and then she had collapsed in the
middle of the battle-- She made a swift check of her
surroundings. Nope, no demons... only Ranma, who returned
her stare, eyes glossy dark in the shade.
{"No demons, only Ranma." Heh.}
"We ran?!" Akane was surprised: Ranma had run?! "How come?"
{"I didn't 'run'! I executed the Saotome Secret Technique! Jeez!" :) }
"Dunno. Shampoo and Kodachi were carting him off when I
last saw 'em. He should be fine. Pig-boy's tough after all."
tough, after
Only that small exclamation emerged from Ranma. To her
surprise, he seemed vaguely uncomfortable and yet strangely
relieved by her loss of memory. Now, why on earth-- "Hey!
You didn't do anything weird, did you?" Akane glowered at
him, suspicions rising wildly.
{"You took advantage of me, and I wasn't even awake to enjoy-- er, I
mean, protest!" :) }
She groped around, looking
for something, anything, to hit him with. Her katana lay to
one side, but then her eyes alighted on a more suitable
object: a tree branch that was fortuitously close at hand.
{or perhaps} conveniently close
She hefted it menacingly.
"No! No! I didn't do nothin'!" Ranma held his hands up in
a warding gesture. "Ya got poisoned, okay? But I shoulda
known it wouldn't have worked on a macho tomboy like y--
Urk!"
Tree branches worked nearly as well as her trusty mallet,
Akane decided.
{If you want to make it a bit less cliche, you could substitute "her
trusty shinai"; it seems to be her weapon of choice when she really
wants to punish him, as opposed to spur-of-the-moment clobberings.}
I couldn't have told her the truth, now could I? Ranma
thought. Oh, you were dying, Akane, so I hadda bite you in
the throat an' suck out your blood to get rid of the
poison. Yup, and it was some strange voice in my head that
tol' me to do it and give ya some of my blood...
{That works. Very IY-flavored.}
Ranma could just imagine her reaction. He hid a small
shudder. Still, Akane hadn't pressed the matter further,
almost as though she didn't really want to know. She had
flattened him once, dragged him back to the train station
in Shin-Fuji, and left it at that.
{That's our Akane. I'm a little surprised she's still mad at him,
though... maybe it's for NOT taking advantage of her when he had the
chance. :) }
His contentment vanished. Ranma sat up, his spine ramrod
straight. "I couldn't save her," he admitted, "so I did the
next best thing - I used Umibouzu's power to seal Mom away.
{suggest} thing: I
Shukumaru won't be able to get to her now." It had seemed
the correct thing to do, then, but in the light of the new
do then,
day, Ranma suddenly wasn't quite so certain.
"You sealed her away?!" Akane exclaimed, sounding shocked.
"How could you?!"
"It wasn't like I had any choice," he muttered
defensively. "Shukumaru had Mom dead to rights. If I had
{I'm not certain, but to me "dead to rights" means caught in an
untenable situation morally, rather than tactically. Suggest}
"Shukumaru had Mom right where she wanted her. {or}
"Shukumaru had Mom in a real tricky spot.
jumped in, she would have torn Mom's throat out. I just
barely got the seal up, even so."
"You'll be able to get her back out, won't you?"
"Uh huh," Ranma affirmed. Well, he was fairly sure about
it.
{Ranma? "Fairly sure"? Naah. :) Suggest}
affirmed confidently. Of course he would! He sank
He sank back into his seat as silence fell between them
again. <Umibouzu!> he called out with his mind. <Can you
hear me?!>
<I am here, Ranma Saotome. What is it?> The gravelly tones
of Umibouzu's mental voice grated harshly in his mind.
Ranma winced slightly, feeling the onset of a headache.
<We can get Mom out again, right?>
{This, then, would imply uncertainty without admitting it-- and that, I
submit, IS our Ranma.}
Cologne nodded seriously. "I came back to warn you, Ranma.
I found a journal written by a 15th century Amazon who
travelled in Japan." Cologne held up a battered, travel-
worn book with thin wooden covers and sheets of yellowed
paper. "She reports meeting a powerful half-demon with
little control over his nature. His demon blood would surge
forth when he was under grave stress and he would become
incredibly strong and powerful. However, his human side
would also be lost and subsumed during that period. You
must be careful."
{Anyone we know? :) }
"No, never mind." Cologne shook her head, hiding her
foreboding. There would be time to consider the full
ramifications later. "Anyway, you must not let the demon
blood consume you. No matter what the reason. Don't let
your name become 'wild demon', Ranma."
{Nice Nihongo pun there.}
"Sure. Let's head over to the Dojo. I need ta talk with
everyone. Umibouzu told me about a new ally that he can
take us to."
"That is good news, Ranma. I would like to hear it."
{Er... maybe I missed something, but how did Cologne find out about
Umibouzu? If memory serves, she left for China before our heroes
encountered the big guy. Shampoo could have told her the tale, of
course, but if so, you might want to add something like}
"Ah, yes, Shampoo has told me of that one."
{right after Ranma mentions him.}
Ranma and Akane walked on, with Cologne following. She
glanced occasionally toward Akane as she hopped along on
her staff, her serene face masking deep concern. The trip
to Joketsuzoku had taken less time than even she had hoped,
flying First-Class had its benefits, but she realized that
{suggest} hoped - flying {and} benefits - but
she had returned too late, even so.
"Aw, man. Did'ja have to bring him back with ya?" Ranma
Didja {there's neither an elision nor a glottal stop there}
muttered under his breath to Cologne. The Amazon Matriarch
only smiled in return.
Shampoo paused in mid-hurl; the empty water basin dropping
mid-hurl, the ... dropping {or} mid-hurl; ... dropped
from her nerveless fingers as she drank in the sight of
Ranma and Akane together. Cologne's presence failed to
surprise her; Mousse's arrival had forewarned her.
{OK, she didn't have a chance to tell Cologne about Umibouzu, and I'm
baffled. Even if Cologne knew of Umibouzu, the revelation that Ranma had
met him, even subordinated him, should get a rise out of the old bat.}
"Airen! You back!" Shampoo exclaimed, jumping forward to
hug him tightly. She felt him tense up, but perversely
{The perverse and the pervert. What a pair. :) }
hugged him harder. "Where you go? Shampoo search whole
night for Airen!"
Twin cries of happiness dissolved into near-lethal
vituperation as Kodachi and Ukyo noticed Shampoo hugging
Ranma and passionately purring.
{heh, nice touch. I imagine Ranma's pigtail is standing out. :) }
"Get off him, you shameless hussy!"
"Shampoo! Dammit, you get away from Ranchan now!"
Akane sighed slightly as she walked over towards Nabiki.
Somehow, she lacked the outrage to respond to the normal
chaos erupting around Ranma. It seemed a welcome relief to
the darkness that had overwhelmed them all with the arrival
of Shukumaru. Perhaps she was mellowing? Gah, the very
thought made her feel old. "Great to feel missed, isn't it?"
{Or she's figured that she doesn't have much to worry about if all three
of them are involved, because then THEY'll defend Ranma from the others;
it's when one of them has him to herself that the situation is a matter
of concern. :) }
unconsciously. "No, I don't remember a thing after that
white spider thing bit me. I do feel kinda sore though."
sore, though."
"Oh?" Only Nabiki could load so much meaning into a single
word and an arched eyebrow.
Akane flushed red with embarrassment. "Idiot! Not like
that!"
{heh. That's our Akane: mind in the gutter. :) }
"Okay. But what about them?" Akane jerked a thumb back at
the brawling threesome and an idiotic jerk caught in the
middle of the fracas. The said idiot was getting beaten
around the head by the flapping wings of an opportunistic
white duck.
"Leave them. They seem to be having fun."
{Very perceptive of Nabiki. :) }
The gang eventually clustered around the living room
table. Cologne casually appropriated the seat at the head
of the table and watched with amusement as the others
sorted themselves out. Soun Tendo and his daughters sat on
the right-hand side, Akane dragging a reluctant Ranma to
sit at the table end next to her. Kodachi and Shampoo
locked furious gazes in a brief match of inner wills to see
who would claim the seat on Ranma's other side only to lose
it to a swifter Ukyo.
{heh! I can just see that. :) }
Ryoga sat next to her and Kodachi
knelt decorously beside him, leaving Shampoo and Mousse to
the front left of the crowded table.
{Now for a nice game of musical zabuton... :) }
Kasumi laid out the tea and biscuits, and everyone fell to
with an appetite. Cologne nibbled on one of the baked
delicacies and privately admitted no Amazon would have been
able to match such a delight.
{That covers too much ground, I think. Suggest} no Amazon of the current
generation could match
Of course, most of them would
never have considered cooking to be suitable to their role
as warriors. Not for the first time, she wondered if Amazon
society was lacking in certain respects. No matter, as long
{suggest} matter; as
as she found sufficient reasons to stay in Japan and enjoy
its modern conveniences, she was content.
"Aiyah!" Shampoo exclaimed in dismay. "Great-grandmother
loot Joketsuzoku Archives?"
{"Nonsense. I borrowed them." Cologne displayed a library card that had
been stamped nearly into submission. :) }
"Only the Demonology section. They won't be missed in a
hurry." Well, Cologne certainly hoped that would be the
case.
{Sounds like famous last words to ME.}
"Yeah, sure thing, Old Ghoul," Ranma replied gracelessly.
{or perhaps} ungraciously.
"Actually, it's a complete fabrication," Cologne said
calmly, tossing aside the old scroll. Several dull thuds
sounded and the soft, tatami-covered floor of Tendo living
room acquired a fresh set of new faceprints.
{Ah, facefaults. Excellent. :) Even IY has them occasionally... nice
description, by the way.}
"That would seem suitable," Kodachi said with an uncommon
gleam of interest in her eye. She cast a covetous glance at
the mound of ancient knowledge. The Kuno family library was
missing a great deal of information regarding demons. What
would it take to get the Amazon Matriarch to part with her
treasure hoard of lore?
{Well, she can certainly afford a photocopier, or a Minox camera...}
"Well then," Cologne began, "Demons have always existed
Well, then," {and suggest cutting "always", as it may contradict
"since"}
ever since humanity came into being. You could say that
they have a parasitic, or even a symbiotic, relationship to
human beings. They feed from us, forming and growing from
the worst of human nature. Often, they succor our dark
sides and darkest needs. Without humans, the demon race
would probably quickly perish.
Cologne pointed at Kodachi, who preened slightly and
sidled closer to a nervous Ryoga who edged away in turn.
"There sits one of those means. The Devil Hunters destroy
any demon who calls attention to itself and their battle
record matches any the Amazons could hope to display. Other
{Again, too humble for Cologne, I think. Suggest} record matches even
that of the Amazons.
forces are at play to restrict demonic powers lest they
overwhelm humanity. Ranma, when you have the chance, ask
Umibouzu why he serves a Demon Lord."
{For that matter, Ranma himself could aspire to become part of that
balance... if he wins his internal struggle.}
Cologne smiled slightly. "I could tell you the answer,
Ranma, but I won't. Find it out for yourself. However, I
will share with you all a powerful secret about the demon
race. Kodachi is probably aware of this fact, but the rest
of you may not be - essentially, demons are born as
{suggest} be. Essentially, {nice subtle pun there, BTW}
soulless beings. They live to acquire souls for themselves
and ultimately, that is the reason for their existence."
"Hey, whadda about me, Old Ghoul? I've got a soul, right?"
{er... try saying that line. :) suggest} whaddabout
Ranma asked, slightly worried. A soul didn't seem all that
big a deal, but if having one made him a more powerful
martial artist, he was all for it. It'd be a shame if he
missed out just because he was a half-demon.
{hehehe! Ranma no baka, er, bake. :) (c) GK }
"Well, why haven't we heard of them before?" Ukyo asked.
"I mean they're slaughtering people all the time. Why
mean, they're
doesn't it get on the news or something?"
Nabiki cast a cold and appraising eye at the Amazon
Matriarch. "To be honest" - and she chuckled at the various
groans heard from around the table - "I'd be more inclined
to ask what profit and opportunities they might bring me."
{Poof! A reddish, cornute gentleman holding a contract appears in a puff
of sulphurous smoke and eyes Nabiki hopefully. :) }
Cologne smirked, her point made. "Demons are wise enough
to cloak most of their activities with powerful shielding
seals and trust in the general disbelief and disinterest
that runs rampant today." She paused, readying herself to
broach a new topic. "I have one other thing to mention: as
of this day forward, Shampoo's claim to marry Ranma Saotome
is hereby dissolved, by order of the Council of Elders."
{"hereby" and "by order" seem redundant; suggest cutting the former.}
"Yes!" cheered Mousse triumphantly as his suspicions were
happily confirmed. "Now you will be mine, Sh-- Ack!" A dual
strike from a swift bonbori and a wooden staff took him down.
{Dumb kid evidently needs to have "default" defined for him. :) }
"Ohohohoho!" chortled Kodachi. "At last the peasant girl
admits defeat! Now if only you two other peasants also see
peasants would also {?}
the wisdom of withdrawal before my righteous claim!"
"B-but... but why?!" yelled Ranma. It should have been
welcome news. One of his more annoying and determined
fiancees had fallen by the wayside. That was surely a cause
for celebration, and yet he didn't feel the least bit
happy. Instead, all he felt was numb shock and irritation.
Shampoo... Shampoo was his, dammit!
No! That wasn't right! That wasn't what he-- Uh oh.
{heh! That's our Ranma... but this time our perspective on it's a little
different, as this appears to be coming from his demon side. Maybe it
was all along.}
Ryoga decided judiciously to bolt for the kitchen and for
once in his life, probably because he was too panicked to
get lost, he made it directly. Nabiki and Kasumi joined
him. Nabiki helping to rescue the valuable crockery with
him, Nabiki helping {or} him. Nabiki rescued the
Kasumi, who was already humming and planning to bake a cake.
"Give it a rest, Ranma!" Akane yelled in return, arm still
outstretched from hurling the directory. "Are you trying to
make me angry?!"
"Yeah! So what?!"
"Well, stop it!" Akane seethed, annoyed at his misguided
attempts to get their relationship back to normal. She
pivoted and stormed out, tossing a last remark over her
shoulder. "I don't want to return to the first stage every
single time you start feeling insecure, you know!"
{"first stage"? I don't get this.}
"I know that. Anyway, we're gonna be moving you to the
Kuno estate. Kodachi offered. She said it would be safer to
have everyone together while the rest of us hunt for this
other ally with Umibouzu. The estate's got some mystic
Devil Hunter stuff that'll protect all of ya. Cologne'll be
there too. She's gonna be looking up more about demons in
those books of hers."
{That makes sense, give or take Tatewaki, Midorigame, traps, and things
we haven't seen yet...}
Ryoga Hibiki stared at the deadly bay of cold water and
tried not to feel depressed. The shining blue waters of the
Tokyo Harbour stretched out before him, and beyond that was
the endless Pacific Ocean. How on earth was he supposed to
travel on all that stuff without getting wet? It was the
only way though, if he wanted to follow the group and
way, though,
protect Akane from the increasingly deadly threats. He
shivered, feeling a sudden chill within.
"Ryoga! Here, catch!" Ranma called out as he tossed over a
small object.
Ryoga snapped out his hand automatically and let the item
smack into his palm. It was a bar of soap. He stared at the
innocuous object for a brief instant before feeling hope
rise in his heart. Could it be? "Ranma, is this..."
this...?"
"Ah-hehehe." Ryoga rubbed the back of his head with great
relief. Judgement Day had chosen to declare itself a public
holiday. Fortunately for his unsettled state of mind, a
gigantic serpentine head chose that moment to breach the
waters of Tokyo Bay, distracting everyone, including Akane.
{Ryoga has a real odd definition of "fortunate", I see. :) }
A small tidal wave of water swamped the pier, making Ryoga
feel very, very glad to have the waterproof soap in his
hands.
{er... if Ryoga's on the pier, he just got swamped too, since he hasn't
had time to soap up... but if he's NOT on the pier, then where is he?
More description seems necessary.}
Akari, just wait a while longer, please. As soon as
Akane's safe, I'll find my way back to the Unryu farm, I
promise.
Umibouzu's bass rumble issued forth like deeply growling
thunder. "Ranma Saotome, I am here."
{Well, it's better than "I'm coming, Beany-boy!" :) }
Sailing across the Pacific Ocean on the back of a gigantic
seagoing serpent wasn't exactly Akane Tendo's idea of a
romantic cruise. Nor did the presence of three of her major
rivals help in any way, she thought as she made her way up
to the front of the slippery-smooth platform of scales near
Umibouzu's head. Ranma was standing there, on a neck ridge
of the vast serpent, staring ahead at the blue emptiness,
while to the rear the Great Devourer's undulating form
churned through the foaming waves.
{Nice imagery. Akane has no sense of the dramatic. :) }
Ryoga, Kodachi, Ukyo and Shampoo were also clustered at
the lower end of the serpentine neck. It was the only part
{suggest} the base of the
that actually held still while Umibouzu surged ever
onwards. Their destination was a small uncharted island due
east of Tokyo; it had continually failed to appear over the
{or perhaps} Tokyo, but it persistently failed
horizon despite the great serpent's swift speed.
"Are you sure it's a good idea to leave them alone like
that?" Akane asked Ranma, nodding her head back towards the
three girls playing poker, with Ryoga making up a reluctant
fourth.
{As long as they're not betting scales. :) }
Ranma shivered involuntarily. "Hey!" he yelled out
hastily. "I ain't some kinda horse on auction, you know!"
{ O_o }
"What a shame, Ranma-sama. Then I would be able to outbid
these peasants and purchase you outright," Kodachi returned
with a wicked smile.
{Heh. She certainly appeared to enjoy bargaining with Nabiki for him
when Nabiki was his fiancee. :) }
Ukyo snorted her disgust and Shampoo
muttered under her breath about 'Stupid Rose Girl
obstacle'. Ryoga looked as though getting lost immediately
was his preferred course of action.
{You know, I can actually believe that Ryoga can get lost on the back of
a seagoing demon-serpent. Amazing.}
Talk about oversensitive. Feh! "You're the one for me,
Akane. You know that!"
{!! Say WHAT? THAT line should get about six violent reactions! Even if
he THINKS it -- which is possible -- SAYING it is not going to pass so
quietly. Something seriously weird here.}
"Idiot," muttered Akane as she jerked her blade away and
stalked off.
Ranma fell silent, thinking about the strange concept of
redeeming demons. It was crazy! Shukumaru obviously only
wanted to kill him and Akane and his mother. So why-- But
he had saved her that night on the warehouse roof where
they had battled rather than let that weird silver weasel
thing cut her to bits. Maybe there was something to this
redemption notion.
{Ranma always gives his enemies a chance or two. Even Saffron. This just
frames something Ranma knows at a gut level.}
There was a long silence. Umibouzu quickened his pace,
knifing through the blue waters of the Pacific and throwing
up sheets of icy spray. It did not seem to help. The
Ayakashi continued to close the distance with dismaying
regularity.
{suggest} rapidity.
<I believe we may have a problem.>
{Oh, good; things were going much too smoothly. :) }
Looking good, Phil!
Thanks for writing and sharing!
Vince Seifert Fanfic Analyst FFIRC Frog
Prime: seifertv@csus.edu
Backup: seifertv@myrealbox.com
Techie: http://webpages.csus.edu/~seifertv/
Fanfic: http://www.csus.edu/indiv/s/seifertv/toth/
Ideas are worth their weight in gold.